If she really loves you, going NC will wake her up and she will miss you. You are right, you might lose her this way, but that would be because she wants you under these existing terms or not at all. You have to find out if she can still want you with your balls in-tact. You seem to be blinded by her outward beauty and selling your entire self to keep her on your arm. Are you okay with that, really/ Look inside her and see if she can be a mature loving person worthy of you, or if she's just a good looking brat that is willing to grace y ou with her presence so long as you never judge yourelf equal with her. I'm a chick, and I've been immature in the past. And there was always some guy I could hurt over and over and be a temperamental witch to and he'd always be there. I'm not proud of it and would never be like that again. BUT, you should know, I never really respected those guys, and most women, even the good-looking ones, will not make themselves crazy over them either.

Wow... thanks quest_ioner... interesting perspective coming from a woman... I really appreicate it... im going to remain N/C.

And well, just go from there. I showed her that I DO have a pair... with the last argument that we had and I think that is why is got so upset... never thought that I would be like that to HER!

She didn't expect it. And I didn't do it to prove a point... but I did it because I NEEDED to... because of everything that I learned from everyone here on this forum.

So... me going N/C will prove whether she accpets me and my Balz... or not. Simple as that... its been 4 days so far...

Comments?

But you shouldn't be doing it to see if she accepts you and your balz, it should be about getting this jerk of a person out of your life. It's hard I know, not to focus on the other person but you have to... it's been way too long for you.

You are doing things here and there, but you are still letting HER be the deciding factor in IF your relationship goes anywhere. Why should she have that power.

She knows what to say and will have you come running. She knows this, because she has done it before.

It's not an easy thing to do, I know. She may have outter beauty but inner beauty not so much.

You have mentioned there were some good times when you felt so connected, but think of how many times she blammed the bad times on you when you did nothing wrong.

Think of how many times you were blown off or put down. How many times she changed whatever it was YOU were going through something and made it about her. Think of all those times she treated you as if you were lucky to have her, and she was better than you.

I know how all that feels and it feels like crap. This chick is an abuser. How do I know? Because I have been abused. Have I hurt people, sure, do I regret it, yes. But I can see the hurt behind your words and how desperately you want to believe that she really loves you and wants to change, that she will change if she realizes she could lose you.

These people THRIVE on that kind of thing because they know they have you right where they wan't you. They know how to reel you back in just to push you away. I know what it's like to think if I just show them how serious I am this ONE last time, they will wake up and realize what they are doing. Well, they don't. It's a game, and we, the victims, keep on letting them win.

She is NOT going to change. YOU deserve better. You don't need to show her you deserve better, you need to show YOU that you deserve better.

Take heed in JustLaws' post...

My ex was a user & abuser narcissist too.

Spend your time and thoughts about yourself.

Sounds like realization hasn't set in yet, believe me, I know that feeling. That pain of rejection alters us. The residual stuff.

As long as you have & practice total NC, you don't have to be concerned with her ever again.

Cause after all, she's gone, everything else is up to you.

Van

Oh, and BTW..

Use this to recognize who not to get involved with.

Recognize the good people out there.

Thank you justlaw for your thoughtful words...

Yeah, your dead on about how I feel... I really do seem to want to think and believe that she will see how much she will really miss me when I'm gone for real...

It's a lot to process... but thank you for your encouragement and if you have any more thoughts, let me know.

One question justlaw:

How do you "see" the hurt behind my words? That is sooo dead on. Is it that obvious everyone? Sheesh.

I know how hard it is Crazy because I am going through it now. It feels like someone ripped out your heart and are laughing at you as if you are nothing without them. It kills you inside and makes you feel like you are worthless and only with THEM can you be whole.

I feel the pain with every breath I take. But you know what, even though it's pain I feel, at least I CAN feel. These people don't feel and deep down they are miserable. Think how sad they must be if this is the only way they can achieve any type of... anything.

They don't change, they just string you along and get better at the game. They always believe they are one step ahead and you are twenty steps back. They don't think we are smart and really are worth their time, until they need to use us like a drug for a quick fix.

The realization is that our lives can change. A narcsist (which sounds like to me what you are dealing with) almost never change... and if so, it would take so much therapy your great grand kids would be great grand parents.

