Matty, she wants out, right wrong or indifferent, that's what she wants. If you have any chance in heck to salvage this thing, you need to be extreme. Sell the house (I'm assuming you're buying since you mentioned mortgage and not rent), the market is still good right now. This is the only real tie that binds you right now. Selling the house will untie that knott, maybe even put a few bucks in your pocket which should help you rent a place for now.

She was only 18 when you guys started this thing. She says she wonders what it would be like to be on her own as an adult. She needs to find out.

Living in a house together with pets may somewhat feel like being married, but its really not cause with marriage comes commitment. Commitment to stay together and work things out when they get rough. Statistically speaking, men and women who were out on their own for at least 2 years have a better success rate in marriage because they've been schooled in responsibilities and have respect for the hard work it takes to keep things up. This will also of course eliminate the tension of living in the same house although broken up or things may eventually get ugly. If she says that she can't pay for rent on her own, remind her that she wanted to be out on her own as an adult, that's what adults do, whatever it takes to pay the rent and support yourself. If she still can't do it, then maybe she should consider moving back home for a while until she can. You should not be each others crutch, then no one grows up. Be on your own for at least a couple of years, I know it seems like a long time but you're young, you can afford the time, it's an investment. It might be hard but it will be well worth it.

If she was meant to come back to you, believe me when I tell you that you will love the fact that she's become her own woman, mature, responsible, ready to take on a serious relationship and commit to it, no more playing house. Good luck to you.

momincali is a very smart woman. I agree 1000% - this is what needs to be done. I hinted at this in a previous post.

To actually get her back - you need to prove you are serious about moving on. And being serious about moving on means possibly finding someone else - which I think most likely will happen.

Being independent of her is key here. As I always say - people want what they can't have - it's so true.

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Originally Posted by momincali

Matty, she wants out, right wrong or indifferent, that's what she wants. If you have any chance in heck to salvage this thing, you need to be extreme. Sell the house (I'm assuming you're buying since you mentioned mortgage and not rent), the market is still good right now. This is the only real tie that binds you right now. Selling the house will untie that knott, maybe even put a few bucks in your pocket which should help you rent a place for now.

She was only 18 when you guys started this thing. She says she wonders what it would be like to be on her own as an adult. She needs to find out.

Living in a house together with pets may somewhat feel like being married, but its really not cause with marriage comes committment. Committment to stay together and work things out when they get rough. Statistically speaking, men and women who were out on their own for at least 2 years have a better success rate in marriage because they've been schooled in responsibilities and have respect for the hard work it takes to keep things up. This will also of course eliminate the tension of living in the same house although broken up or things may eventually get ugly. If she says that she can't pay for rent on her own, remind her that she wanted to be out on her own as an adult, that's what adults do, whatever it takes to pay the rent and support yourself. If she still can't do it, then maybe she should consider moving back home for a while until she can. You should not be each others crutch, then no one grows up. Be on your own for at least a couple of years, I know it seems like a long time but you're young, you can afford the time, it's an investment. It might be hard but it will be well worth it.

If she was meant to come back to you, believe me when I tell you that you will love the fact that she's become her own woman, mature, responsible, ready to take on a serious relationship and commit to it, no more playing house. Good luck to you.

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BRAVO - This will make her grow up, and you need a grown up woman, not be a substitute for her parents. I think there is no further comment needed -

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_75.gifMomincali, you did it again!

Well, I just wanted to thank all you guys again... you have been help. However, I am a VERY stubborn person and every time I read your comments I say to myself "maybe they're right" but an hour later I think "my life sucks" again. I am trying so hard and you guys actually do give me that little glimmer of hope. And a note to wildcat... I understand what you are trying to say, but have some compassion. I do NOT need to be called a "WUSS". That comment was rude and I do not appreaciate it. Again, I understand the point you were getting to, but try to lay off the name calling... I get it! I'm not mad at you wildcat, again, I understand what you were trying to say. Oh hell, maybe I'm just blowing a stupid word out or proportion. Ha, well, ummmm, never mind I guess LOL. Other than that, thank you wildcat, you have shed some light on a few queston that have been running through my head, as have you all. Please keep my head up. I'll try to post again in a week or so and let you guys know how it's all going. I'm sure I'll still need your advice. Thanks again all! :cool:

Mat, keep you head and your hopes up. Nothing is ever final until the day we die, so there is always hope. You both have choices to make and have to live with the consequences - maybe she'll grow up and start appreciating what she has. At any time you need us, we are here. Good Luck!


