Good move. Do it. Rock it.
But, don't expect any more words from her. Block her. She's said enough.
Make her stop trying. Ignore her.
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Good move. Do it. Rock it.
But, don't expect any more words from her. Block her. She's said enough.
Make her stop trying. Ignore her.
OK
I do have some clothes over at her place that id like to get though... fyi... how do I handle that?
Depends on how important they are.
If u can't live w/o them, then figure out a way where you don't have to see or talk to her, if not be short & civil.
Then NC baby.
Buy new clothes.
Take it from the emporer..
Treat yourself to brand new clothes and don't look back.
WOW, she really is a one, she really is trying pull on your heart strings with that text. She knows hearing that from her will put you back to square one with your feelings and make you come running... your actions have confused her so she's going for the heart!
If your being honest there might be an element of wanting/hoping to see her and that everything will be OK if you go to get your clothes, if you mean what you say, leave them, they are only clothes, they can be replaced.
Good luck with it all
:) glad you've taking our advice! As for the clothes, would she happen to have any of her belongings at your house? If she does she may eventually ask for them back, there's your chance to get your stuff back, if not talaniman is spot on... new clothes for a fresh start :D x
Yeah... ok... no biggie... I mean I love my clothes and all about 300 dollars worth... but, I can get new ones... I don't NEED them that much everyone... im just wondering if she's going to say something about them...
On another note today... I had commented on a picture of her the other day before going NC and just said as a comment in Facebook... "i love this picture of you"...
Then today... without warning... she commented on MY comment about it the other day saying: "really? because at the time you were pist off about me texting on my phone!"
What the heck?
Why would she say that to me today? I think she's trying to draw me into some talking directly to her... but I didn't respond. As a matter of fact, I have a feeling that she's going to try to say something to me tomorrow so that I will go over to see her for whatever reason... im dreading that... because I don't want her to contact me... and I don't want to go over to see her...
Bottom line, I'm not going to but I'm just saying.. I hope she doesn't try...
As for deleting her on FAcebook... havent done that yet... I feel right now that if I do, shell think that she has "control" over me and hurt me.. and I don't want that... but its funny because... all day today she's been updating her profile on how much "FUN" she is having... with whatever...
Do comment... ;)
Don't worry what she thinks. Delete her & don't worry if she tries to suck you back in. When you practice NC wholeheartedly, the less you will dread the implications and manipulation. Because you won't allow it.
Don't give her any more opportunities & stop checking up on her, that only brings more heartache & less healing.
Van
Delete her from Facebook. Stop caring about what she thinks.
Just wanted to say, I feel for you.
But stop now. Im mean start.
You ask for comments, but don't seem to really listen to what everyone is saying. Why? Clothes, Facebook, Halloween parties...
You know, the reason Im even posting here is because so many have helped me. I care about people in the same boat. Because I know the pain.
Especially that we have similar exs. That's a whole other ball of wax.
I hope I can get some advice from you sometime.
C'mon buddy. Its time to start.
I agree with van completely, she is trying to suck you into conversation and checking what's she's doing on Facebook is messing with your own heart.
LEave it all alone, delete her from everything you have in common and move on.
When and IF she contacts you then deal with it, don't spend time worrying on the what if's... it'll never end if you do
Take care of yourself, go and enjoy life without her because there really is life without her!
Thanks everyone for your help...
:) its Monday and I feel pretty good.
Great-keep going-keep busy.
Everyday will get easier
Going to head to the gym... get in shape. :)
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lk-303157.htmlQuote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
Righto. Don't comprise with your selfrespect. If you will go after her again and again she will still treat you like this and one day uwill end up losing evrything. Show some attitude. She takes you for granted and considers you for a fool. Same happened with me. But I never compromised with myself respect. Better to die tha losing ones self respect...
Completely blank her.. the only conversation you should ever have with her again is about getting your belongings back if they mean so much but let her bring it up first. DELETE her from Facebook or every time you come online you'll be checking up on her and will usually always get the heartache that comes with it! I learnt that the hard way. But seriously you do need to move on now...
It doesn't matter what she thinks, it matters what you think. What she thinks is invalid and distorted. YOU know why you would delete her, not her... and THAT'S all that matters. Let her think what she wants, it will change a million times anyway.
Glad to see that you are taking the first steps & that's doing things for your well-being.
One thing I was thinking is that when go go total NC, YOU become the one in control. Removing any drama from your ex.
You will battle with your feelings and run all of those conversations through your head, but have eliminated all current or future personal pain caused directly by her.
To show YOURSELF how strong you can really be despite her. She didn't and will never know.
To change your habits.
Don't mean to keep inundating you.
But your situation brings back a lot for me.
