Brian you have some good points but I don't think she's going to properly heal if she has the thought that he will come back to her..

You need to move on completely.. doesn't seem like this guy treats you well anyway.. you don't need him girl, you can find someone that treats you better.

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Originally Posted by plonak

Brian you have some good points but I don't think she's going to properly heal if she has the thought that he will come back to her..

You need to move on completly.. doesn't seem like this guy treats you well anyways.. you don't need him girl, you can find someone that treats you better.

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I can attest to that thought that she won't be able to heal if she expects/wants him to come back.

If he loved you, would he do this to you?

You two don't work together, and his actions don't match his words at all. I think its your decision as to what to do next, but you must make up your mind, or else he will do it for you, and may not be in your interest.
He may come back talking love, but acting like a zip darn fool, like before, remember?
He may not come back, and you'll have to accept it for yourself. Which may be the best thing since it doesn't sound like much of a relationship, and you don't sound happy.
So what is it you really want?

Hey sorry one more post about this guy and I'm done lol. Well me and my ex boyfriend have been broken up for 2 months after being together for 9. We've talked and hung out all the time since the break up. Recently he's been getting so mad at ever little thing I do. I talked to one of his friends last weekend at a party he had and he got so mad at me. I was talking to his friend just like I would any other person no flirting or anything like that. Well he flipped and went to a bar and talked to some girl right in front of me to get me back for talking to his friend. He said sorry the next day. I talked to him one more time about making things work and he said he doesn't know and he just wants to take things slow. Anyway he got mad at me for saying I didn't want to its now or never he ended up throwing a bag of food at me and I threw and iced coffee at his head( I know very mature lol Im 24 and he's 25) Of course he apologized again. I ended up calling him very nasty things he said we're not going to talk anymore I agreed and told him I didn't want to talk to someone who has such a on and off personality like his anymore. Now this is a person that's been telling me all last week that he's loves me more than anything and I'm the best part of his day. He also said he never wants to loose me forever. Its been 3 days now and no call yet. He did this to me once before and he called the next day. I think this time he's prob. Pissed and is going to be stubborn. I refuse to call him after he did all that. But of course like an idiot I'm still hoping he calls. I really love him and I know he loves me I just think his friends have had a very big influence on this whole break up. Do you think he'll call or he's done with it?

If you've been fighting a lot, why do you care if he calls?

I guess I just feel like since we've broke up we've been fighting more then when we were together. I know in his heart he doesn't want to be apart I think he's just listening to his friends and being stubborn. I just love him so much and it sucks not talking to him

Why do you have to wait for him to call, you call and see what's he feeling break out being stubborn and make the first move, its would hurt. He will either answer or won't,but chance it.

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I really love him and I know he loves me I just think his friends have had a very big influence on this whole break up. Do you think he'll call or he's done with it?

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Ask his friends. Why would you even want someone like that? Not healthy, and you sound like you depend on him to be happy. You don't have to settle for his crap you know.

I was with my ex boyfriend for a yr and this past May he broke up with me. He said he thought we fought too much. After the break up I kept talking and hanging out with him like an idiot because I thought there still was a chance. Just recently like a month ago he started asking me to hangout after a month of nc. He said wanted to go back but take things slow. I basically told him I'm sick of him always doing that and its either we are back together or not. He got angry and said fine I guess we are not. Anyway he then meets this older girl actually my best friends ex and is now dating her. The part that sucks is all my friends know her and my best friend lives right up the block. Every time I pick her up I have to pass his new gf's house and see his car there. He still calls me on and off asking how I am and stuff. I'm so heartbroken I try to be strong and move on but I think I really love him. I've never been this pathetic girl before and its really bothering me that I can't shake this off. I just wondering did any of you girls have your ex try to come back to you after having a new girlfriend?

Most deinitely. I had this done tonz of times, but I really think you should just move on he will realize what he lost.

Go back to not contacting each other, that's a start. Be patient with yourself. The healing process takes time.

In my opinion I think he's becoming a LOT more appealing to you because he's less attainable now that he's seeing someone new. The less we can have it, the more we want it. First and foremost, you should know that rebound relationships rarely ever last. And second, if you want to regain his interest in you, you need to appear less attainable to him too. No contact is one way and the other is pretending you're indifferent. He'll think you don't care about him as much as you did (kinda like what you think now in regards to him dating) and he'll want what he thinks he can't have.

My ex boyfriend broke up with me May of this year because he said he though we fought too much. I did all the stupids things like crying and begging. I even continued to hangout and talk to him until July ( which I regret now). He kept telling me things like he loved me and was going to marry me and I foolishly believed him because I loved him very much. Finally I talked to him and told him we are either back together or not and if not then you need to stop contacting me. He told me I was pushing him and he wanted to take things slow and saw what happened but after I gave him a choice like that he said he doesn't want to be with me because he thinks there might be someone better for him. This crushed me because just days before that he was telling me I was "it" for him.

I found out he started dating this older woman (hes 25 she's 30) who is also my best guy friends ex. She actually lives right in my neighbor hood and his car is there every night. That kills me because I don't know how he could go from sleeping at my apt every night for a year to sleeping at her house every night so soon after he ended things and after only seeing her for around a month. He recently called me 2 weeks ago to see how things were with me I acted like everything was fine he asked if I was dating anyone and I told him right now Im happy being single I asked him and he told me he didn't have a girlfriend and only saw that girl like once a week. I know that's a lie because I see his car there every night.

