Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend Thinks I'm Playing Mind Games Blew $170,000 on her

My ex was Hi maintence and now that my head is clear I'm remebering a lot of things she said. One was when we get married she's getting my whole check and I get a allowance. And I should be buying her and her son everything. I look back and say what was I thinking. Don't talk to her anymore she is using you like my ex was using me.

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Originally Posted by DougE

well i didnt tell her not to contact me you are right. I still answer her calls when she calls. I just don't call her. I let her call me. I dont get how that is playng mind games. I don't want to be needy by contacting her, thats why i let her contact me. what do you think

No contact means NO CONTACT. It doesn't mean you don't call her BUT answer her calls. It means no contact. If she calls you don't answer.

This person used you as a bank and you happily obliged. You learned a hefty lesson here that anyone that is willing to have their love bought isn't worth your time.

You will not move on if you do not cut off all contact with her. You don't owe her any explanation.

I am actually very surprised by how you guys(MEN) would put up with those ladies!
I mean, I am a female, I think what your girlfriend or ex girlfriend are exact controlling jerks.
Ppl always use jerks on men, but at this point, I am using it to your gfs, sorry.
But I can't really stand on those ladies, can't they just work hard to make their own money?
U guys don't owe them anything do you?
Leave those women as fast as you can, I am glad SAB123 u have done that, and you DougE it's your turn!

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

..But I think i had been playing the role of "rescuer" which i just looked up and didnt know I was doing that. Man was that right on point about me . I didnt realize i was doing this. It is SO hard for me to say NO

NO you are playing the role of DOORMAT. Come on wise up. You opened your wallet wide the whole relationship. You bankrolled her all that time and now she's expecting you to continue to financially support her while she's dating other (probably poorer) guys.

Thank all you guys for your comments. Its been rough... now I think about what she's doing, who she's doing it with, etc... Its like I can't sleep and I try to work out at the gym, and afterwards I'm back to square one. WHY can't I let this go... I DID have a few drinks Friday and went totally off on her. She didn't talk to me the entire weekend because of that. I did feel bad as I said some things I shouldn't have

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

thank all you guys for your comments. Its been rough....now i think about what shes doing, who shes doing it with, etc....Its like i can't sleep and i try to work out at the gym, and afterwards im back to square one. WHY can't i let this go....I DID have a few drinks friday and went totally off on her. She didnt talk to me the entire weekend because of that. I did feel bad as i said some things i shouldnt have

WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO HER?? THAT IS WHY YOU CANNOT MOVE ON

Seriously, do you really want to move on or do you just want to be her doormat? Come on! Get her out of her life THEN you will be able to get better.

Geez! Is it just me?

Yeah true... its just so hard to cut contact when she calls I answer the phone even though I know what's going on. Love is VERY blind in my case. Anyone got any ideas on how you can avoid worrying about what they are doing or who they are having sex with... I tried the gym and everything, and yet still, I can't sleep I continue to worry which is Why I keep answering the calls

So essentially you don't think she did anything bad by sucking all the money out of you?

Oh of course I do... but that doesn't solve it. I still wonder what that person is doing. She is VERY VERY ATTRACTIVE...

Here is my view on women: pretty women are all around, it's the ones that have the personality that meshes with mine that I consider attractive.
Here's an example: sometimes I'll be in a pub and a friend will introduce a pretty girl friend od his to me, she seems attractive until she opens her mouth and swears like a trucker or treats the waitress like crap.

Get over her pretty exterior, she's toxic inside.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

oh of course I do.....but that doesnt solve it. I still wonder what that person is doing. she is VERY VERY ATTRACTIVE.....

That's apparently her only good quality. She is only keeping in contact with you because you are her bank.

Yes she is probably having sex with everyone and no she won't ever have sex with again unless there is a check at the end of it.

What else does this girl have to do to get you to see she is a horrible person. Man, I'm starting to think this is a joke. No one can be this stupid can they?

As far as my ex with someone else, as hard as it is you just can't think about it. I do and sometimes I get upset. Once you go NC and let go I can say it does get better. A lot better.
Butt that's up to you to do that.

One question, Think about this, I bet you once the money is gone she's gone. Or if you can't support her?

