OK so the trust has to be restored so that's y I'm thinking maybe I should give myself a lot of time to think about all this and when I'm ready and if he's still trying to get with me and wanting me back so bad than I can start all over and put everything in the past... I know if some else was going through this I would say FORGET HIM!! But believe its easier said than done... its sooo much pain... and he's the most honest person I know.. but the only reason he kept it was because he knew I would walk rite out of his life and he was scared of losing me.. im usually very decisive but this is just freakin tooo muchhhh rite now!!

It is easier said than done, but I have done it. It hurt, a lot but you get through it. You meet new people who don't feel the need to take a break when things get tough or cheap on you with SEVERAL people.

Something else I forgot to put in my last post, don't disrespect the girl by calling her a "slutt" unless you are willing to admit your "man" is one as well. Same shoe different foot

Your boyfriend is full of sh*t. There's no excuse for picking girls at a pub/bar unless it's a slow make-the-fuq-out session in the car. He went for sex which IS CHEATING. I don't care what his reasons were, but you got to be the bigger person and say "hey, you fuqed another girl, lied about it, tried to conceal the truths... how the hell are you trustworthy? Are you in between the legs or between the head?"

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Originally Posted by jenny77

ok so the trust has to be restored so thats y im thinking maybe i should give myself alot of time to think about all this and when im ready and if hes still trying to get with me and wanting me back so bad than i can start all over and put everything in the past...i kno if some else was going through this i wud say FORGET HIM!!! but believe its easier said than done...its sooo much pain...and hes the most honest person i kno..but the only reason he kept it was becuz he knew i wud walk rite out of his life and he was scared of losing me..im usually very decisive but this is just freakin tooo muchhhh rite now!!!!

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Tell him to go back to his trailer trash apartment cause he's not worth a penny.

I told him the other day, you want to know a secret? I sometimes think you cook me dinner and treat me so great and tryyy your besst to please me all out of GUILT. And his face turned pale.. I said this when I found his conversation with his crush from middle school. And its trully how I used to feel. He was that afraid of losing me.but I'm not stupid I had a feeling..

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Originally Posted by jenny77

i told him the other day, you wana kno a secret? i sometimes think u cook me dinner and treat me soo great and tryyy ur besst to please me all out of GUILT. and his face turned pale..i said this wen i found his convo with his cush from middle school. and its trully how i used to feel. he was dat afraid of losing me.but im not stupid i had a feeling..

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There you go. You realized that he is a piece of trash so why not get rid of it?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Be smart, take your own sweet time to think about it, and make a decision when your a lot less emotional. Now isn't it. Why should you be in a hurry to decide anything, when he is the one who screwed up. He may never learn his lesson, and you may never be happy with him, so don't be to hasty and forgive someone who doesn't deserve it. Right now he doesn't, just because he has proved NOTHING. Boohooing, and begging doesn't count.

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This makes a lot of sense..

Having had a big life when I was younger, having dated her for 6+ years, HS, college, and having had her cheat... I think some young, big loves are amazing and intense and aren't meant to last. College years have lots of change. Then even more after.

She was my best friend. I had connections with her that I've never had with any other, even my great wife, now together ten years.

First big loves are amazing, and when they fail it knocks you down hard.

I really, really think you need to step back.

Can't live your life for you or make the mistakes you might need to make to be where I've been and know what I've known.

And do not call the girl a slut. I don't care if you think she is. She has NOTHING to do with your relationship with him. There will ALWAYS be willing and interested people who will tempt and chase your mate. There's a man in mexico who would bed my wife in a heartbeat when she's there on business. Boys in seattle that try to drink her under the table with champagne, hoping she will finally relent. Don't blame the girl one bit. He controls his pants, in theory at least. Walking away from "free", "uncomplicated" sex with a person who doesn't care you are tied down isn't always easy... been there, done that... but it is a choice each person makes. So lay off the girl... easy or not, he chose her.

