Ask Me Help Desk - Desperate counselor hasn't helped don't know where to turn!

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Pink (and Margarita),

If you manage to come off of reading my posts and call them nothing but lash outs, then I apologize I wasn't more effective.

The forum is full of good-hearted people who will stroke you in your down time and wish you well.

For me, though, I believe people in this situation need some straight talk. I call the situation out onto the table and name it what it is. I have seen over the decades that this is ultimately more helpful to people who seriously want to do better with their lives.

It feels harsh, and I admit that. But this is just my version of grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you a bit to get your attention. Do you see that?

I am with everyone else here in that I post because I truly want you to succeed in life. But actions have real consequences and folks wallow in "feelings-talk" and miss the reality of what they're doing TO THEMSELVES.

Margarita, you and I are in agreement on how this is best handled, I just want to equip Pink with some thoughts she can use to STOP HERSELF next time she starts down this road. We all need some weapons to use in the battle, and a variety of weapons is better.

Make sure you read my words completely. Hear how much I want you to be a winner. Hear how clearly I think you can take ahold of your life if you behave nobly.

I understand where you are coming from now that I have calmed down. LOL. I think I just got a little emotional with her because I have went through the same thing. She is going to go through a phase where she will say enough is enough and then when he calls with a lie and an I love you, she is right back with him. She has already done that once and realized it was a mistake. It is a live and learn kind of situation and that is what she is doing.

I understand how hard it is for her. It's hard when you end a marriage and feel so alone. Then here comes Mr. Prince Charming galloping in on his white horse and flashes you that I want you look. Once your marriage ends, its hard to get a lot of respect for it back. (That is my opinion only.) When you have a guy telling you every day that he is leaving her and you and him are going to run away together and be HAPPY, that is all you want to think about and it clouds your judgements. A married man will make you feel sorry for him for having to "deal" with his wife when he could be happy and in love with you. But the reality is he is going home every night to her, kissing her, cuddling on the couch to watch TV with her, sleeping with her and acting like nothing is wrong. Then there you are, staying up at night wishing you were with him, dreaming of the day when the two of you can be together only to soon realize that its never going to happen and you have been blinded by lies all that time.

Pink is well on her way to getting away from all this and starting a new chapter in her life and its all due to mistakes being made and consequences being handed out.
:)

Dumping his lying A$$, and getting healthy, IS the only solution. Working on yourself esteem and trust issues, the things that got you where you are, IS your first priority, after you dump him forever. You must be healthy to have a healthy relationship. I hope you will update us soon, with what your doing for yourself, and not that he is back in your life, divorce or not. Everyone here knows that taking his wife's place, will only put you in another bad place, and staying out of all relationships, until you know yourself better, will benefit your own happiness. Dump the counselor, and get another, if you need guidance.

Hi i8 don't pretend to be a perfect person. Of course I like anyone make mistakes. However I am glad to say I have never cheated on my husband, and I have never went with another woman's man.
Growing up a mistressdestroyed my mothers life.
I apologise for getting so intense about it, I just believe its wrong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Dumping his lying A$$, and getting healthy, IS the only solution. Working on your self esteem and trust issues, the things that got you where you are, IS your first priority, after you dump him forever. You must be healthy to have a healthy relationship. I hope you will update us soon, with what your doing for yourself, and not that he is back in your life, divorce or not. Everyone here knows that taking his wifes place, will only put you in another bad place, and staying out of all relationships, until you know yourself better, will benefit your own happiness. Dump the counselor, and get another, if you need guidance.

Wow, thank you your advice is very helpful and powerful...

It's been a few weeks since me last post. I was involved in a mess of a relationship with a married man. To say the least he destroyed the person I used to be. I can't believe the difference in myself, that is why I am on this post. Because honestly it is one of the only things that has helped you.

The loosers wife called me because he left her. She had ?'s for me. She wanted to know why we were talking again and if I slept with him. I told her to ask him that? She persisted to tell me that I was a psycho who was obsessed with him. Even though I had enough information to bury this guy I didn't. I should've, he got away with murder. This girl actually blames me and he was the one pursuing this relationship. He sat in the background yelling. He called me in between calls and texts from her begging me not to say anything. But I did send a few texts saying he was a liar and can't be trusted.

Then he had the nerve to call me and tell me because I talked to his wife he had to go back there. He is trying to blame me for going back? He went on to say that he was moving out and going to find me when his divorce was final but I screwed it up. I can't think straight. Honestly, I've never dealt with this in my life. And yes I know what I did was wrong. I have been put through 2 years of hell... And sad enough he has made it difficult to function. If it wasn't bad enough trying to heal, then this. And his wife thinks he did nothing wrong! That is even more sick. I wanted to help her, he is a BAD person. I don't know how to get over him and the pain isn't getting any better. For the first time in my life I feel broken and don't know how to fix this. He has his life back and has destroyed mine. I just want to know if anyone has been through this and how long it takes to heal? My boss came in to me today and asked when I would be able to smile again. I can't, I don't even feel like getting out of bed...

I'm 27, you want him to want you and not her, you think that because you did not tell her that he would come back to you. His WIFE loves him that's why she is willing to forget about your affairs. Leave married men alone. Life is a , what goes around comes around. If he calls don't pick up anymore in-fact have a man relative pick up the phone when he calls you. He will most definitely leave you alone and go back to his WIFE.

No I didn't not tell her because I want him. I was moving on with my life when she called me. He left her and she snapped checked his phone records and ? Me. Now she is threatening me because he said I was the one chasing after him. That was a good idea about the male answering the phone thank you.

You would be well served by changing your number, and not allowing any contact from either of them for any reason. Basically disappear, and be unavailable. Watch Jerry Springer, the females always fight over loser guy. ALWAYS. It never his fault. Heal and put all of this in the past, and if he comes by, call a cop! He will understand that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

You would be well served by changing your number, and not allowing any contact from either of them for any reason. basically dissappear, and be unavailable. Watch Jerry Springer, the females always fight over loser guy. ALWAYS. It never his fault. Heal and put all of this in the past, and if he comes by, call a cop! He will understand that.

Yes, thank you. I think you were familiar with my previous post? I have changed my number, but she works for the phone company so she has access to information she should'nt.

I am trying to figure out how to stop loving the guy I was involved with for the last 2 years. I don't know how to stop loving him.

The constant thoughts of him are on my mind. Even when I am busy at work. What he's done to me mentally has literally destroyed me. I think it was all the lies and broken promises of our lives together.

I don't even want to get dressed in the morning, I feel pathetic... I was never this kind of person before. I don't understand how to get over a broken heart of this guy.

Has anyone experienced a similar situation?? And how long does it take to get over loving someone.

The thing with break-ups is that we tent to forget the bad stuff and just remember the good stuff. You need turn this around, remember the bad stuff and forget the good stuff. Remember how he treated you, how much he hurt you. Look forward not back, and keep very, very busy. If you have no contact and don't see him and manage to get rid of everything that reminds you of him, I think six to eight weeks should be enough for you to turn things around. Be good to yourself. Don't beat yourself up wondering if it would have been different if you had done this or that. If it was meant to be it would have worked out. Try to be thankful that it was only two years. The longer you are with someone the more it hurts when it ends.

Click on the links in my signature, and see if these "stickies" can help you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Click on the links in my signature, and see if these "stickies" can help you.

Thank you the no contact calendar seems to be the only way to fully recover...