You have to do for you what she should be doing for you, and that is letting go. It's hard and sometimes you have to do it bit by bit. Don't belittle yourself when you fall, I have fallen many a time, but I do get back up.

You know something is not right, or else you wouldn't be here. You know it's deeper than "I'll show her" or else you wouldn't be here.

I'm not saying it's easy. I am not treating you like I think it will be easy for you. It's not and I know first hand, it's not. You existed and had a life LONG before her and you will long after her. There is hope. She is not your everything, you are your everything and she can never take that away from you!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by crazyoverher

thank you justlaw for your thoughtful words....

yeah, your dead on about how i feel...i really do seem to want to think and believe that she will see how much she will really miss me when im gone for real.....

its a lot to process....but thank you for your encouragement and if you have any more thoughts, let me know.

---

I feel your pain with that because I'm in the same boat. The love of my life, so he said, decided he didn't want to say anyting to hurt me the day after I was sexually assaulted by my brother in law, that it would be better if he just stopped communicating with me all together. Now the good part is, he NEVER told me that, I was to figure it out alone and deal with the after math. Sound like a man who loves someone? Sound like a dude who is making it all about him? Sound at all familiar.

I am not telling you anyting I haven't been told about myself or have lived myself. It sucks, but then so do they. You may become so angry you want to hate and you may do that for a while... but you will find yourself. The real you, is in there and is just waiting to be reborn. Everything takes time. You were abused. You need to talk to someone.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by crazyoverher

one question justlaw:

how do you "see" the hurt behind my words? that is sooo dead on. is it that obvious everyone? sheesh.

---

Crazy I am very intuitive, but only with other people darn my luck. I don't know, I can just feel your hurt. I am very empathetic. I know what you are going through because I have been there. I have done the things you are doing, had the same hopes and the same thoughts.

I know the hope that goes into each day thinking "maybe this time they'll get it" but then you feel so sad and hurt when they don't. You start thinking what's wrong with me that they treat me this way... why aren't they acting like they say they feel?

I know you are hurting and when you type I can feel sadness from my present and past experiences through what you say... because I have said the same things.

You have a lot of hope, just misplaced is all. She is not worthy of you, your hope or your love. You have given it to her for how long and look how she has treated your heart. Now ask yourself, could you treat someone you love that way?? Chances are no, am I correct?

People are only going to treat us the way we LET them. She doesn't have the power... YOU DO!

Thanks JustLaw,

Your comments help me too.

Its so true. The realization of that disorder and what comes with it.

The "why didnt I realize" "why did i continue being used" the "does my ex realize what theyve done?' "Are they happy now?"

The constant tapes & conversations/actions that run through our mind.

But Ive used those tapes and they have helped me to heal.

It sucks, feel like Ive wasted 4 months on worrying about this, searching for answers and learning how to live without her & this.

But it just takes time, strength & spiritual work.

If you are worried that there will never be any sentiment, listen to justlaws' quote "could you treat someone you love that way?"

Van

Van I'm sorry you had to deal with that...

Remember though, they are never happy. They want people to THINK they have it all together and they even fool themselves into for a while but when that façade wears off they panic and try to find someone else who will think they are all that and more.

I'm hurting so much right now myself. I'm holding back the tears and feel so alone. What the nimwit did and when is beyond cruel.

Yup, I know.

But those why's don't really matter, especially when you are dealing with that element. Perpetuates the low self esteem on their victims.

I know those lonely feelings. But I am no longer attaching those to my ex.
Like you said, we are allowing it, and after.

Ya know, at this point, I don't feel anger, and the rejection is really fading. If anything, I feel sad in the removal of her. The times that I thought were special, only to realize that they really weren't.

I am a bit ashamed, if anything that I allowed myself to feel love for someone like that. Boy, did I waste a lot of love on the wrong person & waited for her to give it back..

Van

Thanks justlaw and vanheart...

I'm going to sleep on all of what you said...

You know, in one of our most recent fights... I admit I was drunk and I asked her : "why do you hate me so much?" what did I do that you treat me like this...

The next day she said that she doesn't "hate" me... she hates the things that I do... um... ok.?

Good one.

Now concentrate on the things you do & will do, the ones you already know are cool & not defined by her or anyone. The things that loving and caring people dig. Including you.

Try not to let those past fights crush you. After all, that's in the past. The words have already been spoken...

