Ask Me Help Desk - I think I really just messed up my relationship.

If I do send her flowers, will she think I'm trying to buy her love?

Don't overthink this, the only thing you can do is send her the flowers and not contact her. ONLY time will let her cool off, but the flowers are a nice way of letting her know you will be there for her when she does cool off.

OH boy Kevin!!

Your handling this the wrong way... There is something else going on here, I hope I'm wrong but your missing something.

This girl is either going off you or is interested in someone else!!

Boy wondergirl was spot on, touching your girlfriend lover whatever while she is sleeping!! IS GREAT!!

I was with my girlfriend for 3 years and I used to take her pants pigamas of whatever off while she was sleeping and go for it with her while she was asleep. Sometimes she was playing and wasn't asleep but there was times when she was really asleep and didn't even no what happened and woke up during the sex...

There is nothing wrong with that for a long time I use to wake up some times during the night and id play with her, sometimes it may annoy her cause she was sleeping but truly mate she would love it if she was interested in you totally. Its paqrt of the relationship...

There is more to the story here she should have been happy for you to be tiouching her...

You don't need to apologise you only need to say listen I like touching you all the time I'm sorry if you think I over stepped it but I enjoy touching you all the time.

If she really likes you and wants you she will love you touching her while she sleeps.

Sorry to say but therres a bigger issue here and its not molestering it's the fact that she isn't that into you!!

Did you end up sending flowers?
How did it all go

I would just let her cool off for a day or so, and then call.

No flowers no nothing

First things first. No I have not sent any flowers or such. We had a speech class tonight and she gave her speech and during a break I simply said that she did a perfect job on it and complimented her, I meant it, but I'm hoping it will also show that I care.

I am going to wait a day or so before I decide on ordering her flowers. She wants space so she's going to get it. My only issue is that she's basically asked for 2 breaks. She's a very stubborn yet indecisive person and I don't know if there is another person, she's been great and we spend a lot of time together so I doubt she has been with anyone.

I know she had a crush on some personal trainer, but I've had crushes on other people and we both know the boundaries and we know that we want each other.

I think the fact that I took her virginity plays a big role in this in that she doesn't have the sexual experience, she's a very reserved person so it may be more that she feels her personal space was invaded rather than the sexual side. However, since someone else attempted to do that and it scarred her may be bringing up old scars.

I talked to a close female friend of mine who also knows her and she agreed that I'm not the kind of person who would ever purposely step my boundaries.

From what I've gathered here I think I'm just going to give her some time to herself, no calls, no messages, no flowers, nothing (thanks mckenzie134) and then see how things go, I don't want her to think that I'm pulling out of her life because then she might think that I WAS trying to take advantage of her which is not the case, so then I'll simply send her some flowers with a I love you and I'm sorry attached to it, and just see how she reacts.

I don't know if she's not interested in me anymore, if anything she's shown lately that she's MORE interested in me. I know she's not a touchy feely person and kind of feels smothered a lot since I am a very affectionate person, so I'm trying to calm it down a bit.

Also to Talaniman, you've helped me quite a bit before, and I will surely give he some space and just sort of prepare myself for the worst case scenario, at least then I won't feel like an idiot if she breaks up with me over something as stupid as this.

She needs to realize what she's missing out on and how I've been with her through thick and thin, waking up at 3am and going to the hospital when she had surgery so I could support her and calm her down. And then having to go to school at 7am for a few hours and then work for a while and come back with a huge bouquet for her room to wake up to and how I waited by her bed for a few hours before she woke up.

Anyway, I appreciate all of the information, I'm hoping for the best, I don't think she's cheating since we both agree it's wrong. I'm just going to give her time to cool off and show her I have the best intentions.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevin_s

So, once again I am in dire need of help.

So my girlfriend was hanging out yesterday and was in my bed, she had her eyes closed and was just resting. I didn't know she was fast asleep and I was just laying there rubbing her stomach and legs and she likes when I rub her on her lower gut right where there would be pubic hair (she's clean there). She was all smiling and such so I thought she was awake and pretending to be asleep because sometimes she does that and I gently put a finger in her (we've been having sex for a long time) and finger her and she was still smiling, then I guess she woke up. Stormed out and wouldn't just talk to me. I was trying to stop her and talk to her and she wouldn't listen to me and sped off. I went to her house later and she basically through me out and that was at about 8pm. She hasn't replied to my calls or tried to talk to me about this until about 45 minutes ago (around 2pm) and doesn't want to talk to me, and is mad at me and doesn't know if she wants to be with me anymore after we were doing fine.