Hey Doug, here's an idea, why don't you come over to my house, and lay down so I can walk all over you?

Yeah, it's harsh, but DUDE!!

Really!!

You have to stop playing the role of the rescuer. She can do well for herself, but you aren't letting her, she doesn't HAVE to because she knows you'll fix it all. She must have some really big issues.

NO CONTACT, as you have been told. This means as far as you are concerned she fell off the face of the earth, doesn't exist anymore in any way, shape, form or fashion.

Stop letting her drag you down!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougE

oh of course I do.....but that doesnt solve it. I still wonder what that person is doing. she is VERY VERY ATTRACTIVE.....

You are one shallow guy, I start to think about if I should be mad at your ex girlfriend or YOU instead, and I am with J_9!! ( Point above)

Thanks a lot for the posts. I am going to go strictly NO CONTACT... as she is textming me as I type I'm just not going to respond

Stay strong dude, stop being her sugardaddy.

If you really want to throw money away, I am a starving nursing student. LOL, just kidding.

It's not going to be easy, I won't kid you, but you have to delete her numbers from your phone, delete her from whatever IM program you use. The whole 9 yards. Get her out of your life. She's sucking you dry and she's loving it.

You see, she is like a callgirl. She calls you when she wants something, whether it be sex or money, and usually ends up with both.

Stop wasting your time and money with this person.

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Originally Posted by DougE

we still hang out with each other.

Dumb mistake number one. You know you need to not be friends to get away from this noise.

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Originally Posted by DougE

Hey everyone,
We had been living together and after my father died i blew almost $170,000 (an inheritance) in this relationship and when the money runs dry we started having all kind of problems.

Problems coping with an inheritance after a parents death isn't uncommon. But don't blame her for the cash you blew. Like it or not, even if you were not perfectly stable mentally, you were just as much a part of the problem. You were not disciplined financially. You did not make clear your expectations financially... meaning if she pulled the kind of crap you said she did, that you should have thought twice about whether it was worth it. It wasn't, was it?

Again... hard to cope after your dads death. I get it. Even blowing some of the money, I get it. But you really can't blame her too much. You were as much to blame, so you need to let that go.

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Originally Posted by DougE

She is now struggling (go figure) and is mad at me because i wont help out. But we still have sex and hold hands etc

....ALTHOUGH WE HAVE BEEN BROKEN UP SINCE JUNE 5, 2007.

....I want her to realize the mistake she made.

Uh. Hmmm. no you have not been broken up since June 5th. You've been shacking, screwing, fighting, and otherwise hanging out.

Uh... you want her to realize her mistake? Nope. Sorry buddy. That's not part of the plan.

When you break it off it isn't with the condition that the other person ever, in any way, feels sorry for what they have done to you.

If they were sorry in the first place, you probably wouldn't be broken up.

So you need to suck it up here. I've been there. We all like to think our ex's are suffering a little, missing us, sorry for all the bad things. Well... doesn't work like that.

Your wanting that is normal, but as long as you hold onto "is she sorry", well, you still aren't broken up completely.

So who cares if she's sorry or not. Unless you are interested in furthering a failed relationship with a person whom you can't trust emotionally or financially...

I know... three years is a long time to spend just to realize you were with the wrong person. At least it took you less time than me. I was with a girl (not married) almost 7 years. The minute I finally walked away, after all the noise and crap, I was in a better place. Yeah, it sucked for a year or so... but man, don't go back there again.

She's bad for you and unless you expect better for yourself and OF yourself, you are going to get it.

WOW kp2171, that last text was deep. Thanks for that. You really nailed it LOL

She just texted me asking me if I wanted to come get the $50 she gave me. Never once did she mention her apartment coming to get it. She just said "I can bring it to whever you are, or you can come get it from my job"... so my final text to HER was "I am not going to be available when I get off work today, can you just put it in my bank account. I would really appreciate that. Thanks, ttyl.

OMG, she has your account number too?

Dude, that was not NO CONTACT, you still contacted her, whether she did it first or not, that is not the point NO CONTACT means she has fallen off the face of the earth.

And, close that account and get a new one.