After 3 months,I have been doing a lot better. Christmas and New Years was great. I have done a lot of shopping for clothes and I have been working in my room which is still in progress. I have been working out a lot. I have registered for school and I am going full time in 2 weeks to become an Accountant. I have a 3.3 GPA and I am okay.

Still, I find myself at times still thinking about my ex and how sad it is that it is over. I sometimes still blame myself and not even just for the last thing I did which was payback. Its thoughts like that one day at her house I shouldn't have wanted to go home and play xbox. I shouldve stayed longer with her. And the times I wanted to go home and sleep in my bed while she would grab me to stay longer with her. And other times we would hang out and play. I don't really get it. I mean sure the last few weeks together I missed her a lot because I worked a lot and it was new, but why couldn't she understand that I missed her? She didn't have to sneak behind my back. Am I okay for 3 months?

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

Still, I find myself at times still thinking about my ex and how sad it is that it is over. I sometimes still blame myself and not even just for the last thing I did which was payback. Its thoughts like that one day at her house I shouldn't have wanted to go home and play xbox. I shouldve stayed longer with her. And the times I wanted to go home and sleep in my bed while she would grab me to stay longer with her. And other times we would hang out and play. I don't really get it. I mean sure the last few weeks together I missed her a lot because I worked a lot and it was new, but why couldn't she understand that I missed her? She didn't have to sneak behind my back. Am I okay for 3 months?

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Are you okay for three months? I don't know. I don't live in your brain. I know only what you post on here and every time I think you are moving forward, I read posts like this that truly make me wonder.

Emo, you have made so much progress in so many ways, but you keep holding on the memories keeping them fresh in your mind. I don't think you realize how much you are holding yourself back by going over every event in minute detail trying to put blame on someone for what happened. It is past time to stop blaming-her, yourself, both of you, events, the weather... It is time to accept that you can't change what happened. It is past and gone.

Tell me would you decorate two different rooms the exact same way? Would you take the basic lessons about painting, lighting, etc. from the first one to have a better idea of what would work in the second one?

Emo, I was like you before. My mind was flooded with 'What if', 'Should have' and the list goes on. The problem here is it is not completely your fault. It takes two for a relationship to work or fail. You can't turn back the clock and undo the pain. The only way to heal is to accept the truth that you guys were not meant for each other and move on from there. I think you're still stuck in the past, wishing you could have done this and that. So, in my opinion, I don't think you're okay yet. Sometimes, our mind likes to play tricks on us. We have to learn how to control it, when to think about it and when should not. The most important part is one should not stay in an abusive relationship because it will get out of hand one day. It's time for you to let go of this old baggage that you're carrying for months and start a new life without her in the picture. I'm sure you will get there...

It really is time to let go of all these thoughts Emo. Whatever happened is in your past now-concentrate on moving forward and enjoying all the good things in your life.

I should stop thinking about it. Sorry for bothering everyone. I thought it was normal to still miss an ex a little bit after 3 months. I know people even after a year that are still bad. I guess I'm not doing well. I don't know, I thought I was.

Emo
Your right , it is normal to still miss your Ex after only 3 months and we're not saying that's wrong.

What we're saying is you need to stop asking yourself why this and why that over and over because that'll delay the healing process.

If you really want to feel better quicker just follow what we say and let it go , if questions come up in your head dismiss them and start thinking about the future and the endless possibilities that will come your way once you stop dwelling on the past.

And your not bothering me , I choose to answer you and try to help , but you have to help us as well and show us your willing to put in too.

Thanks Friend4U for your answer. Yeah I am pretty much over her as in I don't feel any pain even when thinking about it and my heart doesn't beat fast in the mornings. I just missed a few things of the relationship today. Its just not the best day for me I guess but overall I feel happy that I have been doing good and moving on and trying to stay strong. I always look at how hard I've pushed as inspiration that it gets better. I think I'm just really bored right now at work. I appreciate it!

Things I am happy for. I am happy I don't get cursed at in public and embarrassed anymore. I am happy I can talk to friends and not have someone jealous that I spoke to someone else. I am glad that nobody puts their middle finger at me as well. I am glad I don't get thrown out of a house nearly everyday. I am glad I don't have to wonder if she is smoking even though she said she wouldn't she still did. I'm glad I don't have to worry if someone is sneaking behind my back. I'm glad I am going full time to college. I'm glad I am redesigning my room. I'm glad I have so many great people on this site! I'm glad I am healthy. I'm glad for my car and my family and for having God by my side. I'm glad for my new itouch and I am glad that I am doing better overall.

