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Originally Posted by BMI

Hey guys,

I find it interesting that so many people here KNOW what their ex-girl/guy is up to. I mean alot of people have knowledge of how many guys/girls their ex has been with since them and so on.

In relation to that I think if many knew the girl/guy was on a rebound relationship it would make them feel better for a number of reasons. 1. It won't last and we secretly want that 2. Them rebounding must mean they did it b/c they were upset over losing us or at least missing us.

Its very hard to negotiate what is a rebound or not, I'd say anything that comes very soon after a break-up has all the signs of a rebound, but it matters little. Best thing is to NOT know what they do after you rather than finding out and then analyzing the seriousness of their new relationship.

Rebound or serious, they still ain't with you/us, so really what does it matter?

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I mean, I agree with you to a certain extent - it doesn't matter what my ex is doing because she's not with me, and chose not to be by dumping me. However, my ex dumped me and for about 4 months continued to tell me that she loved me and missed me, and that this was going to only be for a while, and that she needed to be alone and have more time to figure things out, etc. But that was all bull$#it to begin with, because if she really loved me she wouldn't have left me out in the cold. Basically she just strung me along while she was interested in someone else, and I went with it because I wanted to believe that everything was going to work out.

Well, I knew right from the start that something else had to be going on, and that everything she was telling me was sort of a "half truth," know what I mean? It's like, I understand that sometimes people feel crowded, etc. in a relationship, but instead of wanting to work through the problems with me, she just wanted to dump me. My gut instinct told me to investigate the situation, and I found out what I now know. Knowing that she's with someone else makes me really upset, but also gives me the strength to say "well, she was lying to me, and really must not care that much about me if she was so easily able to move on to someone else." And then I can have the strength to try and not talk to her. It doesn't make me happy at all to know she quickly moved into another relationship - rebound or not. In fact, it makes me feel like $#it because now I'm stuck here, alone, with a huge gaping hole in my life, and a new man just basically fell into her lap without her even trying. It also makes me pretty jealous because, from my point of view, it seems like everything is working out awesome for my ex, while my life has basically turned to $#!t. She seems like she's happy after dumping me (which is hard for me to accept because we definitely were in LOVE for quite some time), while I got crushed emotionally and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces. Key word though is "seems." I don't know if she's really happy or not, but as of about Dec. 27th she has basically quit talking to me, and I'm assuming that's because she no longer needs me as a fall back plan.

Plus, I've come to realize, my ex moved into a new relationship quickly probably not to get over me, but because by the time she dumped me she had already fallen out of love with me and was looking for someone new - I just somehow didn't see the signs, or she was good at hiding it. What hurts most is knowing that toward the end she really didn't give a $#it about me, and she was just waiting for the right time to dump me...

Only piece of mind I get from all of this is that she treated me like garbage at the end when I really loved her and cared about her, so some how, some day it will come back around and bite her in the @$$. Maybe then she'll wonder why she dumped me in the first place, and she might even try to come back then. Hopefully by then I'll have met someone I like much better, and I'll tell her she can go #uCk herself.

I feel for you, I really do, it sounds like a difficult situation.

In saying that, I think it important to realize that everyone everywhere will go through this, guy and girl alike. NOBODY can coast through life without some type of heartache, it is how we deal with it that determines where we will end up.

When one meets someone they like, at that point in time they are on top of the world. At the same time somebody else is here writing about how much hurt and anger they have towards an ex. So we must all spend time at the bottom of the pile to be able to returnto the top.

I actually went back and read posts here when I was dating my ex. I found out that while I was on cloud nine a lot of people were down in the dumps, now I'm down and others are up, it's a cycle. I think if you look at it like that it puts things into perspective.

If we practice doing the right thing and learn from past relationships than it is only a matter of time before the cycle comes back to us. We must also try our best to move away from feelings regarding our ex's as this will delay the cycle or affect our new relationships.

So let them do what they want, let them rebound or find love or find heartache and just concentrate on us. Do not make the mistake in thinking that our ex's are the happiest people on earth with other people, they too will go through this hurt as well.

I was in a serious relationship, and my ex pointed out all these flaws that I fixed while apart. We were together for 2 years. It's been 6 months since our breakup, and he recently asked a girl out. Would you consider that a rebound :( 2 years is a long time... to be getting into another relationship so quickly, isn't it?

Rebound relationship- where one goes to avoid being alone. Instead of being happy with themselves, they look for someone to make them feel better. Like aspirin on a human level. Not healthy.

Whether we admit it or not when we get dumped, it was already on the dumpers mind. They have no shock and disbelief to get over. Dumpee's do and that's where the emotional rub is.

