This is to the poster - Truefaith,
Would you rather date somebody who are themselves, or would you rather date somebody who they are not? Think hard about that question; and also think back on the ways your Mama raised you, I'm sure she raised you better then this. What if your girlfriend wants to make you "more attractive" and wants you to get your haircut a certain way, and, wear certain clothes, and "work out" more, how would that make you feel? That's just giving her reasons to be insecure with her body, and, no girl should be insecure with herself.

Thanks a lot guys for the replys :)

No ones perfect here we all have our issues. These are mine and I'm getting them out :)
I have strong and bad points like most of us do.

I have read all your guys posts and sometimes your post come out as needy or self destructive. Or just plane sad :
Either way we all come here to talk and you guys have helpt me. Just don't jump up on your high horse when most of you are in someway
Dumped or Dumpers we are all here for a reason.

To help with our relationships.
As for the Battle of wits thing. I have no reason to fight I just want asnwers and there have been great ones on here

Very helpful. I will learn how to change.

P.S Romefalls19 you're an IT guy don't put me in the same spot as you. I don't spend my life behind a desk ;) and I don't play games I wish I had the time to though.

Nothing like sitting behind a desk all day with candy and coke huh :)

Regards

I think it's good that you are trying to change the way you think. If you are a model, I understand that image is part of your profession. However, there are lots of people who don't care quite as much, which I'm sure you know from the responses on here.

Here's the thing. You can't change who someone is. You have to decide if this is something you can live with and be happy with if it doesn't change. If this girl gets the feeling that you are trying to push her to 'fancy up', then don't be surprised if she walks away. Women want someone who thinks they are attractive for who they are, not how much make-up they wear or what hairstyle they have.

Take me for instance. I'm in good shape, I run every day, lift weights, etc. I do get asked out on dates a lot. I've never been a make-up person. I wear it once in a while, but it's not a must to leave the house for me. I prefer a natural look, since I think natural is beautiful for women. That is just me. I'm busy, so I have a simple hairstyle. In other words, I'm low maintenance. I work out for health, not because I want to look a certain way. That is just an extra bonus.

I wouldn't be happy with a guy that is really into how he looks. That is just me. I think it is un-sexy for a guy to be into appearance too much. As long as the guy is clean, shaves, dresses decently and has a great personality, I'm happy.

And by the way, you seem to think that any woman would want you. Newsflash- not everyone likes the same type of guy. I have a friend who loves big guys. That is what she finds sexy. My fiancée is going bald (and he's only in his 20s.) I couldn't care less. He is healthy and that is about all I care about physical-wise. I still think he's sexy.

So, my point is, if you don't think you can handle it, leave her. If you think you would like to change, but aren't quite there yet, leave her or see a counselor to work through the image issues. If you continue to push for workouts and make-overs, you may make the poor girl develop an eating disorder or ruin her self esteem forever.

What the heck was the comment about "You must be one of the ugly ones since you took offense" I'm sure glad you didn't PM me with that, cause you wouldn't have like the response. How the heck do you know if someone is pretty or ugly over the net anyway? And who are you to define those terms? Like someone has to be 'ugly' to be offended by the way you think you are god's gift to women? Most guys consider me to be 'hot'. I'm not bragging because I'm engaged and I don't care what they think. But most guys seems to think I'm 'hot' and am pretty and have a good body. And I for one, and VERY offended by your view. But, like I said, you seem to be trying to change that and I think that is great.

Maybe talking to a counselor will help you change that outlook. You said people here need to not "jump on your high horse". You are the one on the high horse about appearance, though. You want to change this girl to think like you. So I don't understand how you feel you can even say that and not be hypocritical. But, like I said, it's great you want to change because you need too.

Good luck and I hope that you and your girlfriend are happy together. Not trying to preach at you or anything, I'm just giving you my honest opinion.

I only have one thing to say about the girl that you are with... She's way too good for you, and I hope that she will wake up one day soon and realize that, and then kick you to the curb where you belong!

I'm not usually harsh with anyone on this site, but if there is one thing that makes me sick to my stomach it's people who are vain and shallow!. I'm trying really hard right now not to lose the dinner that I just finished eating.

That's a very true point Peggy :) thank you

Of course your upset by what I think. So am I.. But at least you can see some good there which is really nice thank you. Your able to see past it. As with my girlfriend I told her that I'm no good for and she shouldn't be with someone like me. But she says she loves me and that's all that matters.

I guess its nice to have that. As I said I've never had that before so its fun. I don't think she is ugly and I don't cheat on her. I have been offered by a few of the girls a work with but I say no I'm with her.


