I know of two people in my immediate family from teen relationships which failed to adult relationships when they met again, which succeeded. Apart from that I am going to discount any teen/young adult relationships I know of.

Personally I think its best to let the emotional dust settle with no contact for a while, whether that is many months to many years. Chances are though it won't work. So that's why its important to go NC to stop the confusion and get happy again.

I'm really good at getting back together with exes.

The only thing I can say to help is you need to be honest. It usually also involves a few admissions:

1) I made a mistake

2) I miss you

3) I can't see me without you

4) You are my best friend

Those kinds of things. But you have to be ready to face rejection if the other person doesn't want to get back together. And if the other person says "i'm not sure", then you have to be patient. I'm not sure isn't a no, it is an invitation to try harder.

One thing that absolutely does not work is waiting around for the other person to come back to you. That is passive behaviour, not active behaviour.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kp2171

do i really need to keep justifying my position? i think its rare. you dont. we agree we dont agree. most people i know dont get back together with the ex. to me that means few people do. and fewer make it work.

never said doesnt or impossible.

know what, i give up on this one. you win. choose the word i should use and post my opinion for me. will save me the time and not distract from the original post.

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I don't know why you felt you needed to justify your position in the first place. It's all a matter of opinion. It's your position and it's fine :p I'm not entirely sure why you seem to have reacted personally it to my position being different than yours.

Has he done this before? Some guys just disappear for awhile when they undergo stress. I think it's kind of weird that he didn't give you an explanation after seven years. Have you tried contacting him?

How old are you? I need a lot more background here. Sorry for your loss.

He may have been thinking about breaking up with you for a while. So he was probably acting rite before breakup.

My ex told me his life wasn't worth living if I wasn't in it 3 weeks bfore he left me, now in all fairness to ex I noticed he was unhappy even asked him about itn he said if he didn't want to be there he wouldn't told me the love you bit then up and off. I thought it was just a touch of depression and sometimes still do but now he has someone else so I guess the depression lifted lol. There probably will be e a rason all I get is I was unhappy but never a why and that makes it hard to move on what did I do? How do I not make the same mistake again if I don't know what I did wrong in the firat place? All of these questions and more will be e foating through your head right now and it takes a bit of getting used to. I still talk to my ex and he says nothing bad ever happened between us he still cares agreat deal for my but he can't allow himself to be affectionate to me any more. I guess I may never know the real reason he left in fact I sometimes wonder if he even knows. If he isn't going to give you an honest answer then there's not much you can do I'm afraid but if you badger him for the truth you nedd tob eprepared for it to hurt. I hope you get it sorted please don't make hin mistake I made of constant contact it really does hold you back

Friends will tell you forget him move on but avoid a rebound relationship as you will only end up hurting the person you rebound with as you have just been hurt trust me that's what happened with me I reckon we rushed in too soon after he split with ex now he has done it again with new girl and I still care enough to hope that he doesn't get hurt and I hope she doesn't either because although I don't know her it is unfair for her to get caught up in our emotional mess so I realyy hope it works for them and for you take care gal

We're going to need a wee bit more info so we cna help ya out.

Since my recent breakup I've been visiting some of those DON'T BREAKUP and GET BACK WITH YOUR EX websites, they say if I buy their E-books that they can guarntee me methods on how to win back my ex and keep them for good. They give you little bits of imformation about what's in the book like ( make absolutely no contact with your ex and that will make them come running back to you) but you have to buy the book to get more detailed imformation... My question is has anyone here or anyone that you know bought any of these books and if so did it work?

Hi
I have brought some of these books and to be honest the advise you get you can get for free on a lot of websites if you type "Breakup" etc. into Google. I have soft copies I would be happy to email to you if you like.

Your local public library is a treasure house of (free) books like this.

You don't need the book. Just do whatthey said. Don't contact till they contact you and if they don't well you have your answerr

Basically what these books are saying is that at the end of the relationship it is natural for both parties to still be emotional connected attached to the other. The dumper ends the relationship because there is something, not everything wrong in the relationship and they will generally feel a sense of frendship to the Dumpee.

The Dumbee on the other had feels a sense of loss and rejection and if left unchecked and they act on their emotions they will try anyting to get the Dumper back. This attention to the Dumper is there fore greater than the normal attention given and is overwhelamling negative. The Dumpee acting on stronger than normal feelings does not see this.

The Dumper gets a barrage on constant contact that is negative and reinforces the negative aspect which made them want to leave, therefore pushing the Dumper further away.