I just don't know why he would lie about that. I thought for a while I was fine but lately I find myself breaking down and crying all the time. I seriously haven't cried this much since the initial breakup. I wish I could get over him I just don't know what to do I tried everything to get my mind off it. I just don't think its fair he was the one who was a complete jerk to me and now he's in this happy relationship but Im the one still alone and crying. Like really what ever happened to Karma, why does he get off so easy? Sorry for this pathetic post Im really not like this at all that's why this bothers me so much. I just need to know how long Im going to feel this way and if there's anything I could do to get rid of this feeling. He took away all myself worth I know it sounds so dumb but it just feels sometimes as if Im never going to be able to be in another relationship. How do you get through it?

He sounds like a real jerk. Be happy that he is out of your life. Do not answer the phone when he calls - he will only bring you down again. Do everything you can to ignore and avoid him.

Stay busy. Spend time with family and friends. Exercise - you will feel better and look better. Join a club or sports team. Volunteer with a local charity.

There is someone so much better for you out there. Be open to meeting new people.

I know it sounds cliché - but time heals.

Let go... It will hurt... It has hurt but its for the best. Find the one who will want to be there with you and will not lie.

He won't get off easy chances are this "rebound" won't last it will fall apart because what ever caused yours to fail will cause his. The difference is you can look back and see what happened and learn from it.

Karma does happen. Don't be vindictive or vengeful. Let this new girl take the baggage of him on.

For the Dumper its easier. They left go by leaving you. But as the dumpee has to slowly move on but you do have an advantage, you can step back and learn from it. Truly look back and find out what happened to gain the experience from this relationship.

In order to get "through" this (as one never truly gets over a loved one is my feeling) you have to let go. Know there is someone out there who is willing to be with you.

Everytime that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face gettin clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dust to dawn
Isnt that the way
Everybodys got their dues in life to pay

I know what nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know its everybodys sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life is in books written pages
Live and learn from fools and from sages
You know its true
All the things come back to you

Great song. Speaks truth if you listen to it.

Mm... I had 2 bad break ups too. And I was the same.. crying all the time.. then I went to a psychiatrist. He told me, I have to remove him from my mind, never think of him, never keep anything around that might remind me of him. Listening to this advice was quite useful, so it would make your healing quicker.

The other thing was I had become badly depressed, that's why I was crying all the time, lost lot of weight.. looked sad always.. so he gave me some pills and its about 3 months that I'm quite HAPPY & I love my life and I prefer to be single... since every relationship has a start and an end.. and I feel I can't stand the "end" easily now... so I don't want to start a new one soon.

Hope my experience helps you. :)

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He won't get off easy chances are this "rebound" won't last it will fall apart because what ever caused yours to fail will cause his. The difference is you can look back and see what happened and learn from it.

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"what ever caused yours to fail will cause his" You know I really do believe that!

You're rid of him,and all the emotional baggage he brought into the relationship.
It won't be long before he's wanting you back again,but be STRONG

He's the one who will suffer when the "rebound" doesn't work!!

I feel your pain, and know the feeling of loss sucks big time. Have you read the stickies in this forum?? There is a link in my signature. Read them, and put some of the suggestions they offer, INTO ACTION! be patient, healing is a long process, but you will like the place it puts you in.

I think you have been awfully lucky to get rid of this jerk!
In my old days, we used to say that love is "blind" and when it hits you, you are bound to suffer.
I guess this is still so, and will always be, when you are really in love. And this is applicable to both men and women.
This is why I say you have been lucky. For, obviosly, you still love him though he does not share that feeling.
On that premise, my own advice as a man who despise that kind of behaviour, would be:ignore him, no matter how hard it may be at the beginning. Go out with friends. Stick to your family and just consider him as a disease you have been able to overcome.
If and when he calls you tell him you are dating someone else and that you do not want to hear from him anymore...
It will be tough on you, I know. But removing a cancer it is also difficult and painful. And he is just a cancerous tumor you want to get rid of.

"Old love is a cancer." Not sure how I feel about that as an analogy, but it does have teeth, doesn't it?

As I think about it, I guess I would have to disagree. Love isn't bad, and old love neither. I would have to say "Obsessing over old love is like a cancer." It think that's more accurate.

I've been married 23 years and can still clearly remember and access the other three big loves in my life... the first most of all. They are part of my character. They are part of how I view the world. I have no need to get over them, and the TRYING would be the source of so much misery.

People are advising you to "let it go". I agree in that you need to stop obsessing, but you can't control your heart, so just work on the response. An "'idle mind is the devil's torture chamber"... if you don't get some things going on in your life and keep yourself distracted, you WILL think about whatever your mind chooses, and your heart will keep bringing up this recent love.

So, busy busy busy. This includes pointless, nonspecific dating, as well. Just have some fun. Fun is good. Tears are good, too.

You'll feel this pain for as long as you need to. Feel it. Don't fight it. And when you're done crying, put it away and get back to your other things. The tears will end, the pain will abate, and new love will take center stage at some point.

All of this is true and normal. You are actually growing stronger through it all. Remember that.