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Originally Posted by gg23

she says that with time alone, she thought things over and she realized that she doesn't want me in her life, but that she needs me. she says she cannot find someone like me, and that she would like for us to work things out.

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She doesn't want you in her life, but she needs you? Sounds like you are just going to be filling a void.

I had not read your initial post until after I read this most recent one, but after reading your initial post, I had to delete what I was originally going to write on here. Look, I put my heart and soul into my relationship, and wound up in the same situation, just as you did. She didn't appreciate the things that you did for her, and she wasn't willing to put forth the time and effort in the relationship, because she was so busy. I got the same bs, and the thing is, it's really like "Tal" commented, that she didn't have time for you, so who the hell is she? Basically, now she wants you to have time for her because it is convenient for her? Now it is your turn to do things on your time. Realize, that much of what I am writing her is based on the knowledge that has been offered to me from the other people on this site. I have to say that if I was in your situation, I would probably be on here writing too... but the thing is, it would only take a few comments on here to tell me that the girl screwed you over before, and didn't want to make you a priority in her life, so what makes you think that won't happen again? Unfortunately, I can't really advise you what to do, but these are things to consider... I am actually curious as to what the other people will tell you to do, and will be keeping up with this post. So, these are just my thoughts.

You need to decide who you care about more, you're new adorable girl, or the one that broke your heart.
If you choose the latter, be prepared to be sucked into a world of hurt. Only god knows what she wants from you, but whatever it is, it will make you go crazy having thoughts of what you had, or what might happen. And that will only affect you're current relationship, and it's going to be for the worst.
Now your answer is that you care more about your present girlfriend, you tell your ex, that you're sorry, but you can't be put through the feeling of her being back in your life, friend or otherwise. Or you ignore her.
It took you 6 months to get over her! And now you're living life, happier than ever. Don't give into her mind games. LET HER GO. Now if that breaks her heart, tough sh*t, she broke yours one hundred times worse.
So ask yourself, who you care about more, and you'll have your answer of what you should do

It would seem that since you have moved on to someone else, she wants you back, so you have to leave her alone, and stop all the contact to avoid being dragged back to the misery of the past. She is no friend, she wants what she had, your undivided attention, and will break you up, to get it.

Kind of crazy trading happiness, to go back to the way it was, don't you think?

Complete No Contact, until she gets the hint and leaves you alone.

My gosh guy, take a stand for yourself, and don't be influenced by an ex, who has her own agenda, because she had a chance already.

Thanks guys. I just needed to let you guys know about it. Since she run out on me 6 months ago, it was our first encounter. For awhile there I thought that I still really would just feel pain or fall for her the moment I see her again. THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. She came to my house and waited for about 6 hours for me to come before she leaves. Then I show up with my girlfriend and she acts weird. The truth is I was there for about maybe 10 minutes, clean up and took my girl and went out for a nice romantic dinner. I heard from my bro that she left. I am going to post her messages here and you guys judge for yourself...

From her:
Hey.. how you doing? I'm alrt. I'm mentally exhausted, though. I wasn't sure if I should send you this but you no me and I feel as if you can str8n my head and won't be judgmental about it. KEEP THIS PRIVATE AND NOT SHOW OR TELL Anyone. Don't feel awkward about it because I already do.
I had a great little conversation w/ my mom again... she more alrt w/ things now. I new I had to talk to her about it again ever since I last talked to u (which has been like forever). The thought totally stressed me on top of everything else this week. I no things rn't changing w/ us and that's fine. I'm cool as friends and I'm so excited that your happy. I need to find someone like you here. Your my boy and I miss you. God.. boy.. I seriously need to find someone like u. u always make me happy. I'm so happy that your super happy now. I totally need to see you and hang out with you soon. I'm am deprived of normal guys here. It's a different breed of guy here... hmm.. anyway. This week was just soooo stressful. I need to get away from mayo soon or I'm going to go crazy! I need to find someone here to get my mind off everything, relax, and cook with :P. by the way.. when are you going to cook me some steak and potatoes? And I totally miss u... and if I knew you wanted to be together, I would jump on it. I know your happy so now I just have to find someone to be happy with I guess.
OK.. this is a total vent for me.. u totally can delete this.

Say hi toxxxor me. Much love and happiness, me
Ps- which are u, xxxxxx

The next day:


Sorry for that message.. ignore it. It was totally uncalled for. I'm sorry. It's just from the last couple times I talked to u, it seemed as if.. u no... and with you saying that stuff, it made me rethink everything about us... like that long distance is possible. And I read through the scrapbook again last night and that made things worse. Like.. reading it made me want to drive down there and give you the biggest hug and run away with u. I realize your really happy now though and that what I said previously was totally uncalled for. I should not have done that at all. I'm happy being friends and hope things won't be awkward.. just ignore that message. I'm so so sooo sorry. Me

Ps- even though its super late, I really do appreciate the scrapbook. I no it must have taken hours on end and I'm not sure how ill ever repay you for it. It brings back so many good memories and I wish I would have been more in the moment the last bit.
I swear ill do anything.. OK, almost anything.. for u. I hope I can be there for you as much as you were for me. Many many many thanks, me

From Me:

2 novembre à 05:27
Hey don't worry about it. No offense taken on that message. You know I am not going to judge or anything like that from that message. Like I said before, we had a great relationship. No matter what happened between us, you will still have a special place in my heart. I think of you as being part of my family or something like that... after all, you know too much about me... lol... so don't worry about it. I am sure you know that.