I told her that I know what I did was wrong, but that I thought she was awake and that if I knew she was seriously sleeping that I would never EVER do anything to disrespect her like that. I have never done anything to hurt her and I've always tried to be the best boyfriend I can. I love this girl with all of my heart and I'm afraid I've just lost her. I've apologized to her a million times and I know it was stupid of me to keep calling her and trying to fix the problem especially since when she doesn't want to talk to someone, you can't force her and she just gets more mad. I wasn't thinking and I acted wrongly.

I think it would be a different situation if we had never had sex or anything and I knew she was asleep. But I really thought she was playing and awake.

I'm so upset and I have to see her at 6pm for class.

What do I do? How should I handle the situation? I don't want to lose her and we've been through a lot together.

Please, I need your help.

Hey
This must be very hard and upsetting for you

You should try to send her one message
Im sorry, I will give you some space. If you need me I'm here (sorta thing)

Then if she doesn't contact you then try giving her a call maybe after a few days. Was anything upsetting happening in her life like home problems etc? Maybe she's a little stressed out

Try not to worry too much about it. Let me know how you get on xxx

We're both full time students and she's doing around 30hrs/week for work, I'm working a full 40hours a week with a 30 minute commute each way.

Her mother doesn't really do much (lives with mom) and the mom drinks a lot. We both have a lot going on this week so I think she's stressing out and trying to just cut me and this issue out for a bit and work on her school stuff. I'm just going to keep dressing sharp be there for her and I'll send her some flowers probably today.

Kevin

For some reason I keep feeling like crap about this, especially since I have no control over what she thinks or wants. It's like I'm wrongly accused and I'm stuck doing the time.

I've noticed I've neglected my body in that I haven't eaten anything today, and I only had like a banana yesterday. I just completely lost my hunger. This needs to be resolved soon.

You can let yourself grieve - there is nothing wrong with that. As long as at some point you realize you can't help what's going on (Everyone likes control and when they encounter situations they can't they often go to their whits end). At least you recognize you need to eat. The first week of my break up, I didn't even see that.

I mean, we're not even broken up and she just is treating me so coldly. She's basically wanted 2 breaks already because she's not an affectionate person a lot and I am and I think she feels smothered. But I told her that I can't do this again and that if she wants another break it will be just too hard on me. Which is true, and I told her once that I would never go back to an ex girlfriend... but if she and I break up she may a different circumstance.

I don't know I just miss her so much and we've had class together and she's been... indifferent.

Why is she so afraid to talk to me basically?

To be honest - when I was her age I didn't know what I wanted and was extremely selfish.
She sounds a lot like me when I was 18- JUST recently - and trust me, something will happen to help her realize that something needs to be done about her actions (Whether its now or later).
I was not an affectionate person either - but I recently found out why. There is usually an underlying issue - but once again, it took me 7 years to have something open up my eyes and see the real deal.

When she becomes in touch with her emotions instead of using her rational mind all the time she will become overwhelmed and things will change.

By then I think it will be too late.

She looks after her dad a lot who is a big tough cop. She tries to be like him a lot and she's always been like needing discipline and wanted to go into the army for the longest time. She's now considering the police force which I have supported her decisions and offered information or help to the best of my ability for anything she chose.

She tries to be a tough girl and doesn't want my help for ANYTHING. I think she needs to understand that I'm not trying to do things for her, but that I'm trying to offer her support so she can make the best personal decision.

The past 2 months have been great, we went to tahoe together and recently she was talking about how she doesn't want to move out yet, but when we hit 2 years or so how she would maybe talk to her mom about letting me stay over or live there or possibly moving out. Which is weird since she's talked about these future things and then suddenly after this doesn't know if she wants to be with me?

I'm hoping she's just angry and will realize her ways and understand that I want her in my life and I'm here for her... and especially that I love her dearly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Natalie loves Kammron

Heydo you have msn

No I do not, I have AIM though.

Don't think I have that.. Just got this today :D

Should I just try to fix this now and just send her some flowers to receive tomorrow since its our day off tomorrow?

I've ordered some flowers and attached a apology note to it. I'm also going to hand write a full apology with a poem I will write just so she knows I care.

KEVIN I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR HOW THE FLOWERS GO.. pLEASE LET US KNOW. THAT WAS COMPLETELY THE WRONG THING TO DO I BELIEVE.

What you must understand is that you have done nothing wrong in this situation but you are blaming yourself. You are becoming a wuss and letting this girl walk all over you. In the end this relationship will not work as she will have total control over you. Doing what you did matethere was nothing wrong with that, you are getting carried away and she is just taking you for a ride. There is more to this than you think by sucking up you are showing you were wrong when you wernt and you are looking weak in her eyes and she does not want that.

I hope this works for you and I hope the flowers work and they may but if they don't completely drop off...