Firefly. That's a fun pic not sure its you. Red heads are fun
But your right she probable is to good for me. That's why I want to change :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

i want to change :)

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Then start with your manners.

You have a major apology you need to make.

Next, start with your grammar and intelligence, expand on that. Women like men that they can have a conversation with, not a man who just looks pretty.

My maners?
J.9 you really did attack me there was no advice in your reply. It was full of hate and bitterness

As I said to start with I'm not here to offend anyone you got upset. The rest of the coments were great :)

I like pretty girls. And you like smart boys. What's the difference?

You need to not let things effect you so much girl ;)

Well babe thanks for the great input, with the amount of posts you have. You spend more time on here than in the real world


You can reply with whatever witty dumb or intelligent thing you can come up with to make yourself feel better. Or not. Whatever

As for the rest good points ill take them in

P.S the typ of chicks that go after me. I know what there into. And that's cool what I'm saying is I like the chick I'm with now. And I think its going to go great :)

Wow... I'm glad you realise how shallow you sound. Not meaning to repeat what's already been said... but damn... And where exactly did you learn English? Please tell me it's your second language.

Right, moving on from the personal insults, can I just say that your responses to people aren't likely to get you more positive or useful feedback from people. You can't go around assuming that people are unattractive because they don't have the same lifestyle as you:

"P.S Romefalls19 your an IT guy dont put me in the same spot as you. i dont spend my life behind a desk and i dont play games i wish i had the time to though.

Nothing like sitting behind a desk all day with candy and coke huh"

Dude... that's a surefire way to get -slapped. And just so you know, one of my best friends works in IT, but is also a highly trained martial artist in peak physical condition with a well-toned body, immaculate hair and a gorgeous face. He just happens to like working with computers. Maybe you should try it sometime. Find something intellectual to do with your life rather than being entirely focused on your image.

Seriously, I'm pretty happy with the way I look. I don't wear makeup because I don't see any need to conceal myself and I wear the clothes that I think suit me, rather than whatever's the latest buzz. And sure, I could work out a little more and change my clothes and hair to get more attention (which I'm not exactly lacking), but I choose not to. I expect people to like me for me. And they do. If they like the way I look (and plenty do), even better! But that's a secondary consideration.

If you actually like this girl, get over it! Right now! Seriously. You said your previous relationships were shallow and empty, so DON'T turn this into one of them too. She won't change herself for you, and if she does she's a complete idiot and you probably deserve each other.

Also, find some kind of intellectual pursuit so that you have a focus that's above physical appearances.
Have you ever tried reading a book? One WITHOUT pictures? I highly recommend it.

Kind regards,

Kal

In my opinion, people that throw the word shallow around are lazy. I'm of the opinion that 9 times out of 10, the people that say "you're shallow for liking hot people" are usually out of shape people who don't give a damn about their appearance. There's nothing appealing about people who don't have the discipline to not eat 35 bags of chips and pound 6 sodas before dinner.

If you don't have the discipline to take care of your body, how can you have the discipline to take care of me? My children? My finances? Now, I'm not saying I need somebody to do this for me, I'm pointing out the message sent by people who don't take care of themselves.

That said, I find people use the term shallow as a way of intellectualizing their laziness as your fault, so I'd disregard that. To address your question, the real problem lies in weather or not this girl WANTS to do this. If you're shoving diet/exercize/those hot blond highlites down her throat, then you're just breeding a different personality which is going to go out of control sooner or later because it's not her. If she's somebody that's led the "sheltered" life and never really had a reason to care for herself or never had the knowhow or whatever her reason, then you're good to go.

The key is delivery. Don't tell her she's not good enough for you, if you want her to modify her appearance, your best bet is to do it subtly. If you want her to lose weight, go to the gym yourself and perpetually invite her. If you want her to change her hair, wait around for her next haircut and take interest in it. Stuff like that would be nice ways of working towards the appearance you want.

Anybody who says you're less of a person for wanting an attractive partner never tried to have sex with oprah.

Amazing thank you :) I so agree with what you said!

My girlfirend knows what I'm like I told her this but she still wants to be with me. And that's great :) I never once told her she was ugly but yeah I like to improve a bit. And I totally agree we can grow together in that respect..



English is my 2nd language so I'm sorry about that I try.
But if it makes you feel better to get at me. Go ahead :)

Oh yeah if I smile too much I'm just a happy person. Its all cheerful days with me


Thank you kal yeah people love you for who you are that's true. But the first bite as they say is with the eye.. and that is very important.
And it one of your posts you go.. . I guess it didn't occur to me that this girl would be recommending a guy who's so... ergh...

