Ask Me Help Desk - In love with a (probably)straight guy.

I walked into him room a second ago. It went like this. I might be fun to make it into a short story. (I'll call myself Michael and him Jason)

Another day and I hadn't spent any time with Jason at all. I came downstairs looking for him, but his door was closed. It was unusual for it to be this way and it usually meant that he was either going to bed or he didn't want people to walk in on him. I figured whatever it was, I should still go see him.

I placed my ear softly against the door partly so I could gather myself and partly I could hear what was going on on the other side. After all, he could be on the phone. I couldn't hear anything but some comedian and a laugh track coming from the TV so I knocked softly. Somehow I put a lot of emotion into those three knocks. They were soft and subtle like the way I showed him I loved him.

"Hey Mike? Its okay, you can come in." he says and I open the door. He is lying across his bed without a shirt. At least that explains the closed door somewhat It is the way he usually is before bed.

"You getting ready for bed?" I ask the obvious.

"Yeah. I'm trying to decide whether or not I should take out my contacts or not." He says with a smile.

"You probably should. They always hurt your eyes when you keep them on too late." I say.

"Yeah, you're right. I guess I just don't want to get up," he says and I offer a quick chuckle at his smile as he struggles to move. That smile makes me forget what I came here to say.

"Well I'll let you get to bed. Good night." I say.

"Goodnight Mike." With that I walk out of the door and make it 10 feet down the hall to my room before I think and turn back. This time I just open the door. It looks like he was successful in moving and he's at his desk looking at something on his computer. I move to take a seat on his bed.

"Hey, Jason." I say unsure exactly how to continue.

"Yeah?" he says and turns to face me.

"Do you want to see that movie you wanted to see with me tomorrow?" I ask. The room is silent for a moment as he gets up and makes that face he so characteristically makes when he thinks about something really hard.

"I guess I should be able to," he finally says. I wonder what made him think so hard. He is free every afternoon and the movie would be on my computer, but I decide not to think about it.

"Its just that I haven't seen a lot of you lately," I say which is met by another silence so I continue. "I mean some of it is probably because I've been busy." I mentally kick myself. That's not the reason. I wait for his response though.

"Yeah," he says and pauses. "It happens I guess." I inwardly sigh. He changes the topic and he and I talk for a few minutes about the weekend. We both co-lead a club and we are hosting an activity. After a few minutes of banter he says he is ready to go to bed.

"Okay," I say and I get up..

"Mike," he says. His voice is different, softer. "I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

"Okay."

"Night Mike."

"Night." I say. I figure tomorrow will be another day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kattalover

Well, if he's straight and knows you're gay, it sure was unusual of him to get all touchy and cuddly with you. Straight guys normally don't do that with gay guys - or do they??

I have no idea what straight people do or want to do. All I know is that I know are my feelings and that all my friends are comfortable with me. Homophobia isn't really a problem, but everyone has his limits of course. My friend doesn't have many though. He said so himself. "You know me, I'll do about anything," he said referring to with a guy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synder

I walked into him room a second ago. It went like this. I might be fun to make it into a short story. (I'll call myself Michael and him Jason)

Such a wonderful story! I hope it'll have a happy ending!! *crosses fingers really, really, really hard*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synder

Homophobia isn't really a problem, but everyone has his limits of course. My friend doesn't have many though. He said so himself. "You know me, I'll do about anything," he said referring to with a guy.

I don't know... If I were in his shoes, I wouldn't sit in your lap unless I wanted to be more than roommates! But I'm a 44-year old straight woman, so I have no clue what motivates your guy's behavior. Is he this affectionate with everybody?

