I am giving her, her space I have completely set my mind on not contacting her, no matter the urge. If I get the urge I move and do something so I don't do it. I moved everything that reminds me of her and our relationship in my closet and out of my face. When/If she contacts me I will go from there. I know if I call her and start taking to her it will make it worse. It sucks but the truth is if its meant to be then she will come back

You sound like the typical person on here that has been crushed. I feel you.
Looking back on my experience, I would say don't force it. Lay low and wait for her possible come back. Let her take the pace. You can definitely not force the issue. As tough as it may be, let her come back to you. I think you said it had been 3 days. You still have the advantage at this point. If nothing happens with the new guy and you are respectful to her time, she just might come back after she misses you in due time. 3 days?? Just sit back and try to relax. If you 2 loved each other, this faze may pass. Step back and let things mellow. Yes, it's hard, damn hard. Whatever you do, just be patient.

I am I really am. This is by far the hardest thing I have done in my life. Do the exact opposite of what my heart tells me. She isn't dating that guy. I know she does love me, she is confused and I know give it time and I will have my answer. I will not force it, I will not call I will not text and I will not message.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo

I am I really am. This is by far the hardest thing I have done in my life. Do the exact opposite of what my heart tells me. She isnt dating that guy. I know she does love me, she is confused and I know give it time and I will have my answer. I will not force it, I will not call I will not text and I will not message.

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Time is your best friend.

Well She called me a bit ago. She said that she felt something for that guy that didn't feel with us. She felt it wouldn't be fair to her if she didn't pursue those feelings. I told her that I loved her and I wish she never has to go through the hurt I have been in. She asked if we could be friends and I told her not right now we can't maybe down the road, I'm too hurt to try and be friends. I explained that I wish her nothing bad happiness and hope that him and her remain happy. I ended it with telling her I will always hold a special place in my heart for her and I do love, and said goodbye. She said goodbye and I hung up.

I then moved to deleting her contacts (she has new number recently due to a move so I don't have them memorized) I removed her from my messenger and myspace. I removed all comment and pictures. I will be moving all the memerable items to the shed outside tomorrow if Hanna doesn't mess that up. I am hurt but I know what I most do now.

Down the road regradless of if we get together again or what ever, she will have to live with the decision. She is the dumper and not the dumpee and I am sure didn't feel what I felt. I don't wish that one her. I didn't scream or yell or sobb on the phone. I believe in Karma and I don't hold a grudge or ill will towards anyone.


I want to share my experience with people and explain that the waiting was the worst feeling in the world. I do feel relieved now I can cut loose. That is not saying I don't love her and I am not hurt because I am. All I tell anyone that is going through what I went through is listen to people on here damn it! They know what they are talking about. When they say no contact damn don't it will make it harder. I am hurt but I listened to people and started to let go and I am glad I did because in the end she didn't want to be. I tried not to give false hope and in the end it let the hit less hard. I also feel because she wanted a break it made the result less hurtful because I already had the pain of losing her. But the next few days and weeks will be hard but I know its done, I know I can get someone who will appreciate me and love me like I love them. All right having thoughts maybe she will message me but I tell myself STOP IT DAMN IT.

I will move on and I will heal, I will find the one.
Thanks everyone for your advice even if some of it was crude, but you were right! You know what you were talking about, I did head your advice and thanks for letting the hurt be a little less.

Well I consider the day the break started the day the relationship ended. Its been almost a week and today I actually slept more then 5 hours. I am going out to a family BBQ thing, My friends who I realize I neglected have been there for me. I Deleted all contact points, I tape up the memory box yesterday and put it out in the shed with a note containing all the feelings. I threw away the stuff animals and such, as I don't want them in my face. I found myself wanting to see what she was up to today but quickly slapped myself in the face and said it doesn't matter. She doesn't involve me anymore. I used to spend Sunday with her but now I am trying to occupy my time. It hurts but damn its over. The one will come into my life.

Honestly, what you need to do is just see if you can talk to her. Let her know that yes she did make a mistake, but that you respect her for coming out and telling you what happened. To me it sounds like she is beating herself up over nothing and that you are willing to forgive her. Just let her know that you forgive her and let her know how much you love her and how much she means to you. I think that if you take the time to alk to her she will calm down and come back to you if she truly loves you and what y'all have together with your relationship.

Anne

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Originally Posted by Animal0126

Honestly, what you need to do is just see if you can talk to her. Let her know that yes she did make a mistake, but that you respect her for coming out and telling you what happened. To me it sounds like she is beating herself up over nothing and that you are willing to forgive her. Just let her know that you forgive her and let her know how much you love her and how much she means to you. I think that if you take the time to alk to her she will calm down and come back to you if she truly loves you and what y'all have together with your relationship.

