It was hard for me to realize it too, then on top of losing my gf/bestfriend I also lost my other best friend to her as well. They have since become BFFs and go shopping together. So I have been stabbed deeply in the back. So when I'm not on here trying to help others I spend a lot of time writing and working out. I set goals for myself, like by June I want to be able to bench 300lbs, right now I'm at 260 so it's about gaining 8lbs a month. Each day it gets better I promise you, its still fresh for you but I assure you everyone on here is more than willing to help because we have all been where you are

Thanks again for your replies...

I come here because I know that others are/were at some point where I am... and it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one... 'cause sometimes it just feels like I am.

It's strange to me that as someone who considers themselves to be relatively intelligent and pretty attractive, could get caught up in such a bad cycle of "dependency" on something so wrong.

My friends and fam say that it is probably because the relationship had elements of abuse in it (mental... controlling, etc,. ) that makes it harder to walk away from... although it seems that those things would make it easier. I don't really understand the pathology of it all.

In any event, I know that I am suffering so much because my heart was so big and wide open and I ultimately entrusted too much in someone who never deserved it... I guess the fact that I have the capacity to love like that is to my credit... (Even though I am cursing the pain right now! )

I hope I will be smarter next time... and be more careful with my heart and soul. I am too good for all of this heartache.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You have life and BS, all confused friend, and if your right, show me an example. Thousands of posts on tis forum and no one has done as you say, gotten an ex back thru no contact, not even you. Hmm wonder why???

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As I stated, I haven't done NC to get an ex back... I failed in the beginning with calls to her at her request.

And as I have said, yes, there are exception to every rule (even a broken clock is right twice a day) so YES there are people where this doesn't work.

BUT... if someone breaks up with you the only way to get any hope of getting them back is to go NC and ignore them. It's generally when you shy away from the person that they turn around cause they are wondering why haven't you fought for them. In the cases of people not turning around it's cause the literally wanted to BE GONE once the break up took place.

If you want some words of enlightenment, Google "how to get your ex back" and a lot of the articles written would suggest to shy away and give them space (NC) and generally they will turn around.

The purpose of NC are two, that if which I just said and that of what you said (healing).

I've gotten an ex back after no contact. It took 7 months though.

Hey HurtingAlot,

Listen, I expected youto respond to my post with references of my own situation and that's fair enough. No I did not get N/C immediately but the fact that I have been where you have been and my posts document that fact putsme in a position of experience to help those who did what I did. I have to be forward and a little harsh because I know what worked with me and so I hope it will help with those like me.

To be quite honest, I do find it frusterating, especially lately, that a lot of members here are basically saying the same thing. They get NC, they agree with what is being said, they swear its over... they post here about how they went back. I see myself where you are now and I look back (its not that long ago really) and wish I had listened earlier, not just agreed and said good point. So in being harsh I am also trying to light a fire under your A$$ and hopefully it will sink in.

You cannot imagine how foolish this will all seem in months time, honestly I cannot even read my threads "flower power" and the rest because it just seems so foolish and wasteful from my standpoint now. You will get here provided you stand by your decision, and then you will laugh at this very thread and say what the hell was I thinking.

So I am sorry for coming off as being forward, I'm sorry you or anyone that has to go through this, I wish we could all be with who we wanted to be with, but I'm not sorry for telling anyone that this is reality and that keeping contact signifies a problem within yourself and nobody else.

PLEASE,PLEASE,PLEASE prove it to me. I accept your challenge, hell I'm even rooting for you:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

I've gotten an ex back after no contact. It took 7 months though.

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Yes! Thank you!

See nobody really misses anything until it's truly gone.

Well... in 7 months I hope to be well into my next happy & HEALTHY relationship..!

AND BMI... thank you for the kick... I know as well as you do that I NEED IT!! (and appreciate it... )

I am going to do this... I SWEAR IT!