Quote:

Originally Posted by s2tp

this must be extremely difficult for you. I am going to stick with the idea that he is very confused too- he seems to want to be friendly and comfortable but something scares him and makes him want to avoid the situation. Have you asked him if everything is ok? Have you ever discussed his sexuality before? Maybe he started to feel things and didnt like it, and is trying to deal with that. Have you always known you were gay? Or did you go through a confused period- like he may be experiencing. I am a straight female, so I really am clueless as to how it feels- but maybe you can think back to how things have made you feel and try to understand what he is going through. Is his girlfriend still around? Do you have other friends you can go out and just give each other some space and try to talk about it later?

For me, I always had feelings for guys before I knew there was such a thing as gay. I was one of those kids who didn't know anything about sex or sexuality until about 12. People always called me gay but I never stopped to think about it until one of my closer friends called me gay (after dry humping me in my bedroom of course). I yelled at him that I wasn't and that I didn't want to do anymore stuff with him. Looking back, its odd. I regret saying that now, but I was a kid. I know that deep down, I liked the stuff we did and I guess its because every time I was called gay was an insult why I reacted that way. It was about 5 years before I came out after that.

I got called gay the whole time of course and some people asked me to do stuff with them which I always turned down. I even got myself a girlfriend to put the matter to rest. I would have had sex with her to if I could have held interest in the idea long enough to follow through. It seems like once she said yes, the novelty passed and I didn't really want to. Of course that had to do partly with my shyness about being naked with other people. I didn't have the sex drive to get me over that hump. No pun intended.

As soon as I stopped thinking I was bi, I came out in a flash. The world knew by the next Tuesday, but I'm not like most people. My parents haven't gotten over it and my extended family has called me pretty crappy things, but that didn't really stop me. With my friend, I thinkinghe would face a lot more resistance from home than I did and he already has a pretty tough home life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kattalover

I don't know... If I were in his shoes, I wouldn't sit in your lap unless I wanted to be more than roommates! But I'm a 44-year old straight woman, so I have no clue what motivates your guy's behavior. Is he this affectionate with everybody?

To be honest, he's affectionate with a few of our friends in the past. Only the guys though. During the last few years I've learned not to tell him who I think was gay among our friends because his immediate reaction would be to flirt (I should get to do that before him if at all!). I think some part of him likes the attention he gets and I guess with guys, he doesn't have to worry about a relationship. That doesn't exclude him being gay of course. The point is that he likes to flirt and be flirted with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synder

I think some part of him likes the attention he gets and I guess with guys, he doesn't have to worry about a relationship. That doesn't exclude him being gay of course. The point is that he likes to flirt and be flirted with.

Oh dear, that must make it even more confusing for you!

I find it odd that a 100% straight guy would flirt with other guys, but I guess it depends on what you consider "flirting".

I wish I had a clever suggestions for you at this point. Alas, I don't! *sighs* All I can do is wish you the best of luck!

I gave up on him as of today. I'm free yay!

What happened? Did you end up talking to him about his behavior? Give us the dish!

Basically, he is really pulling a 180 from the way he was acting the last few weeks so I started to feel really silly for having such strong feelings for him. I still really like him of course, but I realize now that it would be much easier on both of us if I just let him go. There are so many fish in the sea. Fish without girlfriends. Fish who are definitely 100% gay. Smart, funny, cool fish with perfect bodies looking for fish like me. I mean tomorrow is the pride festival after all and its not like its been a long time since my last boyfriend.

(No I'm actually sad about it but I'll keep positive)

I have to commend you for your choice to pursue your own happiness, and not hold on to false hope, because I was starting to think he has his own agenda, and you where not going to be a recipient of a healthy relationship with him.

Just for closure though, he just walked in my room, sat next to me on my bed. I gave him some space. He told me I should have stayed next to him. Then he asked me if we were going to the pride festival. Ha, I'm glad I've given up on him. Such a confusing guy.

He seems like a confusing guy. If you can muster up some courage, tell him to knock it off next time he gets affectionate with you and explain why it needs to stop. I should tell you that I don't have the balls to do this to my straight crush, but as they say "Easier said than done!"

