Ask Me Help Desk - Am I an Idiot for wanting her back?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ash123

in your case - since she is dating someonelse i would say there is no limit to the amount of space you can give!

She's not dating someone else

Whatever... move on...
Rent a movie.

Take a break.

*sigh*.. I guess getting her back is nothing but a dream now. Maybe someday when I'm healed, I'll run into her and build the attraction again, unless I meet someone else on that rough road ^_^

Quote:

Originally Posted by FallenKnight

....i'll run into her and build the attraction again,

Whoa - Can you hear yourself???
She whipped like butter and cream my man... time to stand up and clean yourself off.

"Run into her and build attraction??...." ????
Man she dumped you 4+ times!!

She would have to work her A-- off to even get your attention after 2!
After 3 it should have been enough for life.
After 4 I would get a restraining order on YOURSELF :D

If you love yourself - let her go for at least a year. If you love her - let her go for a year.

If you still feel the same way in a YEAR - and you want to see if she does too - then call her up - and see what's up. If nothings up - go back to your new (hopefully) girlfriend's room.

Break ups suck: there are 5 ways to recover:

1) no contact
2) new challenges
3) time
4) new adventures
5) time, time, time

A

Ugh... >< I just texted her good night.. I tried so hard for the n/c but I caved in

Quote:

Originally Posted by FallenKnight

1. The ex before me, she only dated for about a month, and then broke it off with him because he was only a "crush"...
now after that is when me and her "hit it off"

Let me add on thing, She told me she wanted to be single, but it was hard because she had feelings for me. So I told her I dont want her unless she knows she wants to be with me, thats why we didnt start dating, but stayed friends who felt something torwards to each other for about a month.

Her ex didn't have anything to do with my relationship with her, because to her he was a "Stepping stone"..

The arguments me and her had werent about anything in particular, it was about silly things like me being parenoid, and making it seem like I didnt trust her. (which was soooo stupid lol).

I guess I missed something in what I wrote to start off with.

When I met her, which was during the beg. of December of last year, She was in a Long-distant relationship for about 6 months at the time with someone, and when he came down to see her (for the first time) They didnt feel the physical attraction or *butterflies* when they met, so by the end of the week of him staying down here, they broke up. (during this time she also felt guilty because she had a crush on someone) - Not even a week after the break up, the guy she had a crush on, took her on the rebound. Then broke up with him a month later. This is where I came into the picture, but I wanted to make sure that she was over the other Ex-boyfriends before we even started dating. Since then I've been the only one in her life, *Love* wise.

This girl is just a confused one. As you see, she makes all the moves, than backs off, then breakups, than finds someone else... it's a vicious circle and that its not healthy, really, to invest on such a 'relation'. She may have emotional problems with her self, may be too indecisive, or also a petted one and egoistic too, who only things about herself, and the partners are just a passing time. I don't want to judge her, nor you, but I see that every relation of her, ends the way yours did. A tousand of reasons, but remember, her 'reasons' are just justifying her actions toward the others. In the end, she still remains 'the good partner' and lets the confusion on your court.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FallenKnight

*sigh*.. i guess getting her back is nothing but a dream now. Maybe someday when i'm healed, i'll run into her and build the attraction again, unless i meet someone else on that rough road ^_^

And than again. I have spoken about the 'attraction' ways to get someone back again, but that someone should be worth, pal. In this case, I don't think it's the case. Because the problem is not your attraction level on her. Its her closure level or her petted level. She waits soooo much from the world, she is in war with the world. Even when she dumps someone, its not personal, its because she has an old anger somewhere hidden. Maybe a past relation really killed her, and still now, there is a hidden feeling somewhere inside her. You can't breakup with someone 4 times, because you had some argues. Common, stop it, believe me it's a killing drama this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FallenKnight

Our fights were because I've always had a problem trusting her, because shes cheated on two of her boyfriends, which she broke up with soon after.. It was my stupidity and fear that caused me not to believe her when she said she wouldnt do it to me, so we faught because of my paranoia, and always asking questions about who shes talking to, what shes talking to her friends about.. which is my fault, and I realize this mistake. Although i've told her this, but im it seems she wont believe me. I annoyed her, and she pretty much was sick of it.. and said I was immature and that the relationship isnt worth it.

Who is saying you are right? Who is saying you didn't made any mistake? But who said you weren't right to take care about what could happen in the future, since you knew she cheated on 2 of her boyfriends. As we say, we harve what we sow. Ok the trusting issue its really a hot topic, and killing her with questions its not going to make you happy, her happy, the relation more happy, etc. but she should have known your problem, and work toward that and assure you that she really is someone worth, who made a big problem in the past, and that's its not going to happen anymore, it would be better for her to breakup with you, than to be disrespectful toward you, etc. I mean, you can also be sure she really wants this relation work this time, the way she makes you feel, and the level of security she gives you. I mean, 'no darling, I'm not going to cheat on you, so stop talking abou this topic' its not going to make your level of security to 100%.

I am sorry matteus, but this relationship should be ended and speculating on what's inside her is a waste of time.

I man... "an old anger deep inside her" (? ) come on.
Man, she just wants a new boyfriend... she's young and that is normal... she tried it - like a lot of young relationships - many times... but this is silly now.

The arguments they had will happen again if they reunite.
They both need to mature.. it's part of life.

The positive: you have life experience and know what you want in a relationship
The con: you are hurting right now (that will heal in time)

It's hard to keep no contact with her.

It's hard going from seeing somebody almost everyday, to not seeing her at all, or talking to her the way I used to.

Last night I texted her goodnight, and just half an hour ago I texted her "Thanks for the memories."

Unless you just really like the roller coaster ride, I'd leave her alone. A relationship that goes back and forth that many times is dysfunctional, in fact I'd say "get a clue it's not a good match"

I think part of it was that It was hard to trust her, because she's always had a problem showing her emotions, and what she feels like. It was always really hard to tell.

Regardless, she doesn't know what she wants and this back and forth stuff is a bit much.
The whole thing is unstable. If things were right you two would not be spliting up so much. I'd move on.
What kind of things do you two argue about?

We argue about...

Most of the aguments I do something wrong...

I ask questions, I'm parenoid.. I ask questions about what she talks to, to her friends about.. =/

The arguments are my fault.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FallenKnight

I've realized my mistake, and that not trusting her was a big mistake..

I don't see that it was such a mistake. She played with you for awhile and then got bored like she did with her other "stepping stone" boyfriends before you, so you were right to be wary. On the other hand, you did your part by being a jealous, insecure, clingy puppy. Consider it a good life lesson and put it to use in your next relationship. She's gone.

Well, I think I'd be a bit paranoid too if I was with someone who comes and goes like the wind. I think you need to stop being a glutton for punishment and realize this is not the girl for you. Relationships are not like this see-saw. There is someone else out there for you.

I'm such an emotional mess over this girl, she was my *first*.. and my first love too..

I hate what she's done to make me feel this way.

So, are you committed to NC from now on... or are you going to keep torturing yourself?

What are the benefits on N/C?

Read my guide.

Benefits: your head clears. The pain goes away. You regain self-control. Your ex has to work for you IF she wants you... if she does not, you save yourself the work.

No offense, but you need to put this in perspective.

A lot of people are trying to help you and I don't think you are taking this info in very well.