Ask Me Help Desk - Is it really that wrong to be obedient?

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Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

I've also heard constant, extreme threats is verbal abuse. is this true?

Yes it is!

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Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

I've also heard constant, extreme threats is verbal abuse. is this true?

Yes. There's also emotional abuse and, of course, sexual abuse.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Yes. There's also emotional abuse and, of course, sexual abuse.

Can you define emotional abuse for me?

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Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

can you define emotional abuse for me?

Abuse | Define Abuse at Dictionary.com

** http://www.ndvh.org/get-educated/?gc...FQwNDQodKm_Zjw **

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&d...e&ved=0CA0QkAE

From counselingcenter.illinois.edu --

Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased.

Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance,” “teaching,” or “advice,” the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting than physical ones.

Wow, that is really considered abuse?

Here's more from that site --

Types of Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse can take many forms. Three general patterns of abusive behavior include aggressing, denying, and minimizing.

Aggressing
* Aggressive forms of abuse include name-calling, accusing, blaming, threatening, and ordering. Aggressing behaviors are generally direct and obvious. The one-up position the abuser assumes by attempting to judge or invalidate the recipient undermines the equality and autonomy that are essential to healthy adult relationships. This parent-to-child pattern of communication (which is common to all forms of verbal abuse) is most obvious when the abuser takes an aggressive stance.
* Aggressive abuse can also take a more indirect form and may even be disguised as “helping.” Criticizing, advising, offering solutions, analyzing, probing, and questioning another person may be a sincere attempt to help. In some instances, however, these behaviors may be an attempt to belittle, control, or demean rather than help. The underlying judgmental “I know best” tone the abuser takes in these situations is inappropriate and creates unequal footing in peer relationships.

Denying
* Invalidating seeks to distort or undermine the recipient's perceptions of their world. Invalidating occurs when the abuser refuses or fails to acknowledge reality. For example, if the recipient confronts the abuser about an incident of name calling, the abuser may insist, “I never said that,” “I don't know what you're talking about," etc.
* Withholding is another form of denying. Withholding includes refusing to listen, refusing to communicate, and emotionally withdrawing as punishment. This is sometimes called the “silent treatment.”
* Countering occurs when the abuser views the recipient as an extension of themselves and denies any viewpoints or feelings which differ from their own.

Minimizing
* Minimizing is a less extreme form of denial. When minimizing, the abuser may not deny that a particular event occurred, but they question the recipient's emotional experience or reaction to an event. Statements such as “You're too sensitive,” “You're exaggerating,” or “You're blowing this out of proportion” all suggest that the recipient's emotions and perceptions are faulty and not to be trusted.
* Trivializing, which occurs when the abuser suggests that what you have done or communicated is inconsequential or unimportant, is a more subtle form of minimizing.
* Denying and minimizing can be particularly damaging. In addition to lowering self-esteem and creating conflict, the invalidation of reality, feelings, and experiences can eventually lead you to question and mistrust your own perceptions and emotional experience.

And is this illegal?

and immoral.

WOW! I never knew it was illegal! I thought that was just being mean!

Especially parent to child... an authority to a minor.

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Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

WOW! I never knew it was illegal! I thought that was just being mean!

Being mean is what my son annd daughter used to say about me when I wouldn't let them do something they wanted to do, like going to a Kiss or Metallica concert. Abuse of any kind is wrong.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

especially parent to child...an authority to a minor.

I can't sleep. It's 11:13 p.m here. You're right again!

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Being mean is what my son annd daughter used to say about me when I wouldn't let them do something they wanted to do, like going to a Kiss or Metallaca concert. Abuse is of any kind is abuse.

Of course, parents can say no to a child and can forbid him to do whatever he darn well pleases, and that's not abuse.

That's the problem with parenting today. Parents want to avoid "abuse" and be their child's friend, so they never refuse the child anything. In a way, that's a kind of abuse too. Parents walk a fine line as they raise a child.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

especially parent to child...an authority to a minor.

EXACTLY! It does more damage because these people are the ones are supposed to look out for you and protect you, give you guidance. When someone who's supposed to love you hurts you, it hurts way more than when a stranger or acquaintance does it.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

especially parent to child...an authority to a minor.

It's disgusting to think there are people in the world who could abuse someone they are supposed to be protecting. It makes me mad enough to bite a ten penny nail in half! I always told my children I'm the mom and your dad and I will not let you do anything we feel is not right. I was a mother to them, they already had friends. EMOP needs us and I am glad she has people who are smart enough to tell her what is the right thing for her to do. WG and ohso you all have a very good grasp on her situation. I know if someone hurt one of my children I would go ballistic.

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

It's disgusting to think there are people in the world who could abuse someone they are supposed to be protecting. It makes me mad enough to bite a ten penny nail in half!

That would hurt.

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Originally Posted by ohsohappy

that would hurt.

I swear I think her dad needs to be horsewhipped and right in the middle of the town, wherever she lives. Maybe that would stop it. Lord I'm going to have a lot to ask forgiveness for when I do go to bed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Of course, parents can say no to a child and can forbid him to do whatever he darn well pleases, and that's not abuse.

That's the problem with parenting today. Parents want to avoid "abuse" and be their child's friend, so they never refuse the child anything. In a way, that's a kind of abuse too. Parents walk a fine line as they raise a child.

My children weren't perfect but we were so strict on them. I thought about it after they ahad all left home one by one. My son told me one Christmas when he and his wife were here, he said; Mom I know you thought we hated you and Dad at times because you wouldn't let us do certain things, but now that I have kids of my own I really think I want to raise them just like you and dad raised us. Okay it's going to take me a while to say my prayers tonight so I Really am going to log off.

UPDATE:

Talking to my new therapist is wonderful. I see her every other school day!

She's wonderful. She's already figured out the roots of many of my problems!