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Its funny chuff...
Whenever we were really doing great... shed screw it up and break up. I once told her that its almost that she WANTS to sabatoge the relationship.
Very strange... never been with someone that LOOKS for crap when things are going well and then, deliberately makes sure that it goes bad...
Comments welcome...
Women want drama. When there is none, they create it. That is why it is up to you to stand up for yourself and stand down to the drama at all times during the relationship. The more you stand up for yourself and not be pushed around, the less that will happen.
I never thought of that! Ill have to remember that for my future relationships.
The funny thing is that by standing up to the drama... do you think that this is going to make her WANT me even more! Lol. Or is she just an evil Witch... lol :)
Well are you back together or over her by now?
We just broke up nohelp4u
If you were on again off again since before your Feb post I would say you need to stay away from her. That's crazy and you are wasting your time, breath and life playing this game she must be enjoying.
Yes I we were on and off before my posting...
An update everyone...
I just read her emails and listened to the voicemail...
Well, when I left her apt... it turns out that she apologized for saying that about her old boyfriend and took it back that she didn't do anything... then she said that she was going to get in her car and track me down... go looking for me...
Which she did. :O
She found me at a friends apartment and took my car's picture and told me that she knew where I was at and that I should have gone back to her place instead.
She said that I deserve "all that i get in life" and that was that...
How about them apples people? I KNOW you have comments... since then, I haven't heard from her... oh, she did say that she was "drunk" when she was arguing with me.
Ever think you may be annoying to her? WHEN DOES THIS IMMATURE BEHAVIOR STOP??
The latest:::
I checked into my Facebook account and she writes:
"i am trying to figure out where to go from here"...
How about that... SHE is the victim... sheesh.
So delete her from Facebook.
Who cares what she thinks.
Reread this...
Answer is when YOU man up and make it stop.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Hi everyone...
An update:
Well, I guess I'm a masochist because I have been taking her shi* on and off now for a month.
She goes from being the sweetest woman on earth back to her crazy self - it seems like she does this every 4th or 5th day. She is happy one minute and upset the next.
I should have walked away along time ago like everyone says but she changed. She really did. But then she went back to the way she was.
An example: we were out the whole day last sat and we were having a great time until she got upset about some nonsense issue. We wound up going back to her apt and she was screaming and yelling at me... so angry that she threw things at me! I should have left but she then said that it was because she was sooooo angry that she lost control of herself...
Anyway, we wound of having sex and all was better...
Then, she did all this again! She did go to the dr. and got some zoloft... she's a bi polar. But so far, it hasn't helped her... im in the dog house again and she is blaming everything on me.
I don't know what to do because I don't want to abandon her if she's crazy because its not really her... its her mental problems but I need to look out after my mental health too...
Yeah, I know everyone says to leave this crazy woman... have I become the co dependent in this relationship? Do I need to see a shrink because I can't leave? I don't know...
Anyway... not a sucker for abuse... well maybe I am... I listened and did what everyone said and yet I'm back at square one.
Guess it was my mistake for letting her come back to me.
Comments please...
How many more years do you want to spend on this emotional rollercoaster?
Your relationship s toxic and yes you come across as co-dependent .
Seeing a therapist for yourself sounds like a good idea.
Man up and step away from the drama.
Well I don't want to spend ANY more time on any drama. I'm sick and tired of the drama.
I told her that last week and said that I don't want to argue with her anymore.
If and when she's ready to be happy, to contact me...
So far, all I've heard from her is an email asking: "how are you doing? "
But it's a strange thing... its like I'm in Vegas and she is my slot machine... I put up with her crap HOPING that the next pull will make me a winner. And the problem is, is that she does give me some money but its just never enough and I'm left putting more quarters in hoping for the payoff! :O
That is a great anogly. I know exactly what your talking about because I've done the same thing or I've rationalized abusive behavior by saying "I've put X amount of time in, I'd hate to see that have been a waste." But in reality by using those statements what we are really doing is giving permission to the abuser to continue this abuse.Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyoverher
Who are the real winners in Vegas though? They are people who go into the casio with a set amount of money in their pocket. If they deplete that amount they leave. If they win, they will either use that for more betting until they lose it or walk away with their winnings. But the real winners never walk out with LESS then what they set aside ahead of time.
In terms of self esteem, self respect, and pride you have less then what you walked in with. You are letting her, the casino dictate the game, where you the customer is the one who really has the power to walk away at anytime.