P.S. If you would like to rate us, we won't be mad at you. ;)

Hey Matt - I deal in tough love - I want you to CHANGE YESTERDAY!! I deal in truths. No flower - people don't change on flowery advice.

I give this advice because you need to become stronger. Build barriers. Have your own tests. You need to learn about women and why things happen so you're a step a head of the game - not behind all the time and wondering what the hell happened.

I know a lot of what I say doesn't make sense, but women don't always want the 'nice' guy - they need a guy with a life - who has his life together - a guy who is busy and has OTHER things going on in his life.

Women are part of your life - not your life. Don't put a woman up on a pedestal or a head of you - NONE deserve and they will rip your heart out and chew it up IF you do this.

Women want to feel the upgraded in a man.

I am kind of going through the same situation as you. But I was not dating the person as long and you and her have been together. What I am doing to get through this is just hanging out with a few of my friends and my family. I also do not have that many friends, since they are all in college and we just drifted apart. I have been talking to a few trusted people too. Whenever this breakup gets too much for me to handle, I pick up the phone and just vent to one of my close friends. Just talking about it seems to be helping. Or I come on this website and ask for advice... they give great advice in here. Try not to think about the breakup. I know that it is extremely hard, since you are still living with her. Try to keep busy as much as possible. It will get your mind off things. Have you gone out with the few friends from work that you have? That might help. Maybe you'll meet some new people to hang out with also. I don't know how much my advice will help, but I hope it does. That is what I have been doing to get through this breakup of mine. I still really love this guy, and I don't want to meet anyone else new, but I know that I need too. Give her her space and freedom, and if she loves you and if it is meant to be, then she will come back to you. Usually us girls realize what we had when it is no longer a part of our life. Hang in there, things will get easier... I promise! Good luck with everything and keep us posted! :)

Hello!

You do not need other people to tell you what to do. Everybody that goes through the same situation might have different outcomes because not everybody is the same.

My advice is how you were describing your love for her with your post my first instinct is why do you not tell her how you feel. It might be what the doctor ordered. Let her know how you still feel about her. That simple.

Joe

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Originally Posted by mattyd22

So the other day my girlfriend told me she needed her space. We got together when she was 18 and I was 23. Now, at the time, I had already gone through a couple of serious relationships, as well as that whole peroid of my life where I went out and had fun while I was single. Since my girlfriend is now 22, she is wondering what she is missing. Our relationship is very serious right now. We have a house, a dog, two cats, and it's basically like we are married, which I love. But she says she just isn't sure if that's what she wants because she has never experienced beinbg on her own as an adult. For financial reasons, we have decided to break up, but I would still live in the hous. Seperate rooms, no sex, and no checking up on each other, just llike we're single, which I guess we are. I am having a really tough time with this whole situation. Now I do understand her feelings, but my life right now is not too good and this situation could not come at a worse time for me. I am in a lot of credit trouble, I don't really have a lot of friends except for the people I work with (but me and her work at the same place so it's hard), and I just don't want to lose her forever. I know I am not asking for a simple answer to a question here, but I just need some people to tell me what to do. If anyone out there went through the same situation, wht did you do to survive? Did you do anything to bring her or him back to you. Did the situation turn out good or bad. Or if anyone is currently going through a similar situation, what are you doing to remain stable. Please someone help me and talk to me. I love this woman more than my own life and I just can't seem to live without her. Please help me. Thank you all.

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Hi, - as you can see, she knows he loves her, but is having inner conflicts with herself at present. She needs to grow up and realize that nobody is 100 percent perfect or happy and start making her peace with reality. We usually go through our 'rebelious' period younger, but she had been pampered and now tastes freedom and does not know what to do with it - so she wants her cake and eat it too. So, matt can suggest they sell the house, that might wake her up, or wait for her to make a choice. He should however, give her an ultimatum - you're right there...

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_11_7.gifP.S. We do this on our free time and really appreciate feedback if our answers/advice helped or not, please: click the Rate This Post link, click on Approve or Disapprove, and give a comment. Thanks!

Again - he can't go around the house like a sick puppy. Plus he spends WAY too much time wit hthis gal. I bet she thinks of him more as friend. The romance is gone because he spent too much time with her as her friend. Woman need mystery, romance, they need the feeling you might just leave (this is reality, NOT story books), they need excitement. I have a feeling the day in and day out living together made her bored to an extreme. She lost respect for him as well because he was there too much.

