Ask Me Help Desk - How do I choose

Your real problem isn't where your D is going to be living & how she will be raised. Your real problem is that your girlfriend is asking something totally unreasonable of you & refuses to consider any option or even to agree to get a neutral party to help you guys sort this out. Because that means if you give in to her now, that is how she will keep bullying you into allowing her to call all the shots.

What sort of a relationship is that? Certainly not one that is a good healthy one for either of you. So in the long run, you will have traumatized your young D by having her uprooted & probably still end up with the girlfriend leaving or making life impossible for you as well as your D.

Many women have young children to care for while they are pg & manage to be more compassionate then she is being, even if the child is not biologically thiers. This is a power & control issue for her, which involves a major impact on a very young child that needs her daddy's love & stability in her life. This is not about you bringing your girlfriend ice cream & doing the laundry to make her pg easier.

You need to decide how much you are willing to give up to please someone that isn't willing to see your side of the issue at all but wants only her selfishness & short sightedness appeased no matter at what cost. If you give in now, where will you draw the line & say "This relationship needs to be a 2 way street & that means we have to work together to reach reasonable solutions to our issues"? You will be teaching her to treat you very badly & it's doubtful she will treat your D or son much better, selfish people generally do not make good parents to their own or other kids.

You will need some professional help to get your relationship on the right track. Schedule an appt with someone, check them out & then invite her to attend. If she refuses to go or to constructively talk this out with someone that can be an intermediary, that will let you know that any issues you have with her are going to be impossible to resolve constructively, big or small. Meaning unless you are willing to put up with that, this relationship doesn't have much chance of success or longevity, unfortunately.

Would it be a bad idea to show my girlfriend some of these posts? Anyone think it would help?

I hate my life would someone just shoot me in the face? Please

Welcome to my breakdown

Care to explain?

Have you read the bs that I'm dealing with how do you choose between kids and how do you pull a pregnant woman's head out of her for making you do this

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Originally Posted by travinski

have you read the bs that im dealing with how do you choose between kids and how do you pull a pregnant womans head out of her for making you do this

You do not pull the pregnant woman's head out of her a$$ instead you pull the child out :D. You know what comes first. The child. You have not long before the child is born and then see where it goes. She is very wrong for trying to say you cannot have anything to do with your daughter. No one in this world has choice except yourself. Honestly man ride it out. And worse comes to worse the child is first. Save her the life of foster care.

And lose my son and girlfriend? Everyone here may disagree but me and my girlfriend have a good relationship I don't even know where this flyball came from but it's a big one. I don't know if she needs to know that ill do anything for her or what's going through her mind but I've told her that if anything like this happens after we've figured this situation out she can pretty much kick rocks down the street and ill be fighting for my son.

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Originally Posted by travinski

and lose my son and gf? everyone here may disagree but me and my gf have a good relationship i dont even know where this flyball came from but its a big one. i dont know if she needs to know that ill do anything for her or whats goin through her mind but ive told her that if anything like this happens after weve figured this situation out she can pretty much kick rocks down the street and ill be fighting for my son.

I have a strong feeling she will come to her senses once the child is born. If for some reason she still has the same views you best sit down and tell her you have a responsibility to your daughter just as you do to your new born son. It is wrong for her to stop you from being in your daughters life. I do understand her not wanting extra stress while pregnant but if it continues after the child is born you have to have a serious talk.

So am I supposed to miss the birth of my son and everything that goes with it in hopes she will change her mind. Did I mention she's fullblood german and changing the mind of a pregnant or not so pregnant german is really fukin hard to do she might take him just to try and prove something like she doesn't need me and she may be right but no one needs anyone to get through life but is that what's best?but like everyone tells me its my choice this is ridiculous

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Originally Posted by travinski

so am i supposed to miss the birth of my son and everything that goes with it in hopes she will change her mind. did i mention she's fullblood german and changing the mind of a pregnant or not so pregnant german is really fukin hard to do she might take him just to try and prove something like she doesnt need me and she may be right but noone needs anyone to get through life but is that whats best?but like everyone tells me its my choice this is ridiculous

No do not miss the birth of your child. I did not suggest that. Have you spoken to her again? Or are you avoiding the issue with her?

She's at her moms and she is pretty much done talking about this we go in circles and the only way she will come back is if the paper work is changed her mom lives 4 hours away

Man your in a hard spot. I would tell her that my children are the most important and if she cannot handle that then see was not the girl for you. Your daughter needs you if she was put in your custody. The daughter's mother has been deemed unfit by the courts you are her parent before you are a boyfriend. The unborn child can be seen with visitation and maybe evenually be in your custody. The daughter is the most important person in this equation right now. STAND UP FOR HER SHE CANNOT HERSELF.

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But like everyone tells me its my choice this is ridiculous

I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, but for now back off of this and let some time go by. You deserve a break from this lunacy. Gather yourself and relax, and visit this much later down the road.

It will give her time to think, as she may not realize you have more power than she thinks so don't worry about what she thinks she can do.

Just be willing to do what it takes for ALL your kids, whether she is hard headed or not.

What is going on?? Has she come back?

Not yet I have decided to give up custody and primary residence to my baby's grandma who won't give me a hard time when I want it back. I know its against everything I've been told here but its also really important for me to try and keep this together not for me but for my daughter she's so excited about having a baby brother and I just can't call a bluff like that. My girl needs me my boy needs me and I need them to know each other. She's coming back this week for an ultrasound and I'm pretty confident that she's going to stay. I hope that this is temporary and soon we can all be together and happy