Ask Me Help Desk - Relationship Falling Apart =(

CGirl is right.

My girl gave me a similar line before she left. She said she loved me but wanted to go and didn't feel in love with me.

What is there to live for. Well other than the fact that you haven't found your soul mate is one good reason. Obviously this girl isn't the one, or it wasn't the right time. Just because you miss her doesn't mean she is any more the right girl than anyone else. Of course you miss her, its like anyone else in your life. I recommend not talking to her for as long as you can stand. I am sure wildcat will give you similar advice but I will throw mine at you also.

My background is that my girl left 2 weeks ago. After saying she was going to leave 2 months ago, things got better, then worse again.

It happens, people change. More than likely your in love with memories and hate the thought of being alone. But you won't be alone, you need to center your energy on something other than missing your girl. Personally I have started working out with my friend. More specifically is that he has a kickboxing bag and I have gloves and foot pads. Let me tell you last night I went for about an hour straight on that bag. To say I felt better is an understatement. If you are at all out of shape and you think you can get girls. Work out imagining the ladies you'll get if your tight.

New girls won't replace her but they will make your life fun and give a purpose. And maybe in the process you'll find a relationship that is even more rewarding, but remember all relationships are different, so it will feel different.

JC

You're not seriously suggesting that your whole happiness and outlook on life hinges on one girl, are you? The only one who can make you happy is YOU. A girl won't do it, a job won't do it, a house or car won't do it. There are many things in life we can't control, first and foremost among them being whether someone likes (or loves) us. However, you CAN control your level of contentment and happiness in that you can choose to make the best of your present circumstances in life or you can choose to stew about it and wish things were different. Keep in mind that all things change sooner or later. You circumstances in life right now aren't what they're going to be in 5 years. Now, as far as this girl is concerned, you need to take back your power where your relationship (or lack thereof) with her is concerned. The way to do this is to be happy with whatever happens, like I just said. Don't pursue her relentlessly. If she becomes aloof and non-responsive, then let her go her merry way and you do likewise. By adopting an "I really don't care" attitude while still being friendly with her may bring her around and cause her to start pursuing you, which is ideally what you want. Then you truly will own the power in the relationship and you'll be quite happy indeed.

We do get sad, but it appears you have based your entire happiness in life on another person, people at their best will let you down sometime.

We have to first become happy with our self first, we have to be happy without anyone else before we should ever start looking or finding a relationship. You need to find who you are, and be happy with that person, not because of a job you have, not because of a car you drive, and certainly not because you are dating this person or that person.

Actually her leaving, giving you a chance to be who you are, and being happy with that person, may be the best thing that could happen to you at this point

Biggest "line" of all time!! "I love you, but Im not in love with you". Total BS, she CARES about you as a person, but she doesn't want to be with you... a lame way of aying it. People have no guts some time and it sucks. Move on, you can do better.

p.s. You ONLY live for YOU... nobody else, YOU are #1 bud. Remember that. Jeez, empower yourself, take control of your emotions, don't let them run you!! ARG!! So easy to say, but hard to do. I know you can because I did, head up! You had your heart broken bud, now you grow...

Hi, Scotty,
"If you have nothing to live for"?
You have a new job, you have yourself, and your whole future ahead of you. I was divorced after 7 yrs of marriage; thought my whole world had ended, thought my two children were gone forever... not true.
You lost a girlfriend... that is life. It hurts, and takes a little time to get over. I remarried after 3 yrs, now married for 29 yrs to a wonderful woman.
We all make mistakes, and no matter what we learn from them, other mistakes will happen... it's life.
No one ever promised me a "bed of roses"; life is what I make it. Your life is what you make it.
I do remember a saying that I have followed for quite some time now. "It's not what happens to me today, it's all in how I react to it".
Something is always going to happen that we don't like; it's all in accepting it, moving on with our lives.
You can do it; just hang in there, and talk with other girls. Best of luck to you.

Yep, no one can love you until you learn to love yourself first. You got to love the guy in the mirror. If you don't like the guy in the morror - time for a change. Change is good.

Your girlfriend/boy friend is NEVER your life... only part of your life. You make thme life and you will lose. Work, school, workout, friends, family, religion, hobbies, WORKOUT etc. ALL equally important.

You put this gal on a pedesatal it seems... women don't want that.

IF you act too anxious to make a relationship work, even if the other person initially seemed to be the one who wanted it, they will become turned off and start looking for the exits. Next time you decide you really want somebody, play your cards close to your chest. Don’t let on how excited you’ve become. Slowly over many months of time you can eventually show more commitment on your part, but do so incrementally, remaining alert to equal signs of commitment back. If at any point your devotion is more than an equal share, back off and give the other person a chance to catch up before proceeding further.

It is their perception, rightly or wrongly, that someone nice must be desperately needy. The neediness or dependent characteristics exhibited by a person are actually what is repulsive.