A relationship will require you to give of yourself but this relationship requires you to give all of yourself with no benefit coming back to you. You wouldn't go to work if your boss said you were going to work for free, but you go into the relationship giving everything and getting nothing. You wouldn't pay someone for nothing, yet you pay your girlfriend in time, energy, gifts, and allowing abuse, and you get nothing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being selfish. By that I don't mean you be abusive and not care about other people, but you do care about and put yourself first above others. If she is not holding her end of the relationship agreement then you, for you, end it and move on. You know you deserve better and you know you have more to offer then she can realize or accept but you can't start the open that door if you don't close this one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyoverher
Do you realize by telling her this you have said that you will be waiting around for her. Sounds like a lot of "come here...but go away". She probably knows you well, and knows how you react to different things.
It's not when or if she's ready to be happy to contact you... it's about IF you want to contact her.
What very thoughtful comments from everyone. Thank you for your insight. Yes, in the end, I realize that it is MY choice as to whether I want to go back or have her back in my life or not. Even if she comes around again... to me saying that she's sorry etc.
I KNOW this to be true. But after pledging her change of ways before and then sticking to them only to screw up again, is there any room for me to think that she can get back and STAY back on the "wagon" or will she eventually do this again... I mean is it that she has a "personality disorder" and no matter what happens I can't fix this and she can't fix this without thearpy?
That's my question... because, I have done kept up my "end of the bargain"... and although I do get or got sex from her... and some wonderful days... I do feel somewhat traumatized by her. In the sense that I have to walk on eggshells... be overly concerned about not upsetting her - just to get some peace and quite and good times...
More thoughts would be appreciated... also, everyone, I learned that she is having problems with her familiy and job and that this is causing her stress but why take it out on me.. u know?
Thanks guys... n gals... for your comments!!
And also... im wondering if my "GF"... has a "personality disorder" and if so, does this condition FALL into the regular relationship mode? Does this mitigate the situation? Or am I just rationalizing all of it... regardless?
Thanks..
OMG! You really don't have any self respect! I read every single post taking me 6 hours to read! You ignored the advise that Chuff, T-Man, Justwantfair, Romeo, Kctinger and a few others have given you. You went back and it happened again! Then again and again! Its amamzing how much patience and loyalty T-Man and chuff and romefalls and others have for you! These people are trying so hard and giving free help, their time and thoughts and you ignore it even though you may want to follow it. You keep talking about the sex with this girl. Have you ever seen porn? There are so many other girls willing to do everything who are very pretty and can be decent normal girls and not be strippers.
I am feeling bad for the people commenting here. I feel like you are telling all of us to waste our time because you are not showing us that you care about yourself. Now I get the saying, Nobody can help you if you don't help yourself.
I can relate to what you are going through a lot. You want details? You got it. The sex is great and there is something special they do that you love and you feel so connected. I KNOW! She gets mad at times for very little things and curses you out or even throws things at you and then says sorry after some time. I KNOW! You feel your life is messed up and maybe that's why you feel you want and need her almost like a drug to feel some happiness because the good times and good pictures can be so decepting. I KNOW! The way they look so pretty to you and you love holding them close and being around and all the little things like the faces they make and certain things they like. I KNOW!
I went back to my ex a while ago and guess what? She broke up with me again. She had the same attitude as yours. They manipulate all the time!!
I may be having some hard times but I listen to the people here because they really care and they know!! Believe me. You have to trust these people. Your relationship is HORRIBLE just like mine! Don't trick yourself to think it was good!!
I really wish you the best and in a way I am glad you went through this so that you experience it first hand but how in the world are you still stuck? I got the point now that I got back. I get it now so why can't you. I'm up to the point where I'm just missing some memories but even that is fading. I don't even know where you are. This girl is ruining your life. Please just let go of her and her insensitive friend because he is NOT your friend. You know what my friends said? They said "FU$& her". You have to stay at the gym and stay busy. Lose allllllll contact with these people. Do this for yourself. You will be stronger in the future. I went through this once and suffered but this time I learned that suffering is optional. Plus we tried all we could and you should be proud of that. I sure am. I am sooo much stronger this time and it doesn't mean I don't care or I don't love her because God knows that is far from the truth but I learned a lot better how to deal with my emotions. I only cried once all month long. Its not too late but you have to make some moves now and fast. Please move on! How old are you? I think you like orders so here they are.
Dammit! You better stop talking to your ex! And I mean it!
You better write some actions right now as to what you will do today to improve your situation! If I say its okay, then you may do it!
