Are you happy da way things are marlyn? Is this how you want it to be? I'm not mad I'm really juss trying 2 get this question answered... is this da way you want things to be marlyn? I remember da exact words I said to you that day be4 u left 2 mexico when we first started going out when I chased after u... I was scared that if something happened to you on your flight lol, that id never get another chance 2 tell you how much I cared about u. it changed our relationship me chasing you around lakeforest... I still remember da way you landed in my arms when I whispered in your ear is this really how you want to go... look I can't go bak in time. I can't rekindle da moments I can't make you love me again da way I somehow still do, I can't stop thinking about you I dream of you and I cry wondering what was. Although I do this everyday... I also think 2 myself maybe this way shell forget me, maybe this way if something does happen it won't be as hard because we cut each oder off... its stupid maybe dramatic,lol its da way I think.im not asking 4 anything... juss trying 2 set things right, when we talk I'm weak, when we don't I'm like da walking dead. Your smiles a factor so is juss knowing your doing OK, I won't have it in 34 days, I won't have it 4 3yrs after that, deyre mite not be an occasion later on when I can try and talk to you. So I'm asking u... is this good for you, is this wats best 4 da 2 of us? If you think it is den you don't have 2 write bak 2 this email... if you want to spend some time maybe create some memories before time runs out... ur da one person I really want to do that with den talk to me, forgive me 4 what I said and yea... I miss u. if you don't write bak ill understand take all da time you need or want, January 4th. Imma visit u 2 give you your things bak if you don't write bak sometime be4 da 4th. If you like things da way dey are gorda... den I really understand kk.

I sent this to her already I don't know what 2 do I'm leaving 4 3yrs 2 go 2 da army.. should I juss leave her alone and kill my feelings or should I try this again?

Dear R,

It's been three months since the break up and I have no idea how you are dealing with the whole situation. I would like to say a few things that have been on my mind for some time now.

Since we broke up I have been struggling to get my life back together and move on. It hasn't been easy and sometimes Im still struggling with it. But I'm beginning to realise that even though you left me I should have left the relationship a long time ago. I stayed and tried to make it work because I thought I could have the old R back. The one that was so giving and considerate and sweet and in love. The R I fell in love with. Now I know that this person is gone for good and is never coming back. I don't know the person you are now. The person you are now made me feel inadequate and insecure. I don't want to feel like this anymore and I don't want to hurt anymore. You left me many times and every time it hurt like hell. I can't trust that you will not hurt me again.

When we met two weeks ago I though I was going to meet the R I once fell in love with. But again you let me down. Even though you realise that you have some issues to deal with nothing has changed. You are still all words and no action. You want everything to work itself out but you are not willing to put any effort towards that direction. That's not good enough.

When I said I would like to give our relationship another try you said that you are still confused about what you want. And this was after 3 hours of you telling me that you changed and that you made a mistake 3 months ago. It was such a big mistake on my part.

Last week I was celebrating my name day. There is this really good friend of mine who has had a crash on me for the last two years. To celebrate my name day she took me out for dinner, called all my friends and arranged for all of us to meet at a club later on. This person is not even my girlfriend. At this point I realised that I deserve all this and so much more from the person that I love. And you are not able to give that to me.

There are days that I do miss you but I guess its because I'm lonely and think of the R I fell in love with. I'm dealing with my issues and hopefully in time I will find someone who will be able to give me what I deserve.

Do you still get the urge to send this to your ex little firefly? I think I would find it hard to resist.

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do you still get the urge to send this to your ex little firefly? I think I would find it hard to resist.

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Yes Chris, I still do. Especially now. I just found out a little while ago from a mutual friend of mine and my ex bf's, that my ex is talking about marriage to his new girl. I'm having to fight the urge to send the letter, along with an added paragraph or two... I guess right now though all I want to do is have a good cry. :(

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Originally Posted by little firefly

Yes Chris, i still do. especially now. I just found out a little while ago from a mutual friend of mine and my ex bf's, that my ex is talking about marriage to his new girl. I'm having to fight the urge to send the letter, along with an added paragraph or two.....I guess right now though all i want to do is have a good cry. :(

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Oh right, that sounds a really bad situation to be in, I'm only 21 and I thought my break up was bad, with my 19yr old Student girlfriend. The thought of those situations, which I'm probably going to go through next in life frightens me. I'm just wondering if sending something like this will put that closure on it all, which everyone says we need and that it would be for the best. Or will it push our ex's away for good? That's the question which is stopping me sending it. I won't lie, yeah I do really want my ex back, you do too by the sounds of it hun.