NC, is for healing and growing, and being able to be healthy, and make better decisions for yourself. It also allows you to see things in a realistic light and not be blinded by emotions. Until that has happened, you will return to the same things that made you exes in the first place. You can say NC did that, if you get your ex back, but that's not accurate. You got your ex back by getting your perspective back, and are healthy again, and you both are willing to work together, to solve your problems for the benefit of you both. You have grown, and that's what the NC does, the rest is up to you, and your partner. I hope I straightened up the confusion some.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

I've gotten an ex back after no contact. It took 7 months though.

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Hey if you don't mind can you give us your story as how you two got back together? I just like to hear happy stories every now and then.

Just click on his name, in his post, and you can see all his posts

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Originally Posted by HistorianChick

The issue here is not what NC is, the issue is what it means to you.

NC is for you. It is for your healing.

If that means that NC ultimately results in you and your ex getting back together, that is what NC is for you.

If NC results in you becoming stronger, better, more independent, more secure in yourself, more addicted to living each moment of your life for yourself, then that is what NC is for you.

But in every case of NC presented, the people that have the most success (re-uniting, re-evaluating, re-learning how to live) are those that go into NC knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that NC is for them. For their benefit. NC cannot be looked at as a means to an end to get an ex back. Because if it is looked at in that light, it is simply another ploy and game.

NC is not a game. It is a desperate attempt by a destroyed heart to heal, to refocus, to grow. It is a way to move on. It is a life-style. It is that "I've had enough." It is a chance to become who you truly are.

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Yay! Braavo historian chick,I will print this,powerful words on NC, my major is History,I'll be a historian gal too!

Hello emopunk7. Thanks for the reply! I tried looking through your posts to find your story about the situation but unfortunately I couldn't. Just one question though, you mentioned that the time was needed to let go of "angry feelings." Was the breakup a pretty nasty one?

Well... I had my posts deleted in case my now girlfriend came across it... lots of things I don't want people to know how I felt and all... We were arguing a lot... So it took a while to miss each other (on her part) and realize it isn't so much better elsewhere and for the feelings of hurting each other to go away and learn from it. This time around it's so much better.

Thanks for the response emopunk. I'm REALLY glad to hear that things are a lot better for you. It's always good to hear stories that turn out well. I hope you didn't feel I was trying to be intrusive. I just wanted to learn from peoples experiences.

I think that both partners were willing to get back together, and change was a big part of this. Correct me if I'm wrong Emo.

Yes Tman... I had to change and accept the fact of not calling other females even if it's for advice... I was emotionally cheating in a way if I understand correctly. That is the worst I've done. I have stopped that and I know it won't happen because I love her a lot. Other than that, there is nothing else I had to work on. Just helping her trust me more and us just going with the flow to see what happens... We are just having fun all the time. With a bit of seriousness thrown in there due to school and work. We pretty much have our priorities straight. I love her a lot. After dating for a while, we both realized how important we were to each other. She looked for me and I accepted. I was a bit skeptical but it turned out well. She cleaned her mess with the past and so have I and now it's just us two again. Feels so much better than before. I am a lot more understanding and I don't stress what doesn't need to be stressed. She does the same. A lot more respect than before and a lot more caring. I only have good to say about us right now. I couldn't have done it without the help of T-man and Chuff. Forever grateful!

You even express yourself differently, and I am glad your doing great.

That's awesome Emo. I don't think you even understand how happy I am to hear that things are going well! Wow, so you two didn't talk for 7 whole months! I guess that time apart is necessary to figure out what you really want in life.

Yes... The whole time I knew I wanted her. I just had to wait. After 4 months, I stopped waiting after meeting someone and I moved on. Things didn't go so well and as fate would have it, my ex began to look for me as she was going through the same and here we are now. The best thing to do is not expect anything and move forward... Sometimes moving forward can lead you to the past. It's the only good and safe way to get there. It's terrible to stay and wait for the past to come again and it usually doesn't. Move forward, move on and whatever happens, be glad and make the best of it. If the past returns, then better for you and you can make a better decision. Hope this made sense! Always move forward! Time waits for nobody!

Thank you for that answer, I really needed that. It helps me put things into perspective.