C'mon man... be strong. Show everyone how strong you are. Be something good in this world and be a role model! This girl is DESTROYING YOU! (If she hasn't already)
I have only had time to read half of the posts on here and that took along time in itself!!
I hate to tell you this but the worst thing about someone who is beautiful that KNOWS they are beautiful is they think they have the right to treat you badly because they know you adore them and will take it and keep coming back for more... she knows what you think of her and you have DESPERATE printed on your forehead for her and everyone else to see.
I don't mean to sound harsh but she's using you. When she goes NC she is with someone else I can guarantee it, she allows you back in because of a few reasons... its not going well... they don't let her get away with what you do... they stand up for themselves... you see where I'm going with this!!
Any woman loves a man with some balls... pardon the pun... someone to stand up for themselves and put us in our places when we try to throw a tantrum as we all will at some point, we are all like children in that way, if we can get away with it we will continue to do so... not as far as she has gone though!!
The best thing you can do here is to get on with your life, away form her, without her, stop waiting for the odd call or text that will come just to keep you hanging on a thread for when she's bored. Change your number if necessary then you won't be checking it every 5 minutes to see if she's calling.
There are plenty of hot people out there who are also NICE people.
Good Luck x
Although I don't think you're right about myself respect, I do want to thank you for your comments... emo.
It sheds a new perspective on things for me. And for all the guys that have commented on my relationship... chuff, rome, justwant... everyone... you have been a great help to me. I have followed many things that you have said and some I haven't... but I keep coming back here because obviously, for me, as with everyone here in a long term relationship - want to make things right and want to get some caring advice.
If all of this was easy to do, then many of us here wouldn't need this support system. And that is what this forum has been for me. Its my only support system so that's why I'm here.
Whether I follow everyone's advice to the letter is one thing, but I certainly have done many of the suggestions... im just looking for some more comments about what everyone thinks as this relationship progresses...
This obviously has been an important part of my life for 5 years... if it is to end, then at least I can sleep easy at night for doing all that I could have.
Thank you destiny09,
You know people... I have often wondered during our breakups if she has been seeing other people... she told me no and that "im the only one" etc... but I'm not sure if I entirely believe that either... I think that destiny is right when she says that I'm the ONLY idiot that puts up with her bs.
I know that I wouldn't do this with any other woman - its only because of how long I've been with her 5 years... shes pretty, good in bed, tells me that she loves me... etc... that I do.
But, I can't prove that she has done anything with someone else... because then, well, that would be the end of it for me no questions asked for sure.
In any case, yeah I think she is toying with me like a mouse... I don't want to play her games and do the same thing to her because that would be childish although, I have to admit, kind of fun. So, at this moment, I'm kind of left with just leaving her be.
I won't contact her. And well see what happens...
What do you guys, and gals... think is going to happen next, based upon your wisdom... im not being sarcastic... im really asking... for your thoughts.
Thanks...
Ps... as you can see, one way or another, I think that all of this is coming to a head.
What happens next is dependent upon your actions. I see two scenarios:
1) You guys both keep on playing this immature cat and mouse game, wasting another year or two in the process
2) You grow up, truly leave each other alone and move on with your lives. Let sleeping dogs lay, and cut your losses.
This is life Crazy, you lose things, you gain things and the world keeps turning round and round. Either choose to turn with it or get stuck in a no win situation.
Reading your answer crazy... you must be a little crazy! You are still waiting on her and what she does next. You need to let it go and mean it. Not contacting her to see what she does next is you being almost as bad as her with the games.
You have to tell her that it is "Game Over". You will feel better in the long run and you won't feel like coming to this site again unless you want to help others from your experience. I personally think I will be here. I stopped because my ex girlfriend would be pissed that I talk to strangers and give advice about relationships... I'm sure another girl wouldn't be so pissed. What is it that the two of you argue about? And how old are you?
Well that's the thing...
Our arguments are stupid. Here's an example of the latest:
We had a great Saturday all day long... then we were to have a romantic evening when she gets a text from her friends asking her to go to a bar and celebrate a friend's move. She asks me if its okay and I say yes.
Then when we get home, she tells me that we might be longer than usual there at the bar. And I tell her that I don't mind us going, but that I want to be with her that night... at which, she says that we have been together all day long. I tell her yes, but we have yet to have our "romantic" evening as we planned... she gets uspset saying that I'm casing issues and that she doesn't want me to go with her to the bar because everyone would see that we are fighting.