Anne

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She choose the other guy, I told her I forgave her, she called me after her break and said, she wanted to date him. She called Friday and told me her decision. She wanted to seek these feelings out. She told me that she felt something with him that she didn't feel with us and it was right. I did tell her how much I loved her. I would like nothing more then to have her back. I could if really needed contact her, But I am afraid I'll just make it worse on me. Should I send an email?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo

She choose the other guy, I told her I forgave her, she called me after her break and said, she wanted to date him. She called friday and told me her decision. She wanted to seek these feelings out. She told me that she felt something with him that she didnt feel with us and it was right. I did tell her how much I loved her. I would like nothing more then to have her back. I could if really needed contact her, But I am afraid I'll just make it worse on me. Should I send an email?

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NO Email

As you said in your previous post she has made her decision and you need to just let it go and move on... NO CONTACT!!

Keep your dignity my friend:cool:

Your right. I found myself panicing and then I said stop...
Its done.

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Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo

your right. I found myself panicing and then I said stop...
Its done.

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Good Job!!

There will be setbacks , but you just come on here and vent. If you feel the need to send an email write it out on here and at least it will be out of your system.

I found my day went by without the complete pain in my chest, I slept a bit last night but I still hurt. I am no where near getting over her but I know in time. I don't like feeling like this, I want to just sit in my room and be alone, but then I say, you can't do that. Get up, go outside, go for a drive. I don't want to wallow.

I believe in Karma, not that I am vindictive or wish any ill will towards anyone. I also believe in religion. Everything has its reasons for happening.

Its funny how life can have you on top of a mountain one day and then have a plane crash into you and knock you down to very bottom. I find myself thinking of her and what we did and wanting to find out what she is doing, is she happy, what is going on? But then I sit and say, it doesn't involve me anymore. The one who is meant for me will come into my life. I did want to find out what see is doing but then stopped myself. I get this burning sensation in my neck and body when I think about everything, but I calm myself. I did eat a bowl of cereal today and a burger but I wasn't really hungry and I didn't want to eat but I knew I had to. Its funny, because I'm the kind of person who would stop if I saw someone broke down on the road, I have helped people push their car into a gas station while leaving my car with flashers on in the middle of the road. I'd do what ever I can for someone, but if you do me wrong I can't help but be hurt.

I'm a big old man of mush. I'm like a hard candy with a soft melting inside. I have this image of hardcore. But I am easily hurt, I don't always show it. I used to get so upset when I was younger of being called fat, so much so I'd come home from school and cry. But I never showed it at school.

Its funny one of my friends posted on myspace about how I have too much love to give maybe one woman can't handle it. It made my laugh inside.

I have an old 68 mustang outback I should take sometime to restore it more. But that's more of a money issue. I hand sanded one side of it and primed it. I need money for the body parts, I put a brand new C4 Transmission in it back in the end of June. Funny story I was driving it home and a wheel came off. But I felt it and pulled in the grass before it came off. Scared me but I got it home.

My brother and his friends offered me some beer to drink with them last night, at first I was like hell yeah. But As I looked at the unopen beer in my hand I said no, Now is defiantly not the time to drink. I said no thanks and put it down and picked up a Pepsi instead.

I played a lot of FFXI yesterday and COD4, to keep my mind busy. I enjoy playing them and it helps me relieve stress. I don't know something about virtually shooting people released stress. That being said I don't have any intention to ever harm anyone. Hell I can't even find it in my heart to yell or scream about what she did to me. I can't be mean, I wish so much I could be mean sometimes and ignore my heart. That's not to say if I'm getting screwed over that I don't know how to say <^> because I know the limits. I just know what's worth getting upset over and what's not.

Does it get easy to coop? I mean I find myself fine one second and the next a million thoughts going through my head about it, specially at night when I attempt to sleep, and when I fist wake up. I had a dream about her last night but I can't remember now what it was about but it upset me in the morning.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo

I played alot of FFXI yesterday and COD4, to keep my mind busy.

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Yeah I been playing a lot of games also, try to get your mind of it. I noticed watching movies doesn't really work because your still thinking about her and the concentration part is the hardest as the movie feels like its going in 1 ear out the other, whilst playing a game on the other hand you have to actually force yourself to concentrate, which eliminates the thinking about what happened etc
Also yes you will also find some moments where youl feel all right, then all of a sudden the situation will hit you like a ton of bricks, you just gota keep pushing forward, and what I learnt is, never let your heart rule your head.

I just woke up and am upset. I just had a dream of her and it upset. I can't remember details and just am upset in general. Its 3:19 in the morning.

Dude go outside, get some fresh air... try not to think about it... if you can think about the things you didn't like about her... it will make the night less restless.. this happened to me several times lastweek.. had vivid dreams about her.. this sucks dude... time to vent my stress out on the good old trusty boxing bag

I hear you about the dreams man. They are like the ultimate form of set back for me, because I wake up from them in a half-state, just awake enough to be hit by a massive force of emptiness upon realising she's not there, and not awake enough to muster my confidence and courage to deal with it. Then I get a panic attack before I can fall back asleep, and then the whole day can be pretty bleak.