So... what next? Your call. Every person deserves some privacy. I don't read my wife's journals. But myspace isn't about privacy. Its about making friends and conncetions to real people.

I wish you the best... unfortunately, sometimes the "best" for you isn't what you want. Thank GOD I didn't get what I desired most at 21. Would be miserable today.

I've got to agree with Rome. This relationship is messed up, and it would a lot to put it back together.

He says he left the first time because he wasn't ready to be with your because he thinks your perfect. WHY THE HECK WOULD ANYONE WANT TO GIVE UP PERFECTION IF IT WAS HANDED TO THEM?? Wouldn't he want to keep you? This sounds like a load of BS to me. He felt guilty about seeing other girls and came clean, now he wants you back. If he really loved you he wouldn't have slept with other girls while the two of you were on a "break". He would've been figuring out what he wants.

He changed his passwords because he WAS hiding something from you: the other girls. Yeah, he may have gotten rid of them out of his myspace inbox, but he'll change his passwords again the next time he screws up.

Both of you have some serious maturing to do before you enter into a grown up relationship.

You seem to misplace the blame. In your post you stated he cheated and now everything was done while your was on break.

The slut, as you call her, did not make him sleep with her nor did the liquor. I go to bars and drink and leave with no one. Let him take the blame and no one else.

If he loved you as much as he stated he would restrain from hurting you. Leaving someone not easy but its doable and life don't end. If you like your world being upside down by checking his messages, phone log, question this and that then stay but know its unhealthy mentally. No matter what you do you can't control him. All because he told you, was eating him up, but what happens the next time?? Are you going blame the girl instead of who you with?

Well I know I called her a slut but guys its out of anger and when you love someone you blame the others :/ god gave us all a BRAIN and we control it and make our own decisions.. an I still think she's a slut.. she has no respect for herself... I cherish my bodyy so muchh and that's y he was my first and only... I despise girls like that.. infact I should kind of be glad all this happen because the truth of his personallity was finally revealed and my way of thinking was completely off about who he really was.. I just wish I had a boyfriend that was like me.. faithful and honest and loves me uncondiotionally unfortantly I thought I had found him :(

AND I DO BLAME MY BOYFRIEND FOR Everything Don't GET ME WRONGG he betrayed our trust

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Originally Posted by jenny77

well i kno i called her a slut but guys its out of anger and wen u love someone u blame the others :/ god gave us all a BRAIN and we control it and make our own decisions..an i still think shes a slut..she has no respect for herself...i cherish my bodyy soo muchh and thats y he was my first and only...i despise girls like that..infact i should kinda be glad all this happen because the truth of his personallity was finally revealed and my way of thinking was completely off about who he really was..i just wish i had a boyfriend that was like me..faithful and honest and loves me uncondiotionally unfortantly i thought i had found him :(

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Hey, don't put yourself down. Many people experience what you are experiencing.

Healthy, lasting love is rarely "unconditional"

Most people don't end up with their first. And some people kiss a lot of frogs before they find their prince.

Yeah it hurts to lose him, but like you said you found out his true personality, and its better you found out now rather than later when you're married, have a couple of kids and he decides to leave you for the hussy down the street...

You'll find someone that makes you happy. I did. I was a serial dater. From the time I was 16 on I dated 3-5 guys at a time (dated, not slept with) and when I was 21 I found the cheater and at 23 I found my boyfriend now. He's not perfect by any means, but he is faithful, and loyal and knows how to treat a girl right.

You're young, you'll find someone. In the mean time, have fun with your friends and just go with the flow.

Very well said, thanks for sharing. Darn fat fingers!

Lol, my fingers do that too. :) I blame it on the keyboard.

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Originally Posted by jenny77

he changed his password on myspace..andi asked him y and immediatly told me the password and said he didnt kno y.....so i said u do kno this a huge red flag for me stating that u might still have secrets and ur ready to move on if i dont take u back (which im not guna rushh at alll!!!) dat u are sure to continue to have secrets and not have me see it!!!! am i right????????

