Ask Me Help Desk - This is for the guys.

Jiser wrote: "Once someone knows they have the other person, its no longer a relationship."

Absolutely.

And what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. If it's the guy that has the other person, same problem; It's not really a relationship. Personally, I think wearing the pants is over rated. :-) If you view a relationship as a constant power struggle, you are going to spend all your time trying to figure out who is on top and trying to ensure that you are still in charge. Sounds exhausting and not very loving or fun.

Sure, you can maybe find a woman who will just give in and let you be in charge, but over time, in order to prove to yourself that you are still in charge, you'll need to keep asking her to give in to different things and you'll either make a non person out of her or she'll begin to resist something you ask for. And then you are either not in charge or you are in charge of nothing. Somebody who can only say no when you tell them they can say no isn't a full person.

Quote:

Originally Posted by asking

Wow! I totally disagree that the guy needs to be "in charge" in a relationship. I especially disagree that either person has to be in charge. I believe in egalitarian, mutual relationships. So when guys try to be In Charge of Me, I tend to resist. Then they think I'm trying to be in charge of them or the relationship when I'm just trying to be in charge of myself. If I want to go buy groceries or whatever, I don't want someone telling me I can't just to show he's in charge of me. Why would I want someone else in charge of me? I can't think of a single reason why that would ever be a good thing unless one person was mentally defective and needed to be protected from their own actions!

Well so, in your view, if the guy is in charge of the relationship, how does that help the woman? I don't understand why you think the guy being in charge is a good thing or why you are worried about the woman's integrity, but not a guy's. What if he's in charge and lacks intergrity? This is better?? Or in charge and has integrity--so he can tell me where to bank and who my friends will be? I don't think so! Why not just have no one in charge, and treat one another as full human beings with complete autonomy?
Asking

Hey Asking, I see there was some misinterpretations/confusion I'd gladly like to address:

Let me clarify a few things:

1) The THREAD asked what about a WOMAN drives you insane. Ergo: the specific reference.

2) When ANYONE is in charge of a relationship it is NOT good.

3) As I said, when someone LACKS integrity, he or she (in this case she) they use this power of dominance - in regards to their partners supplicance it's a sad tale.

4) Equality and equanimity are what we should all strive for - and anyone who is in an overly lopsided relationship needs to get out... or be driven... INSANE :-)

**And by "in charge" I mean there are always swings and changes that happen in the course of a relationship... I do not mean that someone is metting out orders and instructions... it's just the ying and yang... of the day or the week... and good people do not try to be in control or dominant of a relationship.

silent treatment... >.<...

playing hard to get... = I am not chasing you you can play that by yourself...

Said this but do that... ( it OK... u go and have fun with your friends... then later on... u call her... she like... why u left me alone ? Am I not good for u ? )

the say THIS mean THAT... ( I am OK, don't worried... and we be OK.. if u say u OK...

last but not least... THE "WHATEVER"

ahhhhhhhhhh hahahahaha

Its typ of people that drive me insane. I love women but if I'm with someone that uses me.. it really annoys me. Yeah I'm kind and I give a lot.. I don't want to stop being that person..

Friends and Girlfriends do it to me. That drives me insane.
but I'm the cause of all my situations =)

I just don't like people that use other people.

Oh yeah

I have to agree with Simple!. the "WHATEVER really annoys me. That's the best way to piss anyone off. Your talking and then they go yeah whatever. Or if there talking about something that's really upset them.. and the end they go

well whatever.. its like babe.. what the hell was I doing listning to you for 5 hours if at the end all of this your like whatever!

Moodiness and not communicating directly about what's on their mind.

Quote:

Well so, in your view, if the guy is in charge of the relationship, how does that help the woman? I don't understand why you think the guy being in charge is a good thing or why you are worried about the woman's integrity, but not a guy's. What if he's in charge and lacks intergrity? This is better? Or in charge and has integrity--so he can tell me where to bank and who my friends will be? I don't think so! Why not just have no one in charge, and treat one another as full human beings with complete autonomy?
Asking

Because, despite what the Women's Movement may claim, most women still expect the man to be "in charge" and don't have respect for him or the relationship if they're the ones "wearing the pants." You can deny it all you want but if you take a good, honest look at things from your own perspective you'd have to agree.

What drives me crazy, is when the game is on, and she wants to vent, talk, or go somewhere, with me. AARGH!

The thing that gets me is, a women never takes the time to stop and look at her man and say "thank you" for many reasons. We are always the one to be on the chase. I know every man likes to feel apreciated.