One hardest thing that I have learned is to deal with those triggers. We all have them. To see them when they appear, acknowledge it, take something from it, then let it go.

Ive been trying not live to far in the past or future lately. Helps recognize what makes me feel good.

Just wanted add something I was thinking about.

Those types will always bring you up only to let you down & see how much more you are willing to take. Who can they latch onto. Make you cater to there twisted whims. All make believe...

But not just you, everyone they touch.

Be glad you don't have to succumb to that anymore.

Thanks JustLooking,
Glad to see that happy face again.
Been wondering about you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by crazyoverher

you know, in one of our most recent fights....i admit i was drunk and i asked her : "why do you hate me so much?" what did i do that you treat me like this......

the next day she said that she doesnt "hate" me...she hates the things that i do.....um....ok. ????

---

They will trip you up every time. That's what drives us crazy. Their behavior and their words don't match and we don't know what to believe. Believe in her actions twoards you.

Yeah...

I'm looking at her ACTIONS towards me... not her words... thanks for the insight.

Yeah...

I'm looking at her ACTIONS towards me... not her words... thanks for the insight.

MOTHERF**&R...

IS THERE NO END TO WHAT THIS WOMAN CAN DO TO ME?!

I'm on Facebook and she's obviously a friend... I don't want to delete her because I don't want to seem that she has gotten to me.. u know? And she hasn't deleted me either, don't know why if she supposedly is broken up with me... anyway...

I read today that she is going to attend a Holloween Party... without me... and its supposed to be some bad big party... now we have always done things together on halloween and now I find out that she's going to do this!

I'm so upset and hurt that I found this out...

Looking at her actions... its clear that what everyone says is true but dang... I didn't think she was this cold... :(

Delete her from your life. I could go on a huge long story about the why and the what... that isn't necessary. DELETE her from your life NOW! Take your life back into your own hands. She only does to you what you allow her to do.

If you re in a relationship with someone who uses you as an emotional punchbag you LEAVE them-you delete them from FB and from whatever other networking sites there are.Delete their number change yours and don't ever speak to them again.Then you get to keep your dignity your sanity and your selfrespect.

Wow Crazy… you sure are crazy.

I read this whole LOOOONG thread today. Did you ever hear the definition of insanity? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. In my opinion you obviously have no self respect. She craps on you and you suck it up and ask for more. How do you expect her to respect you? I like to believe that women want a man someone who can stand up for himself, has an opinion, and takes a position other than on his knees begging. Crazy you're not living a dream but rather a repetitive nightmare.

I'm sorry but this girl is a lost cause for you. I think until you 'man-up' and grow a pair she will, as will others, keep doing the same thing and you'll be the good little eunuck cowering at her feet. If you think manning up is actually speaking your opinion once, during one argument, think again.

I realize this is going to fall upon death ears but I'll say it once again;
• NO CONTACT
• Delete her from Facebook, Myspace, etc… This is only for you and your cyber-stalking you're not fooling anyone but yourself.
• Ignore her and her actions, remain unaffected. Or at least try to act unaffected for once.
• Get a life. Get out there and meet some people. Have fun, enjoy yourself.
• Learn to have some self-respect. Lift weights, take a workshop, anything that'll give you even a little self confidence and self respect. Dude… come on…

For the love of Christ… don't ask for any more comments. You've been told again and again. What is the definition of insanity?!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by amicon

If you re in a relationship with someone who uses you as an emotional punchbag you LEAVE them-you delete them from FB and from whatever other networking sites there are.Delete their number change yours and dont ever speak to them again.Then you get to keep your dignity your sanity and your selfrespect.

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Zactly...

Yo crazy,

When I joined this site, I really didn't know what to do or who to turn to. Amongst my friends & family.

The early advise here, I adhered to and believed,

That's why I decided to go NC. For me after 4 or 5 days. Imagine that with a broken heart. All due to the advise here. Start listening.

Its hard as sh**t. but worth it.

I didn't even know what that meant. But did it. Endured the texts, emails hang ups & her efforts of trying to get to me through my pals. Ive felt the pain and reveled in the joy. All without contact.

The sooner you do this, the sooner you will start again.

Thanks vanheart... can't sleep...