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Oh right, that sounds a really bad situation to be in, I'm only 21 and I thought my break up was bad, with my 19yr old Student girlfriend. The thought of those situations, which I'm probably going to go through next in life frightens me. I'm just wondering if sending something like this will put that closure on it all, which everyone says we need and that it would be for the best. Or will it push our ex's away for good? That's the question which is stopping me sending it. I won't lie, yeah I do really want my ex back, you do too by the sounds of it hun.
__________________

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Yes, I really do want him back, I'm sorry to say. But honestly, if sending her a letter will make you feel better and put some closure on things for you, then you should send it. I can't say one way or another if it might push your ex away. Just do what you feel you need to do to help you feel better. The only reason I never sent mine is because I knew I wouldn't get a response, and that would only make me feel worse.

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Originally Posted by little firefly

Yes, i really do want him back, i'm sorry to say. But honestly, if sending her a letter will make you feel better and put some closure on things for you, then you should send it. I can't say one way or another if it might push your ex away. Just do what you feel you need to do to help you feel better. The only reason i never sent mine is because i knew i wouldn't get a response, and that would only make me feel worse.

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Yeah that's the thing, I don't think I will get a response at all. I owed her a bit of money and I gave it her back a few weeks ago, not in person but by online transfer and I sent her a message saying that the transfer had gone through. I didn't get a response though, not even a thanks.

What can you do eh. Think that summed it up. :(

Lets see... since I'm not in the broken heart mode, and I'm happily married, this might not be the original intent of the OP, but I think it's a neat little idea... letters to the ex that don't get sent... kudos on the creativity. My thirty seconds of self indulgence...

Dear jen - I want my music back. Oh, and the last two years of our relationship back too. You can keep the other five. Didn't have to end like that. You shouldve been a better friend. I shouldve demanded more.

Dear breann - I'm sorry it was bad timing for both of us. We could have had a lot more fun together if we both hadn't gotten in our own way. Hope you are having fun with those cowboys in tx. I still smile when I think of you.

Dear nicole - hope he was worth it. Thanks for turning me on to italian women... the one I married is awesome. Next time cover your tracks better.

That was kind of fun.

Hey CM,

Did you know why I left you over and over again? Did you know why you had misery all the time? Because you are a kind of person who never really trust anyone, always have a scheme and count too much on what gains and what loses.

Ohaha, when I found out the part that you lied, you justified that you were afraid to hurt me. I laughed at how stupid you were. I told you "what is the meaning of life when a person can easily BETRAY HIMSELF???". You cried. Too late! I'm gone, eventually you are hurt by yourself again. Never again will you see me in your life.

Im happy like I never was, hehehe hahaha I feel like I have to sing out aloud "Love today" of Mika.

Somebody can compliment you as you have always been a fake, but I know who you are and more importantly you know who you are. You want to treat yourself badly? Go ahead!

Anyway, I'm not holding the garbage, I hope that you will find your-true-self someday.
Take care and have fun!

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Originally Posted by mafiaangel180

It also scares me to know that if you want me back, you won't bother because you don't know how to ask for what you want anyway.

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I know this thread is supposed to be about posting letters, etc. to you ex, but this line of mafiaangel180's letter is the thing I think I worry most about. I might be taking it out of context a bit, but I always worry that if I keep up No Contact and always act like I'm fine and dandy when she contacts me, then she'll simply think I don't care about her or have moved on and lost interest in her. I mean, WHAT IF, and I know it's a long shot, but WHAT IF she really starts to resent dumping me, and realizes that what we had was special. Then she decides that she would like to come back. And then lets assume that if that time comes, I haven't moved on and would like to still be with her. I'm afraid she won't know how to ask me if she wants me back, or think that I'm not interested because I put on this attitude of indifference.

Great thread firefly, I have a draft I've been writing, but waaaay to long for her so ill start a new one. Writing definitely helps.

Dear Janelle,

Not a single day has gone by I haven't thought of you. I miss you so bad. You always doubted me, and never trusted me, but I only ever had eyes for you. I have never known anyone who could make me happier then you did, or more sad, or angry. I wasn't perfect, maybe I should have tried to be. But I did try to do what I could. On your birthday when you always dread it because you think it will turn out bad. And we were broke, I busted my butt to get you a cake, had my parents throw you a little birthday party because they loved you too, and asked my dad to bbq and make the ribs you loved so much. I surprised you with that. I may not have had money for all the grand things you wanted to do, and I'm sorry that's what you needed to be happy.
You did what you always worried I would. You lied, cheated and moved in with a new guy so quickly. Makes me doubt how you ever felt about me through out our relationship. And hurts because I tried so hard because I thought we loved each other. You hurt my mom who has been a better mother to you then your own, by locking her on the 2nd story balcony and calling the police on her when I was moving out.
It kills me I feel I'd take you back in a heartbeat. Because you don't deserve it. It drives me crazy that everything I thought I knew about you was a lie. And it kills my hope for the future that you could move on and be so happy while I'm still here remembering the person you use to be.

