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Originally Posted by kp2171

your posts have been a little misleading, so please dont be frustrated when the help you get is all over the place.

you say the friendship is most important, but you are "desperate" and want him back (but dont want him to know it)... and you say the time is right to talk, but c'mon... we know thats cause she is out of the pic for a short time...

you state you have one chance, only one, to win him back... but thats the problem we've had. its one thing to ask him to meet with you... the angle you are now veering toward, but that "win him back" statement is where people couldnt tell you a line because there isnt one. you can't win him back (your words, your plead) with a text.

so drop all the other noise and do whats been suggested... dont meet with all this pretense of wanting him but not wanting him to know it... and stop asking for one liners to make him yours again.

all you can do is say happy bday and lets get together.

youve been friends for over 5 years, right? if you dont know how to talk to him, we surely dont either. you said yourself, you know him better than anyone. maybe thats true.

so stop making it complicated. and dont be upset when the advice you get isnt exactly what you are looking for... its still advice worth listening to.

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She was out of the picture when he slept with the other girl, now the other girl is out of the picture and even if they do connect - how can she be sure that last chance will be more than a one-night-stand (and that's her hope here) will lead to a closer relationship again - because it will not. That means she's up for being hurt again.. oh well, it's her choice.

Well, she said "hooked" up, which most of us took reasonably to mean "slept with"... especially when she states she was devastated... but as she's tried to state since, they apparently didn't sleep together.

No mention of the issues behind the breakup yet. Or all the other issues that would make any chance of "winning" him back more or less likely.

Comments on this post
ah1988 disagrees: there was no intercourse, and it was new years... DRUNK

May I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

They were DRUNK!!

Poor guy then. Here he is at New years drunk and this ogre of a girl comes on to him to initiate physical contact. HOW DARE SHE! Him being drunk and all surely vindicates any wrong doing on his part, obviously he's not to blame.

I like what you wrote about sending the message based on clearing your head of the confusion and listening to your heart, that's sweet. However, if you have indeed done that and still want to send the message than perhaps your drunk. Re-read what most have written and accept they know better than you, put your reddies away and thank them all later when they turn out to be right.

BTW, the first part of the post is me being sarcastic.

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Originally Posted by ah1988

Thank you so much for putting so much thought and heart into answering this important question. I can relate to every single response I get, and why you would feel that certain way. I'm not sure If i made it seem like he cheated on me, but he definitely didn't. We were broken up for a long time when him and her began talking, and her and I were also on bad terms, so they were both kind of caught in the situation with no one to turn to.. perhaps what brought them together. But he didn't cheat on me. If anything SHE cheated on me, because we were still friends. Anyways If anyone has anymoer suggestions of what I should say I definitely want to hear them, because I have truely made up my mind to send this message, I've been trying to decide for 2 months if I would, and I believe the time is right. Thanks for all your input though, Its nice to see the truth, without being fogged by the love in my heart.

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Dear, I wish you all the best, I really do. Unfortunately though, you were not there when they spent the night together and he was drunk. We don't know the circumstances of your break with her either, or with him - you did not elaborate on that... so we can only go by what you state. A 5 year relationship should be secure enough with a lot of communication and trust behind it, but you still don't have those 'breaks' cleared and closed and I'm not sure if you will be able to be strong enough to forgive. So, now it depends on what you believe and if he is willing to come back. It takes two to make or break a relationship - so be prepared for anything.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

P.S. Allheart and susangpyp,and Tal.. thank you for your support in this.

How about just stating "Hope you have a happy birthday, it was good seeing you the other night." Leave it at that and if he writes you back, then go from there. Don't seem to obvious that you want to hang out. Keep it cool and simple. I don't think you are over what happened, but you don't want to completely eliminate him from your life. YOu don't need to say anything about hanging out. If he wants to pursue you as a friend or anything else, make him do the work. Just be a friend for right now. What happened in the past is a good reason to protect yourself from being hurt again. Take it one text at a time! Lol Good luck.