The books like the helpful people on here basically advocate no contact.

First and Main reason is that the Dumpee can emotionaly step back from the relationship and stop the feeling overwhelming them, and thus making a fool of themselves. Ie, they can emotionaly heal and realise that life is not over.

Now the no contact affect on the Dumper is that once removed from the relationship, and given time, alone without the emotional benefits of a positive relationship, they MAY begin to miss the positive aspects of the previous relationship and the person who provided them. It is by this no contact that these books say you can win back an ex !

Obviosly there is a little more to it than that, but that is the gist of it... Now my hand hurts!. lol.

No one can guarantee that. You cannot make someone want to get back into a relationship. The best thing you can do is instate no contact and get along with your life. If they want to comeback they will but you cannot make them

There is no such thing as a guarantee on changing how someone feels....

I have wasted my money on these e-books. I have several if you want a copy of relevant information. The information is mainly all good. Basically there is no 'one' way to get your ex back. All the info from these books you can get online and in this very forum and others like it. Just look through all the threads. In fact to outline them all in one short sentance:

"Go no contact and improve you!"

Why be exes in the first place? There's a reason you are exes, and doubtfully a "no contact" rule isn't going to change that in order to win him or her back.

Any stupid tricks and ploys to win someone back is an attempt to tamper with their free will. Think how you would feel if someone did that to you - can you honestly say you would respect them?

More often than not, people assume they want their exes back because they THINK they love that person, when the truth is, they simply cannot bear being "dumped". If the other person does not love you, find someone who will and quit wasting your time.

Breakups are often painful and can make someone act totally out of character. Let some time pass and decide then if getting back together is what you REALLY want, and if so, remember the feeling has to be mutual.

Save your money and read and get free advice that works. Most people after a break up really don't want their exes back because as they heal and get healthy, they want someone better, and are ready for it.

I haven't bought any of them but to me it just sounds like a big money-making gimmick. The truth is, there is no magic formula to make an ex come back to you. You cannot command another person's love. There are things you can do to up the odds in your favor but there are no guarantees. But you can find all that information on this forum ; you don't have to buy some online book. In the long run, what you really want to do is learn how to attract the kind of people who won't leave in the first place. You can find a lot of pointers to that effect on this forum as well. To that end, investing in an inexpensive paperback on relationships may not be a bad idea. However, I wouldn't trust any online advertisement promising big, miraculous results. Try browsing bookstores in person or online. That's a safer bet to finding something that will actually be useful to you without getting yourself sold down the river.

I've asked a couple of questions on this site but have'nt giving too much details about my situation. Okay here goes my boyfriend an I were together for 7 years (living together for 7 years) Our relationship was wonderful. We had just about everything in common. We did everything together. He also had friends and was able to go hang out with them whenever he wanted. Neither of us were jealous or possessive. We were committed to each other in everyway. We had a closeness that's rare, We would get up on Sunday mournings and have coffee and talk for hours then maybe go fishing or whatever together. We never fought and basically just loved being together. I swear I'm not exaggerating that we had a PERFECT relationship. The only one thing that was not ordinary is our ages. I am 19 years older than he is. Now before you all freak out about that I'm telling you that was'nt a problem. He was totally attracted to me, even until the day he left. In fact he was the agresser in our relationship. He was the one that usually got things going sexually. Then bam 2 weeks ago today he left me. His reasons were he didn't love me anymore and that the passion was gone. But I don't buy that response. I know him better then anyone and He still loves me. Just the day before he left on Sunday we had a wonderful day we went fishing and spent the day having fun then that night he made us dinner after we ate we went to bed and made love. It was great. The next day we were kind of arguing because we were both trying to quit smoking and were using those nicotine patches so we were a little on edge. I asked him during our argument if he still loved me and he paused. He said he didn't think so. I was crushed and said if he didn't want to be here anymore he should just go. ( SO HE DID ) The crazy thing is he was sweet and loving and affectionate right up until that day. The next day I begged him to come back and he said NO. I called a couple days later and asked him to come over and explain to me what happened so I could have some closure. He refused... he said it would be to hard to come see me. Since that day I haven't contacted him at all and its been 2 weeks since he left. My son sees him everyday at work ( they work together ) and says that he seems quiet and sad and that he asks my son how I'm doing but he has'nt tried to contact me or anything so I'm confused about how a guy can love you so deeply for 7 yrs and then just quit and move out. IS HE REALLY OVER ME??