I ask her what am I to do then? And she says... its up to me but that she is going out. She will see me when she gets back home.
So much for our romantic evening and so much for us being in a good mood because she's not wanting to do either.
This is what happens... and the only thing I can gather is that she would rather be with her friends than with me. Although when she is alone, all I hear is how much she misses me and wants to see me...
Who's right and who's wrong here people??
Thanks.
Its not a question of who is right or who is wrong-its a question of reclaim your life and stop being a doormat.
How old are you?
Plus people here always told me that you have to let them go alone and you can't want to go for some reason. I don't really get it but they will say that you HAVE to let her go by herself because you have no control over her or something. I had that problem... I didn't really like her going out either but then again she was the same so it was a double standard for me... But it sucks that she is going to skip a romantic night with you. I guess you can just let it go until next time and just let her go out because everyone here is against being jeolous... I hate it too!
Well its not so much that I'm being a doormat... as it is the fact that she claims that I am the one who is causing the fights and arguments because she wants to go out and have "fun" and I don't.
But that is not the case, I like to go out for a good time as well but when we do so, she picks fights with me when she drinks too much, which is usually the case... and we wind up in separate beds... sheesh !
U know, as I'm writing this, I'm getting a sense of how unfair she has been towards me and perhaps, it isn't my fault that things aren't going well in the relationship but rather, its her fault for not putting as much effort as I am into it...
So maybe its time to listen to most of us here-and let this go? Or will you still be asking our opinion in five years time?
crazyoverher, no offense I have read most of your thread. Word of advice grow a pair and tell her to f off literally, you keep going in one cycle over and over, ever think that there's more to life than just this. I remember when you two broke up and a few weeks, month passed by and you were doing good and then she came back, same drama started back up. Honestly why are you let this continue. Literally if you read your entire story its gone in one gigantic circle of drama and you stressed and not having a good time in life. Honestly you know what's it like not being with this girl and what's it like being with her. Where does the good outweigh the bad, and vice versa.
Just my two cents on this... take it for what it is...
Thanks mdoli... for your input.
The good outweighs the bad in those fleeting moments of intimacy... when she is at her best, being herself and loving me for who I am and what we are.
The bad is... everything else. :O
Its those moments that are hard to give up... becuase, if I didn't look at that part, then the decision would have been easy.
Any comments from everyone out there... those who understand what I'm talking about are appreciated... those who have loved many and have lost many as well...
Thanks.
Why do you keep asking for comments? You already know what we are going to say but YOU won't give up! You say the good outweighs the bad when the two of you are intimate and she is being herself. Hello!! Even when she is bad, she is being herself too! I think You are obsessed. I think we are all getting tired of you not caring for yourself. You only think of her. Why? Please, in your next post just block all the good and make a list of 50 or so of things that she has done throughout the relationship that has hurt you. List all crazy things she has done and list any thing bad you can think of about her... take your time but please do this ASAP! Trust me... I am waiting plus this WILL help..
I can't believe what I'm reading to be honest... how can you care so little for your own emotional and mental well being?
I have just come out of a very bad relationship, me hanging on to the good fleeting moment, a case of when its good its heaven and when its bad its hell... if your honest with yourself you know the bad outways the good... its time to say good bye, for yourself... you will find someone who loves you as much as you love them and she obviously doesn't.
As for your stupid arguments, I said before you are OK for her while she is bored, something better came along so you can now go. You have described exactly what I have said.
What hold does she have over you that you cannot say good bye? You don't have kids... yes you have invested time but look where that has got you, she isn't a very nice person and hasn't changed in those years and she's not about to, she's happy as she is... its all your fault, you cause the problems... sound familiar??
You need a clean break and let it go, it won't get better with her and she won't change or love you more... please, for yourself, let her go x
Thanks for your comment destiny09...
Your post has made me think.
That's a real red flag.Quote:
I like to go out for a good time as well but when we do so, she picks fights with me when she drinks too much, which is usually the case... and we wind up in separate beds... sheesh !
There are tons of women in the world. Sometimes it is better to know when a women we may care about isn't going to work out in the long run. Cut your losses man. Life is too short.
The only thing harder than keeping a dead relationship alive is knowing when to throw in the flag when it is clear things aren't working.
Please, in your next post just block all the good and make a list of 50 or so of things that she has done throughout the relationship that has hurt you. List all crazy things she has done and list any thing bad you can think of about her... take your time but please do this ASAP! Trust me... I am waiting plus this WILL help..
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