Ask yourself this? Why when the only time you could spend time with him you couldn't avoid the one question on your mind no matter what. I know you were consuming alcahol but it will be one thing that will always be on your mind. Even if you two where to get back together, would you ever dismiss that incedent and trust him around other women? I know how hard it is I went through the same thing at the beginning of the year and found myself here on this chat. I will tell you that you can get over this and you will, but you must first be honest with yourself and be true to yourself. I still miss the person I was with. However she is with the person I was told was just a friend still so I wish them the best and move on. It was waaaayyyyy hard let me tell you, but in the end I found myself. Even went through quite a few dates. I was very picky but hey it was my time and what I wanted. That's what was important to me. I now have someone who really cares for me and does prevent me from making some of the same mistakes I made in the last relationship. We are only human, and want to love and be loved. It'll hurt but you'll survive. The thing for me was to finally get mad and told her to leave me alone and I would leave her alone, and I stuck to my guns, as I realized all the truth to everything that was actually going on. However its not to say how you should do it but rather find your own way, and when you seek it out is when you'll find your freedom. Mine was actually going back to church and asking for help...

I am going through what you are going right now. I broke up with my girlfriend a week and a half ago. And because I care so much, and still love her much I can't seem to stick to the No Contact thing. It was to the point I would do good for about 3 or 4 days of No Contact. Then give in and text or call or message her on myspace. But today when I looked on myspace she said that she feels stalked. So that shows that she doesn't care nor wants to work things out and doesn't even understand that the reason why I still contact her even when I shouldn't is because I care about her sooo much, but she doesn't see it like that. But you know what just take a day at a time of No Contact, try hard to keep your mind off the situation, keep yourself busy. When you feel as if you need to contact that person, vent on here as I've done plenty of time and still is. Hope this was helpful. You are not alone.

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Originally Posted by Chery

That really tells a lot about the guy. He's grown up.

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She's a lucky girl. I sure wish my guy would have already been grown up when we were together.

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Originally Posted by Chery

As has been already said, TIME is a factor here, just spend it with anything that pleases you and helps you divert your attention from those memories, and also try and just rearrange your furniture and decor so that it's not the same as it was when he was there.. that usually helps a lot. Even get new pillows for the couch or new scented candles for the bathroom and other rooms. Try it, it can't hurt.

Good luck dear, and keep us posted.

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I just re-read your post and saw at the end about how my place was when he was there. Well I had to move out of OUR place so everything here is free of him. I packed up our pictures when I moved out and left it in storage so none of that here either. Just stuck with memories and reminders all in my head. That's the hard part to erase.

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Originally Posted by pbc12

Ask yourself this? Why when the only time you could spend time with him you couldn't avoid the one question on your mind no matter what. I know you were consuming alcahol but it will be one thing that will always be on your mind. Even if you two where to get back together, would you ever dismiss that incedent and trust him around other women? I know how hard it is I went through the same thing at the beginning of the year and found myself here on this chat. I will tell you that you can get over this and you will, but you must first be honest with yourself and be true to yourself. I still miss the person I was with. However she is with the person I was told was just a friend still so I wish them the best and move on. It was waaaayyyyy hard let me tell ya, but in the end I found myself. Even went through quite a few dates. I was very picky but hey it was my time and what I wanted. That's what was important to me. I now have somone who really cares for me and does prevent me from making some of the same mistakes I made in the last relationship. We are only human, and want to love and be loved. It'll hurt but you'll survive. The thing for me was to finally get mad and told her to leave me alone and I would leave her alone, and I stuck to my guns, as I realized all the truth to everything that was actually going on. However its not to say how you should do it but rather find your own way, and when you seek it out is when you'll find your freedom. Mine was actually going back to church and asking for help......

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That's a big reason I'm going to talk to a counselor. I need someone to guide me through this I just can't make rational decisions on my own. You are completely right I will always feel unable to trust him because I know well he is capable of lying. So I keep wondering why I would want to have him in my life. He's not being there for me when I need him and he's still lying to me. I'm afraid of even thinking of getting into another relationship because this has me so messed up. I have a lot of things to work out.

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Guy23

I am going through what you are going right now. I broke up with my girlfriend a week and a half ago. And bc I care so much, and still love her much I can't seem to stick to the No Contact thing. It was to the point I would do good for about 3 or 4 days of No Contact. Then give in and text or call or message her on myspace. But today when I looked on myspace she said that she feels stalked. So that shows that she doesn't care nor wants to work things out and doesnt even understand that the reason why I still contact her even when I shouldn't is bc I care about her sooo much, but she doesn't see it like that. But you know what just take a day at a time of No Contact, try hard to keep your mind off of the situation, keep yourself busy. When you feel as if you need to contact that person, vent on here as I've done plenty of time and still is. Hope this was helpful. You are not alone.

