NO ONE WANTS IT TO BE OVER.

That's why you do NC.


It's emotional Detox.

If the other person knows you love them and you have done all you can - then it is out of your hands. Your work is OVER. (i.e. Does your ex want it to be over?)

Addicts go to places to clear their system. So, do relationship addicts. The mind and body have literal chemical (dopamine, endorphin, etc.) dependency when in a relationship, but if it is not a good or lasting one then they need to detox. The bosy needs to re-learn sources of dependency: HEALTHY ONES!

An alcoholic is told not to drink again... and follow a 12 step program.
A coke addict is put in rehab.
A gambling addict is told to not go in casinos.

A relationship addict needs to not be around the person that causes them pain.

IF - and I do mean IF the EX is the right person, THEY have to do the work. NOT YOU.
Tell them all you can and go. Manipulating them while broken up may get you back in the short term but will not last in the long term because they will not trust it as fate or a true reality.

ISOLATE and pile up the days.

Thanks for putting it into words that click, Ash123. I'm saving this thread.

Anyone else, make it past a few weeks? :)

If not, post your number and keep going...

Hey!
It's been 91 days for me now-that is 91 days since I last said ANYTHING to my ex and that was via a text message. I simply asked, "What do you want?" but she did not answer. That text was back on May 7 when she sent me a stupid text asking, "Who let the Jason bares out? Ruff, ruff." That was after I told her not to contact me anymore unless she wanted to reconcile. We have been broken up for some time but she got into a habit of sending me pointless, retarded text messages once a month. Her last text to me was, "You're gettin duh Build-A-Jason Bare for ur b-day." (like the Build-A-Bear Workshop store).No kidding, that was how the message was composed. She sent that one back on June 4-almost a week in advance of her birthday. I ignored it and promptly deleted it from my phone dismissing it as BS. Somebody told me that she could have been dropping me a hint for her b-day but I have tried to reconcile with her several times and she turned me down so I saw no point in even acknowledging it. My birthday was yesterday and I didn't so much as hear a peep from her. After her message June 4-I decided to cut the cord for good. I still miss her and what we used to have but the pain diminishes over time. Pity, I was looking forward to getting my Build-A-Jason Bear. My birthday wasn't quite complete without it!
Take Care Everybody,
Jason

Good for you jason!

Sorry she interrupted your 90 days with her lame jokes to see if she could just be a buddy.

No dice... she obviously was not ready for a more mature thing. And she needs to realize you ain't coming back...

Rock on

A

Hey Ash123,
It's been about 64 days since I heard from the ex-telling me what I was supposedly getting for my birthday and 91 days since I said anything to her(via text). She hasn't seen me in over six months nor have I seen her. I avoid the place she works like the plague and I refuse to call, write, drive by her house, and text her ever again. What she is doing now is her business-she made the choice to leave me and she's stuck with whatever her life has become now without me. This is a girl I've known for 11+ years, had a daughter with 4 years ago(which unfortunately passed away at 11 months of a congenital heart defect. I sort of had a setback yesterday while I was at King's Island(an amusement park around Cincinnati, Ohio)when I started to remember the good times we used to have and found myself on the verge of tears. Me and her just about made it a tradition to go there every year when we were together. Seeing fathers with their children having a good time made it even worse. It makes me think about what might have been had my daughter survived heart surgery(she would have turned 4 years old this year). But I was able to pull myself together and tough it up. I have gone for 91 days-I could go on forever. I still think about her everyday and question myself as to whether I did enough to save the relationship but when I think about how I swallowed my pride and tried to make up with her on several occasions and how she rejected that and continued with the stupid texts, I know there's nothing else I can do. It's her life and her choice. If she wants to date other people, she loses me for good-simple as that. I want to start dating again but I'm going to be selective. I'm not just going to try to "fill the void". It's especially hard to totally open up and share yourself with somebody else after you've done everything under the sun with your ex and they just dump you for somebody else. Anyway, good post-you're thinking the same thing I am-if it's meant to be, THEY have do the work. I had to learn the hard way...
Take Care, Jason

Hang in there...

Until you are fully healed you cannot really evaluate it all clearly and see what is best for your life.

I'm at 180 days. I've reached acceptance. On my side it has been total NC, although she has contacted me 4 or 5 times since we last spoke, which I've ignored. I get sad, but I've reached a realization that we can never be again. I'm looking forward again for the first time in as much time. That's the key, to it all, training your eyes forward.

I respect you man. 180 days. Wow. I need to do that too. I tried to make things work, and she kind of seemed to go along, but then last few times I tried to contact her, she bluntly ignored me.I stopped after that. That was the 20th of last month. After that I tried to contact her but I got a death hear, so I stopped trying.

Overall I have been trying to keep busy, and I am also seeing this new girl for about almost two months now. I'm taking things slow but I hate this all break up bull. It's sickening and pisses me off at time. I invested so much... I really just try not to think about it. My new girl is keeping me busy anyway so it's OK. Hang in there guys... things get better... keep you heads up.