Emo, yes it is Taking Back Sunday, from their first CD, before they became sell outs

Emo, I'm a little over 5 months since my break up, well that being around time NC was implemented when she stopped being wishy/washy and didn't want me as anything anymore. I still think about my ex from time to time, mostly when I'm bored. The important part is to move past the what if's, etc... To be honest I really don't care what my ex is up to, or if she's even with another guy right now. It's funny because some girls at work will ask me every few weeks, are you and such and such back together yet? I'm like... umm I haven't talked to her in months. Just keep on keeping on, there are a lot of things to be thankful for in this world.

Look at it this way... anything she says at this point is just a shallow attempt to continue to dupe you and control you.

It is IMPOSSIBLE for her to make major changes without a near death experience in a short period. Major changes take people years or even decades... sometimes they never change at all. Pretending to change to get their way is a form of manipulation. But its always a lie and eventually they fall back into their old habits.

You are best served by no contact, no text, no PM, no phone calls, no letters, no passing messages via common friends... just pretend she never existed. She should be dead to you.

Count your blessings you aren't dealing with a manipulative b*tch every day, and focus on your studies. Find a new woman to date... and trust me they are not all manipulative. If they are drop them like a hot potato.

Life is what YOU make of it. Keep thinking about a loser instead of looking for a winner and you will never get ahead or be a real success.

The sky is the limit with a partner that shares the right positive attitude with you, but if either one or both of you have real negativity then neither of you will ever rise from the muddy ditch.

Whining about it or just thinking about it isn't going to change anything... this is one of those things that you HAVE to just do.

Wow I don't trust my g.f too...
She lied to me a lot until well... one day I saw her with her ex :)

I was heartbroken... I forgave her and she dumped me...

And now she wants me back and I don't...


Don't be stupid like the rest...

Talk to her or dump her... trust is very important in a relationship...

Never trust a girl who lies to you or starts making up stories or starts talking to you is nice \ sexy ways so you'll forgive her...
Love isn't a game you should know that...

Let her tell you everything she does... ask her friend where she goes if it makes you feel better... but she'll get mad because you don't trust her...

The choice is yours... talk to her about it or dump her

He hasn't spoken to her in months. Did you read the whole thread brokenhearts?

Unless I have missed something, she doesn't want emo back. He is in No Contact and it is just memories that keep playing up.

So much has happened since the beginning of this thread even with the treadmill moments.

emo, I am very glad that you have accomplished so much and I know that starting classes will be very good for you. It will be another place to make new friends and memories. It will also give you something else to occupy your mind.

I think boredom especially at work is a big part of the problem now. That boredom is allowing your mind way too much free rein. Can you think of any ways to keep it busy so it doesn't go wandering off on its own? Puzzles (crossword, seek-and-find, logic, sodoku, etc.), get a book of houseplans and think about how you would decorate them, sketching, anything that can be picked up and put down as you do your job.

Wao Cat, can you actually do that? Keep yourself busy all the time. I actually is on holidays and pretty much bored myself.

I'm a thinker, I spend most of the time thinking about how to be a better person after the breakup. Anyway emo keep it up! I broke NC and I look like a loser to my loser ex now, but that doesn't matter as you know. Its passed 8 months and I'm still on healing progress, don't lost your foot!

Not all the time, but most of the time. After my break up, I reconnected with friends, spent A LOT of time at the gym(I mean hours) went for jogs, worked on my truck, did work around the house. Anything that kept me busying, if I started to think, I'd go for a run

Boredom is the sign of a lazy and unimaginative mind.

There's always SOMETHING to do. Clean the house. Straighten the basement. Learn a new skill. Exercise. Cook something fancy that takes planning. Hang out with friends. Catch up on movies. Play a new game. Go for a walk.

If you STILL can't think of something to do, then VOLUNTEER. There is NOTHING more rewarding than getting out there and helping other people (or animals! The humane society uses volunteers too!), and realizing how good you really do have it.

Make a list of your blessings, and run through them when you start feeling down.

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Originally Posted by bswc

Wao Cat, can u actually do that? Keep yourself busy all the time.

