If I'm too good for him why did he leave me for her?
I was with my boyfriend for 6 years. I gave so much to him in those years. He was an abused and neglected child who grew up in a violent home and he's carried that anger and violence with him his whole life. His father abused him physically, mentally and emotionally and guess what... he abused me in all the same ways. When I first met him I thought he was a complete a**hole and I hated him but after 6 months I realized it was just a front or a wall he puts up to keep people out because he's afraid of being hurt. He has a great deal of self-hatred and he thinks the whole world hates him and everyone is out to get him. I went into the relationship believing that if I gave him all the love and encouragement he never had, than I could change how he feels about himself. I truly believed I could "fix" him. I thought my love would be enough to bring him the happiness he's never had before. I talked him up all the time and told him what a good person he is inside, how good looking he is, how amazing he is as a lover... I pulled out all the stops and gave him every compliment or encouraging remark I could think of.
I gave him everything I had in me and after 6 years he left me for some lowly, trashy woman who he was cheating on me with. Then I found out from HIS friends that he'd been cheating on me for years. I only moved out 1 month ago and it is still so incredibly painful to be without him. I gave him everything I had and he turned around and cast me aside like garbage. It hurts so much and the pain is still so fresh and so raw and so unbearable sometimes. I made the mistake of thinking I could make him happy when in reality, the burden of his happiness is not mine to bear. Only he can make himself happy. I do still miss him so very much and I love him with all my heart. But I feel so betrayed and hurt I know I could never let him back into my life.
How could someone I loved for so long and gave so much of my soul to treat me that way then move on so quickly with another woman? Every single person who knew us as a couple... and I do mean EVERY SINGLE PERSON... has told me I should never have been with him, he never deserved me and I could do so much better. That only makes me wonder even more... If I was truly too good for him then why did he leave me for this classic “trailer-park-trash” woman?
Wrote a letter to my friends
Threads merged. You don't have to keep starting new threads about the same thing.
It's been such a bad week for me. I've gone from sad to depressed to just plain pathetic. I can't eat, I don't sleep very well and I can't stop thinking of my ex-boyfriend John. All I can do is cry myself to sleep and hope when I wake up it will all be better.
Since he broke up with me the stress has become overwhelming. Add to the break-up the fact that I've started a new job with more responsibility and my grandmother had a stroke. Well this all lead me to start smoking. Yesterday I tried to quit and after 10 1/2 hours I became physically ill. The stress of the break-up and quitting were just too much at once and I came so close to contacting him. I wrote a text message to tell him I still love him but I didn't send it. I'd rather smoke than give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he's broken me.
Tonight I wrote a letter to my friends to vent and let out all of my sadness and it did ease the pain. I don't know where I would be without my friends and you folks on this site. This pain is just too much sometimes, I don't wish it on anyone. Not even the woman he left me for but it's only a matter of time before he does it to her... this is his pattern and he'll never change.
Threads merged. You don't have to keep starting new threads about the same thing.
My ex boyfriend text me today and ask "Are you ever going to speak to me again?" I didn't respond and have no intention of ever responding. That one text was worth all the depression I have been feeling this week because of him. Now I know the bastard DOES think about me and DOES still want me in his life. Maybe his new girlfriend isn't all that he thought she would be, maybe the challenge of having both of us is over and that bothers him, maybe he misses me... poor poor baby, life's a all around. Whatever his reasons for contacting me he can go eat and howl at the moon!
I was so depressed this week, crying myself to sleep, not eating and feeling pitiful. All I've wanted to know is if he thinks of me, does he miss me, is he so happy with his new girlfriend (the trailer park trash he cheated on me with) that he no longer cares about me at all. Well my questions have been answered and I feel a huge relief. If he didn't think of me, didn't care and didn't miss me then he would never want to know if I will speak to him. He still wants me in his life but I will not be another of his ex-girlfriends to sit back and wait for him to come back. He betrayed my trust and abused me, he doesn't deserve anything I offered him and now he will always wonder and regret his actions.