She is making sure you don't forget her, and wants to keep you as a friend, and she presumes you feel the same. Be nice to have a friend, just in case this new guy doesn't work out.
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She is making sure you don't forget her, and wants to keep you as a friend, and she presumes you feel the same. Be nice to have a friend, just in case this new guy doesn't work out.
Because you are her backup plan.Quote:
Originally Posted by monstar
You are her backup plan because she doesn't want to be alone. That is why she jumped into a relationship after your 3.5 year relationship.
This relationship was probably backup too.
Hi guys -
My ex of nearly 4 years called me the other day to talk about everything. We haven't seen each other in 6 months and I've had no contact with her for about 3. She had sent me an email prior saying that she was at a better understanding about what went wrong with our relationship and she just wanted to talk about it all.
To sum up, she kissed someone else while we were dating, dragged out the breakup, and starting dating someone else 2 months after.
So, we talked on the phone for a little while because she said she still wasn't at a point to see me in person and I'm just not sure what to think. She cried a lot, said that she was sorry for hurting me, and that she felt we both fell out of love by the end. I know that I didn't so I kind of feel like she's using it as an excuse. Also, she said that I was a huge part of her life and a really close friend and she doesn't want to lose that and hopes that one day we can be friends again.
This is the part I'm having a hard time with. I told her on the phone that I don't really see myself being her friend after this, as I obviously still have feelings for her. I asked her how she'd feel if she saw me with another girl. She started crying and said she wouldn't be able to and that she still misses me and has feelings for me. I told her that being friends really wouldn't work out, nothing in our lives is connected right now. I really just couldn't see a situation where we'd be able to be friends I guess. She said that you can't predict the future and that who knows where we'll be in a few years, or the part we'd play in each other's lives.
I know I'm rambling, but I ended this whole thing by sending her a short email the next morning saying that I'd like there to be no more hard feelings between us and that I'd be open to being friends in the future, etc. I don't know why I said this, because I can't even think about the girl without getting emotional. I'm clearly not over her. She responded saying how that makes her feel a lot better about everything and that she hopes we can be OK in the future.
I guess I just get the overwhelming sense that she wanted some forgiveness for everything, like she wanted to know that I'd be open to be her friend so that she can sleep easier at night and know that this person that she hurt isn't upset and can still play the part in her life that she wants.
But great, you know, now she's with someone else, know's I'm still not over her, and thinks that I'm open to being friends somewhere in the future. When in actuality, there are still nights I lose sleep over her, am still single, and know that I could never just be friends.
I don't know what to do, I guess NC really means NC but I thought I was through the woods on this one.
Still hurts... get back on NC and stick to it FOREVER. You reopened a wound, now you know what you need to do to heal it again. Sorry, but I have slammed my head against the same brick wall over and over again, only to realize what you now do. Just when you think you are through the woods.. BAM!! You aren't, thus NC is forever, not until you "feel" like you can handle being friends.
Thanks kctiger, I guess the dilemma is that I know I need to maintain no contact with her, yet since I still have feelings for her I lack the strength to ignore her. And even if I somehow can ignore her, wondering what she had to say / wondering if she might have feelings for me / not being able to hurt her by ignoring her always gets the better of me.
And I want to be able to tell her to never contact me again, but I just can't do it. I hate this.
Change your contact information so she cannot get ahold of you.
Hey pal,
Yeah, you just simply picked at a scab and started the bleeding again.:(
It's okay though, you should have ignored her and let her been the one left wondering but, what is done is done, just for your own sanity go with NC until you feel your ready to see her again as a new person. Otherwise, let her go do her, and you do you my friend. Don't hurt yourself anymore, or let her hurt you.
Take Care,
LCM
You're going through the Same thing I am. I feel for you. I know exactly how it is. You don't want to hurt her, even though she hurt you big time.
The only thing I think you can do is not talk to her... no matter what.
Its easier said than done. If feels just as bad to ignore her as it did when your heart is broken. I am fighting with this as we speak.
I think you handled things in a very logical way, and just need some time without her, to regroup. You are doing much better than you think, but just need to keep it up!
Hi guys -
So it's been about a year and a half since I broke up with my ex (of 4 years) and about 9 months since I've talked to her last. I was thinking of sending her an email or something asking her what she's been up to and telling her what I've been up to.
I'm having a hard time figuring out why. I just feel like I want to for some reason. Just to see how she's been, probably more out of curiosity and a true interest in it. Although I'm wondering if this is a good idea, if its not just something I'm masking to try to get in her life in a small way.
I have no interest in seeing her really, she's been dating someone else for over a year now (as far as I know) and when I think of her its really in just the sense that I miss having someone as close as her. I haven't dated anyone seriously since her so perhaps this is just longing for a really close friend, something I haven't had.
I'd appreciate any advice. Thanks.
Hi I think you probably answered your question yourself? You're still missing her I think.but she IS with someone else.dont hurt yourself.
Had you not asked this question, because you feel that you are over her, then I don't see why not.
But the fact that you're asking this question to us means that you still feel something and want our justification. I would say it's a bad idea to contact her.
By saying that, you probably still have some leftover feelings that are still unresolved. It sounds more like you want to contact her to see what your situation is with her and not so much how she's doing.Quote:
Originally Posted by monstar
The risk is, if she responds, you might end up over-analyzing her entire response to twist it in a way that pleases you; thus, possibibly giving you false hope. But if you're completely over her, you would just take her response for what it is.
Yea I think you're both probably right. I can't stand it that I'm not fully over her. I keep thinking that I am or that I should be. I've been with other people since her, I've had strong feelings for other people, but there are moments when I wake up or before I go to sleep that I think about it and get upset.
I hate it, I wish I could just completely forget about her. Thanks for the help though. I appreciate it.
These things take time.dont be hard on yourself.we can't control our memories I know from experience.and maybe some things shouldn't be forgotten.
Leave her alone. Find better things to do with your time.
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