I think it's the best time to get rid of bad habits and find new things to enjoy. I sat down earlier today and set some non negotiable goals for myself to be achieved by Jan 1st. I have done this in the past, but I'm actually making myself do it this time. I feel like there is no better time to rebuild myself into who I want to be, than when I am at rock bottom such as now.

Im honestly OK with most things, but as SOON as I think about her with her boyfriend now, it kills me. I really really really wish I had never asked those questions I did back at the start of the breakup.

Well I am updating my healing or lack thereof. Today I got home and went onto my Facebook and myspace. My ex is not a friend on myspace , she said it was an accident it got deleted or whatever. I still had comments from her and I noticed she changed her picture. So I clicked it, its set on private so all I see is that cover page and I see she put a pic of her and her new guy she is seeing and a quote that basically says... cuddling in his arms is like heaven. This totally blew me away, messed me up. I have been NC for 2 weeks but not feel like I am back at 0.

I knew she was seeing him but just seeing that , mostly the comment, just made me feel like wow, she doesn't care about me anymore, like she claims she does. She said she was confused, well doesn't seem confused to me. I can't believe I let her play me, toy with my heart and then stomp on it for the final blow. I feel like such an idiot. I always trusted her and gave her the benefit of the doubt, even now, and all she has done recently is lie to me and give me a bunch of BS. I was stupid enough to think that after 4 years , she would still love me and miss me somewhat. Whether she really does or now, I don't know, but it looks like she doesn't. This is not the girl I fell in love with and thought I knew and that hurts. To be hurt by someone who claims to love and care about you is the worst feeling I have ever felt or could have imagined.

It seems so easy for her, whether she is masking her feelings and distracting herself, I don't know but I hope one day she realizes what she has done here, and done to me. And then come running back and I hope to be moved on and let her suffer the way I have. I still love her, and it hurts, I don't think I will ever not love her. I was too nice I guess, let her fool me and give me false hope. Now I see that it looks like she been plannign this all along with no regard for my feelings. Well I needed to vent that out, I feel I was too nice the last time we talked. I just want to call her and tell her that she should feel like crap and that you don't play with people's emotions and feelings like this. She lied to me and crushed me, and that she's a totally different person. I want to curse her out so bad and leave her feeling like crap. WEll I probably won't but I want to. Sorry for being so long, I needed to vent that out.

I'm not ready to heal myself.. I don't think I ever will..

Reading your first post makes me so depressed

To heal myself would to be given a 2nd chance with her.. :(

I now hardly ever think of my ex. Its been since feb 12th I think we split up, about a month after that, her contacting me led me on a trip of self-emotional-harm (led me on, kissed guys in front of me, had a boyfriend, went to a concert) until July when I went NO CONTACT after she said sorry - briefly.

Tell you what every day is now more depressing. Life is hard enough work on your own! Lol every day I give less and less of a sh*t about my ex. In fact I can pretty much say I am over it.

The best thing honestly you can do is keeping busy, improving yourself. Those things helped me. Doing things you never would have done before also helped me become the new person I am today.

You all think its hard work, it is! It really is to get over some people, but it can be done. It takes time and a lot of work though. + You cannot expect to move on being in contact with said ex either. No contact is brill! I can probably say by early next year she will hardly cross my mind at all.

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Originally Posted by bummedout4

well i am updating my healing or lack thereof. Today i got home and went onto my facebook adn myspace. My ex is not a friend on myspace , she said it was an accident it got deleted or whatever. I still had comments from her and i noticed she changed her picture. So i clicked it, its set on private so all i see is that cover page and i see she put a pic of her and her new guy she is seeing and a quote that basically says......cuddling in his arms is like heaven. This totally blew me away, messed me up. I have been NC for 2 weeks but not feel like i am back at 0.

I knew she was seeing him but just seeing that , mostly the comment, just made me feel like wow, she doesnt care about me anymore, like she claims she does. She said she was confused, well doesnt seem confused to me. I can't believe i let her play me, toy with my heart and then stomp on it for the final blow. I feel like such an idiot. I always trusted her and gave her the benefit of the doubt, even now, and all she has done recently is lie to me and give me a bunch of BS. I was stupid enough to think that after 4 years , she would still love me and miss me somewhat. Whether she really does or now, i dont know, but it looks like she doesnt. This is not the girl i fell in love with and thought i knew and that hurts. To be hurt by someone who claims to love and care about you is the worst feeling i have ever felt or could have imagined.

