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Originally Posted by talaniman

Hate to say it, but the way she copes with her own business is up to her and you do need to back all the way off that, as this happened to her and not you, and you may not undersatand it, but respect it.

Since this is a crucial issue, then leave her alone, and save the ultimatums. You can't help, or are unwilling, so leave her, and her business alone forever.

This is over, and will never work, as your doubts will never be healed. She has a right to be mad, and you have a right to leave.

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Thanks but perhaps I didn't make it clear. I HAVE left her alone. I have not emailed/phones/texted or flown there. She is trying to contact me, and I am having a hard time ignoring her in a situation like this, that's all.

It could be they were together one evening and his intentions were actually forced on her, which weren't mean't to happen.

She couldn't tell you because that would prove that she was with him.

I think you are hearing things third hand which has given you a confused picture.

The only two people who know what went on that night are her and him.

If you speak to her your not going to get all the facts... there's too much at stake.

If you could speak to him... calmly... although I don't think there's much chance of that,
But if you could restain yourself he is the only person who has nothing to loose and has no reason to fabricate a story... therefore what he tells you would be the truth.

It could be total fabrication on your g/f part and in fact the guy may be the innocent party in all this, having been invited round by your g/f.!

Whatever the reasons whether she invited it or it just happened or even if he DID rape her doesn't matter. The red flags are in how she is handling this and obviously lying.

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Originally Posted by Mistral121

thanks but perhaps I didnt make it clear. I HAVE left her alone. I have not emailed/phones/texted or flown there. She is trying to contact me, and I am having a hard time ignoring her in a situation like this, thats all.

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IF you end up having to talk to her again, just tell her this whole thing is too serious for you to deal with and since she isn't being honest and you can't deal with how she didn't handle the situation so talking with her is just getting to you too much.
After all realize she threatened to dump you over her supposed rapist. I doubt I could be with somebody that handled things that way.

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Originally Posted by 0rphan

If you could speak to him...calmly ...although i don't think there's much chance of that,
but if you could restain yourself he is the only person who has nothing to loose and has no reason to fabricate a story.....therefore what he tells you would be the truth.

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I doubt I could speak calmly to this person, even if I could, he would potentially have more than anyone to lose. My Gf told me that if she reported this he would lose his medical career and be deported back to his country, apparently he isn't a citizen or so I am lead to believe. So I doubt I am going to get anything from him other than "she asked for it..." etc…

Mistral... I am not saying report him,definitely don't tell your girl friend that you are speaking to him... no... that would be forewarning her, so she could change her story.

I simply meant talk to him, man to man,explain first that your not trying to cause any trouble for him, get him to believe you and simply ask him... was this a genuine date.

If he says yes it was, she invited me out, then there's your trueth.

One thing for sure is you can't take all the anger out on him when you know she can lie and you don't know what really happened. Maybe she never even told him about you or she could have told him that she was upset because you left her and told him she always had a thing for him.
People always want to take a fling or whatever out on the other guy or the other girl but never the want to place blame on the girlfriend or the boyfriend so until you hear his side of the story or really know what went on you really shouldn't take it out on him.