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Pretty much. My mind loves puzzles and learning and can find a puzzle or educational opportunity in almost anything. My philosophy has always been: if I am not willing to learn, then why should my children.

Boredom is like loneliness. It is a state of mind. You can be bored even if you are physically extremely busy. The trick is to not let yourself think that what you are doing is boring and to give your mind direction as it attempts to wander down paths where you don't want it to go, which is what it sounds like you have been doing.

I get bored easily but I'm usually not bored. When I wake up I shower immediately in case thoughts overwhelm me. Then I feel good and I watch TV for an hour and eat something if I'm off from work. Then I decide to do my errands or go shopping. Its winter so it's a bit difficult to play sports out but football sometimes with family. Or watch a movie or play a game. If I'm at work, people come in and out and the people are very nice. I like going to work if I have to... lol I went to the gym last night and felt great afterwards... Im going tonight after work again. I mostly feel lonely...

You've got quite a few things there to be happy about!

As for lonely,we all feel lonely at times,but it's better to feel lonely on your own on occasion than to feel lonely in a bad relationship.

Remember my ex used to lie and say she was asleep and yet she would go out... she even said she did that a lot one time when she was mad so I know she did it a lot. Lot. That's hurtful... She would curse me out and call me an and the worst boyfriend in public and swing at me. Once she got a text and I saw her hiding it so I said who is that... when I checked she had deleted it.. then I was mad and she started crying saying I deserve better. And that I should leave her house... strange... I said I'm done with us but she said no don't. So I stood. I was always afraid of moving in with her because I would think whenever she was mad she would slam a door really hard. She used to slam the door to my car a lot really hard! I liked the sex though and the fact that she kept me busy and we did lots of things. I just loved her. Weird thing is she was very jealous... I couldn't have a magazine with a girl on the cover or she would get mad. What's strange is that as jealous as she was she tried to be cool with the porn as 3 occasions she tried watching it together with me so that was cool. Once my dad had a victoria secrets commercial on and she walked out because I was looking at it. She used to put her middle finger at me and disrespect me but yet at other times was kind of nice with me. She would smoke even though I didn't like it. And try to hide it. I told her not to worry about it but at least admit it... but she wudnt so I'd get mad whenever I found out. She was jealous of my girl cousin all the time. What's funny is that I had a family sleep over and she didn't want to go because my girl cousin. So when I went I called her to make sure she is okay and to tell her everything is fine... her fone was off and she was out. That's when we first broke up. Then she met her new boyfriend at that church she went to behind my back so I guess that's y she left me... n history repeated itself... she sneaked again!

Groundhog Day... :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

Groundhog Day.................. :rolleyes:

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I love that movie. :)

Emo, you're bored again. :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

Groundhog Day.................. :rolleyes:

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I had to spread the rep M.

Emo, rent Groundhog Day the movie, you're living it right now. Replaying the same day over and over and over and over again.

We know what she did to you, you already told us, numerous times. We've already told you to move on, numerous times. You're not telling us anything new. Maybe that's why new people coming to this thread are so confused.

How many times are you going to tell us the same story? When are you going to let it go, realize that what happened doesn't matter, it's what you do now that does.

Well look at it this way... NOBODY should have to put up with that sort of thing. Man or Woman. Anyone who stays with a person who acts like that towards them deserves what they get. If you choose to stay in such a situation then you forfeit any right to complain about it.

If you want to learn from lifes mistakes... (and this IS one of those) you have to put it behind you and move on to the next person. When it is truly in the past, THEN and only then can you revisit it in order to remember the lessons learned.

Anyone who dates a paranoid, control freak has to make a choice. And there really are only two choices.

#1 - Leave because you are better than they are.

#2 - Stay and put up with it because you can't do any better for yourself.

If you keep going back and forth... that counts as choice #2.

You have to decide if you deserve better or not.

My brother told me his girlfriends brother who is my exs brother is graduating today. I was thinking of going to the dinner and surprise everyone and my ex and show up well dressed with my new clothes and cologne and haircut. It would be great to show her I'm doing good without her. My bro also said she still doesn't hang out with the family and is always out and she is probably with a new guy all the time now. It's sick!!