Sorry I didn't reply right the way. I have been out and busy pretty much the whole time. Again no offense was take on that message. Although I have to say you kind of upset me a little... lol... I am totally cool to be friends with you and you can always count on me to be there for you as a friend when you need a shoulder to cry on... a true friend...

Take your time. The right guy will come along. And remember what I have always told you. Expect him to show up... and watch the magic happen. And don't rush. If you do you might get yourself in trouble with a guy who won't treat you well... so I hope you are doing well... and remember that you will always have a friend here...
Fondly,


2 novembre à 07:41
I still don't know how I upset u.. But I must say thanks.. all I needed to hear and no was that you were over me. The last few times I've talked to u, u kept saying that you wanted to go to vegas and that you may have left the relationship you were in for me and stuff. I must just say that you shouldn't say that type of stuff to someone if you don't mean it, esp if your with a great person already. w/ u saying that to me, it made me think and worry about you more. Now that I no you are over me, I feel as if I can focus on myself and be able to talk more w/ pple instead of being so reserved. I think what you said to me was what was holding me back. I really don't mean this to be a bad thing. I put it upon myself. I think it was the last piece that I needed from you to no that I can move on. I'm just happy that your happy and that your over the past because now I feel like I can move on. I feel like we are just friends and that's all we'll be, which is completely fine w/ me. That's all I need. So thanks.. and reading this, it sounds like I'm being sarcastic but I'm really not. The weight is off my shoulders and now I can be me again. Sounds weird but true. I guess you saying that stuff made me want to be with u (more than a friend), but now I'm free to give more energy to someone else. This type of conversation between us is over. I'm a friend to you like you are to me. And thanks.. I needed it... by the way, this still doesn't get you out of making me steak and potatoes, though. Hope all goes well w/ u and . Much love, peace and happiness.. me

Then after this message, which I thought was the last, she comes by to visit and send other messages... I will post it on my next one...

OK, this is all too familiar to the way my last few weeks went. I fell in to the same trap as you did, but the thing is, thanks to some of the advice on here, it seems as though there is a way to get out of it. She likes to play games, and that is what she is doing here. This is no different than her saying she didn't have time to put in to the relationship. She knows what she did, and can't handle the fact that she may have thrown away the best thing she had, and she wants to feel wanted by you, so she is going to do whatever it takes to know that you want her. It just makes her feel good. She took you for granted, and things didn't work out for her the way she wanted, and now she is starting to see that.

The whole point of her contacting you was for her to ease her conscience. She just wanted to know that you would forgive her for the things that she did to you, and once she got that, she would be able to forgive herself. That is why in her second message, she started saying that she knows you are just friends and blah blah blah. She now has to make up for showing her weakness to get the edge back in the situation. She wants you to start wanting her again, so she says thinks to get the control back, and things that she thinks will make you sit there and be like, "wait, you just told me how much you wanted me and now you don't.....oh no i'm losing you again".

So all in all, she was able to ease her conscience, and that eased her mind for a little bit. So then she started to act like she was all good, hoping she would get a response out of you. Then, she started to realize that her conscience was only eased for a short time, and that she was lonely again, and so that is why she came by.

I don't think that anything she is doing is sincere, and her genuinity is inconsistent, and is an example of what your relationsihp would probably be if you got back together with her. She just can't stand the fact that you always were there for her, and she can't have what she wants. She has never really had to deal with that before, and well, she is either going to have to grow up and realize that you don't always get what you want, or she will just keep on that route. In my opinion, in this situation, it sounds like you are in a much better place with the girl you are seeing now.

Sounds to me as if she's stressed. My advice would be to be there for her. As support. But if she's taking you for granted, like it sounds, then stand up for yourself. Don't get angry, just be assertive. And its good that you backed off form her a bit. Because to be honest, I think she is getting annoyed by how caring you are. And you just need to give her some space. I know it might sound weird that she's getting frusterated with how nice you are, but some of us just feel that way sometimes. Try not to go over the top and don't confess your feelings toward her. Just text her and say 'Is everything all right.. dont you want to talk to me anymore?'. If she doesn't reply within the next day, just send her a text saying 'okay that's fine. You don't want to talk. Take care'. And don't bother with her. She's obviously just wasting your time if she's going to be like that. Just forget about her, you deserve better. Hope this helps. And good luck ;)