Ask Me Help Desk - I can't trust my girlfriend.

I have never believed in an eye for an eye. All it does is cause problems. It is also very immature. If you don't like what she is doing then tell her. If she doesn't change then dump her. No matter what someone does to you try to be the bigger person and walk with dignity.

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

Well it is hard for me to trust. I should tell you that I paid her back yesterday. I acted very nice the same way she did n then I did exactly to the last detail everything she did to me. I sent the same exact messages back n went to a bar n all. now she is mad at me.

Well I know I shouldn't have done eye for an eye... I did apologize many times and I said I won't do it again. She lied by going out behind my back 4 times... I had a little issue of my girlfriend going to a bar or club alone but when she told me I didn't get mad and I said have fun... Then she decides to go out behind my back while I'm at work... Its so sneaky and if I didn't find out, I would have seen her the next day and thought everything was fine. The fact that could have happened and I would have looked like an idiot hurts me how she could lie as she did before. Plus I do remember before going out again she did say she wouldn't be able to control her temper yet but I said it will be okay. I tried hard not to get her upset.

I tried really hard dealing with my issues and yet while I tried so hard to make her happy and tell her have fun when she wanted to go out... yet there she was again hurting me and cursing me and ignoring me because I was upset she lied and going behind my back while I was trying... I don't get it. Why does this have to happen to me? Why does the pain seem to hurt more? The future scares me now. Why is life like this? Why couldn't I be forgiven when that was the worst I've done? I've forgiven her on sooo many occasions!

Patients grasshopper!:) just give her some time and I'm sure she will forgive you. Right now she is trying to turn the tables around on you to take the heat off herself.

Its been 1 month since we contacted... its over... again... I don't want her forgiveness now... im just hurting that things turned out this way.

Emo - you have to remember that none of us were brought into this world to be doormats - only YOU can afford yourself the dignity and respect that all people deserve - its up to you to choose how much you should have.

You are quite obviously hurting at the moment, you still will be this time next year if you do not start taking positive things in your life and making them a priority. You have made this person an 'all consuming' aspect of your life - guess what? - she's not in it anymore, and you have a massive void where she was because YOU allowed her to be.

In my humble opinion, there were jealousy issues on both sides of this relationship - I know from experience that this can be extremely destructive - but it's over. Done. Finished (Those are the words that are probably running through her mind right now) - You need to get them into yours, or you are going to end up very low (lower than you are already).

A mindful warning too; if you are moping around for months and months, you will project this to other people, AND possibly ruin the chance of anyone else approaching you. You'll miss out on other experiences -am glad you're using this site; experience has taught me that even the closest people to you get sick and tired of listening, not because you're a bad person, but because they get bored, it will affect other relationships around you.

I hope you find what you're looking for; - yourself

Try and keep smiling :0)

Is it possible to still have so much fun with a person you're in love with even though she isn't so in love with you?