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Yes this site is the only place I can let it all out. I am trying to do the NC the right way. I erased all his emails so I don't see his name, I deleted his user login off my computer, I deleted his name/ph# off my favorites on my cell phone. I am trying my hardest not to do the online myspace thing. Every time I do NC that type of checking up online stuff is what always drags me down I think. I felt like if I just look at stuff online but not contact him it was OK but I think out of site out of mind in every way is my only way to go. It is hard though to fight wanting to know what's happening with him. Now I've realized though in my case it is doing me harm no good at all so that has to stop. So after he emailed me back yesterday I haven't replied and don't intend to for a long time. We've been emailing everyday all this week and on the phone about 4days this week. So I'm sure after he told me he didn't feel comfortable seeing me and I just stop all contact he'll understand what's up. If he ever contacts me I'm going to have to ignore it. I really doubt he will come to me though since I am the one who reaches out to him. That's the saddest part of all this.

Love unfortunantly makes even the logical things fly right out the window sometimes... it hurts to picture yourself without them, but as cliché as it you just have to keep on moving. Work on things for yourself... time is the only thing that heals. You will never be fully OK until you let them go and that I know from experience. Writing is good... and so are late night coffee talks with friends. Hang in there :).

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Originally Posted by MarchKites87

Love unfortunantly makes even the logical things fly right out the window sometimes...it hurts to picture yourself without them, but as cliche as it you just have to keep on moving. Work on things for yourself...time is the only thing that heals. You will never be fully ok until you let them go and that I know from experience. Writing is good...and so are late night coffee talks with friends. Hang in there :).

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Thanks so much :) I just feel like since we were together for over 5yrs this is going to last for such a long time. I feel like it will take a year or longer before I could think of dating again with all my issues and that seems like such a long time. I've read other people's post and a few months just doesn't cut it for long term relationships that have ended. Somehow they think a few months down the road they are OK again and then BAM the ex somehow rears their ugly head and the downward spiral again. This even happens when they think they have found someone even better for them. It's scary! I just wish it never happened... :mad:

Well I finally made it past 3days with NC. I usually find myself emailing him after the 3rd day and even sometimes after just 1day then it all starts over again. Well yesterday was day 4 of NC and if I make it today it will be 5 days! The last email I sent him mentioned I wanted to stop by to see him and he said he wasn't "comfortable" to see me yet. So I never responded anything since then. I'm having a hard time NOT thinking of him or checking his online stuff but I guess NC is a first step and I'll work on the rest as I go. I wonder what kind of impression I left him with because I was in contact with him for the last few weeks somehow every few days and after the last email just cut it off. I know it's stupid even wondering. We were supposed to be staying friends but it irritated me so much that he said he still wasn't "comfortable" with me.

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Originally Posted by cantbelieveit

Well I finally made it past 3days with NC. I usually find myself emailing him after the 3rd day and even sometimes after just 1day then it all starts over again. Well yesterday was day 4 of NC and if I make it today it will be 5 days! The last email I sent him mentioned I wanted to stop by to see him and he said he wasn't "comfortable" to see me yet. So I never responded anything since then. I'm having a hard time NOT thinking of him or checking his online stuff but I guess NC is a first step and I'll work on the rest as I go. I wonder what kind of impression I left him with because I was in contact with him for the last few weeks somehow every few days and after the last email just cut it off. I know it's stupid even wondering. We were supposed to be staying friends but it irritated me so much that he said he still wasn't "comfortable" with me.

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Taking a step in the right direction keep going :D. Feel the urge to write or call or email post it here instead. Vent here :)

I am trying my hardest to keep it going. At this time NC is the only thing that makes sense. He has not turned down my efforts at friendship but something doesn't feel right about it so I just went NC. It has more to do with the fact he's not giving me what I want which I'm not used to I finally came to realize. IF he ever emails or anything I'll have to come here and tell you guys so you can talk me out of any response :) I hope I can be as strong and stick to it like you wiked!

How long does it usually take an ex to get bored of what they are doing and come back and test you? It all feels like a test now...

Hola!
I hate to say it, but don't expect him to come back. You need to start moving on with your life, or you will become stuck where you are at. And you have to ask yourself, do you like where you are at right now? Start doing things that you enjoy. Get out there and see the world! He can only have as much of an effect on you as you allow him to.

Here is a link that I went to when I was thinking of trying to win my ex back. It helped me A LOT!

