Quote:

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Originally Posted by hjpan

Thats how you feel but why do you still keep contact with her?

Aren't your feelings down?

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I am not in contact with her. I am on Day 10 of NC. As I said in the original post I told her I couldn't take it anymore. I mean, she was the one freely contacting me whenever she wanted and then spend the rest of the day with the other guy, whereas, when I wanted to call her, it was impossible because she wasn't alone. I was the one agonizing alone at home. She had a guy to go to… It was hurting me much more than her. I asked her to stop talking with me. I went NC.

My feelings are not yet completely down though. It's too soon...

Been reading and re-reading this thread multiple times every day because, although the words written here are harsh, they are the only ones which make me get over her slowly day by day... A slap in the face, as you might say, to wake me up...

Just have one question though. Ash, what did you exactly mean by "she's lowered expectations" ?

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Originally Posted by Ash123

she's 20. AND this relationship was never even really a relationship.

(i think i drew up a scale one time of what one can expect from what ages. fyi: don't expect much from someone under 21. and now that she's lowered expectations....EXPECT NADA.)

dude, erase that number, that email, that IM, those digital pix....

she is done. you are the big winner. I am 100% certain of this. she ain't the one!!!!!!!!!!! And you are soon not even gonna care anymore!

doubtful? follow NC and the list below and you will be laughing OUT LOUD in 10 weeks:

erase all contacts (no cheating)
no sightings
no visiting
no mutual friends
no calls

go out whether you like it or not - 2x a week every week. watch funny movies. we made a list on here one time..check my older posts....go on at least 2 trips...and generally stay busy.....

if you weaken look at my break up survival guide. this is your intervention. you are SEMI-dating a loser. don't you become one too!!

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do you really see yourself marrying this girl?

For richer and poorer?

In sickness and in health?

Until death do you part?

Does that make you laugh even a little?

Don't you want a stronger more dependable person??

She lowered expectations by dating other guys and keeping them for safety. Imagine if she did that while married... "honey, i'm hooking up with the UPS guy cause i am not sure we are communicating well.."

c'mon man - this is comedy.

Rent a funny movie and have some friends over and laugh bro.

You are living a comedy... relax and move on.

A

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ash123

do you really see yourself marrying this girl?

for richer and poorer?

in sickness and in health?

til death do you part?

does that make you laugh even a little?

don't you want a stronger more dependable person???

she lowered expectations by dating other guys and keeping them for safety. imagine if she did that while married..."honey, i'm hooking up with the UPS guy cause i am not sure we are communicating well.."

c'mon man - this is comedy.

rent a funny movie and have some friends over and laugh bro.

you are living a comedy...relax and move on.

A

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Thanks once again for your input. Your posts are one of the major things helping me move forward.

Anyway, problem is I DID saw myself marrying this girl ! And I liked it...

Yes, her being insecure and totally dependent on me did cause most of the problems which led to the breakup, however I didn't know how to handle such a girl back then. I didn't know how to make her feel secure... I do now.

And furthermore, her being so dependable on me made her express her feelings in a way I have never seen before... Made me feel the most important person in the world for her. As I said in my original post, never have I seen a girl look at me that may, touch me that way, hug me that way. Making me feel that if she lost me she would collapse.. And you know what ? I liked it. A LOT!!

Nah, don't get fooled believing that I will break NC and talk to her or go after her again... No. I'm done... For me it's over and I am on the road of completely getting over her. I believe I'm more than halfway there... Those are just my thoughts, however, and I feel like sharing them.

P.S. : I know what most people are saying about me right now... "Whatever we say or write, this guy is such a dork he'll never get his head straight..." ;)

Well you sound like it was a very valuable learning experience.

Share all you want. I think it is hard not to feel strong attraction to the weak and insecure. We feel like superheroes! But for every high there is a trough. I dated a girl who could not even string 2 weeks together without being depressed. But I stayed because the highs were so high we felt like we could do anything... I hear you.

The big picture - at least after late 20's - is to look for a real partner who has your back and you can depend on emotionally. You NEED to have these some of these relationships NOW or you will never get there and value a strong woman later :-)

Duh, hopefully what I did yesterday night was not a setback...

After 14 days of NC, I logged into MSN as usual (appearing offline so as to avoid confrontation with the ex - she usually is online), however I saw that yesterday she was online from a second account she sometimes uses on MSN to "have fun", as she had told me before...

And without knowing why, I suddenly clicked on "appear online". I don't know why I did it, I don't know what I was thinking. I honestly don't know...