You created this situation, and now you pretend to be perplexed by it. Let's see. Just imagine you were 18, and some 23 year old women, pounced on you, and robbed you of your youth, and now you want..

When I was 23, my guy was 33 he was a doctor and I was in med school, but I was not pampered as a child and knew what I was doing.. We are all different and that's what's unique about humanity. Some just need longer to grow up.

You are going to be needing it. You will continue.

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Originally Posted by Katiy

You created this situation, and now you pretend to be perplexed by it. Let's see. Just imagine you were 18, and some 23 year old women, pounced on you, and robbed you of your youth, and now you want...............?

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Katiy- With all due respect, he didn't rob anyone of anything unless she was kept there at gunpoint from the ages of 18 to 22. It was also her choice.

Matt-stop using finances as an excuse. Get out of there and stay out. You are the one who needs to be on your own. Why play house with someone who isn't committed to you.She's too young and immature to be sharing expenses with let alone a house.what if she finds someone and moves him in .Now What? This is a disaster waiting to happen .Get out before that house comes down around you.Make a place to call your BASE so you at least can get yourself together and then see what comes next.Be responsible for yourself.Not to be harsh though not all my youthfull decision worked out to good ,but stay with it and good luck whatever you choose to do.

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Originally Posted by Katiy

You created this situation, and now you pretend to be perplexed by it. Let's see. Just imagine you were 18, and some 23 year old women, pounced on you, and robbed you of your youth, and now you want...............?

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Ok, I don't know what the deal is here. Have you been reading anything in any of the threads you have been posting in? It really doesn't look like it. This is a place where people come and ask for ADVICE, and frankly you are being no help. This is the 2nd post I have seen where you have attacked someone, and are talking about things that you obviously have no idea about. READ THE WHOLE THREAD. I realize it is hard to just jump into a long thread and give advice, but that should more than likely be your cue to stay out. I don't mean this to be an attack on you in any way, I am just getting frustrated with you off the wall comments that pretty much have nothing to do with the topic at hand. If you are here to help, that's great, the more the better I say. If you are here to just make random comments about peoples relationships, no thanks. Again, I am not trying to be rude in any way here, maybe you just don't realize what you are saying. :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by jeffatl

Ok, I dont know what the deal is here. Have you been reading anything in any of the threads you have been posting in? It really doesnt look like it. This is a place where people come and ask for ADVICE, and frankly you are being no help. this is the 2nd post I have seen where you have attacked someone, and are talking about things that you obviously have no idea about. READ THE WHOLE THREAD. I realize it is hard to just jump into a long thread and give advice, but that should more than likely be your cue to stay out. I dont mean this to be an attack on you in any way, I am just getting frustrated with you off the wall comments that pretty much have nothing to do with the topic at hand. If you are here to help, thats great, the more the better I say. If you are here to just make random comments about peoples relationships, no thanks. Again, I am not trying to be rude in any way here, maybe you just dont realize what you are saying. :rolleyes:

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You Said it Brother!! :mad:

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Originally Posted by Katiy

You are going to be needing it. You will continue.

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I have no idea who you meant this toward, but your short input in many posts don't make any sense at all. Please be more explicit and address the person you mean when you post those short meaningless words please. This is the second time I've asked you to explain and still you continue. Please be a little more careful and constructive. Thanks.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_12_12.gif

Agreed, I have been reading your posts and most of them are so vague you can't get anything from them. Try and explain your point instead of hitting us with these one liners please. :cool:

I am pratically in the same situation you are in... My girl cheated on me though and I asked her to move out and then changed my mind... (I realized how important she was to me and my son) We talked it over and decided her moving out would give her some space and alleviate some issues we had living together... Im not perfext, I had to do a lot of research to find out the truth about what she was doing when she cheated on me and I realized in was obsessed doing it, now she tells me she wants space and time alone... I agree with the rest of the people repling here that you just need to give her that. If you love something let it go and if it comes back then you know its meant to be. Don't call her or email her. Wait for her to call you. Don't smother her with information about how much you love her and how you care for her deeply. Some girls when they want to get away they are pressed further away by this as is my girl.. I am learning the hard way here and I don't know if I can stay sane by listening to this advice, but I have to try because I am too much in love to make things worse..

Brian