What would going accomplish? You would look more like the stalker to be honest, showing up at her family dinner. Not to mention, how are you showing her you're doing good by showing up all dressed up? She's not going to take it that way

How will she take it? But yeah I'm not going. You are right. It won't accomplish anything. Thanks Rome.

She will look at it as, wow what a loser, he got all dressed up to come see me

WHY do you insist on reinserting yourself back into the mess with her?

Do you enjoy her belittling, lies and general B.S.

What it does make you look like is a desperate loser crawling back.

In fact anything that puts YOU back into HER circle makes you look like you are crawling back asking for more.

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

My brother told me his girlfriends brother who is my exs brother is graduating today. I was thinking of going to the dinner and surprise everyone and my ex and show up well dressed with my new clothes and cologne and haircut. It would be great to show her I'm doing good without her. My bro also said she still doesn't hang out with the family and is always out and she is probably with a new guy all the time now. It's sick!!!

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Why is it sick that she's with a new guy? She's single, available. What she does with her time now is no concern of yours. The fact that you're thinking about it is sick.

As for going to the dinner, all that's going to accomplish is showing her that you aren't over her, that you still want to impress her. Stay home!

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

My bro also said she still doesn't hang out with the family and is always out and she is probably with a new guy all the time now. It's sick!!!

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Do you need to reset the NC clock? Getting 'news' about her through your brother is not good. It needs to be put under "I won't ask. Please don't tell me."

Live your life. Don't think about her's.

Wrong motive emopunk, now you're really trying to show your ex how strong and manly you are after being trashed by her. Its not the way, not showing her and let her discover(never) you are not a guy that can be played by a fool.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

Do you need to reset the NC clock? Getting 'news' about her through your brother is not good. It needs to be put under "I won't ask. Please don't tell me."

Live your life. Don't think about her's.

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Maybe he should just marry her and QUIETLY put up with her abuse since he seems to enjoy it so much that he keeps going back for more.

And yes... what the OP is doing is going back to the well for another drink. He's only pretending to do the No Contact thing. Getting the info through a third party is really no different than getting it yourself.

And Emopunk7... A Heroin addict is still a heroin addict no matter how they get the drug... you can't say you beat the addiction if you just exchange the needle for smoking or snorting the drug.

You lose the right to complain about a situation if you keep walking back into it by choice.

I didn't go and I said I wasn't. Thanks Amicon, BSCW, Altenweg, Cat, Romefalls19, and Smoothy for the rescue though!! You guys rock! So does this site!

Well, that's good to hear... if the thought ever does enter your mind, remember what we told you. The longer you keep up N/C and avoid even thinking about her, the quicker she will become just a bad memory.

There are plenty of the really nice women around without issues to even think obout wasting time with the ones with numerous issues they haven't even begun to deal with yet.

Nobody needs a "project". They need a partner. And like we said and you already know... many of us have learned these lessons the hard way and wasted years of our lives for nothing. If we can pass on what we have learned it will save others from making the same mistakes.

Keep it up emo, technically I wasted 3 years, but its what I learn and what I will be in the future that counts. You've wasted 4 years as a doormat, now just let the other guy be the doormat OK?

I feel so alone... sometimes I miss her or think of the bad stuff she did and sometimes I don't miss her and then I wonder if its my fault and why did it go this route. What could have been different. I feel a bit down the pass 2 days. Help...

Emo, get up, go for a walk, make a pie, watch your favorite movie, call a friend and go out, do laundry, fold laundry, just do something other then thinking about her.

I have one question for you. Have you read your posts? Do you really remember what she did? No? Read your posts. After you read them ask yourself this question "Is she worth thinking about? Is she worth being upset about? Is she worth being lonely over?"

I bet she isn't. So why are you giving her so much power? Stop it! Take the power back. Only you can change this.

Now go bake that pie! Send a slice to me. :)

Hi Emo,

I'm not sure if others have mention this, but here goes.

It should be obvious to you that you're constantly going to have questions about the past. Sometimes you'll get the answer and sometimes it's still left unanswered.

But what you should ask yourself is, are the answers that important? I say this because, every single person in this world is different, so any interaction is going to differ from person to person. All the answers that you seek are only relevant in terms of the interactions that you have with your ex. It's not going to be exactly the same situation with any other person. So unless you want to get back with your ex one day, do the answers really matter?

I'd say, quit beating yourself up and take some of Alty's advice about doing something else to distract yourself.