Ergh huh you sound very forgiving? Personality wasn't good enough for you? Looks weren't good enough for you? See we all have things don't we.. I bet no book reading helpt you there..
You attract creepy guys huh. Doesn't that say something about you don't you think? Maybe if you made an effort and not go around thinking the world should love you. No matter what like it owes you

Want to attract normal people?

You'd probable find someone. But sadly you get angry at people like me. Because we are proable the typ of people that turn you down
So you go home and read you book alone in bed. Shame
I know for a fact what typ of person you are my dear. I meet tons of um. I laugh at your coments

Don't worrie you'll get there one day ;) just keep at it tiger

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

english is my 2nd language so im sorry about that i try.
But if it makes you feel better to get at me. go ahead :)

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What's your first language?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

Thank you kal yeah people love you for who you are thats true. but the first bite as they say is with the eye.. and that is very important.
and it one of your posts you go.. ...I guess it didn't occur to me that this girl would be recommending a guy who's so... ergh...
ergh huh you sound very forgiving? Personality wasnt good enough for you? looks werent good enough for you? see we all have things dont we.. i bet no book reading helpt ya there..

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I'm glad you've been reading up on me. I think if you read some of my other posts you would be able to find some much more interesting gossip to spread. Yay for you.
On the other hand, I think my description of the guy as being"ergh" was fair enough considering he requested that I cut my breasts off. I mean, have to have some standards, right?
And I realise that the first "bite" is with the eye. I see people too and I realise that some look better than others. Of course when I first look at someone I'll only see their outer self, it's hard for personality to shine through in a single glimpse. But all in all, once I know people for a while, I either like them or I don't and I don't give a damn about their appearance.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

want to attract normal people?

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I do want to. And I succeed. It's just not as frightening when this happens so I see no need to make posts about it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

youd probable find someone. but sadly you get angry at people like me. because we are proable the typ of people that turn you down

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I've never been turned down in my life. OR dumped for that matter. Maybe someone like you WOULD turn me down, who can tell? But I've never been interested in someone like you, so I wouldn't know. And maybe you are attractive, I might even look twice. But I doubt I'd bother looking again the minute you opened your mouth.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TrueFaith

so you go home and read ya book alone in bed. shame
i know for a fact what typ of person you are my dear. i meet tons of um. i laugh at your coments

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Actually, I don't get as much time to read as I like. There's always too much else going on. But when I find the time, I enjoy it. Seriously, it's worth the effort.
And you don't know at all what kind of person I am. You can generalise all you like. The fact remains that you started this post to get advice, but you're perfectly willing to discount any opinions that do not coincide with your own on the basis that you're assuming we're all unattractive. If you wanted to get advice that did no more than encourage you, go and talk to some of your vapid, conceited model friends and get them to tell you that only a hot chick is worth the effort.
Have you seen the film Zoolander? Just because you're really really good-looking doesn't mean that you too can't be killed in a freak gasoline-fight accident.
What exactly are you getting out of life?

So, back to the point. You said the girl was cute. Not stunning perhaps. So what's the problem? If her features aren't perfect, what's the point of getting her hair coloured? If you want to get a knock-out gorgeous girlfriend, try paying for some plastic surgery instead. In fact, I think you should go and recommend it to her. It'll strengthen your relationship no end.

Have a fantastic day! :)

Kal

I had another thought about your situation, TrueFaith. I noticed that you said that the girl was really pursuing you in the relationship and that you told her you were no good for her, but she said she loves you. The reason that was a little concerning to me is because I think she might start feeling desperate and depressed if she feels that she is the only one pursing the relationship.

The whole situation may be a potential disaster. If she feels that you don't care about the relationship as much as you, then she is probably going to get really upset eventually. When the initial exciting feeling of being "in love" with someone she likes starts to fade, then she may start to feel bad about herself and get low self-esteem. I'm not saying that she isn't in love with you, only that at first when someone is in love then are very happy and giddy about it, and after a while they "come down to Earth" so to speak, and begin to notice the things that they don't like about the person more. That could make a number of bad things happen to her. She could become very depressed, her confidence could disappear, and, like I said before, she could develop an eating disorder.

This happened to my friend's daughter. Her boyfriend was telling her she needed to lose weight. He was mean about it and would always tell her to imitate the way other girls did their hair and make-up. She started starving herself and taking diet pills to lose weight. She collapsed when she was at work, ended up in the hospital, and was lucky she didn't have a heart attack or something after what she put her body through. It all started with a simple diet to lose a few pounds. But she became obsessed with not feeling "good enough" for her boyfriend. It was a downward spiral.

