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Originally Posted by paxe

Well, I am not 100% sure about what to do with that. On the one hand it may hurt you but on the other hand, you are just too curious to do it. I guess go for it but just be ready to do some healing and do NOT let her string you or let her control you. Before you do anything harsh think a lot about your actions.

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I'm going to let it sit. Good things comes to those that wait

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

i'm gonna let it sit. good things comes to those that wait

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Good idea! Take care of yourself, but if you are in this mindset, just delete it, you'll feel better after a while.

I feel unable to really be happy and able to move on, until she contacts me in some sort of way

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Originally Posted by AKeagle https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_i...s/viewpost.gif
think i should break down and read the message she sent me, i only read the header. there might not even be anything else to read.

i don't want to think this part of my life is insignificant, but i don't want to hold on or get mad about it

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Have you deleted it yet?? Why not??

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I feel unable to really be happy and able to move on, until she contacts me in some sort of way

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Don't lie to yourself. Of course you can be happy, and move on whether she contacts you or not. If you wanted to that is.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Have you deleted it yet??? Why not???

Don't lie to yourself. Of course you can be happy, and move on whether she contacts you or not. If you wanted to that is.

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All the message said was happy birthday, nothing else.

I could move on faster if she contacted me, not meaning I would answer or respond.

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

All the message said was happy birthday, nothing else.

I could move on faster if she contacted me, not meaning I would answer or respond.

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Nope, this just shows that you are still hanging on to her. Just delete everything from her. You won't move if she contacts you or if you are thinking of her contacting you. Don't forget you are doing all this for yourself not to show her.

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

All the message said was happy birthday, nothing else.

I could move on faster if she contacted me, not meaning I would answer or respond.

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You would not be able to move on because she contacted you by wishing you a Happy Birthday and you still can't move on. You don't really want to.
When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you'll move on. You are still wanting to hang on to false hope.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You would not be able to move on because she contacted you by wishing you a Happy Birthday and you still can't move on. You don't really want to.
When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you'll move on. You are still wanting to hang on to false hope.

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yesterday has passed, never said anything her about her birthday. Instead went out with one of my friends I hadn't seen I 2 years or so. And had been making plans to hangout with them. As for my ex well I don't know, there's not really anything new, except my friend telling me stuff from the past I never realized

and the happy birthday thing, isn't the way I wanted to be contacted, just something random. But there wouldn't be any contact cause I would not respond, answer, or stay around to see her

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All the message said was happy birthday, nothing else.

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That's all the contact you should need and I hope you read nothing else into it. That would be your mind working overtime on her.

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I could move on faster if she contacted me, not meaning I would answer or respond.

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No you couldn't, but its just the idea you could think she misses you, and maybe..! Forget that, move on regardless.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Thats all the contact you should need and I hope you read nothing else into it. That would be your mind working overtime on her.

No you couldn't, but its just the idea you could think she misses you, and maybe.......................!! Forget that, move on regardless.

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Still is what I'm struggling with. I don't want to only remember the bad things that happened, such as this. Cause then all it does is make me angry and look back on what we could have changed.

But I don't want to look back on the goods and see this other guy in my place.

But I don't want to forget it, cause its been almost 20 percent of my life

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

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but i don't want to forget it, cause its been almost 20 percent of my life

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Then you will never heal, and then why are you asking for advice when you want to just simply sit and wither away. Feeling sorry for yourself.

While your moping your life is passing you by, if you did nothing wrong then why are you punishing yourself for being a good man.

Please get those tears out, so they can clean your eyes so you can see this as a blessing.

(reality slap))

Some women just need to meet bad men, so they can learn to appreciate the good ones.


"Accepting that things happen in life is a normal part of living. View it as part of the process of exploring and growing up. Make a note of it, and continue to move forward.

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

still is what i'm struggling with. i don't want to only remember the bad things that happened, such as this. cause then all it does is make me angry and look back on what we could have changed.

but i don't want to look back on the goods and see this other guy in my place.

but i don't want to forget it, cause its been almost 20 percent of my life

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It's understandable that you don't want to remember all the bad things, and that you want to remember some good things of her. Though, the thing is by that time now, remembering her should cross your mind less often. Ex girlfriend has been part of a good part of our lives, and this is why the healing process is never easy. At least you are not clinging to false hope.

It hasn't been that long, but there will be a time you will go back and feel nothing. It does take time. 3 month later I still haven't gotten to that place, but as days goes by, I'm getting and better and so should you.

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Originally Posted by jolienoire

Then you will never heal, and then why are you asking for advice when you want to just simply sit and wither away. Feeling sorry for yourself.

While your moping your life is passing you by, if you did nothing wrong then why are you punishing yourself for being a good man.

Please get those tears out, so they can clean your eyes so you can see this as a blessing.

(reality slap))

Some women just need to meet bad men, so they can learn to appreciate the good ones.


