Look I know my thread is dying and everyone thinks that this should be an easy matter and I'm only obsessing at this point... and I think I am-- I'm going nuts... but I sent a letter a week ago and have been nc 7 days since. It was a hail mary and I thought it sounded very matter of fact and from the heart but I could be wrong:
--
Dear HER,
Please read, as this is from the heart. I made a promise a long time ago to you, that I wouldn't give up on you and I would be your rock and backbone to our relationship. I hope you can appreciate, at least a little, what that's worth to me. If you can set aside any harsh feelings toward me for just a moment...
I took my time with this relationship because it was so important to me and I wanted it to work out. But now I know I took too long...
I take these things really slow and all of my moves are deliberate. I needed time to make our relationship grow. I guess it took too long… But before you broke up with me, it was still too premature for us to live together. It was only about 4 months. I was going to marry you, yes. I was asking you to move in with me, yes. At your pace of course also... Unfortunately I didn't give you a time and date, or even the overall plan, because I wanted us to grow first, and I still wanted to surprise you. Unfortunately the distance thing was horrible for us and it saddened me on a daily basis as much as it did you. I wanted to see you everyday, wake up with you every morning. And I would have loved being with you everyday but I'm not the type that could move in with each other until it's just right. I'm sorry but timing wasn't right for me, under 4 months. The reason I wanted to be your boyfriend when I moved to Vegas was because I wanted a future with you. I always wanted a future with you. And just like I told you, it was going to happen but our relationship needed time.
I did invest in a ring and I wanted to give it to you for several months now but I needed to make sure it was going to be right. The reason I've been sounding so desperate and pathetic lately is because I WAS asking you to marry me. I actually have and have had an engagement ring I want to give you. I even had it with me on several occasions when I was with you as early as when you stayed with me at the red rock. Remember when I was fiddling with something in the backseat before we went inside... or when you were checking into the hotel and I was around the corner... how about when I was trying to stay with you at the hotel, two weeks ago, but there was someplace I wanted to take you first... I was waiting for the right moment but I couldn't find the right time... I was so excited! But I wanted it to be just right. And so seeing you leave so soon to the moment where I asked you to live with me and make things happen was the absolute wrong timing for it to happen. I was going to hold on to it for a while and things were going to happen in stages… finish school, spend a lot more time with HER, ask for you to be my fiancé, ask HER to live together, look at houses together, buy a house, live with you there, give it a little time and marry you. And I was in all honestly shooting for our anniversary to live with you. But for me, things needed to happen in stages... and I didn't want to rush anything because IMPORTANT things, to me, need to be done right. I do have OCD, my psyc says so, and it needed to happen in steps, I wish I had done it faster and better but my mind is frustrating.
So there it is. I am asking for your engagement. I had been planning it for months!! I am asking for you to have this ring. I am asking to live together. I still have had plans to give you a house, a ring and symbol of my intent, a lasting promise, and my undying love. I still have connections for good job opportunities here and there. Right now you're there and I'm here and I am doing everything I can do to fix that. I needed time and now I don't know what to do. I miss my best friend and wish you would understand that I am slow and deliberate when making an IMPORTANT relationship work. I had a path for us and should have been more obvious in my intentions, but I was following my instinct, loving you always, making sure that we would be financially secure, comfortably housed, happily married and on our way to living a great life.
I really wanted us to work out ever since I met you and we've had some big setbacks. I will now be more open with my intentions and inform: this is when I think we will live together… this is when I think we should get married... and be open to your opinions as well. I don't drink anymore. I'm seeking advice so I can show my feelings better. I will continue to be better and that is a solemn oath.
In the end I LOVE YOU and honor your relationship. I always planned on being with you forever, giving you my entire heart, and giving you everything I could… to be a good partner, friend, companion, workout partner, beach buddy, TV and movies watcher, lover, confidant, helping hand, husband, and soul mate and everything else you ever needed or wanted me to be. I miss you and my family misses you.
I didn't communicate a roadmap to you and I realize now that's exactly what you needed. I had one! I felt like it was obvious that I was working on getting a future going for us. I was trying to get my ducks lined up so I had something more to offer you. It goes back to something my parents taught me a long time ago. Anything sooner could have been premature and I might not have been able to give you my best. I want to give the girl I love everything; everything she ever expected out of a relationship and we can take it as slow or as fast as she wants. But I needed to come this far before I felt worthy.
You are the girl of my dreams and I love you more than anything in this world. We've come so far together. I don't want this to be goodbye. Understand that it's been difficult to make things work in such a short time and while going to school but my true intentions underlined everything. I offer you engagement, my undying love, and a wonderful future.
Sincerely,
ME
This is the very last thing that I wanted to show you, but at this point of no communication, how else can I prove I was being sincere and coming through with my promise? I had to block something out because there's no way I could show you that... I wanted to make all your dreams come true
<and I showed her a pic of the ring box>
------------------
I'm normally the most balanced person you'd meet but now I'm going crazy. I'm like that pathetic guy on swingers.
Its been a week and I got no response. I don't know if she even got it. I know it's a power struggle and she's got my balls in a vice... everything I do is silly. I want to send something to the effect of "you know maybe you breaking up with me is really a very good thing because i realized what this is, and what I am, to you. i would have possibly made a grave mistake by giving that ring to you. good luck and good bye" maybe if I am not an option she may think about it. Either way the relationship is screwed!!
