Post #12 I broke because I needed some time to figure myself out

I can rewrite this but I'd like to email it to her:
Forgive me for not understanding why the person who fell so hard for me won't talk to me.
I understand that when we broke up you needed someone. That makes sense. But help me understand. If you truly felt that you wanted to marry me, have kids, and spend the rest of your life with me, like you said, how can you. . something.. . And not finish what we started. Do you still intend to have that with me someday? Is your affection for him so much more than the love you had for me? Help me understand

Okay so you broke up with her because you needed time, but you thought that she loved you so much she would wait, but it back-fired, she got involved in what I consider a rebound relationship, and for now she wants to work it out with this guy.

You on the other hand are hurt it seems because of the fact she moved on and yet so quickly. Without warning, and I bet when you broke up with her you didn't think of the fact that she may find someone else. Here is the whole situation in a nutshell I know you guys love each other, but this is what you wanted your time, and now you must give her her time. Sure maybe she wants to be with you, but because she already knows what is was with you and maybe you can at anytime break up with her again and she may feel foolish for not giving this guy a shot.

It doesn't mean she don't love you, it's only fair. By you and her maintaining contact it is not allowing you or her to release yourself from each other. If you loved and care for her enough you would let her go.. If she returns then it was meant to be.

Listen I have to go but will be back to input on this situation..

thank you for your input . I kind of think you may be dead on about her not trusting me about a breakups...
a recent conversation:
me (2:46:51 PM): are you trying to get over me?
me (2:47:14 PM): honest question
her (2:47:56 PM): I'm not too sure how to answer it
her (2:48:22 PM): without sounding horrable
her (2:48:28 PM): to either of you
her (2:49:00 PM): I'm not trying to replace you to forget about you
her (2:49:10 PM): I am really happy with where I am
her (2:49:18 PM): you are two totally different people
me (2:50:14 PM): I think u live with him already. Do u love him?
her (2:53:37 PM): Do I love him?
her (2:53:46 PM): I've never asked myself that question
me (2:53:38 PM): because u still love me. So do you love him
her (2:54:25 PM): do you really need to know the answer to that question
her (2:54:32 PM): I love many things about him
me (2:54:09 PM): I'm just asking simply
her (2:54:51 PM): that's not a simply question to answer
her (2:54:55 PM): nor to think about
me (2:54:58 PM): so u love things about him but your not sure about him yet?
her (2:55:41 PM): its not really that easy to have this conversation with you
me (2:55:20 PM): I understand
me (2:55:22 PM): I digress
her (2:55:55 PM): these are the kind of things you hold against me
me (2:55:34 PM): not at all
me (2:56:13 PM): understanding u is helpingme and helping me understand your needs
me (2:56:20 PM): thatdoesnt make aANY sense
her (2:57:05 PM): LOL
her (2:57:10 PM): I read that line four times
her (2:57:15 PM): and I still don't get it
me (2:56:55 PM): me too 8x no sense whatesoever
me (2:57:50 PM): did u love me or just things about me?
me (2:58:22 PM): strike the word 'just'
her (2:59:16 PM): why are you doing this?
me (2:58:57 PM): I'm sorry
me (2:59:17 PM): forget it I am asking too much
her (2:59:58 PM): please don't get mad
me (2:59:38 PM): no problem
me (3:01:30 PM): I'm not holding anything against u at all
5 days nc...

If you have these huge feeling for her why did you let her go>:? I mean yea people do it but why? I would think she I scared acutally, I;m a girl I know what we think like... when we find out a recent or ex likes us still and we know we still like them, were scared and we run, we run to the nearest guy, so yea I would thinks a rebound, you should surprise her somehow flowers, candy, music, something SWEEP HER OFF HER FEET, if she's stuck on the ground wait till she walks then go take a walk with her

About your conversation, when she repeats something, she's lying, I don't think she loves him

