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Originally Posted by ton_ty2275

Come on guys, let's face it---very rarely (except in the movies and TV) can guys and gals be "just friends". This young girl should not even focus on "guys" as friends. In fact, I have a hunch that she certainly is seeking more---but is reluctant to admit--even to herself right now.
Sweetie, go forward if you want to with a single man and explore what your needs are. Also, seek professional help that can assist with the self esteem issues that you have alluded to---this problem will impede your relationship with the opposite sex.
Men love confidence--it can be "humorous" to see a 350lb woman carry herself like "Beyonce". Yet, I think that men would prefer that scenario over a beautiful woman who walks like an orangutang!

Thanks, Tomy M Hall, MS

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Jkj

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Like SOS said, you are in the perfect place to make friends, especially guy friends. In college, I had guy friends who checked out who I was dating, watched to see which guys were up to no good, and generally acted like big brothers to me and my dormmates. In turn, we ironed their shirts and baked them cookies. We sat together during basketball games and played bridge or Scrabble in the Student Union. We took classes with them, did homework with them, and compared notes on which teachers to avoid. Not every guy wants to sleep with you (unless times have changed drastically!). Many of our guy friends were just as shy and unsure as we were, so we all struggled together as we learned to socialize and have a good time. Some of these guys ended up as dates, but many just floated through our college lives and made us better than we had been--and we hoped we were making their lives better too.

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Hi there "Wondergirl",

Just wondering... I meant Curious... based on your
"Posted statement: Sorry, but I disagree. Some of the closest guy friends I still have were made in college 40 years ago.

Just Curious, please if you can be PERFECTLY Honest ---How many have you "fooled" around with???
In other words KISSED, Fondled, Sexed or have been otherwise SExually aroused with or by?? Be honest...Please. Points are NULL and Void without perfect honesty...AND we can all see clearly through the "screen"----That means the computer and smoke!! ;)

Thanks. Just my thoughts... ;0
TomyM. Hall, MS

This was in the early 1960s. I'm a PK and attended a Midwestern Lutheran college whose student body was made up of a lot of Lutheran teachers' and preachers' kids. No one fondled anyone. It was very Ozzie and Harriet. Sexual freedom and free love hadn't been invented yet. That came about at the end of that decade. There were no reliable birth control measures anyway, and family and church were everything. I was a virgin when I married at 21. (And all the students I knew from those days was a virgin when they married.)

Btw, how old are you, Tomy, and what is your MS in?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

This was in the early 1960s. I'm a PK and attended a Midwestern Lutheran college whose student body was made up of a lot of Lutheran teachers' and preachers' kids. No one fondled anyone. It was very Ozzie and Harriet. Sexual freedom and free love hadn't been invented yet. That came about at the end of that decade. There were no reliable birth control measures anyway, and family and church were everything. I was a virgin when I married at 21. (And all the students I knew from those days was a virgin when they married.)

Btw, how old are you, Tomy, and what is your MS in?

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Hello, Wondergirl,

It seems that SOME of your initial comments, MAY not apply here---Since, times have significantly changed. Perhaps, Maybe in your younger years, men and women could be "just friends" OR maybe, you just still have the right to believe so.

Either way, It's O.K. It is however, up to individuals, to determine if this, is a fact for their lives. Please try to respect differences of experience as you would facts--because, experiences is what actually makes factual information a reality.

As for your question of "btw"--- I, "Tomy M. Hall, MS" am in fact 38 years old.

My "MS" as you can view by definition is a Master's in Science---which means to this degree---I have Mastered most subjects. My additional Concentrations are in Human Resources and Social Work, and I am also currently Certified in all Fields.

My degrees however, are a null point here---for I am not, nor will I ever be, nor seek to be employed by this forum. I am here to help, and explore.

BTW, What are your degrees in?? If any, Since, you have pulled this card?

Thanks for your thoughts.
Tomy M. Hall, MS

Wow! You're a tool!

Your M.S. is a very obvious part of your "signature," so I was curious about it. I too have an M.S. but in Counseling Psychology. I taught/subbed/tutored with a state teaching certificate for years, and have worked in public libraries since 1981.

