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So basically I need to just go NC and let her contact me if and when she wants. From there its really up to her if she want to be back with me in the future? Today has been harder than the past few days and I am just trying to drill it in my head what I need to do and how I should be thinking. I don't want to lose her but I also don't want to look like she can walk all over me.
I know this thread has gottten really big and everyone's advice has been great. I thank you all for reading my story and for your support. I am trying to deal with what's going on but I wasn't ready for this and still have a lot of tough times ahead. You have all helped me though, there is no doubt about it.
No you should NOT!!Quote:
So I shouldn't call and ask to speak to her.
She doesn't feel the same, thats why she broke up with you.Quote:
I still feel like she is doing whatever she wants with no consequences because she knows I want her and want to be with her no matter what.
She made a decision and she broke up with you, you are hanging because you have not accept this is over.Quote:
how do I make it clear to her that she needs to make a decision and not leave me hanging ?
No contact will allow you to handle your emotions, and make better decisions based on facts and not feelings.Quote:
Can NC alone accomplish this?
She already knows that so the answer is a simple NO!!Quote:
Shouldn't I make it clear to her by telling her that when she knows what she wants she can contact me.
Save yourself from further confusion by leaving her alone is your best way to heal and see things clearly. Stay with it.Quote:
I don't think she really knows how I feel about that, so I feel like I should tell her, even though I know its going to be hard.
Thanks tali and everyone, I will try my best to stay strong and follow your advice. I have to fight that urge I get to want to talk to her and see her. If she wants me back I guess she has to come to me. Thanks again
Take Talaniman's advice it is sound and very useful. If you have not already... take anything that you have that reminds you of her and box it up. It may help in your healing... the other is it still sounds like you have this false hope of getting back together based on your last post. I was just there, once you let go of that, I promise things will start to feel much better... trust me I was there. The other question you must really ask yourself is: do you really want to get back together? Was all of this pain that YOU went through worth it? Heal and then move on... there is plenty out there, but you must heal yourself before you find that TRUE ONE for you...
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Originally Posted by ConfusedandLost
I may still have some false hope left in my head and my heart. That's mostly me just wanting her back but knowing its not looking good right now. Well the pain I have felt these past 3 weeks has sucked but if it turns out to be what's best for me and maybe her, then it was worth it. I am not going to lie and say that I don't want to get back together with her, because I do. I am just starting to realize I have to move on and let things fall where they may. I will try to follow all the advice as much as possible. Thanks
I know the pain that you are going through, I've been through it twice now and it is HORRIBLE. I think the biggest reason I would suggest NC right now is because later on you will be glad that you did it, and be happy with yourself. The first time I went through it I kept contacting/talking to her, and I really was ashamed of myself for it afterwards. This time (2 months ago) As soon as I knew it was over, I cut contact. She hasn't phoned and I'm glad. I will be able to look back on the situation, and while I didn't handle the first 2-3 weeks properly the rest went well and I will be proud of myself and the stuff I learned about myself.
Be strong and do this for yourself, you will be grateful someday. And watch the movie swingers ASAP, it will open your eyes ( I watch it a lot when times are like this)
Thanks for the support, I am doing my best to get through this and become a better person for the future, either with her or without her. I will keep everyone posted on my progress.Quote:
Originally Posted by madaman
This morning I was feeling weak and wanted to call her so bad to talk to her and let her know what I feel and ask her what the hell she wants. But coming on here and reading all the advice and other people's situations has made me see the big picture again. I don't know if I will ever leave this site! w/out it I think I would have given into my emotions by now.
I don't know if you want to hear this... but on account of my situation, I caught her and some guy Jake, who she is going to homecoming with on a date with another couple at AppleBees... I was devastated but I think I needed to see that in order to realize the truth which is that she doesn't want to be with me and I need to find someone else. She tells my friend that she does kind of like jake but she isn't gong to pursue anything for a while since its too soon since we just broke up about 2-3 weeks ago. She also told him that she has no feelings for me whatsoever anymore. After a yeaar and 2 minths, I think that I need to move on and live life and enjoy it and not worry about her... I'm starting to become depressed and I think I will remain this way till I fugure something to do with my life since aalll of my friends are being gay right now... Your better off than me because at least she cares for you still
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Originally Posted by WC583
Hey man hang in there, I know how you feel. My ex has been hanging out with another guy so I don't know what's going on there. She says she still cares about me , well she did last week so who knows this week. If she doesn't care for you anymore at all after over a year than obviously she isn't the one for you. Keep you head up, I know its hard.