Me (8:41:59 AM): were kind of moving apart
Her (8:42:55 AM): what?
Her (8:42:58 AM): I'm confussed
Me (8:42:58 AM): were losing touch with each other
Her (8:43:39 AM): umm, OK
Me (8:43:22 AM): and I'm just checking to make sure that's your intent
Her (8:44:16 AM): I'm not doing it on perpose, but I have been super busy and very sick
Her (8:44:24 AM): so I really don't have the extra time
Me (8:45:12 AM): are you frustrated with me?
Her (8:46:02 AM): no
Me (8:45:52 AM): do you ever miss me?
Her (8:47:46 AM): I had a really bad dream about you last night
Me (8:47:32 AM): what
Her (8:48:06 AM): I thought it really happened
Me (8:47:48 AM): ?
Her (8:48:25 AM): you died
Me (8:48:32 AM): I might disappear from your life because you don't love me anymore...
Her (8:49:05 AM): will you stop please
Me (8:48:45 AM): sorry
Me (8:48:56 AM): I don't like you dream
Her (8:49:55 AM): hell I didn't either
Her (8:50:20 AM): it was sad and it hurt
Me (8:51:58 AM): I think you have feelings but as much as I've come your way, I'm torn - don't be mad that I feel more that your just messing with my head
Her (8:52:45 AM): You make me feel bad for moving on, but you did some pretty scary things when we were broken up
Me (11:20:52 AM): (assuming your not always in with your guy) do you want me to disappear?
Her (11:23:24 AM): no, but I don't want to hear about what girl you are with and what you are doing with her
Her (11:23:43 AM): I said I would like to be friends with you
Me (11:23:22 AM): I don't want any othr girl but u
Me (11:23:46 AM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) do you still wish we worked out?
Her (11:24:32 AM): yes
Her (11:24:37 AM): but it didn't work out that way
Me (11:24:28 AM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) would you have come back too me if you hadent met him?
Her (11:25:22 AM): yes
Her (11:25:25 AM): probably
Me (11:26:10 AM): do you find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place?
Her (11:26:42 AM): no
Me (11:28:26 AM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) would you ever still be interested in coming back?
Her (11:29:59 AM): yes, but I don't know if that would happen
Her (11:30:06 AM): me not being with him
Her (11:30:13 AM): and Im not asking you to wait
Me (11:29:48 AM): I understand
Me (11:33:10 AM): I wouldn't ask you to wait either (if I really loved you I would just go back to you)
Her (11:52:03 AM): When you broke up with me you forced me to get over you. And you can't say you weren't breaking up with me and only taking a break. I cried and cried on the phone with you. If you really felt that you weren't breaking up with me you would have fixed things then
Her (11:52:44 AM): so by you breaking up with me, you forced me to move on
Her (11:52:59 AM): even though you had other plans in your head, I had to move on
Her (11:55:45 AM): and now you make me feel guilty
Me (1:33:50 PM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) do you still miss us
Her (1:36:12 PM): Im not going to lie to you
Her (1:36:15 PM): yes I miss you
Her (1:36:25 PM): but I am really happy with where I am at
Me (1:36:22 PM): I understand
Me (1:36:47 PM): (assuming you wernt with your guy) would you want to reconcile us?
Her (1:37:24 PM): I would, but I cant
Me (1:37:07 PM): that's okay
Her (1:48:37 PM): does your councler know you still call and message me?
Her (1:48:44 PM): I'm just asking
Me (1:48:19 PM): yes
Her (1:48:51 PM): no pun intended
Her (1:48:54 PM): oh
Me (1:48:29 PM): is there a reason
Her (1:49:08 PM): no
Her (1:49:11 PM): just asking
Me (1:48:52 PM): they know you pretty well
Her (1:49:25 PM): oh nice
Me (1:49:05 PM): in a good way
Her (1:49:37 PM): they probably think I am a huge biotch
Me (1:49:14 PM): nope
Sorry this is in pieces there's so much of it

BTW, I sent her flowers@ work because it was a rainy day/she was sick/above all I wanted to put a big smile on her face -HER INTERPRETATION: I sent her flowers because I was being spiteful she was happy with her new guy friend.

Okay, I read some of your messages to each other... You may know in your heart that she wants you back but you have to respect what she is telling you. Move on! That doesn't mean you have to get in a rebound relationship to get back at her...

From my experience with relationships usually but not in all cases men often breakup with women when they need space, usually to be more with their friends or to see other people.. When they realize that they made a mistake often want to come back as if nothing ever happened. This poor girl probably was devastated and finally got over you.. She gave you your time and you must give her time...

But I must say this if you start dating someone else and she hears about it she will contact you saying how hurt she is don't fall for it,. She wants control over the situation and as long as she knows you will wait for her she will keep some form of contact with you just in case it doesn't work out with this guy...