The questioner admitted shyness around guys, so I assured her that males and females CAN be friends and just have fun together. I have two adult sons who have experienced friendships with women, and I also know from my workplace that such can be true. Not every guy hits on every woman he meets, and not every woman wants to get laid. In fact, most people I know believe that having good friends of the opposite sex greatly adds to the quality of their lives.

For me, I'm really working on being myself while talking to guys in my classes/extracurric activities/dorm and stop trying to be invisible to them. There's a clear and noticeable difference in the way I talk/act when I'm with just my female friends and when there's even one or two guys around involved. My shyness really overshadows the rest of my personality, especially if the guy is remotely good-looking/popular with other girls. I guess I just feel so much more pressure to be just as good as other girls and to try to make a good impression that in the end, I end up making no impression at all. Once there's no male in the conversation circle, I am so much more relaxed and feel less pressure to meet some standard, whatever that is.

I probably shouldn't care whether I'm being judged or not by the opposite sex, but the thought just creeps into mind.

On a side note, I'm not one who would try to look for 'friends' at bars/clubs. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like some guys there are looking for random hookups, though probably not all the time.

Well... in college... I think everyone goes to the bars. Not just sleezes. But there are other options. Parties, for instance.

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Originally Posted by Jaime208

My shyness really overshadows the rest of my personality, especially if the guy is remotely good-looking/popular with other girls. I guess I just feel so much more pressure to be just as good as other girls and to try to make a good impression that in the end, I end up making no impression at all. Once there's no male in the conversation circle, I am so much more relaxed and feel less pressure to meet some standard, whatever that is.

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So it is true, then, that you're intimidated by guys? I get that impression from the bold text above; it's as though you perceive some guy to be of high(er) status, therefore you feel as though you have to work harder to impress him and in doing so you probably psyche yourself out.

I know this is not easy to do, but you need to forget about the idea that a guy may or may not be judging you. If you're just looking to socialize, to make friends and to increase your self-esteem, just talk. Forget your "goal" of making new friends; do it for your own entertainment. You may be focusing too much on the goal that you fail to enjoy the process of achieving that goal.

When I try to talk to a girl I'm interested in, I forget about the outcome I want and just try and enjoy the moment; it's the conversation and the flirting that I focus on, rather than ultimately getting her number or asking her out or whatever else.

I also know that the worst thing that can happen is the girl will not talk much to me and leave... it's not as though she'll whip out a knife and stab me.

So just socialize for the sake of socializing. Start small (maybe talk to guys you perceive as less attractive), and work your way up. It will be awkward and you'll be uncomfortable to the n-th degree, but keep this in mind: if you feel weird, then you're on the right track.



--huno, MS

P.S.: anyone see Mexico beat Brazil 2-0 tonight? Hot-damn I'm in a good mood. :D

You Should just start making friends with the guy that you like and things should work out :]

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Originally Posted by SameOldSituation

wow! you're a tool!

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Member Clough specifically, as per your comment of: QUOTE "Actually, I don't know that I would take being called a "tool' to be a compliment. Please see Urban Dictionary: tool"

I thought that you stated previously that you liked to spread love. It surely does not appear to be true here. This will be reported.

Your comment seems damaging. I have a response to how you feel about the term "Tool". Your comment and posting was inappropriate. My further comments should be taken as "enlightenment" not personally.

As per your providing a possible "definition" of being referred to as a "Tool"----

Wow, why you would think that one can be defined by mere "connotations" within a "slang" dictionary? Please use your intelligence towards good and have a more "positive" as well as "unique" sense of humor in the future.

If you had read further within your "slang" referral you would have noticed that the term "tool" has many connotations and "Can occasionally be used as a term of endearment"---This is quoted from "your reference given".

Another connotation from your reference is:

"Most likely, anybody that either is in school for business or already has their BBA and/or MBA. They didn't go to school for intellect, but simply to learn how to make a lot of money."

Nevertheless, I am not defined personally by your definition nor this slang dictionary you have provided as a poor reference.

Intelligence asserts that "It is my perceptual choice" to decide and interpret what may be considered as a compliment and/or insult. Intelligence over emotions would naturally choose to invert a potential insult---This is called WIT.

Meaning, "The ability to think quickly. Often associated with humor.
Not any of your "slang definitions", but rather the “scholary definition” of the term.

Thanks for your thoughts.
Tomy M. Hall, MS