Quote:

---

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Usually with domestic violence, at least where I live the guy is out in a matter of days.
But if there is no violence the police will not even do anything at all.
So it makes me think there is more to the story, like warrants.

You NEED to get out where ever you go but a womens DV shelter would be best cause they will hide you

---

I agree - there's some unexplained background here.

Whoa whoa whoa. Get out! You shouldn't stay in this relationship. This guy does not appreciate you one bit. You must get out and seek help.

If the information about going to jail came from him, ignore it altogether. He's probably exaggerating or outright lying.

You do need to find a safe place where you can recover and he cannot find you. Leaving is the most dangerous time and you should take it seriously.

Everyone here is different, from different walks of life, yet we all are urging you to get out. Many of us have had the same experience. We care and want you to be okay. You are not stupid or crazy. You have just been beaten down by this man, who is himself deeply damaged. You need to get away and heal and start a new, happier life. I did and I AM much happier. You can too.

You need to end this now. This is extremely unheatlhy get out of it immediately.he is using you!

Go with the other guy... leave him and go for the guy that wants you to move in with him. I wouldn't feel like a whore. "your man" probably doessnt really love you.thats not love. AT ALL

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by shannon08

go with the other guy...leave him and go for the guy that wants you to move in with him. i wouldnt feel like a whore. "your man" probably doessnt really love you.thats not love. AT ALL

---

I think the worst thing she could do right now with her self esteem at an all time low is to move in with some other guy based on "amazing chemistry."

Maybe it's time for OP to be on her own, support herself, take responsibility for her own life until her head clears.

Not a good idea to always rely on a man, any man, to be your reason for living, your support - emotional and financial.

OP is confused and upset and could very well be moving from the frying pan into the fire.

I agree with judy kaytee. Yeah I take back what I said and I only meant that to make him jealous because the guy obviously is a .no offence. But that could make him go crazy even more and hurt you even more emotionally and physically! So move on from him and be single and enjoy it. Concentrate on healing yourself

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by shannon08

i agree with judy kaytee. yeah i take back what i said and i only meant that to make him jealous because the guy obviously is a .no offence. but taht could make him go crazy even more and hurt you even more emotionally and physically! so move on from him and be single and enjoy it. concentrate on healing yourself

---

She could end up dead by trying to make that guy jealous. He is an abusive, drug addicted, control freak... that is also a wanted criminal by the way it sounds. There is more to this story, I'm sure, but she needs to get to a safe place. Not today... but yesterday!

It always helps to read through all of the posts, before posting please.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by shannon08

i agree with judy kaytee. yeah i take back what i said and i only meant that to make him jealous because the guy obviously is a .no offence. but taht could make him go crazy even more and hurt you even more emotionally and physically! so move on from him and be single and enjoy it. concentrate on healing yourself

---

Shannon, he abuses drugs, he hurts her, she's afraid of him. Making him jealous is the WORST thing she can do to say nothing of some unsuspecting guy who suddenly finds himself with the current boyfriend stalking him, capable of violence.

She needs to get out of this NOW - before now (if she could). I think she needs to involve the police. She does not but she knows the boyfriend and his history and I do not.

I always think suggesting jealousy as a cure for ANYTHING is not a good idea - at least not in an adult relationship.

I agree with Judy Kay about not moving in with the new guy, for a long list of reasons, including his safety.

I also agree that calculatedly trying to provoke jealousy in another person is always wrong. It's wrong because it's devious and unkind (no matter who they are) and it's wrong because the person doing it isn't being true to themselves. They are doing something they wouldn't otherwise do. It also often involves a third party, who isn't in on the deception.

Wow not be mean but this guy sounds like a real... if he's hurting you, or treating you badly you obviously deserve a better man... I say leave him and try to live a better life with someone who loves you for you

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sad_and_Broken8

Hello, My name is Kelly. I am eighteen years old and my boyfriend is twenty-four. We have been living together for over a year now and I love him with all of my heart, but there is a problem. He won't kiss me, we won't hold me, we don't have sex anymore, we watches porn all the time even though I've asked him not to and told him that is makes me feel ugly and that it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I am bipolor and I can't handle this. I haven't eaten in a week because I feel fat, i cry everyday, we fight all the time, he hits me and chokes me, and he calls me names all of the time, like , , and whore. He really hurts my feelings. He also has a problem with spending all of my money. I get 800 dollars a month and he gets every cent and he don't even appriciate it. I mean here I am working my off to take care of myself and I can't keep any money because he is a drug addict.
I've met this guy who is really sweet and very attractive and we have amazing chemestry. He wants me to move in with him but, I do love my man with all of my heart but I cannot handle this anymore. I feel like such a whore even thought I haven't really done anything but feel something for someone else. Please help me. What should I do? Shuld I leave or stay? and if I stay, how can I fix our relationship?:confused: :confused: :confused: :

