Ask Me Help Desk - He can't make up his mind

I am not saying turn off your feelings. I am not saying for you to act cold, but to tell this person that it is not right the way he is treating you and tell him that you want it ended. The last comment that was made is totally true. It is completely up to you what decisions you make in life. It is up to you to do what is right for you as a person, for your spirit and soul. It is up to you in what you say. It is good to ask for advise but you do not need to follow it. I am not saying that you are a loser. That is coming from yourself. Is this the way you want to feel? I hope you work it out whatever you decide. You are your own person. No matter what you decide know that you have the support here but at the same time remember that others may see things that you might not want to see or want to know but I think you know that answers you got were to be expected.

Joe

EDITED: A tad harsh on our new 13yr old friend. Restated below.

At the same time we can all give her advice. We can all tell her what should be done. That said, it is herself that needs to make the decision. She knows it is not good for her spirit. Going through this it is slowly draining her. It is changing her and she got her advise from everybody but now it is her turn to change the things she knows is not right. I agree, feelings can not be turned off and on but she can still let go and eventually move on but she needs to do that on her own.

Joe

Quote:

Originally Posted by cfablemaster

DO WAT U FEEL IS RIGHT FOLO UR HEART im ONLY 13 AND I KNOW ALOT ABOUT LIFE!!! DO WAT U FEEL IS RIGHT NOT WAT OTHERS THINK IS RIGHT!
i followed my heart and so far iv ended up bak at the beginning but....
someday i hope and KNOW i will do the right things. not becus of wat som1 else suggested but by following my heart. if u believe in wat im saying reply to this....

ahhh the joys of being 13 huh? I think what you are saying is a great policy, but unfortunately this is not always how life works. You cannot always go through life "following your heart" on everything because your heart will make you do some FOOLISH things. Adults have to use a certain thing called their brain to help them make rational decisions in life. If we all went around following our hearts, we would all be a mess. This is part of being an adult though, letting go of that irrational "follow your heart" behavior and using knowledge to guide us through the tuff times. That is the great part of being 13 though, the things you do relationship wise hold no real consequences so they bear no real value to you (even though it seems like the world is ending when your relationships do). I think it is past the point of "following her heart" here, and she needs to take one of those oh so scary steps into maturity and see that this guy is just going to burn her over and over again. Everything I say is out of love and trying to help. I am 24, a psychology major in college, and have had my heart dragged through mud as well. Trust us here, we all do this in our spare time and have TONS of experience collectively. Don't get down on yourself girl, you have been doing that WAY to long. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and leave this punk behind you. We all do irrational things out of "love" only you can help yourself through this situation, but we will all try and advise you the best we can. :cool:

Does anyone understand me I wish they wuld. Your heart is what god gave you to use.god made life and a heart to use. If were supposed to use our brain then why did god give us a heart. My relationships hold more than you culd imagine. You think in weird ways. If evry1 followed their hearts absolutely evry1 then there wuld be no more messing up. My hearts led me through thoughts of suicide and murder. I didn't use my brain but I used my heart. It said I needed to live on.

Actually yes, you can turn those feelings off. Its very easy. Just think about all the times he's made you feel worthless. Im pretty sure he's said some not so nice things to you. Compared you to other people maybe. Must be something. You said in the beginning yourself esteem was screwed up. Think about all the bad ways he has treated you. Think to yourself," I deserve better. I am a strong woman. I am far superior to that loser." He doesn't deserve your feelings. Tell the inferior little ternimite to leave you alone. He is beneath you. He is an insignificant speck beneath your shoe. You know why you like him so much is because he treats you badly and you probably think that you can tame him. Well the reason he does that is because you continue to let him. Let him go. Find a real man. They are out there.

Take it easy buddy. I understand you have a great relationship buddy, that's great. Calm down for a sec, and breath. This is a PUBLIC FORUM where people come to ASK FOR ADVICE. I don't think you are dumb, I edited my previous post because I realized it was a bit disrespectful to you. God did give us a heart to go on, but he also gave us a brain. The heart is not a tool we use in making rational everyday decisions, our brain is. Our brain is the tool we use when going through hard times to look for solutions to our problems. I can tell you are a mature guy for having the smarts to dissagree with my in private on PM, thank you. Just think about what this poor girl is going through "following her heart". She has tried this, and just keeps getting hurt by it. The thing is, your heart doesn't always have the truest answers for our problems. Our heart is motivated by memory feelings that in this situation are holding on to how he "used" to treat her. In some ways I agree, you have to go with your heart on things, but there is also a time when we have to be brave enough to go against our heart and do what we know in our head is right. Keep it up, I like it when people get passionate about their feelings buddy, it shows you have a backbone!:cool:

Yes I totally agree with what you're saying, Jeff, but why keep calling him "buddy"? Just because he's 13? That's a little disrespectful. I wouldn't like it if you called me sweetie pie or honey bunch or something! ;)

I call everyone buddy that is a guy on here, just the way I talk I guess. Its not like I am calling him little buddy or anything. I see your point though, but I mean NO disrespect. Read a lot of my other posts in reference to guys, I just like to keep things friendly. :)

Okay that makes sense then. I didn't realize you talked that way to everyone. I still don't want you to call me sweetie pie or honeybunch though LOL. :p

No worries sweet... kidding. I see where you are coming from though, I will take that into consideration since this is a forum you can't really gather context or sarcasm. I try and be respectful to everyone... jeez I use buddy a lot... LOL:p

Quote:

Originally Posted by cfablemaster

does anyone understand me i wish they wuld. ur heart is wat god gave u to use.god made life and a herat to use. if were supposed to use our brain then y did god give us a heart. my relationships hold more than u culd imagine. u think in wierd ways. if evry1 followed their hearts absolutely evry1 then there wuld be no more messing up. my hearts led me thru thoughts of suicide and murder. i didnt use my brain but i used my heart. it said i needed to live on.

I hear what you're saying, you feel that your heart speaks to you and guides you. However, if what you said was completely true and we all followed our hearts, what we felt, then we'd be in a pretty big mess. When my kids misbehave or do something that really makes me mad, my heart is enraged and I want to hang them by their toes, but I don't because my brain tells me that it would be wrong, that's called rationing and that's what God gave us to use. Our hearts may feel, but our brain tells us right from wrong. My heart cries out for Pistachio ice cream, but my brain tells me that my pants won't allow it... does that make sense? You choose not to always use your brain cause sometimes it's the easy way out, it allows you to do stuff you want to do, even though you know (to know means knowledge; stuff you learned with your brain) it may be the best choice in the end. Your brain is really the one that told you that murder and suicide would hurt everyone but you, not solve your problems but create grief and heartbreak for others. It would hurt your family, your friends and everyone that's ever known and loved you. It would hurt people you never met who just read about it. It would hurt God, your brain told you that...