I guess I just have to face it and move on.

She told my sister in law a while back that she was falling for me completely but was scared I'd hurt her again so was trying to not get too close. I think she had decided then to move on.

She also told me that she took the bar job because I had told her that I wanted to take it slower and the bar job meant we wouldn't see each other daily.

I just hate myself just now. I found the girl of my dreams - she fit in with everything I've ever wanted - same outlook on life, same goals, same wants. And I managed to ruin it by being too scared of getting hurt. I was too scared to meet her parents.

I just feel empty. It was only a 7 month relationship, but we got so close to each other, or I thought we did. It's now 2 months on and I still hurt so much. It's ridiculous.

I'm thinking I might need to do something drastic to get over this. Like move away, or go travelling for 6 months. I tried to bury myself into my work and surround myself with friends, but I hate my job and all my friends are seeing people.

I just can't get her out of my head. Any suggestions?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sammie66

I guess I just have to face it and move on.

She told my sister in law a while back that she was falling for me completely but was scared I'd hurt her again so was trying to not get too close. I think she had decided then to move on.

She also told me that she took the bar job because I had told her that I wanted to take it slower and the bar job meant we wouldnt see each other daily.

I just hate myself just now. I found the girl of my dreams - she fit in with everything I've ever wanted - same outlook on life, same goals, same wants. And I managed to ruin it by being too scared of getting hurt. I was too scared to meet her parents.

I just feel empty. It was only a 7 month relationship, but we got so close to each other, or I thought we did. It's now 2 months on and I still hurt so much. It's ridiculous.

I'm thinking I might need to do something drastic to get over this. Like move away, or go travelling for 6 months. I tried to bury myself into my work and surround myself with friends, but I hate my job and all my friends are seeing people.

I just can't get her out of my head. Any suggestions?

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Why do you keep on trying to make this your fault? It takes two to Tango buddy, and she walked off the dance floor, and found someone else to tango with.

Moving is just silly. That is just running away, and it won't solve anything. Travelling may be good for you though. Get out and meet some new and different people, and do things that you like to do. If you don't like your job, start looking for something else you enjoy more. Find some other hobbies or activities that you like to do, and then make yourself go out and do them. You're young, and I don't mean to make light of it, but it was only 7 months. You WILL find someone else, and probably someone who will not bail on you, the first time you get cold feet.

Good luck!

I know I just have to get on with it. I just miss her so much. I wake up every day and always expect her to be next to me and have taken to hugging a pillow at night because we used to fall asleep in each others arms. It's pathetic I know.

I didn't realise how much I needed her until after she was gone.

I getcha! I know how it feels to wake up in the morning, and know that it wasn't just a dream every time. I know the sick feeling you get in your gut, and knowing that there is nothing you can do about it. It's not pathetic, those are your feelings, and it's hard to get through them.

Other than keeping yourself as busy as you can to take your mind off it, there is not too much else you can do but live through it. Try to write down the things that you will and will not accept or take from someone in your next relationship, but don't let yourself get jaded.

I wish I didn't know now, what I didn't know then, but I had to go through it to learn the lessons. It sucks, but it's true. I woke up beside someone I loved for many many yrs. so I know what it feels like when you wake up alone.

I don't mean to cheapen your relationship with her in any way, but just try and count your blessings that your relationship didn't go on for a lot of yrs. when you were more in love, and more attached, and then had to go through the same feelings that you are having now, but had also used up a lot of yrs in your life where you could have been truly happy with someone else.

I think I realised something today. She used me as a rebound for getting over... me.

When she came back to me after I had dumped her that was the time she told my sis in law that she didn't want to get too close.. i.e. she made up her mind then that we weren't going to be together forever. It explains why she stayed with me until she knew she had somewhere else to go. It explains why she was able to move on so quickly. I was just a safety net because she didn't want to be alone.

It doesn't explain why she still wanted to be with me up until the day before because he had already told her he fancied her. The day before she ended it she was telling me how she wanted me to become friends with her friends. It's as though she went out on his motorbike as a friend, had fun and decided that it was more fun than being in a relationship with me.

I know she isn't completely over me. She even admitted that sometimes she really misses me. It just feels like she's been hypnotized or something and has gone off the rails. Especially with this moving in thing. It's crazy.