You know what was embarrassing? The two times he wanted to come into my room yesterday were the two times I happened not to be wearing anything (I decided to shave my underarms after I took a shower cause I've been putting that off for a while and I just didn't feel like putting on clothes when I got to my room). So I had to yell through the door which was gratefully locked "I'm not wearing any pants" to which I got the reply "Its okay." So I tell him to wait a sec anyway and I scramble for some pants ignoring underwear and a shirt and opened the door. That's the point where he sits right next to me on my bed. So the two of us were not wearing shirts at all and I really felt uncomfortable because I was worried that he would see that I wasn't wearing underwear or figure I was jacking off or something or realize that I had just shaved or smell the aftershave I used (not that he didn't know I shaved or jacked off, but it was still uncomfortable). So I scoot away a bit, grab a shirt and then kind of relax and leaned on my desk chair from my bed with my legs on the base.

So what does he do? He gets up off the bed and sits on the chair I'm practically straddling! That's the point where I back up and sit cross legged on my bed and he says "You could have left your legs there." I don't know if he expected me to lean back right on him something but I just shrug and say "Whatever. Doesn't matter."

So later I kind of bring up that Friday, Saturday and Sunday are the pride festival and he goes "So are we going?" Like it was obvious that we would be going together if I went. I tell him sure because, honestly, I was worrying about who I would be going with at all and was afraid to ask him. I mean he's supposed to be straight and wait a second, didn't he have a girlfriend he has sex with every weekend? Why would he want to go to a huge gay festival alone with a gay guy instead?

So it was decided that we would go today. Anyway so our friends come into my room wanting to go out for all you can eat pork night at Shonney's. So he tells them straight up that he would rather stay with me in my room and watch the TV with me. Then even more of our friends stand in the doorway and just repeat the question four or five time like some kind of mob and I say to Jason (not his real name) "you should probably go." So he turn to me and asks "yeah, I guess, so are we going?" This again implies that if we went it had to be together. I tell him that we should go and we do.

I'm just going to interject here that the last four days was all about him ignoring me and going off to places without me so this is just weird.

Anyway, so later that night was the second time he wanted to come in my room while naked. This time it was about midnight and I had already told him goodnight. What was worse this time is that I was actually considering jacking off this time and I had pulled up some porn to do it. So again I tell him "I'm not wearing any pants" and he says "Its okay, I'm not wearing a shirt," and again I tell him to wait anyway. To make it even worse was that this time I only managed to pick up a pair of shorts this time and this particular pair of shorts were kind of loose. So he just talks to me for a few minutes and leaves, all the while I'm holding the back of my shorts up behind me grateful that I hadn't managed to get hard yet!

That ends one of the most awkward confusing afternoons in a while. I found it all really funny. Sorry if I this post isn't very well written, but I was being very casual about it. I use the word 'so' and 'anyway' a lot when I'm telling stories out loud.

Ummm... maybe you should offer to give him head and see how he reacts.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synder

What was worse this time is that I was actually considering jacking off this time and I had pulled up some porn to do it.

Maybe you should have told him through the door that you were watching gay porn and to come back when you were done. ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kattalover

Maybe you should have told him through the door that you were watching gay porn and to come back when you were done. ;)

I hadn't actually started looking at anything. I had just opened the file. Plus he was all like "I want to talk with you" so I had to open the door.

Quote:

Ummm... maybe you should offer to give him head and see how he reacts.

See, about four weeks ago out of the blue he asked me "can I suck your a.s.s(wow there is a filter here)," and then patiently waited for an answer. After my initial shock wore off enough for me to speak I answered "What?!" Then I turned him down and he laughed it off. See so it wouldn't even surprise him if I asked something as tame as giving him head.

Anyway we are off to Pride Atlanta! I'm going to go get fabulous.

You should've gone for it!

Except, that was a month ago when he was just starting to get flirty. I could only hope/assume/believe that it was a joke and/or trap.