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Originally Posted by vanheart

I hate that these emails effect my so much.

sucks.

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Can you block them?

Can you change you email address?

I think my server provider can.
Don't want to change my email though

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Just got this email from my ex...
"Hi, i am coming to Vancouver next week and would really love to see you. I get there thursday next week and leave tuesday. No matter what i write feels wrong... but i hope you will see me, i hope we can talk.
love"

I wont respond or see her, but I can't help this making me feel awful.
Not sure what she wants at this point.

I suppose if she wanted to say something heartfelt or whatever, she would have done so already. I can't be her friend anymore.

Just when I think its getting easier, it feels harder.

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Rome's got it right. Way to go!

She wants to make herself feel better by explaining something to you. Whatever she says is for her. She would love for you to participate, to applaud her courage and forthrightness, to help her cleanse her soul.

She represents an episode in your life, one that is almost over and will be over when those bad feelings don't last for more than a few moments if at all. But, while they are there, why not study them and gain a little power from them? If you take this opportunity to study your feelings, each one you understand and accept can give you strength.

Stand your ground NC-wise. Breathe consciously. Discover more of your depth. You might find that you are a free man.

Tao

Im not sure even how to respond right now.

I guess this is yet another hurdle I need to jump over & look to the day when I can simply shrug it off.

Yep, I had a similar thing happen to me when I was 2 months into my NC. I was offered a job in California, kept it from a lot of people so my ex wouldn't find out. She found out somehow and sent me a text. I still remember it word for word "Hey I know we haven't talked in awhile but I heard you're going to California. That's awesome! I wish you the best of luck and maybe I will come out there a visit"

Was just thinking how this is purely at her convenience. She's here for a wedding

She dumped me over the phone and after 5yrs didn't have the decency or gave a crap to even do it in person, even though she went to LA the week before.

Sh!! ty

My ex broke up with me by sending a text to my cousin telling her she was going to end it, and then texted me telling me it was over

Nice one.

Van, I can bet your heart jumped right out of your chest receiving that email. But as others have pointed out, its not about you and her, its all about her.

Know she wants to clear her own conscious, and satisfy her own curiosity.

Be unavailable, and heed your own feelings for a change. It doesn't matter what she does or why, but what you do that counts. Make a plan to be busy that weekend.

Yeah, I guess you could say, your blowing her off.

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Originally Posted by chuff

What she wants is to know that you will say "it's okay that you dumped me." Not in those words, but she's looking to give you some of her guilt for the pain caused.

She gave up the right a long time ago. Exercise your right to hold her to it.

Or just when you thought you had the strength you would need, she challenged you and you became even stronger.

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Talaniman agrees- Just because its true to the max! She knows she can pop in and pop out, and not look back!

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Make a plan.

Yup it certainly did.

And I bet getting off the plane here and taking a taxi right by my place won't be comfortable for her. The first time she isn't coming here for me.

But you're right, Im going to blow her off.

Thanks to everyone yesterday.

Just wanted to raise a glass to celebrate 2mo. Of NC today.

Wanted to tell you that a couple days before my ex emailed me, I get one from a photographer friend of ours that lives where she does, not really saying anything.

Then today, I get a call from another mutual friend on my VM saying that he's in town & wants to hang out.

These are really her friends & I find the whole thing a bit weird.

Can't tell what's sincere, makes me suspicious. Regardless, NC for anyone that is in her life.

Thanks again guys.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Thanks to everyone yesterday.

Just wanted to raise a glass to celebrate 2mo. of NC today.

Wanted to tell you that a couple days before my ex emailed me, I get one from a photographer friend of ours that lives where she does, not really saying anything.

Then today, I get a call from another mutual friend on my VM saying that hes in town & wants to hang out.

These are really her friends & I find the whole thing a bit weird.

Can't tell whats sincere, makes me suspicious. Regardless, NC for anyone that is in her life.

Thanks again guys.

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Stay on it.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Thanks to everyone yesterday.

Just wanted to raise a glass to celebrate 2mo. of NC today.

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I'm toasting you with a Dr. Pepper right now!