Chin up bro. We are getting through this, me and you, and the other guys who come to this forum. And then, a little bit on from now, we'll hit each other up and hifive that we made it through it. I got you son.

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Does it get easy to coop? I mean I find myself fine one second and the next a million thoughts going through my head about it, specially at night when I attempt to sleep, and when I fist wake up. I had a dream about her last night but I can't remember now what it was about but it upset me in the morning.

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It definitely gets easier to cope with. My case was very similar to yours (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...s-243232.html). It is normal to feel the way you feel. I still remember those nights were I would wake up in the middle of the night without being able to go back to sleep. I would go on very long walks even at 6-7 am just because I couldn't go back to bed. Anything that would stop me from sitting alone and thinking about things. I went through a phase where I would go out with friends drinking every night so that I would be able to sleep at night but soon found out that alcohol is not a good idea. I then started hitting the gym hard. So that by the time I would go back home I would be too tired to sit and think and would just pass out.

While you are in a relationship where you see a future in you tend to paint a picture of the future (even if you don't talk about it with your partner) and once something as unexpected as this happens at first it feels as if that is violently taken away from you. It is hard to accept that you could have been that wrong about something, but as your heart is telling you different things to your mind now then chances are that the same thing was happening while you were in the relationship and you weren't able to see things rationally. One piece of advice that really helped me a lot was to take it one day at a time because if you are able to make it through a whole day without missing her than you will eventually be able to recreate that picture without her in it and feel fine about that. I wouldn't beat myself too hard about that because I know it won't happen overnight and I can only wait for things to fall in place again without me forcing them. Try and keep yourself busy with things you enjoy and try to be around people you feel comfortable and have a good time with.

Whenever you feel upset just come here and vent where people will help you get that positive thinking going on again. Just appreciate the fact that you still have your health, family and friends and that with time a new person might come into your life, someone who will fully appreciate all you have to give and who will want to stay with you.

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Originally Posted by busterite

While you are in a relationship where you see a future in you tend to paint a picture of the future (even if you dont talk about it with your partner) and once something as unexpected as this happens at first it feels as if that is violently taken away from you.

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This this this a thousand times this. This is what makes it so hard man. When my ex walked, it wasn't like I just lost a girlfriend, it's like I lost my family. My ex told me, you are my family, you me and Mister Nin (our cat), and that she hoped I considered them my family (they were). She convinced me - I agreed. They were my family. And she always said we'd spend together forever. It's like, as soon as I agreed and saw maybe we really would be able to do that, it fell to pieces. My assent and the deal was off. When you're in a long-term relationship like us man, and they walk, not only do you lose your girlfriend - you lose the plans you made for the future, you lose possibly your best friend, you lose your family (if at any point you started to consider her family), and in a way, you lose the memories. I can't think of any memories at all, good or bad, since there's nothing good that comes with thinking about them now. I've locked them up and thrown away the key. Not sure if it's healthy, but it's the only thing that I can do with them.

I just wrote something to myself man. I might print it out and carry it around with me until I settle down a bit. The last two are the most important I think, right now, for you and me to focus on.

Be cool.
Do not care.
“When do I panic?” Never.
Snap. Put the past in place behind you. Leave it there.
No more questions.
No more thoughts.

Well I had fallen back to sleep, but yet again had another dream. THis one was of her coming back to me, I didn't just take her back, I told her I need 2 things, 1 she get tested and 2, get on her knee and ask for me back.

I keep telling myself it will be all right and everything but its hard. It sucks.

Bro, no matter what, you can hold your head up knowing you acted the best way imaginable I reckon while going through this. To be honest, if I had been as good about my situation and handled it as well, I'd probably be in better places now.

I've read a lot of threads man. A LOT of threads here. And I can say the way you acted is leagues above how some of the other guys took it (me included). Hold your head up, be proud of that.

It does get easier. Like it's bad now, sometimes it's hard to breathe, I was there. The memories attack you. But I'm a pretty logical guy, and I know this for a 100% fact, it's going to get easier for the both of us, as long as we let it. (and we will, right?)

Yeah man, Everyone keeps telling me that. But it doesn't help right now. Someone even told me " You are taking it admirably and like a man. You are also being correctly magnanimous about your ex's moving on." Mind you I had to look up magnanimous. People are telling me that can't believe how mature I acted and if it was them how they would have flipped. But I'm not that kind of person I find I'm very rational. It sucks I opened myself up for this hurt. I never try to hurt someone I can't bring myself to.

I will get through it. But man its hard. I am trying to keep my head up. I don't want to feel like this. I did cry, I admit it, I woke on one morning last week and just cried. For a good hour and half. I felt emptiness, like something tore away something from my heart. I don't ever want to feel like that again.

One day at a time. No contact. Its over is what I tell myself.