Ya know after a week or so after I went NC. I got rid of everything that reminded me of her. The saved sweet voicemails, emails, photos, love notes, mementos, gifts, personal belongings. Even furniture, towels, bedding, dish cloths...
I had enough in my head. Didn't want the visuals.
Felt awful about it too, all though tears & despair. But did it & glad for it now. Never did that before.
I think now about those personal things & only think that it I was just her hotel. And associate it with trying to leave a mark. Like a dog peeing on a hydrant. "How does it smell?" "Still attracted to me?"
Its all about actions.
By deleting all the photos.the voicemail, emails and when we get rid of whatever belongings of theirs they ve left behind we are left with the one tool we need to recover -ourselves.
Keeping 100 % NC is essential
Yes there will be memories good and bad and that can be hurtful-for as long as we let them.
And in the longrun the relationship was another learning experience.
NC is hard, your right it puts you in control but it also normally means they come running once they no they are losing you. The even harder bit is to say no and mean it. Your def right about getting rid of their stuff too, its still a piece of them in your life and home, the visuals make them real so much harder to deal with than your thoughts. We have all been here or are still here like me and every day you hope it gets easier and better but it will, just remember that.
Forgive my analogies, Im in advertising. I think that way.. but those are to help at whatever moment. To help me too. No manipulation here.
We will laugh and cry through this. As everything we experience as humans with a heart. But only if we truly listen. If we don't then, we don't evolve.
But as amicon says, learn. Willingly..
One other thing. You can tell me to shut up.
For me, the hardest thing is the realization. To remove her.
Asking those questions. "Did she, does she or will she ever care?"
The answer is no.
... and so why should you. Why should you care anymore?
OK everyone... the update...
She wrote me a long email... saying that it was all my fault and that she needs to break it off with me for "herself" respect and that she needs to do things for herself now... but that maybe we should take a "break"... for now, and if I or her find someone new... then that's the chance shell take... but that for now... she needs to be alone... but then again, she said... maybe in a couple of months... we can revisit it...
I wrote her back... said... well OK. No ones to blame.. etc... just being a nice guy back to her but saying... that its OK.
So , after that... I thought things were done... right? Well, then 2 days later, she texts me... saying something stupid... like passing along an mass joke email... "thought you might like this"...
Then she texts me for help with her remote control... the following day... both times I text her back just answering her questions... nothing more...
Haven't heard from her yesterday or today... and I'm not contacting her...
That's the latest guys and gals...
I feel OK... but I have to admit late last night, it was hard because I wanted to text her or email her... because I was lonely and missed her believe it or not.. after all the bs she's put me through... but I didn't...
Comments?
Comments: QUIT TALKING TO HER!
You are broken up, so act like it. How long are you going to let this confusion linger?
Same advice as before, disappear, this time for good. Things aren't going to change the 3rd time around. How many times do you honestly want to ride this ride? Things get hard, that's life. I wonder how she's going to handle real life
That's what I thought too... im like... honey... its over... YOU broke it off. What the heck? Why are you contacting me? Leave me alone. Its like she's trying to ease her guilt of breaking off with me I think... that if I respond to her, she's like... well he's taking it well so... everythings OK what I did to him... I don't feel like she's still giving me any respect my texting me... oh... she just texted me to ask if if I wanted to go to lunch tomorrow..?
And... I just got a call right now from her friend saying that she talked to him and now... just wants a BREAK or TIME Off being together... she doesn't want to END it completely? I'm thinking... what? Then... she wants me as a BOOTIE CALL?
Question... if she asks me to be her friend with benefits... do you think I should do that? I mean... it is great sex and all... or is this just childish.. thanks...
**Harshness warning**Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyoverher
Do you seriously not know the answer to this? What do you think would be the smart move? To sit there and be used like a condom or to grow up, leave each other alone and find a more functional situation to be in?
You cannot possibly tell me you have lost your brain in this entire process. Act like a man and move on. That is what a break up is, a fresh start, not a path to meaningless sex.
Yup, he's still not listening.
Yeah... the smart move would let it be. No I haven't lost my brain... I was just asking what the heck is she thinking?
What is wrong with this woman?
She does what you enable her to do!Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyoverher
Write this down: Ignorance is bliss!
Cut her out of your life and you are better for it!
That's fine... I just don't understand what her deal is? Is she Borderline Personality? Plain crazy? I not letting her do anything now...
After all this, I just want to know what her problem is? If anyone out there has been with a woman like this... what did you think was wrong with her?
Immature? What?
Her problem is not wanting to let you go but not wanting you either and your letting her keep you hanging on!!
More fool you if you do
Again, you aren't getting what we are saying. Take it from me, you can spend YEARS trying to understand the female brain and it will just confuse you more. You will have better luck trying to do Chinese Mathemathics
Don't worry about her 'deal'-just ignore her and get on with your life.
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