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Wanted to tell you that a couple days before my ex emailed me, I get one from a photographer friend of ours that lives where she does, not really saying anything.

Then today, I get a call from another mutual friend on my VM saying that hes in town & wants to hang out.

These are really her friends & I find the whole thing a bit weird.

Can't tell whats sincere, makes me suspicious. Regardless, NC for anyone that is in her life.

Thanks again guys.

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I find it suspicious as well. I also think that you are starting to see the value of NC. She didn't just skate away after 5 years without some guilt or loss. She is fishing and using her friends as bait to get that answer that what she did was okay. She is seeking something to fill some answer she has. You aren't seeking out answers from her, but she is from you. You are showing her you are stronger then her and stronger then she ever gave you credit for. You are showing her you do not need her. You are showing her that she is not in control of this situation. The theme here is you are showing her, not the other way around. I'm toasting you for this as well.

Toasting you with a one of a kind, God only knows what it really is, smoothie that my 7 year old old just made for me. It's kind of purple, and chunky. But, good for you. Go forth and find a deserving mate.

Thanks guys, appreciate all of that

Hey,
Been feeling anxiety & a heavy heart as my ex is here.
The universe has rewarded me with a project wed due mon, so its been keeping me busy. But I can't help wondering.

Then, I just get a text from her:
Hi, I am wondering if you want to meet for a walk or coffee on sunday afternoon? I would really love to see you. I hope you will, amy

I still won't respond, but makes me nervous and anxious for some reason...

I know I shouldn't think this but, I wonder what she thinks when I don't respond to any of her communications...

She misses you, but don't want to be with you. If you are OK with NOT getting together and just want to be friend, then it is OK. ELSE, I recommend you to stay away and not respond.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Been feeling anxiety & a heavy heart as my ex is here.

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You ex is a visitor but that Vancouver is YOUR hometown. She's the visitor, so well I understand your feelings don't forget she's on your turf not the other way around.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

The universe has rewarded me with a project wed due mon, so its been keeping me busy. but I can't help wondering.

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Good stuff.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Then, I just get a text from her:
Hi, I am wondering if you want to meet for a walk or coffee on sunday afternoon? I would really love to see you. I hope you will, amy

I still wont respond, but makes me nervous and anxious for some reason...

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Boy she just won't quit. Remember that means YOU are winning. The opposite of love is not hate, but actually indifference. The more you avoid her, the more you ignore her, the more you are indifferent the more she needs to know why. Look if you told her to F off as I have been known to tell a few ex's they know they have control over you. It may be hate but they control an emotion in you. But to be indifferent means she has no control over you and furthermore it makes her realize she misjudged your strength.

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Originally Posted by vanheart

I know I shouldnt think this but, I wonder what she thinks when I dont respond to any of her communications...

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She thinks, "Why won't he give me attention, I thought he'd be begging to see me, and now I can't even get a text back." Subconsciously she can't understand why what she's doing isn't working since it's always worked in the past. She's thinking you are strong and you have strength she never knew existed, "why didn't I notice this before, was I wrong about him, I have a made a mistake."

The answer is yes, and the confirmation is your continued silence. You are winning Van and you are proving to her that you are one tough dude. I hope more importantly you are proving it to yourself, because a life gut check like you've been through should be appreciated and celebrated.

Okay, Vancouver is home to Joe Sakic, so you better not give up your home turf or his!

My ex told one of my friends this about me ignoring her "All I wanted to do was see how he was doing and if he was still mad at me. It's really kind of childish to continuing ignoring me when we spent 2 and 1/2 years with each other."

My response to my friend "yeah, we did spend 2 and half years together, and after that time you would think I would have deserved more respect than getting an effin text message to my cousin telling her she was ending it with me"

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Originally Posted by Romefalls19

My ex told one of my friends this about me ignoring her "All I wanted to do was see how he was doing and if he was still mad at me. It's really kind of childish to continuing ignoring me when we spent 2 and 1/2 years with each other."

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I love how she whines about you not talking to her and then calls you childish on top of it as though that would bring about a conversation.