---

Well, he is on probation, I live in West Virginia BTW. I don't want to get into legal stuff and my parents hate me and have already told me that I'm not welcome in their home. Their not my real parents anyway, their gay. And the other guy I've been talking to works with me, he don't do any drugs although I think he may smoke pot a little bit but so do I. He says he don't believe in hitting a women and he wants to beat my boyfriends @$$

Didn't mean to quote myself... :cool:

If I was you I wouldn't think twice before dumping his sorry___!! LOOK at the way he treats you! No respect for you and what your earning! $800 a MONTH! If you say that you've both been together for one year and every month he gets every cent of that $800, then your saying good bye to $9,600 and hello to drugs, no respect and a relationship that hurts you physically, emotionally and mentally! Your hart might be saying that he's the one- but actions speak louder then words. This time listen to that saying than what your hearts telling you- and leave him ASAP and don't even make contact with him. Not even a side glance. I don't know you personally but your better than him and, if you want, help him with that drug problem

I've already tried to help him. He's not as bad as he used to be. He used to snort 30 pills a day and now he only does like 10. That's as good as it's going to get. I keep thinking about what all of you are saying I know that I should leave but how can I gather the pieces of my heart and leave. It's really hard.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sad_and_Broken8

I've already tried to help him. He's not as bad as he used to be. He used to snort 30 pills a day and now he only does like 10. That's as good as it's going to get. I keep thinking about what all of you are saying I know that I should leave but how can I gather the pieces of my heart and leave. It's really hard.

---

I know it's difficult but only you know if you are better with him or without him, if you are going to get hurt - or not.

And then you make your decision to go or stay.

If he snorted 30 pills a day, he was an addict; if it's 10, he's an addict. The difference is not in the numbers - but you know that.

He's going to bring you down to his level but you already know that.

It's up to you -

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sad_and_Broken8

Their not my real parents anyway, their gay. And the other guy I've been talking to works with me, he don't do any drugs although I think he may smoke pot a little bit but so do I. He says he don't believe in hitting a women and he wants to beat my boyfriends @$$

---

Since you don't have a good relationship with your parents (are you adopted?), do you have any older friends or family you can talk to? Otherwise, visit a battered women's shelter and at least talk this out with someone. They can help. You don't have to stay there if the idea of that bothers you.

Frankly, the other guy at work doesn't sound like a good bet to me. Almost no man "believes in hitting women." People who hit usually feel they got forced into it. ("She didn't do my laundry again; I don't know how else to get her attention." ) They have an excuse for themselves, but not for other men. Offering to beat up your boyfriend is just a way to impress you or make him sound loyal--it's not real help. I've been hit too, and none of the men who have said that kind of thing to me ("I want to beat him up.") has been a man I would want to be with or who has actually done anything helpful. You don't need more drama.

Take your money and find another place to live. If you can't afford your own place, move into a group house with other women. It won't be perfect, but it'll be a step up from your current boyfriend. He will destroy you if you stay. Don't even think about helping him or letting him down easy. This is all about making yourself physically and emotionally safe. He has lost the right to have you think of him first.

LEAVE HIM. Get out right now. This sounds bad. No sex - BAD, he's taking your money - even WORSE. He hits you? Heck NO. He does drugs? -- This sounds like it is beyond your control now. You can't help him all by yourself. He needs professional help. He is clearly just using and abusing you. This is not the kind of man anyone should be with. Get in touch with someone who can help. You deserve better and this man may be the ONLY reason why your condition is being pushed ultimately to the negative. Don't feel that you should move in right away with another guy. And do not ever let ANYBODY make you feel like you brought this on to yourself - because not even those who nag and cheat their boyfriends deserve to be hit or degraded like this. THIS IS NOT LOVE AT ALL. No signs of it whatsoever.

You do not deserve to be hurt. Nothing you say or do causes your partner to hurt you. We all get angry sometimes, but when we do, we all have choices. We can choose to express ourselves in healthy ways. Or we can be irresponsible and choose to hurt someone else — which is not healthy.

You are being treated badly. Signs of abuse like these may mean that you're not safe in your relationship — and it may get worse.

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1 800-799-SAFE -- This is a toll-free, confidential hotline, and you can to speak with a counselor in private.

Don't stay with him. He doesn't seem to respect you.
You shouldn't have to put up with all that.
You deserve better!
If he does drugs then you need to leave ASAP!
He won't change unless he wants to & at this point he doesn't seem to care.
I'd say move out on your own. Move on from this guy & continue to hang out with this nice new guy but explain to him that you need your time to heal your heart & move on from that jerk & just to collect yourself before you'd commit to him & move in together.
If he likes you that much he'll understand & wait!

Please get away from him,u should think about yourself and love yourself before him,he is ruining your health,if he was that good he would take that you are ill mentally and physically before even saying something to you.he would also make life easier for you.he wouldn't sponge you for his drug feeding habits but help you save your money so you would spend it on yourself.he is a scum and he won't change,he'l even cry or say sorry if you leave because he wants his drugs or money not you.if he really loved you,you would not be in this state,he would be providing for you and getting help for his drug habit and even if he didn't gt help for it,he would at least buy it himself.