So I guess I am on day 2. My boyfriend and I broke up, he moved back to his hometown, and I haven't heard from him since the day he got there. It's just getting to me because he left me to go back home and be with his 2yr old son & family & friends - so our break-up was mutual... both of us agreeing he should go, but we still wanted to be together and we won't do long-distance because that was the reason he moved here in the first place. I just don't understand why he doesn't try to contact me. When he left, we were on good terms, still wanting to talk to each other... he even made the comment to me "You'll be the one who has to tell me to stop calling you so much," but like I said - I haven't heard from him at all!

How can something so good be gone so quickly? It is hard enough to deal with the fact that we broke up, but for him to just cut off all contact with me after one day of not being together?

Sorry for whining... it just hurts to not be with him anymore, and it makes it worse when I haven't heard from him... like he just doesn't care. HOWEVER I am trying to stay strong. I've stopped trying to call/text him. I know that when he is ready, he will try to get in touch with me - and hopefully I will have enough strength to continue NC so that I can just get over this mess.

On week from now you'll be going on day 10.

Stay busy!

Rent funny movies.

When you get sad - get moving... to the gym, to a bookstore, to parents, to a trip.

One day you'll get to your magic number... and the funny thing is you won't even notice when it happens... you'll have to go back and try to fugure out when you spread your wings and flew on... :-)

One day we will look back to this learning experience and say wow, it's was a good thing it happened. I'm definitely getting better. It's been a little over 3 months. She broke it off two days before my birthday back in April 23rd... oh well... guys one thing I noticed is to stop trying is to fight it. It took me a long time for it to sink in, which caused me to worry and beat myself up. I stopped doing it. Cause it seemed as if the harder I fought it, the harder it was on me. But it have learned to accept it and stopped fighting it. It slowly get better and I can tell. I have decided that I won't call her about almost 3 weeks ago... anyway I just hope this end soon. Cause I still think about her and miss her a lot... but it's not as bed as it was in the beginning. My goal is to reach 90 days...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ash123

When a relationship ends we all need to achieve is the Ol' magic NC (No contact) - for consecutive days in a row. And here's a place to put your number up!

SO, where are you in the count?


Share your number:


1? 21? 61? 101? or best of all:A GOOD NEW RELATIONSHIP
(the goal of all this soul cleansing silence). Note: If you've called, texted, emailed, or visited though it..uhhh.....resets to zero :rolleyes:
We are all rooting for you - even if you have to restart again!

STARTING OVER IS NORMAL AND 100% OK!!! IT HAPPENS EVERY DAY.

---

My ex broke up with me on 7/8/08. And he told me "keep in touch" and give him a call. I asked him "why would I want to call him?" He said, well, if you change your mind, give him a call. After this meeting, I wrote him an email to wish him well and it was great knowing him. I kindly told him that I wish I could call him, but I'd like to move on and not look back. To make a long story short, it has been almost 32 days since no contact. No calls or texts from him.

I feel much better than the first day.

On 10 8 08 you'll be even better :-)

Keep going!

On this day of August 11th of the year of our lord 2008 I hereby decree that it has been 2 months and like a couple days since the breakup and I have been strong!!

Back on day 1.

My previous best was 101 days.

I will beat 101 days this time.

Keep going everyone else, getting back in contact with my ex was pointless, and just hurt me some more.

Stay away and NC, and it does get better. At day 101 I was making progress, but had a setback and broke it.

Time to get tough.

It has been 1.5 months since I broke up. She cheated and left me for someone else. Unfortunately I broke up the NC twice in the first 15 days when she contacted me and I agreed to see her on the first case and answer her calls in the second. VERY BAD IDEA! Today 11th August is the 30th day with NC. She has called me twice in the past two weeks but I have left her calls unanswered. I feel there is nothing for us to say and that she has no right to know how Im doing. It is hard not answering it but I know its what's best for me right now and that feels good. It feels good knowing that you are not as weak as you thought you were although some days are still really bad and you wonder whether that will get better with time. My only fear is whether I will be fully recovered by the day I will bump into her again because that will definitely happen at some point, see we come from the same environment and have common close friends but we both live abroad. She is back home for summer now and I decided to stay abroad and deal with things with where they happened. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

Why am I not feeling better after a month of no contact? Why do I still hope things will change?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jpm247

Back on day 1.

my previous best was 101 days.

I will beat 101 days this time.

Keep going everyone else, getting back in contact with my ex was pointless, and just hurt me some more.

stay away and NC, and it does get better. at day 101 i was making progress, but had a setback and broke it.

Time to get tough.

---

I wouldn't be totally discouraged. 101 days is good. I would say that if you can repeat that, you'll be in the driver's seat.

So, what's the magic number?

Everyone is different, but generally you need 90 days to clear your head. Then, perhaps the same amount to be indifferent completely. But in cases of divorce and cheating and long term relationships it'll be longer... can add details on that at a later date.

I see a lot of people "went back to zero" and broke NC. Let's not think of it as exactly ZERO.

It DOES happen. But once is enough. Don't feel bad about it if it happens, as you are just trying to make sense of something, but probably the answer you already have...