It seems so easy for her, whether she is masking her feelings and distracting herself, i dont know but i hope one day she realizes what she has done here, and done to me. And then come running back and i hope to be moved on and let her suffer the way i have. I still love her, and it hurts, i dont think i will ever not love her. I was too nice i guess, let her fool me and give me false hope. Now i see that it looks like she been plannign this all along with no regard for my feelings. Well i needed to vent that out, I feel i was too nice the last time we talked. I just want to call her and tell her that she should feel like crap and that you don't play with people's emotions and feelings like this. She lied to me and crushed me, and that shes a totally different person. I want to curse her out so bad and leave her feeling like crap. WEll i probably won't but i want to. Sorry for being so long, i needed to vent that out.

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This is what we spent a month trying to tell you, Im so glad that you see it now (as much as it probably hurts). I know you want to curse her out, make her hurt like you do etc, but talking to her will do the opposite. She will still think she has you on a leash. If you really want your 'revenge' never phone/email/txt/smoke signal her again. Let her wonder and never know how you are doing. You now know that she moved on, its your turn!

I know this might sound crazy, but has anyone taken a full day to try and think positive? I know the bad thoughts creep back constantly for me, but Im wondering if anyone has success controlling their thoughts? The basic problem is I'm SICK of thinking about her, and I know she's gone, and I'm slightly OK with it. I wish I could just move on mentally now as I know I have no choice. Whenever I read a book on positive type thinking I feel great the day I read it, but I forget everything so quickly afterwards.

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Originally Posted by madaman

I know this might sound crazy, but has anyone taken a full day to try and think positive? I know the bad thoughts creep back constantly for me, but Im wondering if anyone has success controlling their thoughts? The basic problem is im SICK of thinking about her, and I know shes gone, and im slightly ok with it. I wish I could just move on mentally now as I know I have no choice. Whenever I read a book on positive type thinking I feel great the day I read it, but I forget everything so quickly afterwards.

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The best thing you can do is when you think of something negative feed a positive thought into it. Example would be I would think of my ex being or seeing someone else and my thought would be I DESERVE BETTER. Maybe I would think man I miss her then I would think I missed her when I was with her lol. Guess not the most positive but you can fill in the blanks these helped me allot. It will take time. You won't notice the difference for a while but you look back you will smile. :>) I did. You have to find the moment of peace in yourself where you say I can sit here and cry and be sad and waste time or I can dust myself off and move on. Its her / his loss not yours they were just in your way. That's how I see it. My ex is a good women over all and It was the first time I was with someone that I don't think cheated on me. However what I realized is what am I doing to myself? And to my relationships? #1 I am seeing myself and relationship as 1 that is not the case they are separate. #2 I need to consciously separate me time from our time. When I was wit my ex I use to spend all my social time with her along with our time. This created a huge void when we broke up which made it sooo much more dificult. Now I learned and now I see that I can stand on my own 2 and I can have fun and do what I like without having to hear someone complaining that I spend 60 bux on a game while she spends 500 on a pair of shoes she will not wear. I just saved myself 440 bux lol

Good Luck every 1 !

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Originally Posted by madaman

I know this might sound crazy, but has anyone taken a full day to try and think positive? I know the bad thoughts creep back constantly for me, but Im wondering if anyone has success controlling their thoughts? The basic problem is im SICK of thinking about her, and I know shes gone, and im slightly ok with it. I wish I could just move on mentally now as I know I have no choice. Whenever I read a book on positive type thinking I feel great the day I read it, but I forget everything so quickly afterwards.

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If you sit there and try to think positive it will not happen.

You need to trick your brain into seeking dopamine elsewhere... Go to an amusement park, rent a movie, see an old friend, go on a trip, do something crazy and new... then for a minute, an hour, a day... you may suddenly realize - "Whoa, I didn't think about her. Cool!"

And that's step 1.

The more you trick the brain the more it will do it on it's own... it will not include her in your mental framework.

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Originally Posted by Ash123

If you sit there and try to think positive it will not happen.

