Ask Me Help Desk - Distraght over my ex.

AJ,

Calm down. I know how your feeling. If you really want to see it in action, go read the last two pages of 'The NC Calendar'. Within about an hour, you will see my progress from normal, to insane idiot, and back to a somewhat normal state again.

I know how much it hurts. There is a pit in your stomach, you feel weak, you might be shaking, etc etc etc... I know, trust me I know. We all know. I am willing to say that it is the hardest thing that I have done so far in my life.

The good news is this. Once you do this now, you won't have to do it again. You are in the right place and have the right ammunition to deal with this again if it happens in the future, so the pain will be mitigated somewhat. Try to see the bright side (as cliché as that sounds) and learn from what is happening.

Don't let anger consume you, nor pain, nor sadness, or any other emotion. Try to ride out the storm.

The best advice I can give you is that time will help you level out and help you to see things more clearly. Try to document your thoughts in lists, that helps me. Think of the rational, and see how much longer that list is than the irrational/emotional.

As I said, for proof, read the last two pages of the NC calendar. Within the last two hours, I was ready to breakdown. As I hope you can tell from this writing, I made it through okay, and so will you...

Were all here for you.

Guys she called and we had the talk. I ask if she loved me, she replied yes. I ask if she wanted to be with me, she replied no. I then slipped up and asked for a second chance, she then replied no. I tried to get her to remember things in the past that we used to do. And then ask for a second chance she said no. I told her that I was sorry for how I treated her , and she said she forgave me, and then said no. I then said so there is nothing with us in the future, she said today I don't see anything because I am fed up with your controlling ways. I then told her I was never controlling that I only wanted to know were she was going and who with because I cared about her and her safety. Never once did I say No you can't go here, or no you can't hand out with this person. I don't see were I am controlling. So anyway we talk for about a good hour, she kept on trying to change the subject but I was not about to let that happen. So I asked should I just quit and we go our separate ways and with no hesitation she said yes. I said OK, she said OK and we hung up. Then 5 minutes later she text me "I still care for you " , I did not reply, the 2 minutes later she text " I guess you dont want to talk to me again" I still did not reply. Finally getting the answer from her has cleared my mind. I was so confused on how she would say I love you and want to be with you, but us always arguing is making me fall out of love with you. I wanted to tell her so bad, " the only reason why we argue is because you dont tell the truth, but i held that back. she never tells me truth about things the first time around, but the second time you ask you get the truth. she always thought that she was a pain in the and that when she came into my life she made my life a living hell. i assured her that hat was not true and that i was put in her life to calm things down, wich i really did. well she just called in tears asking if i was mad, i dont really know why i picked up but something inside said it's the last time. She just asked " aj are you mad at me " I paused for a moment and answer " name, I can't talk to you right now". She sounded so proud and confident when she kept saying no, but now she is in tears? . this makes no since, and now i am starting to feel she is in her gaming area, IM DONE. I have put a year of my in her hands and she tossed it because she cat sit through the storm, she just walk away and leaves me there to handle it. sorry guys i am just venting and trust me there is more to come.

My heart has turned cold towards her, she gave up so easily, and could not give me a change to redeem my self, after the countless times i have givin her the chance " become a better person, and show me she loves me" BULL, I have not felt this mad in a long time, you know why? It's because I don't really get mad at all.But she has awaken a sleeping giant in me, I will not take it out on her or do anything to her. I pissed beyond imagining. The only people I can trust right now is you all.

Guys I don't like the way I am feeling. It's like I was lied to, She said she loved me with all her heart ansd would do anything in her power for me. And that we could work through anything that came our way. But now since it has come, she got fed up so easily and just broke me off. Now she is going to feel sad, and now she is going to call up her guy friends, and they are going to go out and have fun.I loved her unconditionaly, nothing could stop me from loving, when I first met her I promised that I would try my best to let nothing happen to her and that I was staying and that I would never leave her. She made me promise that I would never hurt her and that I would protect her. I was her guardian, she had her heart broken once and I scooped it up and nursed it till it got better, and I owned that heart, she was in l ove with me and I was in love with her.I feel ike I failed her. Its one thing about me, I always stick to my words and I rarely promise anything. I promised that I would protect her and love her till no end and that I will never go anywere. Ipromised I wasn't going to go anywere.. I did, I did, I promised, I promised. Why does it hurt so bad, it hurts omg it hurts, idont cry but I can feel something, I don't deserve this pain. I promised. And I failed, I Don't BREAK PROMISES, I NEVER HAVE!! That's why I rarely promise anything, GOD WHY DID I PROMISE. I failed, I actually broke my promise. I protected her, took so many blows to the heart for her, I did everything for her see asked for something I would make sure I tried my hardest before I could either say yes or no. all I wanted in return was her love,and her heart, and the truth. Why?why is it that something that can make you feel so wanted, so good, so amazing, make you feel like your dying 1000 deaths. I lost her I said I wasn't going to loose her and I lost her. I need to think about me now, but I am so into other peoples lives to make sure they feel good I cant. I am the type of person who everyone calls on when there down or if they need help I am there. What karma is this?what do I need to work on to better myself?