Just be happy live life... A break-up is not the end of the world but the beginning of a new life!! Give her space and don't try so hard... If it was meant to be then it will be...

Good Luck!

I think you're very right. She wrote this...
Her (11:52:03 AM): When you broke up with me you forced me to get over you. And you can't say you weren't breaking up with me and only taking a break. I cried and cried on the phone with you. If you really felt that you weren't breaking up with me you would have fixed things then
Her (11:52:44 AM): so by you breaking up with me, you forced me to move on
Her (11:52:59 AM): even though you had other plans in your head, I had to move on
Her (11:55:45 AM): and now you make me feel guilty

I've asked her if she loved me why wouldn't she come back?
That's her response... I'm trying so hard to move on but I don't want to. Is there any chance that this time she needs will be healing for her to come back? I know shs very happy right now th her new partner butis it only temporary? She said she fould want to reconcile but she can't because she's very happy right now. Is that typical rebound response or is she getting seriously involved? Irealize I messsed up and gave her time to only naturally get involved with someone(so fast though) but I would be willing to come back to her. Am I being too hopeful. I really am going nuts over this. Is there anything I can do? She told meearly on that she needed time. Time for what though? To get over me? Help me get this one back please.. iss she acting typical of a rebounding girl. I mean she's so cold and mean to me. She says that I was mean to her and I did bad things to her and that all of our memories were pretty much all bad memories!! I realize people marry bandaids (rebounds) that's my worrry... thank so much! You're really helping me

Well, if you truly truly love her and what I am about to say may sound cliché, but you will want her to be happy if it is with or without you! Your more worried about your happiness and more so that someone else is making her happy and you regret letting her go. As hard as it will be to let her go you have too, it will be hard but as days go by it will get easier and better... By you waiting for her life is passing you by. She made it very clear she is happy, let her be happy and you deserve to be happy too, As I stated if it is meant to be then it will be. But give her, her space... You can't force someone to be with you and don't be too pushy you can be push her away and loose her forever...
Just put your seatbelt on because these next few days won't be easy, but everyday gets better and you will look back and laugh at yourself... it's totally normal to feel the way you feel!

I hope I helped.

I'm doing nc but I don't know what will happen...
Should I say ANYTHING to her?
'do you want me to move on?'
Can I make a promise/ commitment to never be apart from her again. i.e. engagement even!! I AM ready for that...
Again, before I broke up with her she was absolutely CRAZY about me. I can't see her changing her feelings about getting married and kids and stuff... she's so stubborn now

I really don't know what more to say you seem persistent in convincing her that you are the one.. even after she told you what she felt... It is possible to be crazy about someone but that doesn't mean we have to be with them... Do what you want but don't harrass her, because you will then mess up any chances of ever reconciling with her...

Personally I think you should move on... But that is my opinion, I read her messages, she seems like she can't leave this guy... If she rejects your engagement it will only add salt to the wound,, and then what will you do?? You have to let her be...

Engagement is no promise either..

I know I'm being persistent -im sorry. And I worry that she thinks I yelled at her and got got crazy since I've been trying to reconcile. She even said she thought for a moment she would change her number and she blocked my AIM account. I've never been this low in my life and she got a sense of it. She's got all the power right now and its never been like this between us before.
When we broke up she had time to get over me. She found someone. Then I tried to come back. She rejected me. Does she need more time? Or has she already HAD her time to move on?
Do you get a sense that she could be in just a temporary relationship? Or not...
Do you think: "would you come back? -> you know i would" was bs?

I don't want to sugar coat anything and I am giving you my honest opinion, Let her go! Of course she needs more time, otherwise she would have ran back into your arms, she needs to stand behind her decision, and with you being sooo insisting your clouding her judgement.. Don' tmake her hate you.. . Relax, live, love, smile. It's not the end of the world, in fact as I said it will get better day by day... Respect her wishes if you love her... I don't really know how long it will take her to decide but your only giving her a short time, when you want her to decide, its not fair..

Love and release... You will love again... She may or may not come back but prepare yourself mentally... Do something productive...