I didn't talk to her at all (neither did she), stayed online for 20 minutes and then I logged off.

Of course she may have deleted me off MSN (unlikely though) and perhaps she didn't see I went online after 14 days of absence. But I now feel stupid because, perhaps I made her think I went online just to check if she would contact me... Duh... So stupid.

Psychologically, I am doing fine, keeping busy with my life and getting over her. I wasn't crushed or sad that she didn't talk to me. I just feel stupid... The whole purpose of NC is to find yourself and keep any dignity and self-respect you have left, however I might have made her think that I am still there agonizing for her to contact me... (I had told her 2 weeks ago that I will block her on MSN, but this was her secondary account she logged with)

Of course, for all she knows, I might as well have logged onto MSN to chat with a friend and that's just it. Maybe I am over-reacting over this whole thing... Duh, I don't know!!

Well showing her you were on (if she did see) may be a good thing cause she would have also seen you resisted I-M-ing (?) her. I wouldn't make that any habit though.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

Well showing her you were on (if she did see) may be a good thing cause she would have also seen you resisted I-M-ing (?) her. I wouldn't make that any habit though.

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No, no plan on making it a habit. God forbid... Then it would be certain that I am logging on just to see if she would talk to me...

Just feel really stupid right now...

No don't feel stupid in a way it shows self control is what I am trying to say.

Dude, that's NOTHING.

I wouldn't sweat it for a second!

:-)

A

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ash123

dude, that's NOTHING.

I wouldn't sweat it for a second!

:-)

A

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Thanks Ash... ;)

I think you can avoid this by deleting her from ALL IM's. This way you won't feel tempted to do this anymore. Better yet, you can ignore her user name so even if she is trying to contact you, the IM won't get to you. You are doing good bro, hang in there.

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Originally Posted by WhatN3XT

I think you can avoid this by deleting her from ALL IM's. This way you won't feel tempted to do this anymore. Better yet, you can ignore her user name so even if she is trying to contact you, the IM won't get to you. You are doing good bro, hang in there.

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Well, this could have happened even if I had deleted her off MSN. She most probably hasn't deleted me off hers so every time I go online she would see me. That's why I am not so bothered anymore by what happened yesterday... As far as there was no attempt to communicate, I am fine, no harm done.

I am keeping strong, reading A LOT of psychology sites and forums (which helps me improve myself dramatically) and moving on with my life... ;)

Just found out that at the secondary MSN account she has ("to have fun" as she had said), she uses another name than her real one and also posts sexy (non-nude) profile pictures of her, chatting with other people...

Now I understand what kind of "fun" she is having with her secondary account. Probably innocently flirting with other guys over the net, just for her to laugh/boost her confidence... And I am afraid she might have been doing so during the last couple months she was with me and of course she keeps doing it now as well... Wow !

You need to stop giving this girl so much credit. She was probably on that site for awhile, I doubt its just innocent flirting, posing sexy in photos for it? Dude how are you so naïve

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

You need to stop giving this girl so much credit. She was probably on that site for awhile, I doubt its just innocent flirting, posing sexy in photos for it? Dude how are you so naive

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Well, she wasn't POSING for that purpose specifically, she just used sexy photos she had taken before she had met me. And I am sure that it started quite recently because she doesn't have internet access for a long time and I doubt she did anything more than flirting with them over the net (i.e. like met anyone from there), since she wasn't using her real name...

Oh well...

This friends with benefits is over for now, just because she has a new friend, so leave her alone, and focus on you, and your life, and not what she does with hers. She is, who she is. You don't have to justify her actions.

Well, two days ago, on day 17 on NC, my mobile rung, it was a private number, and when I picked it up they hung up... Don't know if it was her, however this is something she had done again 1.5 months ago, "just to hear your voice as I thought I would never hear from you again", as she had said afterwards...

Now I know I shouldn't really care whether it was her or not, however, since the whole story is here, I wanted to post that as well.

Good news is, although I still think of her everyday, I am doing very good with the healing process and I have come to the point where I can wake up in the mornings without being as depressed as I used to be and I also no longer get that knot in my stomach thinking her with the other guy or thinking that we will never be together again... :)

Stay on the course, and it will get better, a little progress is good.

you know it's funny, but the thing about another guy entering the picture is it's so FINAL.

It actually (in the big picture) helps begin the healing process because you have a real starting point -
And just the requirement to stay on course... glad to hear you are taking back the driver's seat. Soon you won't even slow down when she passes by...