Hi AJ,

I am new to this site, but I totally know how you feel, I am the same way, and am going through something similar. In fact I just posted something about my situation in the 'relationships' area. I am so sorry that you are feeling such pain, believe me, I know what you are going through. Please do not blame yourself. You sound like such a nice caring guy, who has a lot going for him. You know we are all hear to help you, and to listen. I am certain each day will get a little more bearable, and you will find your someone who will appreciate your wonderful qualities, and will not take them for granted (not that your ex took you for granted). I too have dedicated a long time (4 years to be exact for someone), and I just recently broke it off, but am regretting that I did (or am I). I too have a tendency to put other people ahead of myself, and you know? I am proud of that quality, however, sometimes, especially with people who hurt you, it can be a little detrimental. I do wish you happiness, and strength. We are all here for you :)

-Karen (starlite1)

No matter how many times you hit this nail with the hammer, it won't come OUT that way. You have to turn your tool completely around before you can even TRY to get it out. You haven't stopped hammering yet. The nail is just sinking.

As I suggested earlier, you're only hope with girl was a "Fonzie" approach (biker cool guy from Happy Days), and it sound like she got "Potsie" from you (the sweet nerd from Happy Days).

You're all over the place, man. Your cold to her, you love her unconditionally, she lies, she only tells the truth when ________.

I'm sorry for your situation, but most of it is now in your own head. She's been pretty straight with you. "I forgive you but you can't come back" is amazingly mature. Good for her. That's a skill that would serve you well, too. Forgiveness without blind readmittance of the offending party.

Sounds like she hears every thing you say as just desperate, and she's completely unattracted to desperate. We talked about that already.

She called, I didn't answer. She text, I did not reply W T F!! Now she wants to talk to me at the park today. Im not going to do it.

Good man. Fonzie wouldn't be summoned to the park by some girl. He's too cool for that. He'd go to the malt shop and if he has a few minutes for her... cool. If not, oh well.'

Tell her to have fun at the park. You'll be at the movies with some friends and maybe you two can talk if you have time later. In public, around other people. Cooool.

Dammit She came to my house unexpected, I wanted to send her home so bad. The meeting was nothing mushy or anything, we just had to get some stuff cleared, it was odd in the beginning but very natural at the end with lots of laughs, I had to ask her one last question, and that question was. Was I the best boyfriend I could be, she said "you didint treat like the queen you said i was....... you treated me like a goddess". I abruptly ended the conversation, I told her it was time for her to go, she had this look on her face when I ended it there. Now is were th NC Kicks in.

Just make sure you stick to it. The back and forth will really wear you down.

Quote:

Now is were th NC Kicks in.

Your talking the talk..

Quote:

Originally Posted by ajhastings88

Dammit She came to my house unexpected, i wanted to send her home so bad. The meeting was nothing mushy or anything, we just had to get some stuff cleared, it was odd in the begining but very natural at the end with lots of laughs, I had to ask her one last question, and that question was. Was i the best boyfriend i could be, she said "you didint treat like the queen you said i was....... you treated me like a goddess". i abruptly ended the conversation, i told her it was time for her to go, she had this look on her face when i ended it there. Now is were th NC Kicks in.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_11.gif
Cool, I'm glad you got an uplifting answer from her and not a put-down. The ball is in your court and you should have no regrets soon enough.

Speedy healing to you!

But one things still tugs me now, As in my previous post she said No to every single attempt to get back with her. But when I spoke to her she said that she was HESITANT, WOW hold the phone... what happened to straight No, Now she is HESITANT.

Do you see what I've been telling you about over analyzing?

STOP.

She said no, she means no. Drop the hope, its tearing you apart.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ajhastings88

ok.

I don't want to come across as mean, I just want to save you from yourself.

I know as much as anyone that in these situations, you are your own worst enemy. Your mind will over analyze every single crumb that you hear, and it will have you going nuts to know what's going on with her, what she's thinking and if you have a chance or not...

Take a few breaths and think about it rationally...

Bigbird is right.

I see the game this gal is playing. The last time you talked was when she threw you a compliment and you just stayed cool and told her it was time to leave. Well, guess what - she felt rejected, the shoe was on the other foot now.. that's why she went from no to hesitant. Reminds me of an old song..

Quote:

Oh the games people play now, every night and every day now, never meaning what they say now, never saying what they mean, etc...

It might be too old for you, but the 'games that people play' are still the same as they have always been. Just don't get caught up in it and tell yourself and her that you are done playing. Life is for real and you want a real relationship.

We will help you pick yourself up when you feel weak no matter how many times this happens.. because we know what you are going through.

Chin up.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif

I'm going to hunt you down, duct tape your hands and mouth and store you in a closet for 2 months with NO cell phone, no text messages, no emails, and no voice mails.

I'm going to do it. Just try me...

I hope you like cheezits, that's all I feed my recovering hostages.
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Hi AJ,

We are all here for you! I know what you are going through. I am always looking for hope with the guy I was with, but you know what? You get hurt by the same person so many times, and it makes you stronger. It's a heck a way to make you stronger, it shouldn't have to happen this way at all, but unfortunately, it does, and we will all prevail. Try and stay strong and stick to your guns, okay? And remember, we are all hear to help.

Thanks, yea it felt kind of weird not hearing her voice this morning, but it doesn't hurt that much anymore.

Ok, so she has text and called, both once, all in one day. The text said to have a good day at work. I did not reply, then she called not to long ago. Did not answer.