You say that you are trying to change and that you care about this girl. If that is true, maybe the best thing you could do for her would be to take a break from the relationship for a little while. If you truly want to be with her, then tell her that you need to take some time to reflect and think. That way you can take a step back, think about it, and decide if you can be permanently happy with this relationship the way it is right now. If so, then you will have to love her for who she is. If not, then tell her that you care for her so much that you are breaking it off, so that you don't hurt her. She will be upset if you do right now, but someday when she looks back she may realize you two are very different and realize that maybe it wouldn't have worked. After all, she could become pregnant (since even birth contol isn't 100%). Then you guys would want to try to have a permenent relationship, then you'll probably break up eventually, and it could be really bad for the kid. Just a what-if to consider, I guess.

Not telling you to break up, just giving you my thoughts about it.

You said you wanted to get her to go to the gym. If she is overweight, exercise would be good, but it has to be for health, not appearance. If she feels that you are trying to push her into an activity because of appearance, then that's when the self-esteem will plummet, if it hasn't already. If you want her to exercise to be healthy, see if you can find a fun exercise to do together. Maybe you could both try martial arts, paintball, or something fun like that. Dancing is a great way to exercise and is fun.

Exercise is always good if done for the right reasons, but you aren't going to be able to get her to change her hair, make-up, and clothes most likely. In my opinion, you should not ask her to. Good luck, hope all works out.

I think its useless trying to get through to this guy. I'm not convinced he is actually here for advice but rather he is just bored and wants to waste everyone's time.

The story is b.s, his idea of himself is b.s, the girls that line up for him is b.s. Truefaith, I have no issue with your language ability or grammar or level of intelligence but most would have a problem with the way you come off. Your idea of yourself is laughable and the fact you need to tell everyone (strangers for that matter) is actually a bit sad. I think you are covering up some serious insecurity issues and perhaps typing this makes you feel better.

IF you want a girlfriend that is attractive than I could understand to a point, I mean who would'nt right? But your not posting about that, rather your posting about how good looking you are and that is a problem deep inside you I think. Perhaps you can show all the ladies on here a picture of yourself and let them decide for themselves how amazing you really are, but I doubt you will do that for fear they do not see what you do, heck they already don't just based on your personality.

So good luck with the "changing" and new attitude you have.

Please don't give me a smiley face or say thanks for the advice, I beg of you... please... stop... the... madness:)

There you go, put a picture on here. :)

Don't try to force her to be something she isn't. Otherwise she'll only end up resenting you and it'll never work out.

Quote:

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There you go, put a picture on here.

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I'm with you. I'd like to see one myself! :)... Ok, sorry, I'm getting caught up in the smiley face madness. :)... ooops!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by peggyhill

There ya go, put a picture on here. :)

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Want to bet it'll be something he finds on the internet? Yeah, sure, right... He'll post a real pic of himself.

Oh, I just cant' bring myself to post a smilie, just can't do it.

Lol... the smilies are infecting us all on this thread. Ironic that he put a frown in his topic, got some negative responses, and has been smiles ever since?

To Kal

Never been turned down. Someone sounds a bit to into themselves is that pride I hear?
oo that's a bad thing. Just like. Liking yourself is as well.

-clap- smart girl



BMI.

I have issue I think you're the one with issue :)

I would worrie more about yourself wraping your time round you X and having your serious problems to deal it. Don't force yourself onto me :) I'm nothing like you I don't have serious problems.

only problem I have is that I think I can improve myself. And that's not a problem really.


at least I'm obsessed about myself and not about women. That really drives them away. As you fully well know. You shouldn't get angry. People that are obsessive have the worst typ of personal problems. They think the worst of themselves..
I feel sorry for you :D

Yeah I've had a few relationships where I've been the guy taking a girlfriend away from a boyfriend..

but normaly they have been like you :)

id say what your in a bit more b.s than what I'm in.

I hope you work out your problems boy..

and BMI I'm not posting about how good looking I am.. I'm saying that I am good looking its what I am.. just like your are Obsessive. It's a fact :) nothing more nothing less


move on man :) it hurts but you'll get there

I think your girlfriend should run as far away from you as possible, you are only going to make her miserable. You are unbelievably arrogant and self infatuated! Women also hate men that love themselves a hell of a lot more than they love their partners, they prefer you to love yourself just as much as you love them (for who they are, not what they look like) You should love her for her as much as you do yourself, maybe then there wouldn't be as much of a problem.

I don't think you can redeem yourself from the insults you have given to people on here and I think you should just go elsewhere to work out your problem, like to a counsellor, maybe they will be able to knock you down a peg or two and bring you back to the real world instead of being in your little "I love myself" bubble.

Run along!