Ask Me Help Desk - What Are His Feelings?

Quote:

I would however appreciate any advice you could give me on helping him to relax around me and making a friend of him. I'll try not to ask any more questions about this.

The best thing to do is just do your work, interact with coworkers as necessary, and be a good employee, getting your work done well and in a timely manner.

If he is any part of all that, that's even better.

There is nothing you should do, except be very professional at work, and let things take their own natural course. Forget the idea of trying to make him be your friend, or make him do anything. Things usually work the way they are supposed to without the drama, and theatrics, or any other manipulation by us humans.

This is really about you getting hold of yourself and YOUR emotions. These things usually take time so be patient with YOURSELF.

Wow, a lot has happened in the 9 days since you first posted this question. He was interested, then he was reprimanded and lost interest, then you met someone else and went on a date, and then he was interested again.

I have to ask, what do you do at work? Doesn't seem like a lot of work is actually going on.

This sounds like an episode of a really bad romantic TV show.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

Wow, a lot has happened in the 9 days since you first posted this question. He was interested, then he was reprimanded and lost interest, then you met someone else and went on a date, and then he was interested again.

I have to ask, what do you do at work? Doesn't seem like a lot of work is actually going on.

This sounds like an episode of a really bad romantic TV show.

Yup. This person needs to get a life, but even if this person does, everything will happen all over again.
She is too needy to even understand what is going on.

Thank you. I will try to be patient.

Is this your first child? I can certainly understand your situation if it is. Patience may be elusive and impossible if it is and I would hope you had a few experienced females around you.

Hi again, I just wanted to thank you all for all the above advice and to let you know that I have finally taken your advice on board. I am concentrating on my job while in work and enjoying the occasional chat with Mark if I run into him. I am letting things develop at their own pace. I was panicking before and pursuing him because I was worried that he would lose interest if I didn't move things along. He is 22 and I am a bit older so I assumed he'd be more fickle than an older man. I then realised that if he was like that then I wouldn't be so attracted to him which took away the need I felt to pursue him in the first place. It was such a relief to just let go knowing that if he lost interest then he wasn't the man I thought he was which in turn would make me lose interest! It's magical the way things have a way of working out when you stop trying to control the outcome! I think that's what you were all trying to tell me. Anyway, I took a step back and stopped pursuing him. Nothing happened at first. Then a gradual awareness began to creep in that I was no longer pursuing him. After that, a few attempts to get my attention. Now I notice he is gravitating towards my side of the office instead of the other way around. I'm not being mean. I'm always polite and friendly towards him if he approaches me. I'm just not pursuing him any more. I still don't know if he has any deeper feelings towards me and I'm not going to make assumptions about that. I'm just enjoying him showing some interest in me. If he continues to do that then I will continue to enjoy it as a pleasant backdrop to my day and no more than that. If he loses interest then my heart is safe as that kind of behaviour is unattractive and not what I want in a man. The bottom line is I am behaving with dignity and I am worthy of respect. If he is the man I think he is then he will see that.

Now that's a cool, calm, collected and in control attitude! KUDOS... 8D

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Is this your first child? I can certainly understand your situation if it is. Patience may be elusive and impossible if it is and I would hope you had a few experienced females around you.

Obviously I screwed up and posted this response to the wrong thread! OOOPS!

I don't find any fault in anything you did, including pursuing him. You described him as very shy and even trembling, so who wouldn't have?
It seems that many shy men are grateful for a woman who makes the first moves, but some really do want to do the pursuing.
You found out which he is, with no harm done.
Not only that, but you were able to retreat and get on with your life.
This will be a big help if you need it again. And if we go by all of us much older than you, it will be needed again!
Work, interests, friends, family are what keep us going, not romance. Romance is the best thing in the world, but it either dies or evolves into real love, and real love isn't easy at all. Real love is getting through tough times together, along with good ones.