You're so fast. Thank you so much. I hate just being hopeful but I know that her two prior bfs broke up with her for the same reason I did. Because she was clingy I guess. Maybe she will do it again to this one. I don't even know if she's worth taking back now because she chose someone over me. It's kind of ruined the bond, has it not? I mean a breakup is one thing but getting involved with someone else is another... is that a fair assessment? Or should I be understanding that she needed to move on and because she became involved maybe she can't come back? (yet)
Thanks again for taking the time out of your day. Ill stop bugging everyone...

Information only...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jolienoire

But I must say this if you start dating someone else and she hears about it she will contact you saying how hurt she is don't fall for it,... She wants control over the situation and as long as she knows you will wait for her she will keep some form of contact with you just in case it doesn't work out with this guy...

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Her response to finding out that I met someone sparked some immediate jealous questions, her crying , and the following email:

Her email titled "good luck to you" RECEIVED [10/23]
I called your phone a few hours ago and it had nothing to do with you being with another girl. I knew you weren't going to answer your phone, but that was the last time you are going to see my cell number pop up on your cell. I really wish you answered, but I'm sure you got the crazy voice mail from Optomus Prime. I wanted to end off on a funny note.

I have to be completely honest with you; I can't be your friend... at least not right now. I'm not ready for that. I'm glad you are going out with girls and dating, but I really don't want to hear about it. You were the one I wanted to marry and have babies with (you have been the only one that I have felt that way about... EVER!) I really don't want to hear about how you are moving on, hents why I don't like to tell you what's going on in my life. Its not easy to hear therefore I don't want to share it with you. (I never wanted to say anything that would make you sad or cry) I have to admit you made me cry today at work. I had to leave my desk and one of the attorneys followed me outside and asked if I was all right. That's great you are dating a few girls, but you know that I fell hard for you and then you were gone and I was dealing with it alone. I'm in no way asking you to wait for me, I would never ask that of you, but please don't think I am jaded or an unforgiving person. You know I tried very hard to keep US together. The relationship I am in right now made me realize I shouldn't have to work to make the relationship work... and it really makes me sad about you and me. But then again the hard work was worth the year we were together. You know you had my heart and yes you will always have a piece of it. It has been bruised and scared, but I am now looking at them as a learning experience.

I hope nothing but the best for you in life and your career... I have always felt that way. You know I have love for you and that will not change, but I'm not in the situation to be in love with you. I hope this does not upset you in any way...

Hey maybe you may want to thank god that you broke up with her... If she is clingy this could begin to annoy you again, and then you may want your space again... You don't know... Funny you miss her now that you don't have her, but maybe when you get her you won't feel the same.. This is usually the case once you break up with someoene and try to reconcile it is very different and often result in a breakup immediately after.. So let her go... SHe is living with this guy, she rejected you... Lets say she does get back with you you would constantly bring this up and resulting in fights.. so why are you bothering?? Leave her alone and be happy!

You're probably right and I understand what ouere saying. I can't explain it but I miss her so much.
Her grandfather passed away 1 year ago yesterday. Should I have called her to console her? I told her in our last conversation I was here if she needed a shoulder to cry on.
Should I ask her if she'll meet for coffee or anything?
Day 6 nc
What does that letter 2 posts up mean? It goes in a circle...

All I want say is:
I miss you. I now your so happy now. But you were happy before with me. I'm in agony. Why can't we both be happy? Together

Do u still ever think about us getting married and having kids? Do u ever think that u still want that?
I still break down everyday

I know you miss her but by you keep contacting her it's going to make it harder to deal with the more she rejects you, you should let her go.

I know I have to wait... its been 1 week since we spoke
Is she bsing me or keepng me on the line with this:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ryaninvegas

me(11:23:46 AM): (assuming you wernt with yur guy) do you still wish we worked out?
her(11:24:32 AM): yes
me(11:28:26 AM): (assuming you wernt with yur guy) would you ever still be interested in coming back?
her(11:29:59 AM): yes, but I dont know if that would happen
her(11:30:06 AM): me not being with him
her(11:30:13 AM): and Im not asking you to wait
me(1:33:50 PM): (assuming you wernt with yur guy) do you still miss us
her(1:36:12 PM): Im not going to lie to you
her(1:36:15 PM): yes I miss you
her(1:36:25 PM): but I am really happy with where I am at
me(1:36:47 PM): (assuming you wernt with yur guy) would u want to reconcile us?
her(1:37:24 PM): I would, but I cant
meassuming you wernt with yur guy) would u come back to me?
her:I already answered that
her: you know I would

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