She is keeping you there as a backup to her emotions , if she knows you are still there for her it helps ease her guilt. Like I said start looking out for YOU , if she wants to come back she will. But at least if you LET GO if she ever does come back you will be in a far better state of mind to decide whether that's what you really want.

Sounds to me like you've done all you could do. You talked to her to see if she was doing all right and what's going on. Now maybe its time you leave it up to her to come to you. I think you have a good head on your shoulder.. and it sounds like you've really tried with this girl.. so let her come to you in the future.
But if it's bugging you to point where you can't take it anymore.. just be forward and ask her what's going on.. if she still likes you.. hates you.. wants nothing to do with you.. tell her you want an honest answer then maybe you'll be able to completely move on without feeling like there was unfinished business.

You say you don't understand things, but the answers appear to be right in front of you. She sounded uncomfortable talking to you, she doesn't want to see you... etc. I know you are probably trying to interpret these things in another way but you will have to face the facts at some point.

The thing is, if she didn't want him to know, why would she want him kept backed up for her emotions? She specifically told her mate not to say anything but she has, it's just added to his problem. If she wanted him to worry about her n show emotion towards her wouldn't she of told him herself? You've done all you can do Chris, it's just up to you if you turn up at the hospital or not.

Send her some flowers and card wishing her well for the surgery

That's what I said I would have done. Don't start e-mailing or calling or texting. Leave it.

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Originally Posted by chris28

ok now im starting to feel dumb by everyones answer I think you are all kind of right. She started texting me back and all and she kept it to the point and sweet . I said do u want me to totally just end this contact and all of course she said no but she just dont wanna talk everyday. And she also said that everything is ok with her and all . She asked if i had a g/f and what I have been doing. but to be honest I dont no if i did the right things.... I left it with her if she wants to contact me thats fine otherwise im finished am i wrong???

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She is just doing the friendly chatter thing. Leave it alone. If she really wanted you, you would know it.

Yes I no Ive done all I could and I will not do anything more I put it out there is she wants support so be it and if not so be it as well. I told her last time we spoke I'm backed off now its up to you, I'm serious about that if its meant to be it will and if not I'm not with the contact I've tried and I'm tired now.

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Originally Posted by mwilliams15

Sounds to me like you've done all you could do. You talked to her to see if she was doing alright and whats going on. Now maybe its time you leave it up to her to come to you. I think you have a good head on your shoulder.. and it sounds like you've really tried with this girl.. so let her come to you in the future.
But if it's bugging you to point where you can't take it anymore.. just be forward and ask her whats going on.. if she still likes you.. hates you.. wants nothing to do with you.. tell her you want an honest answer then maybe you'll be able to completely move on without feeling like there was unfinished business.

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I think she has a problem expressing herself with me she says it because she don't want to hurt me. Im tired of wondering I think I just have to move on and see what happens next.

I have to admit you are all probably right , I don't think she wants much to do with me from the way she was kind of stand offish but she tends to send the wrong message at times. That's why its better I do not contact her. For example she didn't have much to say yesterday except how am I what have I been doing and so on. But here is were it becomes weird she asked so are you seeing someone do you have a girlfriend? Y ask that if you done care. Also she said it akward I'm not sure why... what's this mean should I not think about it I'm so unsure. One thing I no if NC the less info you have the better

This is what we try and do mate and you've got to draw a line under this. You've got to tell yourself that if she's ready to be back with you, she will tell you. Nobody else but her will tell you, don't go running around to her friend or family asking for any info or updates how she might feel. 9 times out of 10 her friends will end up telling your ex what you've been asking anyway! And then you'll be back to square one. Don't e-mail, she knows your feelings, it's pointless. Just wait for her to call, see what she wants act cool ask how she is then say you've "got to go sorry something has come up" You've got to look for your close friends now, don't be afraid to tell them how you feel, they will all say the same thing as us. Go out with them, you sound a decent chap and you've got many many years left in your life, you will find the one. I keep telling myself that. I know it will happen.

Sooooooooo tru!

Chris
Bottom line!!! If she wanted to be with you she would be. She broke up with you so doesn't want to be with you at the moment. I'm not saying she will come back but if you keep being there for her at the moment you are making it easier for her and harder for you. Look after yourself and stop trying to figure out what she is thinking , you are only giving yourself false hope and stalling your healing process.

When was the last time you spoke to her Chris? Any new developments? How are you getting on?

The last time I spoke with her was that day I started this chat. I have not spoke with her yesterday I did think abiout her and all you guys are right about stalling the healing process... But no I haven't spoke to her after that email and call that day. I won't even lie I wanted to call her but :(

I won't lie myself, I wanted to call my ex, well not call, but text her something, and I managed to stop myself. I honestly keep thinking about what everyone has said on this board and it has really helped me. I do get the occasional moments though which brings back some sort of memory with my ex and it hits me for a minute or two, but goes away afterwards. I'm finding it hard to be honest. But don't we all?

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Originally Posted by chris08

I wont lie myself, i wanted to call my ex, well not call, but text her something, and i managed to stop myself. I honestly keep thinking about what everyone has said on this board and it has really helped me. I do get the occasional moments tho which brings back some sort of memory with my ex and it hits me for a minute or two, but goes away afterwards. I'm finding it hard to be honest. But don't we all?

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Guys
This is perfectly normal believe me so don't feel like you a weak because of it , the fact you have the strength not to call , text etc. is a good sign. Keep it up and you will find each day , week , month it just gets so much easier.

How did you handle a break up friend4u178, if you don't mind me asking? Did you ever have the urge to call or text or e-mail how your feeling deep down?

Chris,

If you ask me and this is only my opinion. I think if there were any person who broke up with anpther person and didn't have the urge to call or text there was something not there in the relationship and probably never was. Now I think even if it's the person who broke up unless it was for another person there still has to be times when the urge comes up to call ot make contact IT has to be true. Your with someone so long if you didn't have that urge you woudnt be human... but that's my opinion does anyone agree?

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Originally Posted by chris08

How did you handle a break up friend4u178, if you don't mind me asking? Did you ever have the urge to call or text or e-mail how your feeling deep down?

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Chris08
Yes I had the urges to call , email and text like everyone else. That's perfectly normal. I did all the frantic stuff when I had a bust up afew years ago and learned from it. In my last breakup I didn't do all that desperate stuff because I learned it doesn't work anyway , in fact all it does is push the person further away and basically at the point of the breakup the Dumper pretty well sees everything you do as a vindication for why they broke it off with you. AND by not doing all the desperation stuff you not only get to keep your dignity but they see you in a much brighter light after a while when things have calmed down.