You need to trick your brain into seeking dopamine elsewhere....Go to an amusement park, rent a movie, see an old friend, go on a trip, do something crazy and new.....then for a minute, an hour, a day...you may suddenly realize - "Whoa, I didn't think about her. Cool!"

And that's step 1.

The more you trick the brain the more it will do it on it's own....it will not include her in your mental framework.

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I disagree. I think one can train one's mind to think positively. It takes time of course, but much like going to school and receiving an education, which to me is a training within itself, the mind can be strengthened. You can learn to focus intently on the things you want. I know I have trained my mind to think in a more productive and healthy way. I had to do it to beat alcoholism. I do agree, that the best way to move on and to not overwhelm yourself is to fill your life with the right amount of positive activities, it is also important to note that the mind much like a muscle can be toned. Filling your life with productive activities is an aid for that. I think that meditation can certainly be a stress relieving activity.

I try so hard to maintain the positive thinking. It usually works until something else triggers a minor depression and then it all comes sliding down. Personally I miss her less and less every day, but I still am getting more depressed. Im starting to see our relationship from a 3rd party perspective and I realize how dysfunctional it was. I can't wait until I'm completely happy alone without her.

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The basic problem is I'm SICK of thinking about her, and I know she's gone, and I'm slightly OK with it. I wish I could just move on mentally now as I know I have no choice.

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I can totally relate. I'm sick of my ex creeping into my thoughts throughout the day, heck
He even invades my dreams (like some kind of Freddy Krueger). It dosen't matter where I go or what I do, there is always something to remind me of him, whether it be the smell of his cologne on someone else, a place that we went together, or a movie, that if we would still be together, I know we would go see. Even at the dance club that I've been a regular at since before he and I even met, I feel a pain in my heart when certain songs play that he and I always loved to dance to together.

I end up making things worse on myself because I start wondering if he does those same things with his new girlfriend. I still find it so unfair that he moved on to someone else so quickly. He's happy and is making someone else happy and I'm left to try to put myself back together again. :(

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Originally Posted by madaman

I am just really curious, there are alot of regulars on here and ive read their stories over the last few months. Just wondering how everyone is doing.

Personally Im at almost 3 months since the breakup. First month and a half was absolute hell, but its gotten way better. Went 55 days NC before she called me this week to ask something stupid. I thought I would be back to day 1 but an hour after talking to her I was fine again thank goodness. I still think about her WAY too much, but I have gone hours without the thought of her crossing my mind. I have focused more on work again, and am eating/sleeping properly again. Outlook is neutral (at least its not super negative). I have been seeing someone new casually but its really tough because of the whole 'my ex did this better etc' hopefully that goes away soon.


So how is everyone else doing? I feel some weird bond with all of you going through this CRAP at the same time as I.

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I'm almost two months in and it sucks. Some days I'll wake up and go through my day and try not to think about her - these are the days when I feel like I'm pissed with her and just want to meet up with her and call this "break" what it is - a break up with a dangling possibility of reuniting. Then there are other days I wake up and I'm just completely sad all day. Then there are days when I wake up and want her back and think I will do anything to get her back. And sometimes, if I'm lucky, there are days that I wake up and don't think much about her at all - but of course, these are the days where she will text me like 3 times and call and just F it all up for me. But regardless, every day I wake up with an emotional hit when I realize she's not in bed next to me. It totally blows. The thing that's hard for me is that she keeps in contact with me, and will tell me she loves me and misses me, but she created the situation and doesn't seem to want to do much about it (see my huge novel of a post) - so basically I'm being strung along and just being kept on a back burner I guess, but I don't really know. I try to ignore her texts and calls, but that usually just leads to more texts and calls, so I relent. I know I need to stop, but I can't help it. I suck! Haha, but it's good to know that all of you guys are on here, and that I can come lay it all out on the table for everyone to see... good luck to all of you with this!

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little firefly

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I can totally relate. I'm sick of my ex creeping into my thoughts throughout the day, heck
He even invades my dreams (like some kind of Freddy Krueger). It dosen't matter where I go or what I do, there is always something to remind me of him, whether it be the smell of his cologne on someone else, a place that we went together, or a movie, that if we would still be together, I know we would go see. Even at the dance club that I've been a regular at since before he and I even met, I feel a pain in my heart when certain songs play that he and I always loved to dance to together.