Can you be so well loved and not know it? I am proud to say that I loved another with all that I have. Not once did I ever cheat nor wanted to. I had the love that wanted to make that person's dreams come true with whatever little money I had. Never been on a plane? Here you go! Never been on a vacation trip? Here you go! Some may say well that doesn't prove your love. Fine... Never laid a hand on her. I will not be arrogant and say we didn't argue because of course we did. We annoyed each other but by the end of every day I knew I was blessed and I knew I wouldn't want it any other way. I didn't understand everything about her... I didn't expect her to understand all of me. I found it romantic to sometimes have surprises waiting for her... perhaps a letter with a candle and a pepsi drink and a snickers bar. Maybe some flowers. Open doors. Go out at least once a week or do something different and fun. I mean I really put all my energy trying. Why is it that the person can be extremely jealous and untrusting no matter how much effort you put in for them not to think anything but yet they do things behind your back? If I wanted to go to a bar and have a few drinks with friends... I brang my girl along because I accepted the jealousy and I cared for her feelings as well. I wanted to go clubbing, then I'd bring my girl. No problem. I wanted to have a drink then I'd bring my cousin James along with my girl... no problem. I've made mistakes but I've made sure I don't do them again. Why is it that at 3 different occasions this person lies and usually says she is going to bed but yet she was out with friends or in Jersey? Why not be honest? Some may say maybe she was scared. I mean I knew she didn't like my cousin christina because of a letter we wrote each other which was more like thanks for being a great cousin but even when I knew she didn't like her and was jealous I was honest and said we are having a family sleep over and she will be there... I even invited her so she won't be hurt! I remember that same night she said "I Love You" and she said she will go to bed and I found out she shut off her phone and went to jersey... I mean shut off phone before texting especially when I put my all to protect your feelings? That was the first time we broke up. Her ex apparently was a and well he wouldn't care when she cried. Well we got back together after I suffered so much and we tried making it work again. Great times and a lot of effort on my part so that she doesn't run away again. Well one day she gets a text and she deletes it and I say what was that? She says its nothing and she says I should leave her house and then she cries and says I deserve better? Hmmm... still wondering what that text could have been. I sympathized with her crying and said baby don't cry everything will be okay but I still left her house as asked. On a side note, I was thrown out of her house at least 50 times a year while I didn't throw her out even once. Anyway, 3 different times she says I'm going to sleep and I found out she was doing something else. Mind you, she told me a few months ago she was going to a club with friends and siblings so being that I know I have an issue with a girlfriend going to a club or bar without me, I say you know what? You go have a good time. I finally made the biggest effort to show that I care a lot and not fight! So I don't want to hear anyone say I was way too jealous or didn't love or she had to be scared. She lied because she wanted to. She decided to. 3 different times and each time I spoke to her to be honest next time. She always agreed but never kept her word. Then the last time she said she was going to bed but when I called and she answered by mistake and I heard a clubbing scene. She calls back 15 minutes later (now its all quiet) and she was out with a friend and God knows who else or meeting who else. I was upset of course being this is the 3rd time and now she is mad that I'm mad... go figure. Instead of telling her friend to take her home because I was mad and caught her at least to save us, she hangs up and calls me 5 hours later leaving me worried at work. I never felt so much pain and betrayal. When she calls back we start fine then get a bit roudy and she curses me out and we argue and she says let's take a break for a while or break up.? Really? Instead of trying to fix it, just give up 3 years knowing my love is true? After me not choosing she says you, I've been doing this! The next day I only got a text saying I love you and I'm sorry. Not a call or someone at my door really apologizing just a text. On her lunch break I had to beg for 10 minutes because the other half hour went to her lunch with her supervisor which apparently was more important. When I tried reasoning with her about the day before she didn't want to hear it and got so frustrated and she didn't want to communicate so I immediately stopped and said "okay we won't speak. I will stop now and I will make everything okay for us again". She then calmed down as if she really believed I was the one who was suppose to make it better... Guessing she was used to that and me being used as a doormat. I couldn't break up with her and my one regret was that night I dd exactly what she did to me hoping that maybe without talking (since she didn't want to) she can understand how I feel or just break up with me since obviously she didn't care anymore. I felt bad and apologized but I couldn't dump her so this is my only regret. Nonetheless, I did try my best throughout the relationship and I never want to hear anyone ever say I never loved that girl because God knows I did sooo much. And as much as it hurts it makes me feel good that this is not my fault and it helps to know that I always did my very best. I feel this has to be posted as my own closure as I never really got one. It was a difficult month but I am glad to be alive and hve experienced this and I will come out stronger. I really did love her but it is over now and I just wanted to give the true story instead of hiding it. I don't want anyone thinking I hurt anybody. I was hurt and manipulated so many times even I was confused half the times. I'm glad to not go through it again. I just wanted everyone to know my side. I am still not a bad person. I actually wish her the best and I hope she changes for the next person. Also, I always encouraged her to go to family events and not stay home or stay with me because if anything we can both go. But she still didn't and I heard she told her family it was because of me so go figure. Her family is amazing to say the least! I guess she just couldn't see how much I loved her. The end.

P.S. Smoking is bad and she actually said that she likes being around me because I help her stop smoking yet when I tried just saying hey you smoked didn't u she would then get mad... She said she would stop and she tried hiding that too. If your going to do it just say so and be done with it for future experiences... Enough with the lies. Every time I got a text she had to know who it was... Yet I not once got a bad text... ever! She got one saying hey I have an itch want to scratch it from a guy.. Mind you she always made me look bad in front of her families eyes especially her sister. I actually really like her sister but guess what... her sister doesn't really like me, and guess why?
This is not including the fists and scratches and things she threw at me and not including the things she threw at my car and slamming doors constantly. Bottom line is I still loved her and I don't get why she left me. Good bye!!