Ok well I think I have come to a decision that I have thought long and hard about. I have taken many peoples advice into account and also what I think and know about myself and my ex. I mean this is like those situations where your parents say trust me I've been there about whatever situation it may be, but most of the time you make the mistake yourself and learn from doing it anyway. I take everyone's advice to heart and some of it I really believe and some I guess I have to see to believe. I am going to talk to her sometime this week or weekend, just put it out there and let her know what I want and what I am willing to do, and I need to know what she wants from me and what she is willing to do, if anything. This whole "space" ane "break" stuff is giving me hope and I want to know if that is false hope. I can speculate all I want and tell myself to just leave her alone but I know for sure that until I know and she tells me what she really wants and feels, I will not be able to move on. So I am prepared for the worst, I just need to hear it and see it come from her mouth to really let it sink in my head. Maybe this will just cause me more hurt, probably, but sometimes you just got to do what you think is right. I don't know if its right, but I feel I have no other choice for my own sanity. This way I leave knowing she knows how I feel and I know how she feels. I know myself and I know what she has told me so far, and there have been no solid answers or reasons. So this is something I have to do for myself, to be able to sleep at night knowing I put it all out there and she told me what she felt. Then I will be able to accept whatever comes from it and move forward. What the future holds between us after that will be up to her because I will not wait around forever wondering if she will be coming back around and I need to make it clear that if this is the decision you make, you have to live with it and know that you let me go. Ill keep you updated on what happens. If you have any opinions please let me know , I may be making a mistake but its my mistake to make. It's been almost a month and I have had no real closure from her and I feel I need it to start healing. I know many of you feel I should not contact her at all but sometimes you have to do what you feel inside. I thank you all again for the support and advice, I will keep you all updated on when its going down and what happens.
Good luck. Its going to hurt but it's a mistake it seems you have to and want to make. Promise yourself that you will let it go after this, fully completely. Im sure we have all done it and regret it, but we did it anyway.
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Originally Posted by bummedout4
You are marching off a cliff with this one. You are not going to do anything but look like a weak man to her by telling her yet AGAIN how you feel. You might as well put the last nail in the coffin so you can begin to move on and heal.
So would not saying anything and just moving on how I have been for the past 3 weeks be any better? I know she knows how I feel and what I want but what she hasn't told me is what she wants, she has said she is confused and needed time. Well how much time? I mean does she see us getting back together or is she moving on with someone else? That's the type of closure and answers I need from her, not so much me telling her how I feel since she already knows that. I am just confused about where we really stand and are moving in the future.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sdjosh
She has already told you what she wants and you have not given her space, you're calling her or texting her (even if it is to tell her good luck on a test or something, you still have not done what she asked you to do)
She is going out with other people, she is moving on. I think you are just not getting it.
You really need to accapt the face that she no longer wants to be with you and move on.
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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
I have given her space, we have talked maybe 5 times or so in 3 weeks. What is making me feel this way is that she never said we are through for good and that's it, I am moving on with other people and don't want you in my life. She was like oh I still want to keep in touch and I still care for you and love you. So its like mixed signals. Its been 3 weeks and I am still confused as to what she really wants. She said she didn't know, so has she taken this time to think about herself and me and what she feels? That's all I want to know, I am not expecting her to say yeah lets get back together right now. I just want to know if she has already put me behind her and is moving forward without me. Its really to get a clearer picture if she still sees me as someone in her future or not. And if she still doesn't know then I give her more space, I am not trying to rush her , but for my own sanity I need to have an idea what she is thinking so I don't sit here with false hope that she is really taking this time to evaluate what we had and what she wants. I don't know if you understand but its something that I feel I need in order to move on whether its right or not. I mean do I sound crazy because I feel this ?
If you were going to be a part of her future, she wouldn't know now. That would be something only time would tell. By forcing her to tell you to go away, you will be finalizing this deal forever. If that is what you want then so be it, but you will not be happy with yourself after the fact.
She may have not told you explicitly to your face that she is 'done' with you, but look at her actions, read between the lines here. She wasn't mature enough to just tell you its over, so she says all that stuff 'well keep in touch' to let you down easier.
So the bottom line is if I really want a chance with her down the road, I need to just step back and let things settle themselves? Even if I feel now like I don't know what the hell is going on?
I think she doesn't know how to let you down yet. She hasn't told you yet but her actions speak for themselves. I know its hard to be in your shoes. You want so badly for it to work out or some hope. But Im telling you that its just a matter of time. And you are wasting valuable time that you can use to move on.
What you should do is be the one to end it with her. You are letting her dictate when its is over. Even though it is really hard to do, maybe you should take control of the situation and end it for your own peace of mind
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