Just wondering "WHY"? All this had to happen again and again... u know? Is it me or is it that she's diagnosed depressed and not her fault... its hard to know which. You know, if its really her doing this or her mental condition... either way, I'm the one suffering from it... balls or no balls, I could end it. I don't have a problem with my manhood... I just still love her.

Sounds weak but its true. 5 years is a long time... but anyway... im still having no contact... for what that's worth... thanks for your comments everyone... tomorrow is another day...

You know,it really was great in the beginning... and still up to a couple of weeks ago... it was incredible... how she made me feel so loved... but yet she also made me feel like crap...

Yup 5 years is a long time to be deceived.

And you say you still love her? Why? Do you love this?

Yuk.

Stop worrying about her & why.

She doesn't care or love you. That's why you're here.

Focus your love in the proper places, starting with you.

The past is done. As is this post. The future is yours.

Hi everyone...

It's a Friday night... home alone because I don't want to go out... im just in a real PIS$ off mood right now. Have been all day...

I want to call it a night but I'm just very angry in general. I don't know what to do so that I can turn all this into a positive you know? I feel very destructive... and my thoughts turn to all the bs that I'm going through with her. Its just upseting... is there any advice you have out there where I can not be so angry?

Thanks... and I mean I can take my mind off it for a bit, but I come back to all the bs and it makes me angry again...

Be angry. Be happy. She sucks.

And yes, turn it around. Get in touch w/all of those emotions and work at it. Figure out who you are.

Stop dwelling. Its over.

When you think of her, think about yourself & how you plan to move on.

Doesn't seem like you're willing to work at it & you would rather wallow.

Do you want to keep feeling like this?

Up to you, man...

All of the answers you seek are inside you.
Find them. Dig.

Van

Thanks vanheart...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vanheart

All of the answers you seek are inside you.
Find them. Dig.

van

---

That's straight shooting there.

Listen, you either make up your mind to move on or you wallow in you self-pity and pain. It's up to you, A or B?!

Just get up and do something, anything, shine your shoes, clean the toilet, call a friend. Anything is better than sinking in your own S(crap)T!

Im sure you ve noticed that we re all saying more or less the same thing here-it would be a good idea if you could,for your own wellbeing try to get into a mindset where you actually stop letting your broken heart rule your head and start walking away, for good from this toxic excuse for a relationship. You ve let your life be hi-jacked by the constant dwelling upon everything this person who is not in any way able to have a proper relationship with anyone does says or thinks .
It s time to let this go.

Well hi everyone... I read your great advice... last night... didnt do a thing today... but hang out with some friends... back at home for the night. I don't feel like getting drunk or anything... anyway...

I JUST got a text telling me this from HER: "I'm Sorry but it is OVER NOW and i really MEAN it this time."

What the Fu&& ?

Well, she texted me again and asked if I got her text and I said yes...

And then she texted... : "im not going to go into the reasons or anything via text... so, if you want, email me later...

Whatever.

I didn't respond. Nor will I.


Comments please... thnx

Eww... disgusting

Remove this abuser once & for all.
Don't give her anymore opportunities to hurt you.

Don't ever respond.

Is there much point in being in a relationship that one sided?

If she has any proper feelings for you like 'love' for example she wouldn't be treating you the way she is with the one word answers.

I hate to be the one to point it out but she sounds spoilt in this relationship, like as if she has to get her own way or its an argument and you try to please her every time. Am I right?

I think you should try the NC and if she has any proper feelings for you she'll come back and apologise and catch a grip of herself, if she doesn't then you'll find someone better, just give it time.


And as for the text message, I think she's wanting you to come back begging and pleading again because that's what she's used to? She texted a second time because the NC is not what she's used to. The split will do you good.

Yeah, I find it pretty damn disgusting too everyone...

I'm not going to respond to her after how she's treated me... not going to allow her to hurt me again and again... so... im just going N/C.

And your right Lauren.. she was spoiled in this relationship and it was very one sided.. I did everything to keep it together... and when I raised my voice and had a "pair" of ballz like everyone advised... she got upset... and left... whatever... I couldn't win with this woman. I really think that she planned all of this somehow... shes very clever in what she does... maybe she has some other dude.. whatever... its N/C for me...

Ill tell everyone what she is saying... because I'm sure she's not going to like me going N.C... because that just wasn't me... wish me luck!

;)