"Accepting that things happen in life is a normal part of living. View it as part of the process of exploring and growing up. Make a note of it, and continue to move forward.

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I don't know that I would say this guy is a bad man, but I don't really know who he is. But I do know a lot of women who seem to only go to guys that are losers and/or have problems in there lives. They aren't able to keep themselves together. Is it just the fact of being needed or acting like a mother figure to someone that attracts them.

I know I'm going through stuff right now, but I don't feel that I am able to live and get through the problems. But all and all I know I'm going through a rough patch

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Originally Posted by paxe

It's understandable that you don't want to remember all the bad things, and that you want to remember some good things of her. Though, the thing is by that time now, remembering her should cross your mind less often. Ex girlfriend has been part of a good part of our lives, and this is why the healing process is never easy. At least you are not clinging to false hope.

It hasn't been that long, but there will be a time you will go back and feel nothing. It does take time. 3 month later I still haven't gotten to that place, but as days goes by, I'm getting and better and so should you.

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I know I'm still clinging onto some false hope. For example, I would really like for her to send me the money that she owes me. Cause now I can't afford it without her, and would have never went into it by myself. I would really like for her to send me the necklace I gave her 4 years ago (my mother bought it for me when I was 12, I gave it her, and a turtle charm, cause that's why I called her "my baby turtle", but I can't bring myself to tell my mother I don't have it anymore)

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

i know i'm still clinging onto some false hope. for example, i would really like for her to send me the money that she owes me. cause now i can't afford it without her, and would have never went into it by myself. i would really like for her to send me the necklace i gave her 4 years ago (my mother bought it for me when i was 12, i gave it her, and a turtle charm, cause thats why i called her "my baby turtle", but i can't bring myself to tell my mother i don't have it anymore)

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That is also understandable. I offered an iPod touch and a beautiful coat, but I offered her those gifts at the time I loved her and we were together. Now I would like to have them back but I can't and this is how life goes. Have you started looking for a new place, near your work? This should help you move on and save you money. As this is a personal gift from you mum, in a very very very long future you may talk to her briefly about it and explain how this is part of the family treasure and is very important to you and your mum, and she will probably give it back to you if you ask gently.

It is time to let go of hope and move forward. Slap yourself if you need it, but SHE IS NOT COMING BACK. This is what you need to put in your brain. You need acceptance of her not coming back. Don't forget that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

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Originally Posted by paxe

That is also understandable. I offered an ipod touch and a beautiful coat, but I offered her those gifts at the time I loved her and we were together. Now I would like to have them back but I can't and this is how life goes. Have you started looking for a new place, near your work? This should help you move on and save you money. As this is a personal gift from you mum, in a very very very long future you may talk to her briefly about it and explain how this is part of the family treasure and is very important to you and your mum, and she will probably give it back to you if you ask gently.

It is time to let go of hope and move forward. Slap yourself if you need it, but SHE IS NOT COMING BACK. This is what you need to put in your brain. You need acceptance of her not coming back. Don't forget that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

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Well I don't want the gifts I gave her back, like camera, watch, bracelet, suits, ticket to NYC. I just want the one thing that means something to my family. I don't want the gifts that she took from me, chain(which I paid more than 50 percent), there's a lot of other small things there. But wow, I just realized she never really got me things. Heck our 4 yr she didn't get me anything, not that gifts are important, but we have always.

She told me she would give the necklace back

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Originally Posted by AKeagle

well i don't want the gifts i gave her back, like camera, watch, bracelet, suits, ticket to NYC. i just want the one thing that means something to my family. i don't want the gifts that she took from me, chain(which i paid more than 50 percent), theres alot of other small things there. but wow, i just realized she never really got me things. heck our 4 yr she didn't get me anything, not that gifts are important, but we have always.

she told me she would give the necklace back

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Lol, that's how life goes, I bought also the majority of things and I paid almost every time we went out. It seems that even during those times of gender equality, women have more equality than men lol. At least you know you will receive the necklace. Time to move on now don't you think ;) ? Don't cling to false hope, healing a long term first relationship is tough but we all are doing it.

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Originally Posted by paxe

Lol, that's how life goes, I bought also the majority of things and I paid almost everytime we went out. It seems that even during those times of gender equality, women have more equality than men lol. At least you know you will receive the necklace. Time to move on now don't you think ;) ? Don't cling to false hope, healing a long term first relationship is tough but we all are doing it.

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Really I don't think I will, she told me that over a month ago. Since then I have sent the last of her stuff to her. She is just avoiding it. I don't know why she wants it, all it will do is sit in a box

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she told me she would give the necklace back

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Your getting good at making excuses to sit on the pity pot and not heal.

The necklace is not going anywhere and neither are you.

Heal, and I bet the necklace thing works itself out.

Do something good for yourself, or else drown in your own shat.

A bit harsh but right. As hard as it is, you should only concentrate on healing. Don't think of contacting her. Beside be patient it will come back