Please, some comments!

I thought you were done... what more do you need to hear? Hell you're lucky you've had people answer this to the point there's 34 pages worth.

Yes you are right. You're a lovely guy from they way you treated her and manage things..

It's a brand new step in healing once you started accepting that you are not turning back. Keep it emopunk! The emotional rollercoaster I waiting for u..

I actually behaved like u. I was kind to everyone, until I learnt my lesson. God just want us to open our eyes when we do things. This is because when we are blinded by infatuation,love, or lust, we don't use our head..

It is pretty obvious your ex is someone so horrible to be with. Someone so confused, so manipulative, so jealous... and she allowed nobody to treat her the way she treated others. She even talked like she's disliked you so much in front of her family. It happened to me too.. that's BS man when u're just trying to be good.

Stay out of contact... the pain gets better.

When you do think about her, just remember she's made her decision there's nothing you can do to change it no matter how muich it sucks.

Hopefully there will be others who will appreciate your gestures etc. just be glad you didn't waste any more time / money on her.

Emopunk, you surely understand is very very clearly. Its you making progress that's helping both you and me to move on and stay strong, every time I see you lifting your head up and say you're going to conquer the pain and move on, we feel the same way.

If I'd live nearby your area, we'd probably hang out great. You know its very lonely when you got nobody there to understand u. We can go out to rock some of our feelings out and give each other all the comfort, For the heartbroken guys! Again for the heartbroken guys party!

Is it normal to feel worse after a month of a break up instead of better? All I do is think about her and I can't seem to think of her in a bad way anymore.

Also, I remember her saying these words before we got together when I asked her to be with me. She said, "I want to but I want to give my bf another chance because I want to make sure he isn't the one" She said this 3 times and then she dumped him.

Also, one day he called her but he didn't know he did and he was with a girl in his car driving and it was a long message on the answering machine of him and the girl talking. When my ex and I got to the house she listened to it and wanted to listen to it alone but I said why not listen with me. Then she did and I was like why do you want to hear that but she did anyway and after listening to it which was kind of hard to understand anything they were saying she was kind of sad and cried... what does that mean?

Also before vacation during any argument she would say for me to cancel our vacation or for me to go alone. Then sometimes she'd be happy but then she'll threaten again.

Are these all signs I should have stayed away?

Also another time she said that she wouldn't be able to control her temper if she got mad.

I don't think you can say what's normal-we re all different. Personally when Ive made my mind up that it wasn't working I concentrate on what was wrong in the relationship to help me move on and a month or so down the road I feel much better. Overanalysing doesn't help as one can get stuck in thinking about every single thing that happened. From your latest post it sounds as if you were your exes rebound? Maybe she wasn't really ready to commit to you.
Just stick with the thought that you did the best you could-its over but you will be fine in a while.

Emo, I think you need to find someone to talk to face to face. Whether that is a counselor or clergy is your choice.

You keep running around on the same treadmill asking the same questions and not listening to us. You need to allow yourself to heal and that isn't happening. You want answers that we can't give you. There aren't any simple answers. There is only taking what you have learned and moving forward.

However, every time, you seem to move forward, you end up right back at this point. I think we aren't real enough for you to fully grasp all of the advice you have been given and that it is too easy for you to repeat yourself here and get new people to join in on the self-pity trip.

I caution anyone who gets involved in this thread from here on out to read the entire thing before commenting.

I had good days after the break up but now why do I feel worse? Is this normal after a month?

Sometimes when we are young (an old also) when we are experiencing new, or difficult things we feel so alone, but in reality, many have these feelings, and have to deal with them. What is so personal to someone, is common among many, you just don't know it.

We all have good days and bad, whether your in a relationship or not, so its normal, especially after a great time, to feel down the next day. Its normal, because it happens to us all to some degree, or another.

Thank you. What should my next step be right now after a month?

Decide what you want to do for yourself, that makes you happy.