Anyway, I shouldn't dwell on it. I'm just so up and down.

I feel like I should go away travelling. It's something that scares me. But maybe I need to do that to prove that I am not a wimp. I broke it off with her because I was scared when it got serious and that's something that really hurts me. I chickened out.

Ahhhh, good call Dr. Watson! She's rebound girl! Doesn't want to be alone, but will jump back and fourth. There is no hypnotism involved here! She knows full well what she's doing, but she just cannot make up her mind about anything, other than she won't be alone!

I don't think you chickened out. I think you had a sort of sixth sense, or a gut feeling about her, and you were trying to protect yourself from getting hurt. It might not have been entirely apparent to you, but something in your subconscious told you.

It really would help you to do a bit of travelling. Put yourself in a different atmosphere, get a new perpective on things. It would probably help you to look at all of this in a different light.

Whatever you were doing before you met her, go back to it, and add a few fun activities.

I'm not sure what I want to do regarding travelling.

I have a decent job and don't want to throw away what I have worked for although I'm not enjoying it right now. I might ask my boss if he would allow me a 6 month sabbatical.

Also, I quite like being close to my friends and family. It is only 6 months and my friend will be there, but my parents were away on holiday for a month and I really missed them. I think I don't like to be alone either, but I find solace in my friends and family.

I went to meet a good friend today - he knows a lot about relationships because he's been through a few and has a lot of women friends. He really helped me with some things. A lot of it was things I already knew and he's been through similar situations. One thing he said is that I might just be missing being with someone rather than her, and I think that's partly true. At the same time he thought it was weird that she misses me seeing as she has a new boyfriend. He agrees that we can't be friends because the respect has gone.

He's promised that he'll take me out on the town with his girlfriend and her mates, so I can interact with other girls more. That's given me something to look forward to. I am trying to keep busy. I've barely been in my flat since we broke up.

So we'll see what happens. I'm really unsure what to do. I don't want to run away travelling because I am scared of feeling unhappy. At the same time I don't want to chicken out of going travelling. It's a tough one.

Am I scared of committing to my job as well? I've been through a few in the last couple of years and always quit after 9 months. Just a thought...

I think you are young and cofused. We wouldn't be giving the advice we've been giving, if we hadn't been through what you are going through, and lived to tell about it.

What you are missing, is the person you thought she was, the not person she actually is. I don't know your ex girlfriend personally, but here's what I do know, that I can predict with a lot of certainty when I say it. "If she did it to you before she will do it to you again" AND, (and it sounds like she has_ "If she does it with you, she will do it to you". That cuts the chances of a relationship with her being long term in half, just with those two things in miind. Add to the mix all of the other things that happen in young relationships, and the survival rate is close to zilch. Do you really want to put yourself through that much hurt just because you miss her? That will pass, but so will a chunk out of your life if you take her back, or dwell on the "what if's."

Why would you want a SIX month sebatical? A month for every month you were with her? I don't know any boss that would grant you a sebatical after only being with their company for 9 months! It would be a sebatical all right... a permanent one. I was thinking more along the lines of a 2 week vacation! Unless you have recently inherited a windfall, or won the lottery, 6 months of traveling is just a little over the top to get over a girl.

Your friend is right, so listen to his advice. Being friends never works even in the best of circumstances, and from what I have heard you say, you would use the friendship and have ulterior motives, and be hurt even more because she would use you to tell all of her boyfriend problems to. Take your friend up on his offer, and go out of town with him and his friends. Go with a good open attitude, and tell yourself you are going to have fun. You just might have the time of your life!

This is NOT really a "tough one" when you really think about it. It isn't at all! You are not travelling to run away from your feelings! Your feelings will pack a bag and follow you! They will not stay at the hotel room when you go out to the club, or to dinner. They just might however, see other options and be better feelings that feel good, and you can pack them up and bring them back home with you!

You mentioned that you would miss your friends and family. I think you are giving yourself excuses. I really don't think you have commitement issues really, I think you have abandonment issues. Go on a holiday, have fun, get out and do new and different things that you have never tried, and stop thinking that a different and more trustworthy and stable girl won't be waiting for you somewhere. It might not be tomorrow or the next day, in fact it will happen when you aren't expecting it.