I hope your happy Janelle from now until forever. I will always love you, or more accuratly who you use to be. I hope that guy can give you what you want. And most of all I hope I forget who you are now, the person I've seen in the end.

Goodbye
Love E

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Originally Posted by freakinconfused

I know this thread is supposed to be about posting letters, etc. to you ex, but this line of mafiaangel180's letter is the thing I think I worry most about. I might be taking it out of context a bit, but I always worry that if I keep up No Contact and always act like I'm fine and dandy when she contacts me, then she'll simply think I don't care about her or have moved on and lost interest in her. I mean, WHAT IF, and I know it's a long shot, but WHAT IF she really starts to resent dumping me, and realizes that what we had was special. Then she decides that she would like to come back. And then lets assume that if that time comes, I haven't moved on and would like to still be with her. I'm afraid she won't know how to ask me if she wants me back, or think that I'm not interested because I put on this attitude of indifference.

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I think this is every dumpee that has gone no contact biggest fear. I even posted about it in the beginning. As do a lot of dumpee's. I finally just figured that if he loves me enough to want to get back together, then he would stop at nothing to let me know. And if he didn't even try then it must not have been that big a deal to him anyway.

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Originally Posted by freakinconfused

I know this thread is supposed to be about posting letters, etc. to you ex, but this line of mafiaangel180's letter is the thing I think I worry most about. I might be taking it out of context a bit, but I always worry that if I keep up No Contact and always act like I'm fine and dandy when she contacts me, then she'll simply think I don't care about her or have moved on and lost interest in her. I mean, WHAT IF, and I know it's a long shot, but WHAT IF she really starts to resent dumping me, and realizes that what we had was special. Then she decides that she would like to come back. And then lets assume that if that time comes, I haven't moved on and would like to still be with her. I'm afraid she won't know how to ask me if she wants me back, or think that I'm not interested because I put on this attitude of indifference.

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In my opinion it's hard to answer that question because I have never been in that situation. However, if your ex ever does want to get back with you then she will try to contact you. When, and if, that happens I feel that all you can do is remain calm, composed, and kind. Don't brag about how great things are and don't be indifferent. When she asks "How are you doing?" simply respond with "I'm doing well. I've just been real busy at work, school, etc. How about you?" I would keep the focus of the conversation off me and instead on her, and hopefully at some point she brings up our relationship.

Aside from this I'm not sure what else to do. Really you just need to enjoy life. It's pretty fair to assume that if your having fun with life she will eventually find out through mutual friends (if you have any). That's something you can't stop, nor should you try too. Conversely, if you go around feeling sad about the situation and telling everyone how much you miss her she will likely find out too, but I guarantee that won't bring her back, just give her an ego boost.

Just relax, be yourself, and move on. I truly believe that if she wants another shot at the relationship she will let you know somehow, and from there you respond accordingly.

Thanks for the answers guys...

The reason I ask is because my ex dumped me 4 months ago after we dated 4 years. It caught me by surprise and absolutely devastated me, because I was very much in love with her and never thought this would happen. We were even preparing to move to a big city together and were selling some of our stuff.

During our breakup we kept in contact the whole time, so there wasn't really any period of solid NC. She was definitely doing most of the contacting though.

To cut to the chase, 2 months after she dumped me she acted like she wanted to get back together. Of course I did too, but I played it like I was busy and had other things to do, and was kind of short with her (I did find out that she made out with some guy though, so that got me kind of angry). Over Thanksgiving we spent a week together and things were looking up. Then I spent the night with her and looked at her phone texts while she was asleep (I know, shouldn't have). I saw she was talking to another guy the whole time when I asked her repeatedly if there was someone else or if she just wanted to be single and play the field. She lied, got caught. So I got mad and left. After that she pursued me a little more for a few weeks, and eventually I called her up and told her I didn't care what happened over the "break," and that I loved her and wanted only her. As soon as I did that, she told me she needed more time and then contact faded away. I then learned she slept with a completely different guy that she apparently really likes. That was 23 days ago. After I found that out, we didn't talk for 10 days (she doesn't know I know though). So far, that was longest period of NC, which she broke by calling me from an unknown # - so I'm wondering, did I already blow my chance to get back together with her? Was that her "coming back around phase?" There really hadn't been a long period of NC before this all happened. You can browse my questions and read my "girlfriend of 4 years" thread if you want to know the whole story.