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Regardless of the fact that he's a cheater, and you should not trust him... why are you so controlling that you have to know his password? He made that account for his personal use, and though you've seen what he's done, seen his true personality, and seen how he is around other girls... spying on his account is also a big problem in your relationship.

I made my girlfriend a myspace account, I know her password, and yet I NEVER go on it because I would not want to invade her privacy. To be fair though, she and I are completely faithful to one another, even through our ups and downs. I know she's a flirt, just as she knows I am a flirt, and as long as it's left at that, and doesn't go into anything more, then we're chill.

The other girl is not a "slut", you know nothing about her that justifies whether she is constantly sleeping around with other men on a habitual occurrence. Nor is calling your boyfriend a slut truthful as well, he's a cheater, but (as far as you, and all of us know) he's only cheated on you once (sexually that is) which isn't justifiable for the word "man-whore, slut, etc."

There are both trust issues, and immaturity issues in your relationship. Personally I don't think he's worth it at your point in time. No contact is used for healing, not as a leash to keep him begging for you. You need to be 100% happy with yourself, regardless if you are in a relationship or not, to be able to have a great relationship.

You > boys.

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Originally Posted by Kevin_s

Regardless of the fact that he's a cheater, and you should not trust him...why are you so controlling that you have to know his password? He made that account for his personal use, and though you've seen what he's done, seen his true personality, and seen how he is around other girls...spying on his account is also a big problem in your relationship.

I made my gf a myspace account, I know her password, and yet I NEVER go on it because I would not want to invade her privacy. To be fair though, she and I are completely faithful to one another, even through our ups and downs. I know she's a flirt, just as she knows I am a flirt, and as long as it's left at that, and doesn't go into anything more, then we're chill.

The other girl is not a "slut", you know nothing about her that justifies whether or not she is constantly sleeping around with other men on a habitual occurence. Nor is calling your boyfriend a slut truthful as well, he's a cheater, but (as far as you, and all of us know) he's only cheated on you once (sexually that is) which isn't justifiable for the word "man-whore, slut, etc."

There are both trust issues, and immaturity issues in your relationship. Personally I don't think he's worth it at your point in time. No contact is used for healing, not as a leash to keep him begging for you. You need to be 100% happy with yourself, regardless if you are in a relationship or not, to be able to have a great relationship.

You > boys.

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Well apparently you don't have a reason to do such a thing.. going through your partners myspace but I do.. he made me feel to catch the opportunity.. when your partner makes you suspicious trust me you will luk... I mean our relationship has no trustt and apparently yours does but don't say you wudnt ever do that like I'm a bad person... in 2 years I checked his phone once and myspace twice

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Originally Posted by jenny77

well apparently u dont have a reason to do such a thing..going through ur partners myspace but i do..he made me feel to catch the opportunity..when ur partner makes u suspicious trust me u will luk...i mean our relationship has no trustt and apparently urs does but dont say u wudnt ever do that like im a bad person...in 2 years i checked his phone once and myspace twice

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I'm not trying to bash you, don't take it personally. I personally wouldn't do that because if I had thoughts or reason to believe my girl was cheating, and found out it was true.. she'd be gone quicker than she can finish explaining why she did it. You're not a bad person, but there shouldn't be a reason why you would need to know his password after he cheated because you should just stop talking to him for a while.

You need to understand that he had sex with ANOTHER GIRL. Sex is the closest form of physical attraction, emotion that you can share with another human being. And he stuck it into some random girl. What if he has an STD? What if he has Aids? You REALLY don't want to be the loser in that situation by letting him back into your life.

No Contact, let him understand you need to just have some time to yourself, ask him not to contact you but that you'll contact him when you see fit. (And not that does not mean in 2 days!)

Take care of yourself, before you decide whether ALWAYS being suspicious around him is what you want... believe me, you will never have the healthy relationship you want to have.