Today I'm really angry for some reason. I feel a lot of hatred towards her at the minute. It's better than feeling like I'm going to cry but I don't want to be angry.

She just totally used me and treated me like dirt, then tried to put all the blame on me. I hate what she's done. This girl that adored me one minute suddenly hated me and tells me that she was leaving "something for something good". It's as though it's nothing to do with the people involved. So I am and was horrible to her, but she wanted to be friends.

I don't get it at all. She's an idiot.

The missing word is sh*t

I'm so up and down. It still feels so wrong that she's gone. I thought we were so happy. I'm writing on here instead of texting her so it helps.

I just don't know what I did to make her so unhappy, especially as she never seemed unhappy. The week before I went away on a business trip and when I got back I went straight to her work to see her without even going home. I went in and didn't leave her arms for at least 30 minutes. Now if that did't show to her that I loved her, nothing would. I mean I couldn't be in the same room without touching her on the shoulder or on the hand. I just don't get it.

Maybe it's just because she was my first, but we both said we felt an instant connection between us and she even admitted that. She said that everything else "seemed easier" with her new boyfriend though. I guess the current love is always the best ever. And I guess because made her unhappy then she's never going to regret it.

The week after we broke up she said "your parents will hate me" and I asked why. She said that she was bound to meet them if we remained friends. That was just weird to me like she didn't realise what she was doing.

Everyone take the first break up hard I guess, and they take it personally. I think the intensity of feelings is just so strong, we can't believe it, so don't know what to do about it either, except, focus on the one we think is causing it.

Very few first time relationship last, and through our inexperience, we aren't sure why our partner isn't happy. The truth is that we have nothing to do with, the feelings of our partners changing, most times but we feel guilty any way.

So its going to hurt for a while, but venting here is the way to go, and it will get a bit better.

If you go through my old posts and original questions I asked when I first joined this, I was not in a well off spot. I was still crawling back to her and wanting to be with her. Then I got more comfortable on this site and with the people on it and started venting, every time I wanted to text her, I was on this site either venting or reading other peoples post and responding to them. I remember me and Sneezy went back and forth with venting to each other because we were basically at the same point of the break up. Now look at the two of us, we are happy with our lives and the way things turned out

Point being, things always look worse when you see the small picture, when you get to the point I'm at, you will reread those posts and be like are you kidding me! Did I really say that! Ha ha

Thanks guys. I just miss her

This is horrible. What's wrong with me.

She's trying to become good friends with my sister in law. Sending texts/myspace etc. My sister in law says she doesn't want to make it awkward for me, but it is already. All I hear from her is about her pole dancing class which my ex runs with her new man's sister. It sickens me every time I hear about it.

I walked past her work on my street just now and was so close to going in. I'm struggling. I see her car parked there and want to talk to her but I know it's stupid.

Am I just going to have to live with the fact that she's going to be a shadow in my life forever? I don't want there to be anything between me and my sister in law, but it's getting that way. I'm starting to resent her a bit for not telling me things that my ex had confided in her previously. It's like everyone is turning against me and I really didn't do anything wrong. I'm worried that it might ruin my relationship with my sis in law and it's like my ex is keeping tabs on me. She could be asking how I am, so she'll know when I'm over her. It's sick and it's like she's stealing my allies.

She's just messed up everything. She's now "completely in love" with this new guy and rubbing it in my face. This is why I feel I might have to leave. But I might leave and come back and she's best friends with my sister in law. It's really horrible. I feel so used.

I've told her that I can't be friends because the respect has gone between us, but she's just hurting me more and more.

It's no wonder I'm not feeling any better 2 months on.

The only thing I can think of doing is becoming friends with one of her pals. I see them out in town all the time.

Your sure live in a very small town don't you??

That or he takes long walks by her work

Her work is literally 100 yards from my door. It's horrible.

So I had a word with my sis in law saying about my ex messaging her. She says "well, technically she's my boss, so I can't ignore her" as she's now instructing at the pole class so I guess she's chosen to side with my ex. This means I can't trust her at all and I'm not going to be able to talk to my brother the same. Basically that's my life ruined because my ex won't get out of my life completely.

I'm so wound up