Ways to Get Revenge on an Ex - Associated Content

Don't be turned off by the title, it's not what you think it is. :)

Just keep the NC going. I know it's tough, but it is so worth it. The experts on here know what they are talking about. Also, start finding the person who you are when you are the happiest. It will take some time to get over, but if you truly start to see the beauty in the world again, the beauty will see you.

I'm sorry this happened to you, but let's put it in the past and focus on the present. Hope you have a great day!!

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Originally Posted by FULLofRACQUET

Hola!
I hate to say it, but don't expect him to come back. You need to start moving on with your life, or you will become stuck where you are at. And you have to ask yourself, do you like where you are at right now? Start doing things that you enjoy. Get out there and see the world! He can only have as much of an effect on you as you allow him to.

Here is a link that I went to when I was thinking of trying to win my ex back. It helped me A LOT!

Ways to Get Revenge on an Ex - Associated Content

Don't be turned off by the title, it's not what you think it is. :)

Just keep the NC going. I know it's tough, but it is so worth it. The experts on here know what they are talking about. Also, start finding the person who you are when you are the happiest. It will take some time to get over, but if you truly start to see the beauty in the world again, the beauty will see you.

I'm sorry this happened to you, but let's put it in the past and focus on the present. Hope you have a great day!!!

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Thanks... I'll check it out. Hope I can keep my head straight at work today. Yesterday a couple of times I thought I was going to lose it. So hard to keep focus sometimes.

I know what you mean. I have to see my ex twice a week with her new boyfriend (the one she cheated on me with). It gets tough sometimes, but you have to keep reminding yourself that there is SO MUCH MORE to life than an EX.

I still think about her... even though she put me through emotional hell, but I have been attempting to take baby steps towards weeding her out of my head. She doesn't deserve to be in my thoughts anymore, that is what I have to realize.

A trick I have been doing is going out for a run in a park. Whenever a thought of her pops into my head, I quickly grab it, and say "no thanks" and begin to take in my surroundings. All the colors, people, animals, sounds, textures, EVERYTHING! It makes you realize that beauty still exists, and cluttering your mind with a cheating EX definitely blocks your attention from such beauty.

What helped me at work and still does because I work real close to where she lives is I literally say to myself "No". No thoughts. Then think of something else even the stupidest thing in the world. Honestly at home I'd go to YouTube and watch a funny video and laugh. It made my days go by easier.

OK get this he just emailed me sending a link to check new songs for this band I like. Here is my dilemma I said I want us to remain friends but I'm going nc due to him not being there when I want him to be read previous post. I want to reply but I won't. Errr! I must make my 5 days complete.

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Originally Posted by cantbelieveit

ok get this he just emailed me sending a link to check new songs for this band I like. Here is my dilemma I said I want us to remain friends but I'm going nc due to him not being there when I want him to be read previous post. I want to reply but I won't. Errr! I must make my 5 days complete.

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You can do it. Just keep your head level.

We are all humans just like the philsopher Maslow says, we all need love and self assurance. If we don't gain those 6 aspects in life, we tend to run for it. That's probably what your doing, you've grown attached to that person, no matter what they do. You still run after on what you really want.

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Originally Posted by Kyasarin19

We are all humans just like the philsopher Maslow says, we all need love and self assurance. If we don't gain those 6 aspects in life, we tend to run for it. That's probably what your doing, you've grown attached to that person, no matter what they do. You still run after on what you really want.

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I guess so but I wish I could just keep a level head about everything and feel normal and at peace again without wanting to keep running back. Uughh...

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Originally Posted by cantbelieveit

I guess so but I wish I could just keep a level head about everything and feel normal and at peace again without wanting to keep running back. uughh...

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In time :)

I guess once I accept the outcome I want is never going to happen I'll get through this. Even if it did end up the way I wanted it I'd probably still end up unhappy. I'm not sure he can change. It is so frustrating feeling this way. I try to be positive and have some clarity then the wave of sorrow comes crashing down on me.

I want to deal with what I feel to work it out and get past it. The last time I talked to him he said he doesn't want to feel the things that make him feel bad.. Isn't that bad? He said he's always worked that way so why would he change now. So I'm like if he just pushes feelings away how does that solve anything. Do you think people like that work things out in their own way without knowing it? So confusing. I kind of know what he means though. I am afraid to talk to about this with the counselor for the appointment I have coming up next Wed. I maybe shouldn't have scheduled it before work because like I said before when it comes to this situation I get really unfocused at work. Plus I'm starting to hate my job more than usual. There is so much negativity and I need more positive things in my life to help get over this. I know talking about this with a counselor is going to bring up all these horrible feelings. So I guess I can relate in a way about not wanting to deal with it. That's why I kept putting it off but I really should have done it a long time ago. So much emotional turmoil... :(