I guess I am not sure... look I already feel bad I did plus I was under the influence I even cried after it happened.. so I think he knows I am not an easy person to handle I am very emotional which is why I am getting offended by your comments

No, I agree with the OP a one-night stand is when you sleep with them then never talk again. They were friends before, then had sex, then are still friends and talk afterwards

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by magrock

i guess i am not sure...look i already feel bad i did plus i was under the influence i even cried after it happened.. so i think he knows i am not an easy person to handle i am very emotional which is y i am getting offended by ur comments

---

There is your problem. Don't be under the influence.

I don't understand why people turn to alcohol or drugs. It does not solve jack.

If you feel offended, best to understand instead of getting emotional.

Sex does not equal a relationship or guarantee it.

When he text or call is he trying to have sex again? Also, just curious what does he have to lose from messing around with you? This might be why he don't want a relationship with you.

When he calls or texts its to wish me a good morning or good night or how my day is going... its rarely I want to f**k u again... of course we flirt he also takes me to parties where he introduces me to his friends... he also came to my parents 4oth anniversary party... unless he is some BIG assh**e that I did not know then I think he has a lot to lose...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by magrock

when he calls or texts its to wish me a good morning or good nite or how my day is going....its rarely i want to f**k u again... of course we flirt he also takes me to parties where he introduces me to his friends... he also came to my parents 4oth anniversary party... unless he is some BIG assh**e that i did not know then i think he has alot to lose....

---

Of course no idiot guy would say "hey.. sex was awesome, lets do it again!" Since your friends' brother knows you're emotional, he'll play by emotions.

Being a guy is about getting around a girls' head.

OK so basically you are saying all guy are jerks & that a girl who makes a mistake by sleeping w/a guy this soon is worthless now... come on someone out there understand my view... I totally understand people are jerks & can use people but can a guy who his sister is like a sister to me want to hurt me intentionally? Tons of women are after him why me to mess around with...

No, not every guy is a jerk and just after sex. And now it does not make you worthless, no one can make you worthless besides yourself. You are priceless, when you look in the mirror, that is what you should see. I have said all along he may want more but afraid of attachment, its dependent on circumstances. Maybe have a conversation about this to clear the airways.


FYI, I slept with my present girlfriend before we got together as I was not looking to get hurt again in a relationship. Since then, we have been together, are perfect for each other and love each others company.

Thanks romefalls19.. that's how I feel we are our adults & we make choices... if this guy is for me then it will be no matter what!

I am happy for you everything went well w/your present girlfriend... good luck w/everything :)

Thank you very much, and I wish you luck with everything. Please keep my updated on what the outcome is, either way I know you will come through it

I will thanks :)

Magrock, my friend may be harsh, but the possibility is still there he is right, and even if he is wrong, this fellow may be as caught up, and confused as you are. Either way, better have a serious talk about boundaries, and defining what this attraction is about, and be honest about how to proceed, or how to end it. That's up to the two of you.

What's telling, you both are dabbling with the other, and trying to see what's next, and that's what dating is about. Finding out if there is something worth doing on the next level, and having fun doing it.

Don't skip that important step, and stop with the sex, as it only magnifies already intense feelings. Protect yourself by being real, and going with the facts, not follow your heart as you already see where that leads.

Quote:

---

unless he is some BIG assh**e that I did not know then I think he has a lot to lose...

---

Come on, if this doesn't work, what has he lost?? Leave that assumption alone.

Facts, he has told you how he feels about dating and a relationship, but he calls you any way. If thats not curious confusion, I don't know what is so keep the legs closed, and meet each others minds by talking, and at least know how you both feel, so you can make a reasonable decision for yourself.

talaniman... yes I did think your friend was harsh however I understand his view boys will be boys & sex does not guarantee anything... I just wanted advice on what to do next... not make me feel worse... I really like this guy which is why I feel bad after I did it because I know it was better to "keep it closed" though we both had been drinking...

My next step is to enjoy his friendship & company but definitely keep it closed... we already had somewhat of a conversation but I will have it again soon... don't wan to smother him w/the "talks" all the time... but if he does attempt to sleep w/me again I will then have the conversation

What does "If thats not curious confusion, I don't know what is" mean?

If you really do like this guy then sleeping with him probably wasn't the right thing to do and being drunk when you did it probably wasn't the right time. But there's nothing you can do about it. It is what it is. Just let things be. This guy said that he's happy in his life right now the way that things are for him. And you're not a part of that. (as a g/f) I mean. You already know what to do. You answered your own question.

my next step is to enjoy his friendship & company but definitely keep it closed.... we already had somewhat of a convo but i will have it again soon... don't wan to smother him w/the "talks" all the time... but if he does attempt to sleep w/me again i will then have the convo

You should be careful being friends with him since you're have deep feeling for him and could be falling for him and only get yourself hurt.

Quote:

---

what does "If thats not curious confusion, I don't know what is" mean?

---

Sometimes we take our liking, and being comfortable with a person, as a sign of something more, and we try to figure it out, which is what your both doing. That's what humans do, and that's exactly why you go slowly, and leave sex out of the equation.

Be warned that most times when friends get it on, it ruins the friendship, which is why we establish personal boundaries, and stick to them as feeling can come, and go, and be very confusing.

I must tell u that I am quite shocked that most of the comments have said to leave sex out of it... in society where we are sex driven I find it hard to believe people really hold back now a days. However I do agree that sex can get in the way & bring about too many emotions that are hard to control but how do you control yourself esepcialy that I have known him for yrs & we always felt that attraction. Is there a sign of a rainbow at the end of my story? Why is it negative that I slept w/him? I guess because I already did it & to be honest I resisted 3x w/him telling him we should wait but I am 29 & I made this decision.

talaniman- are you saying that we should be old fashioned like my mother has tried to enforce in me not to sleep w/men so quickly because the chase will be over. I must tell u I am confused because I thought that if someone is meant for you it will be & the person should not judge someone if they decide to sleep w/someone earlier on. This discussion has been talked about over & over w/my friends & I... can u give me some insight on what u think?

I think that we should make our decisions, based on facts and not just feelings, and sex gets in the way of seeing what's real, and what's not.

It has nothing to do with old fashioned, just realistic, as feeling change, and facts only change with more information. The more information, the better your decisions can be.

I also think you have to be healthy of mind, to make those important decisions, as they have far reaching affects on your life, as you can see for yourself, and the confusion your going through.

Just me, I have made enough mistakes in my own life to know better, and post so much here, to avail you of that experience, and save you some growing pains, or at least steer you to think before you act, as following your heart without your brain being engaged, is one big mistake.

We have only our choices to blame, when we fall on our faces. That's taking responsibility for our own actions, and that maybe old fashion, but very relevant today in the real world.

Yes I completely understand what you are saying... the thing is I already see myself falling for him but as of yesterday I am putting the brakes on my feelings, sex, etc. I guess I have always tried to "save" myself until I am ready because I know I am emotional so this time I let myself go because I known him for yrs I thought I could let my guard down...

I have told him many times that I am emotional & I do not want to get hurt either plus I just got out of a relationship myself so he knows that all of this

What should I do? I plan on having a talk w/him when we are both sober & in a different setting... I already find myself worrying he hasn't called or texted. He got me used to hearing from him everyday which to me confusing me because that's not a casual thing...

Take responsibity for your own wellbeing, and happiness, and don't put it on him.
Don't assume, when you can ask.
Never base your actions, or feelings on assumptions.