I end up making things worse on myself because I start wondering if he does those same things with his new girlfriend. I still find it so unfair that he moved on to someone else so quickly. He's happy and is making someone else happy and I'm left to try to put myself back together again.

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Firefly, I so know what you mean. My ex I am sure is making her new boyfriend real happy and vice versa. It hurts to know end since it was so easy and fast for her to do this to me. Even after she wanted to marry me one day then a week later is with someone else, then wekk after that living with them, then telling me she loves me and misses me but now has feelings for someone else? What a crock of crap. It is totally mean and cruel to be so in my face about it. Plus it is hard to now like you said to be able to repair yourself and feel better when she seems like not a care in the world and she is happy and doesn't care about the chaos she has caused. I just don't get it either, how our partners can change so drastically and be someone else we don't know? It hurts and I am sorry for you, I know your pain, I feel it everyday. I hope we get better soon...

Diamondstar, I'm sorry for your pain too. It gets so tiring having to live with it. People keep telling me to just get over it and move on with my life. If it was that easy I would have done it already, I mean do they think I enjoy hurting all the time? I know that with time we all WILL get better, it's just nice to know that we don't have to go through it alone. At least here on this forum we all have each other. :)

I know what so many of you are feeling. The reminders are everywhere. There is literally nowwhere in this town that we haven't been to together. In 7 yrs time I know we went to every restaurant, movie theater, store etc. etc. countless times. At home is just as hard, we cooked a lot together so now being in the kitchen and having to cook alone breaks my heart. Its so strange being there without him. Like many of you my ex has also moved on with someone else, left for her is more acurate. Moved in with her shortly after that. The only comfort I get from that is knowing this girl is such a low life piece of crap with so much baggage and drama in her life she is soon going to make his life a living hell. It's not everyday you go from a fully functional committed relationship into an all out dysfunctional extravvaagannza. But you know what they say about the grass being greener and all... NOT SO MUCH!

Yeh it gets easier. Trust in me!! :)

No contact does the trick.

I guess I am not as well off as I thought I was. From my thread got a text sos, I have fallen back into complete chaos. I am a basketcase. Man I wish I would have not fallen so hard for this girl. I am in such misery!! Can't seem to get myself back together. She is being so cruel and hurtful.

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Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much

I feel that the reason it's taking some of us so long to heal is because we loved with our whole hearts and even though our ex's didnt see forever in us, we did in them and the adjustments we are having to make in our lives now are not only hard but takes lots of time.

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This pretty much sums it all up right here. Making these changes in life, and rapidly, can be scary. After my ex wanted to go on a "break," I've had to move to a new place, start driving 30 minutes to and from work, integrate with a whole new group of friends, and I think I'm probably going to have to switch my job location so I don't have to drive so far - which feels like another nail in the lid of the coffin for this relationship. I'm also looking into a new job - which isn't so bad really because I'm trying to work on myself and my situation, but it still makes me almost frightened in a way when I realize that I've had to basically just give up my life and start new in about two months. And I'm not a person who likes changes. I like to get into my groove and stay there. And I did want to spend forever with my ex, but clearly she did not.

All she's had to do is make a minor adjustment to the reality that I don't live at her apartment anymore. She still has the same job, the same friends, and her routine hasn't changed really.

The drastic changes in your life will make it easier to get over her and more quick. It's the routine of daily life that reminds most of us on our Ex, but you have changed almost everything.

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freakinconfused

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This pretty much sums it all up right here. Making these changes in life, and rapidly, can be scary. After my ex wanted to go on a "break," I've had to move to a new place, start driving 30 minutes to and from work, integrate with a whole new group of friends, and I think I'm probably going to have to switch my job location so I don't have to drive so far - which feels like another nail in the lid of the coffin for this relationship. I'm also looking into a new job - which isn't so bad really because I'm trying to work on myself and my situation, but it still makes me almost frightened in a way when I realize that I've had to basically just give up my life and start new in about two months. And I'm not a person who likes changes. I like to get into my groove and stay there. And I did want to spend forever with my ex, but clearly she did not.

All she's had to do is make a minor adjustment to the reality that I don't live at her apartment anymore. She still has the same job, the same friends, and her routine hasn't changed really.

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I feel you %100 man, I am in almost the same situation. I am so sad once again. I am sure she is just fine. That's really great for her, but hurts me so bad.