But when you start dating a woman that you really LIKE, your fear of abandonment and your need for approval kick in. What you want more than anything is for her to like you, to like you as much as you like her. What you fear the most is that you may disappoint or upset her somehow so that she won't want to be with you. So you cater to her whims and you don't set healthy boundaries. To you Psych majors, he always lets her get her way.
The irony is that all these things that you do to get her to like you and to try to insure that she won't leave you are actually the very things that make her withdraw from you. Unfortunately, either out of denial or ignorance, you keep repeating the same behavior with each new woman that you like.
So what's the way out of this trap?

Next, you must have a fierce determination to do whatever it takes, however uncomfortable, to clean up your act.

Remember, guys: when you like her a lot, act like you don't.

Put yourself first. Women like pricks a lot better than nice guys

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scotty234

Well...some of you may of read my other posts. On Wednesday, i asked my girlfriend if she loved me. She said yes. I asked her does she want to make a go of this relationship. She wasn't sure. A week ago she was tellin me shes missed me and that..

We aint talked for two days because i was gutted about her not being sure if she wants me anymore. I told her this today, and she told me. She loves me..but she isnt in love with me anymore. I got angry at first, heartbroken once again by her. Then i went numb, calmed down. She kept on being mean in ways. I tried something durin this time. I kept my cool. I know that at least i wont go off regretting i could of done something different. And maybe she'll go off wishing she never hurt me the way she did.

Anyway, before she left, she told me she doesnt hate me, its just for the best if we didnt talk again. So i know in ways she cares, but im still extremely upset about it. One week ago life was picking up. Got a new job, was back with her. I cancelled my shrink appointments because i was feelin happy. Now i just dont see the point in anythin anymore. Whats the point in living, if you've got nothin to live for.

The potential of your life and the possibiloites of your happiness are not and were never intebnded to bwe limited to this girl who likes you, cares for you, but clearly does not love you neough to make a life together.

That is not a cause for despair, but a cause for celebration that she is honest with you before you tie the knot.

Courtship is a period of getting to know a person well enough to discover if each is right for the othwer in similar ways. Engagements are made to be broken, and it is better to find out that it is not right before it is too late and there might even be children involved in a later splkit up.

You are taking this farr too seriosulsy. What you have is a broken heart. But a heart thathas never been broken does not exist in grown people. The more your heart breaks the better person you can become, and the more able to undertanasd the griefs and troubles of others.

Look upon this not as the end of your life, but as the start of its next exciting phase. Get busy helping other people, and your own sorrows will fall into their proper perspective. However, if you mope and feel sorry for yourself, you will become a self-centred selfish and spiled person who thinks that the world owes him a living. It doesn't. It owes you the opportunities to grow, develop, change, and reach a higher state of being as you grow towards full personhood. As far as I can see, these opportunities are being extended to you right now, so tyou are getting what each one of us gets.

What you make of them will depend on what you are made of.

I wish you well.

M:)RGANITE

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredg

Hi, Scotty,
"If you have nothing to live for"?
You have a new job, you have yourself, and your whole future ahead of you. I was divorced after 7 yrs of marriage; thought my whole world had ended, thought my two children were gone forever......not true.
You lost a girlfriend....that is life. It hurts, and takes a little time to get over. I remarried after 3 yrs, now married for 29 yrs to a wonderful woman.
We all make mistakes, and no matter what we learn from them, other mistakes will happen....it's life.
No one ever promised me a "bed of roses"; life is what I make it. Your life is what you make it.
I do remember a saying that I have followed for quite some time now. "It's not what happens to me today, it's all in how I react to it".
Something is always going to happen that we don't like; it's all in accepting it, moving on with our lives.
You can do it; just hang in there, and talk with other girls. Best of luck to you.

Fredg said it, dear - you have a whole lot to look forward to, and time will heal those wounds - believe me, we've been there many times, done that many times, and are still here - to HELP people like you get through this a little easier than we did.

Continue with your 'shrink' therapy - it will benefit you and help you gain strength and self-respect. Never let another human being be the center of your universe!! (unless it's your child) - and those will come in time also, when you are ready and have met the girl you deserve.

So, she's not in love with you anymore, that's OK... You will probably have a relationship or two that will end that way for you - where you'll fall out of love - but will still like the person - that's life!

So, go out there, just like the rest of us, and survive this and many more to come - then we'll talk about them all with your soul-mate in about 15 years from now. Good luck dear, and please keep us posted - and by all means - get that head of yours UP, and gain that self-respect back.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scotty234

Hey all. I posted a while back about my gf cheatin. I took her back and we was great. She then dumped me and its been pretty hard. Wasnt together since before xmas, but we jus got back. However, my depressions kinda been messed up lately.

She keeps things that get her upset from me, and i hate it because i wanna be able to help. She hates the way i can't let things go, and its ruinin us. Anyone help?

Hey, there is things that bother me that I can't let go of that my husbent does . I just leaned to ignore it, we use to fight all the time, now we don't because I just ignore what he does if it upsets me... But the whole thing about her cheating on you, you dontneed that haven't you hurd once a cheater always a cheater... you need to find someone faithfull not this honest...

Move on.. you don't deserve someone like her!