From reading your post and responses to advice I can't really understand exactly what insight you are looking to gain...

I understand that you are insecure about your girlfriend's sexual desire (or lack thereof) for you. I think the replies you've been given so far have been in correspondence to you being so obsessed with the fact that she was very sexual in previous relationships but not so much with you.

So, my question is: If you didn't know about her previous sexual history and the both of you were having the same sex life that you're having now, Would it still be a problem??

You see, you haven't made the case that: You are just frustrated that your needs aren't being met or you're deeply concerned about her cheating.
It just seems as if You are torturing yourself about her contrasting sexual history.

Either you trust that she really is tired, stressed and not in the mood for sex (it's not important to her)... while loving her for whatever else she brings to your life OR You have a serious but compassionate conversation about her not being available for you sexually and why not? What can be done to fix this?

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Originally Posted by mimi03

From reading your post and responses to advice I can't really understand exactly what insight you are looking to gain...

I understand that you are insecure about your girlfriend's sexual desire (or lack thereof) for you. I think the replies you've been given so far have been in correspondence to you being so obsessed with the fact that she was very sexual in previous relationships but not so much with you.

So, my question is: If you didnt know about her previous sexual history and the both of you were having the same sex life that you're having now, Would it still be a problem???

You see, you havent made the case that: You are just frustrated that your needs arent being met or you're deeply concerned about her cheating.
It just seems as if You are torturing yourself about her contrasting sexual history.

Either you trust that she really is tired, stressed and not in the mood for sex (it's not important to her)...while loving her for whatever else she brings to your life OR You have a serious but compassionate conversation about her not being available for you sexually and why not? What can be done to fix this?

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Well, it depends who you're dealing with. If she had told me, "well, with my previous bfs, we rarely had sex, it just wasnt that important to me" then I wouldn't feel as insecure.

But regardless, having sex 6 times in a year, I don't think is very healthy just in general.

She's up to something.

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Originally Posted by Joepie85

well, it depends who you're dealing with. if she had told me, "well, with my previous bfs, we rarely had sex, it just wasnt that important to me" then i wouldnt feel as insecure.

but regardless, having sex 6 times in a year, i dont think is very healthy just in general.

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Okay so I was basically trying to gage whether you really just need sex more than what she's offering or You want sex especially since you know she's been a much more sexual person previously...

From your answer you aren't getting it enough... so have you had a conversation that focused on that premise alone (not talking about her previous relationships and your insecurity)??

I think you should focus on what it is that you want in a relationship and discuss it with your girl, If the two of you can't come together to fulfill each other's needs then you aren't as compatible as you may like to think you are. If you work things out...
*You have to stop comparing your relationship with her to her former relationships especially when it's making you so insecure.*

We have had a discussion(s) about sex that had nothing to do with her previous bfs. She knows "its a need for every person, guy or girl" but she's "sorry things have to be this way".

I can't help it when it comes to thinking about her exes. It makes me feel they turned her on more. Makes me think she loved sex with them and she's "eh" about it with me. I've told her all this, and she denies any negative thought I have when it comes to sex.

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Originally Posted by Joepie85

we have had a discussion(s) about sex that had nothing to do with her previous bfs. she knows "its a need for every person, guy or girl" but shes "sorry things have to be this way".

i can't help it when it comes to thinking about her exes. it makes me feel they turned her on more. makes me think she loved sex with them and she's "eh" about it with me. i've told her all this, and she denies any negative thought i have when it comes to sex.

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She's not worth a penny if she compares sex...

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Originally Posted by mimi03

I understand that you are insecure about your girlfriend's sexual desire (or lack thereof) for you. I think the replies you've been given so far have been in correspondence to you being so obsessed with the fact that she was very sexual in previous relationships but not so much with you.
Maybe she was hoping to have a more 'normal' life and start it with you, so she trusted you enough to reveal her past.

So, my question is: If you didnt know about her previous sexual history and the both of you were having the same sex life that you're having now, Would it still be a problem??? Good question.. would it?

You see, you havent made the case that: You are just frustrated that your needs arent being met or you're deeply concerned about her cheating.
Either that or is she trying to frustrate you enough to break up with her..

It just seems as if You are torturing yourself about her contrasting sexual history. How true.. You really need to find out and get peace of mind!

Either you trust that she really is tired, stressed and not in the mood for sex (it's not important to her)...while loving her for whatever else she brings to your life OR You have a serious but compassionate conversation about her not being available for you sexually and why not? What can be done to fix this?

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So you have a choice.. break it with her, or let her read this thread and observe her reaction. She will either negate it all or admit she needs and wants help in building a relationship beneficial to both of you. At least that way, you will know where you stand and can plan your next move.

I wish you lots of luck in this.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

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Originally Posted by Joepie85

well she has told me shes never felt the kind of emotional bond we have. since her other relationships were mostly based on sex. she said she wants to do things differently with me. but i guess that means zero sex. that's my whole issue. if she really thinks if we had a lot of sex that our relationship would become sex oriented, then she's crazy. that would never happen. our relationship never will be(nor do i want it to be) based on sex alone.

i do care for her, im just frustrated. sex 6 times in a year? weve never even had oral sex. i try my hardest to push away my sexual needs/desires for us, but its getting harder and harder to do that. i knew people would get the idea that i dont care for her like i said i do. guys are always the bad guys/jerks when it comes to wanting sex. i just want a normal sex life, that's all. ive never had one before.

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This particular portion of this post should tell you that she's into making this relationship work by making sure it's done the right way. You also said that your relationship is not based on sex, and even though you say that it never will be, it obviously is now... Like Chery says, if you think that a sexual relationship is more important than the emotional connection that she says that she has with you... well... then you should probably just end the relationship and find someone that is looking for the same things that you are...

I'm not trying to be harsh in any way, just trying to be upfront and honest...