You know freakinconfused... that's actually my biggest fear.

My ex and I broke up a month ago... after 3 years. Like you, it was completely out of the blue. We had made plans to move in together after graduation to go to grad school together. It was... entirely out of the blue.

We kept in touch a week after the breakup, then I (like you) went through her phone while I was at her place and found out she's been talking to some guy that I was originally suspicious of. I asked. She denied. I got angry. I left.

... she hasn't contacted me since. Although, I do hear that "that guy" has been seen leaving her place in the morning by a mutual friend. I am shocked as she isn't that type of a girl. She has the reputation of a saint. I was her first everything. But the signs are all there... he's always with her, he's talking to her always, he's seen leaving her place often, she's seen driving his car. All this... a week after we break up.

Granted, I haven't spoken to her in 4 weeks. As of right now, I have... no clue what's going on. I'm just doing my own thing... but she's always on my mind. Always.

Freakinconfused & ISneezeFunny: I think you guys need to ask yourself the following question--do you really want to get back with your ex after you know for a fact that she is fooling around with other men? Sure she had the right to see other guys since you were no longer officially in a relationship, but doesn't the fact that she lied to you make you sick to the stomach? Also, doesn't the fact that she was able to make love to another guy in such a short time, completely disregarding what you two had, infuriate you?

I don't know about you two, but if I found out that my ex-girlfriend slept with some other guy after being apart for just a month or two and on top of that lied to me about it then I'd be telling myself "Good riddance!" She obviously didn't care or respect about me that much so I'm not going to sit there and ask her to come back.

Listen fellas, this may be moving a bit off topic but whatever happened to "Real Men?" The type of guy who would never let anybody walk all over him, including his girlfriend. Now I'm not talking about being a jerk or never being romantic, but I'm talking about the man who is confident and says to the girl who treats him wrong "Listen, you screwed up, I'm not going to beg for your love, and most important I don't need you to make me happy. It's your loss and I'm going to find somebody who will treat me right. Later."

There was a time when I cared so much for a girl that I would ignore all the things she did and ask her to come back, without even requiring an apology or explanation. I would call her and tell her "Hey sweetie, I don't care about everything that's happened, I just want to be with you." As a result she would see that I was weak and repeat the same mistakes. Not anymore, sometimes you just have to be a man and let her know she messed up and now she has to live with it.

Ah, I forgot to mention... that I'm not getting back with my ex. Even if she does come back... for all those reasons you mentioned above. I was simply stating that it sucks.

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Originally Posted by confused25

Listen, you screwed up, I'm not going to beg for your love, and most important I don't need you to make me happy. It's your loss and I'm going to find somebody who will treat me right. Later.

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Yep. That's pretty much my way of thinking right now.

So yes... am I sad? Yes. Am I angry? Yep. Will I ever get back with her? Not likely.

Dear Whore,

One question baby... How can you sleep at night? After two amazing years, two months away from one another was enough to make you forget about me and consider dating other people. You said you were confused, and maybe you are... ill never know... But I find it ridiculous that after a month with some new guy (and God only knows if you did something with him before we broke up) you can tell him all of the things you told me for two years. We built something so strong... and I can't understand why you would want to mess with a good thing. You also told me that long distance was too hard for you and that you needed someone... At first I didn't think much of it, but if you need to be with someone to be happy and feel good about yourself, then you have got a lot of growing up to do. So how can you sleep at night? After telling me that you loved me and then turning around and saying it to someone you've only known for a few weeks. If you can sleep just fine; then you must be the devil. Can you even think of a low point in our relationship? I can't... I thought you were everything I wanted and part of me still does... But if you feel nothing, then you can't possibly be everything I wanted. But look at the bright side... I can walk away knowing that I gave the relationship my very best shot, and I even tried for 2 weeks to get you back... You can walk away knowing what? That you're a quitter, that being a decent human being isn't worth the effort, that you can't commit, that you're a needy little whore? Anyway, keep talking about love and marriage with your new b/f of one month, it'll only make it harder when you realize that people live in the real world, and only a month of dating isn't enough to know anyone, I don't care how much time you spent with them.

Love me,

P.S. Am I invited to the wedding?

Great thread idea firefly!

Oh my God dude. That kicked @$$!

I wrote a letter very similar to that to my ex and thankfully never sent it because it was my free therapy