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Originally Posted by BMI

So let them do what they want, let them rebound or find love or find heartache and just concentrate on us. Do not make the mistake in thinking that our ex's are the happiest people on earth with other people, they too will go through this hurt as well.

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Well said!

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Rebound relationship- where one goes to avoid being alone. Instead of being happy with themselves, they look for someone to make them feel better. Like aspirin on a human level. Not healthy.

Whether we admit it or not when we get dumped, it was already on the dumpers mind. They have no shock and disbelief to get over. Dumpee's do and thats where the emotional rub is.

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So they (as in the dumper) don't miss us (as in the dumpee) or want us back then? They will keep thinking that their new relationship is better than their past with the ex?

Well think of it this way. If you were an amazing girlfriend or boyfriend then you have nothing to worry about. Their new relationship may bring the initial flair and thrills but eventually once the honeymoon stage sets, things start to change. They may start to wonder what things would be like with their exs etc.

I think the dumper and the dumpee are both affected though the dumpee is more affected for obvs reasons.

My ex girlfriend is in a rebound relationship, even though I wouldn't classify it as that. We broke up and two days later she moved on with her coworker, who I warned her about for the past 6 months.
She filled me with bs that I was amazing and that her new boyfriend isn't as good as me. Basically she is comparing him to me on a daily basis. I didn't make too much of it.
The guy may also start to get jealous and wonder what he has to do.
I think that is why rebound relationships don't work because the dumper/dumpee both are still emotionally attached to their exs. That is why it's best for both people to take time to break their emotional bonds that they have with their exs before moving into another relationship.

Its mighty hard to pay attention, and get to know someone new when we are still emotionally attached to an ex.

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So they (as in the dumper) don't miss us (as in the dumpee) or want us back then?

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They may still care, but not enough to want an official relationship with you, especially if there interests are elsewhere.

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They will keep thinking that their new relationship is better than their past with the ex?

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Yes in all probability but there are many things involved. Once someone falls out of love they seldom change there minds, so they will move forward and not backward. (usually)

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Yes in all probability but there are many things involved. Once someone falls out of love they seldom change there minds, so they will move forward and not backward. (usually)

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What if the girl he's with is a total b`tch and he just doesn't see it? ):
& is there any way to prove that I'm better than that b-, girl? Like from what I heard and from my own experience with talking to her, she's a total akljsfdkjds.

For one thing that's his choice, and not your business. That's your feelings, making your mind play tricks on you. Leave him, and her alone, and you may accept this is over, and not be in denial.

My feelings? Really? A ton of people told me she was a bad person. Also, I am not in denial -_-;

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honeyskies, My feelings? Really?

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Honestly, your hurt and shock have you thinking in an unrealistic way. Your anger towards her is misplaced. He is the one you should be directing that anger and frustration to, not her.

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A ton of people told me she was a bad person.

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Its not their business either, and that is what you want to hear, so you let it feed your already hurt feelings.

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Also, I am not in denial

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Then why can't you let go, and move on? Because you think she is a rebound and if they break up, you can return to the way it was? Big denial.
`Not trying to be mean, or harsh, but you need to see he has made a choice that doesn't include you, and you are hurt by that decision. Sorry for your loss, and I hope you love yourself enough to give yourself a chance to heal, and get healthy enough to move on to better things. You just need time.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

.Honestly, your hurt and shock have you thinking in an unrealistic way. Your anger towards her is misplaced. He is the one you should be directing that anger and frustration to, not her.

Its not their business either, and that is what you want to hear, so you let it feed your already hurt feelings.

Then why can't you let go, and move on? Because you think she is a rebound and if they break up, you can return to the way it was? Big denial.
`Not trying to be mean, or harsh, but you need to see he has made a choice that doesn't include you, and you are hurt by that decision. Sorry for your loss, and I hope you love yourself enough to give yourself a chance to heal, and get healthy enough to move on to better things. You just need time.

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1. No, I've actually talked to her and she's exactly what people described her.
2. If I knew why I can't let go, then I wouldn't be trying to figure it out?
3. I do not think she's a rebound.
4. Some things tell me that he still thinks about me and stuff. But I'd rather not talk about it here.

Wrong thread sorry

My ex is in either a rebound or wirlwind relationship

And the only reason why I say rebound,because the week before they hooked up,she was kissing on me

And she only met the guy 6 days after she met him


But I don't see it working out because they are already going too fast,he sending her lovey duvey pictures of cartoons giving other cartoons hearts

And talking about how they miss each other so bad and so much

They relationship is going to crash and burn fast