Ask Me Help Desk - When do I call her back?

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

It's even clear to you now, I see, that you WERE rebound-sex-guy. So, in your head you are starting with a clean slate with her, OK? Completely clean, no history. That's the only basis from which you will succeed with her.

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This makes complete sense and I know it to be true, The Irony is, one of the reasons we had this NC and slow down friend time, was to not be the Rebound (so she said). So essential I became rebound sex-guy in fear of being only a rebound. Woot for sanity.

I never would have had sex with her had I known she wasn't ready. I guess she thought she was.

Im just still frustrated that is was her idea to be exclusive, her idea to stay the night, and her idea to have sex. I do however also realize that it takes two to tango, I made the choice also. It was my mistake too. Which is way out of my nature, but hell I guess she was my rebound sex girl, I'm just too much of a woman when it comes to relationships. I wish I could be happy with getting a piece. Just doesn't work that way.

Anyway, I plan on trying the friend thing. Thanks K_3 and the Brutal JBeaucaire1 and talaniman. Collectively you all have given me plenty of ways to improve myself, and for that I am thankful. If nothing else I will not make the mistake of having sex so fast again. I have never done that before (so quick) and she was only my second partner. I guess that fact gives you some insight. Thanks for hanging in there sharing your thoughts.

My plans:
Continue working out - my abs are re-emerging! You can now see an outline of glorious ab muscle where fat used to be. Arms and chest are growing too.
Continue to learn more things, and improve my positives as well as my negatives.
I've also started talking to old friends again. Started going out again. Having fun with friends.
Keep my house clean, what chick wants to come over to a dirty house?

Revelations:

I don't think I really want a woman that is capable of having sex and then going NC.

I have half a mind now to call her and ask her for some information in a non-pushy way like, How are you doing?
Where are you at with everything?
You spoke of getting over both our heartaches. How do you feel about that situation now?
Where are we at?

I do realize this will probably effectively kill any chances of getting back together, but I think I require closer. Since the two week NC contact ended with her call that she promised, you would think there would have been talk going on between us in that last 4 days that have passed. I did send her a non-intrusive text message two days ago, with a funny comment that in no way could be misconstrued as a plea for relationship talk, it was purely friendly, and I have gotten no response. Two days later.

I do think that what happened between us should mean something, and It really did to me. I was completely out there and honest. And I have a clear conscious because I did my best and I really care for her. My morals are not OK with a person that can hook up like that and then just move on. I think that speaks of a character within a person that I deem unsavory.
Yes its not cool, yes it may be deemed needy. But its who I am, and I should respect myself enough to know that if she is that reckless with her love, then I can never be really happy with her. I mean how many times has that happened with her before? I in no means ever want anybody that takes part in the one-night stand lifestyle. I don't want diseases.

I want to give her the chance to answer my questions, and then take some time to reflect on those answers before I make my decision, but I do think unless she has some really good answers, I should just move on and forget about it. If she really had feelings for me like she said she did, we would be talking on the phone, even in friendly terms at the least.

I have values and I should let those go just because I'm caught up on her, I should stand up for myself, you can't just come be intimate with me and then run away and just be friends. And Yes I guess I let myself down by sleeping with her, but she made me feel like I was who she had been looking for forever.

At least I feel like I will regain my honor by standing up for myself and what I believe in, I have been focused only on what she has said, and what she needs, and how to play her game to get her back. I don't think relationships evolve around games.

Quote:

I did send her a non-intrusive text message two days ago, with a funny comment that in no way could be misconstrued as a plea for relationship talk, it was purely friendly, and I have gotten no response. Two days later.

The need to break no contact, is strong because of the very human trait to know, question, and get answers. Don't give in at all, and don't call or text, as you have already done that. Let this go, and keep your life balanced ,as your putting way too much importance to her, and her actions. If she never returns, cool, nothing lost. If she does, you go with the flow from a position of strength, and logic, not just the impulsive, emotional fellings, you now have. That simple. Just leave her alone, and give her what she asked for, NO CONTACT!

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

The need to break no contact, is strong because of the very human trait to know, question, and get answers. Don't give in at all, and don't call or text, as you have already done that. Let this go, and keep your life balanced ,as your putting way to much importance to her, and her actions. If she never returns, cool, nothing lost. If she does, you go with the flow from a position of strenght, and logic, not just the impulsive, emotional fellings, you now have. That simple. Just leave her alone, and give her what she asked for, NO CONTACT!!

The terms where a two week NC period, followed by talking and friendship and getting to know each other. She said she would call when she was 'Ready'. She did call in exactly two weeks. So to reiterate, this would be the building of the friendship part. So I did send her a friendly/funny text, yet she hasn't found the time to call. So I guess I'll give a few more days but Honestly, if she doesn't have more than friends feelings for me right now, I think I'll end it. If she does have feelings then I'll give her all the time in the world she needs in order to be ready for a relationship. But ignoring a text from a friend seems like a pretty crappy friendship already.

A similar situation happened to me when my now ex and me were getting together.

We started as friends, spent a lot of time together, eventually we got really close, had sex. I wanted to take the relationship forward, she wanted to put it on hold for a while. I was crushed but manned up and got over it, chose to only see her when I wanted to, in private and not when I was around my friends. About 2 or 3 months later, when I was back to looking around for other girls, the tables turned and she was the one doing the chasing and I was the one who wasn't really that keen.

Eventually she chipped away at me and we became exclusive, for 1.5yrs. Then her crazyness came out and that ended that haha - but the point was, if you just play it cool, keep on with your life and meet other girls, eventually the right one will show themselves in the long run.