She says only friends for now, but doesn't act like only friends
OK well me and my girl have been split for a full week now. But it gets weird. On Saturday was the first talk that we had. We had lucnh and were able to be civil enough to talk a little. Pretty much she said that we were not together but we are still together, like she doesn't want to see anyone else she just wanted a break. OK...
Sunday we go to church. After church I told her I was headed to the beach for the day with my two friends that she knows. She asked me if she can go cause that sounds like fun. I was really hoping that she would ask too. Well I said of course and we went down. On the ride down she let me put my hand on her leg like I used to and be a affectionate within reason. I am not pushing it by any means. So we started talking and she told me that she had been asked out a few times and since we are just 'friends' now that she is not sure if she would want to try and see what's out there. I said well its true we are only friends but I wouldn't want you to do that. I also told her that as long as I see hope for us getting back together, which I see some hope at least for now, that I would be faithful to her. So anyway that was the extent of the conversation. We eneded up having a great day at the beach and she even reached to hold my hand a few times. She gave me a few looks like she is very happy to see me and spend nice times with me. Oh and she also stayed the night after we got home. We did cuddle a little bit but she was sunburned so she didn't really want too much cuddling. It felt really good.
Yesterday (monday) after she got off work I text her seeing how she was because she had called me and left a message saying she had fun at the beach. I asked her if she would like to maybe rent a movie. She said that she may chill with her friend tonya and I said bring tonya over. Jessica called me back a little bit later and said that she wanted to just come over alone. I said OK and she came by. Well little did I know she had brought her work clothes for the next day, she assumed she was staying over. I asked her jokingly did I say you could sleep here and she was like, yeah right I knew you wouldn't mind. So we ended up playing video games with my roomates, which she loves to do by the way and had some drinks, a really good time we had. So when we went upstairs she breaks out the oil. I always would give her back rubs, foot massages, and everything until she fell asleep every time she stayed over. So I started massaging and could tell that we were both getting turned on. We pretty much both agreed without saying anything that we shouldn't have sex and just kept it to heavy petting. The whole time we were kissing and just being our old selves. While I was rubbing her back we were talking about how she had another chance to go on a date that night but she told the guy that she is still trying to figure out what is going to happen with her boyfriend (me). She declined the dinner offer with the guy. Well I told her again that I wish she wouldn't go out on dates and she said that she is not sure what she wants. She has never said she wants to be back with me, she allways says that she needs to find out if I have changed. I have. She says she likes the freedom of being friends. She might want to see other guys just to learn to appreciate me more. She knows she will never find a guy like me that rubs her back feet tells her she's beautiful and loves her as much as I do.
I guess what I'm saying here is I think she wants to see if I'm going to get jealous about her being her. I don't think she will go on a date, and if she does it would just be for something to do, and a free dinner. I know she wouldn't kiss or anything like that. But I am so scared that if she does she might find someone better than me. Even though she keeps saying that she never could find anyone better than me...
Why is she doing this, what should I do aabout it.
I wish I didn't read her myspace message
OK before you get the wrong idea, I am not a creep that checks my girls messages. I wrote her a very heated message yesterday and woke up today and felt bad about writing it. So we use the same comp and our passwords are saved and all that so I went in under her ID to delete the message that I sent her before she could read it and hate me forever. Well I couldn't help reading the one below mine which was from her ex girlfriend!! Yes girlfriend. She is bisexual. Well the message read that my girl had dumped e because she told me she was gay. She never told me that, the whole time I felt like the split we are in was because I was messing up. I have been very good to her during the split trying my hardest to win her back. The message also said that she had no feelings for me anymore.
Well right now I sent her a text telling her to call me on her lunch break which is in like an hour so I figured id get on here and see what help I can find on what to tell her. I am totally done but she has to seriously see what she has done to me. I want her to hurt like I am right now.
I can't believe this man... love sucks