Thanks friend4U but I don't understand what you mean about constant questioning and badgering. I even gave the mian situations and they only included like a question or two and dropped. Please reread. Where do you see that I have major trust issues. To be honest, if I read my post, I'd say that is perfectly normal and in fact pretty good considering 3 and a half years together. Please explain why I have major trust issues.

Especially when I told her over 3 times to be honest and not lie again because it hurts me. If she wants to hang out then just let me know. If she is still going to go, I'd rather her tell me instead of this. Still she couldn't do this. Did I ever do anything like this to her especially when I was dedicated in making us work? no. But sure, say I have major trust issues but it makes a lot of sense... not really. Please explain.

If emotional blackmail fits, than that is probably what it was. Try to realise, not all girls feel the need to play in this way. A healthy, loving relatioship will have no games. Be aware of your 'guilt and blame thoughts' as just moments of reasoning. Not as thoughts fruitful enough to dwell on for longer than a moment. Also, not to be applied to any other relationship in the future.

Amicon, Friend4U, Vanhear and Rookie please respond.

I agree 1000%. Couldn't have said it better.

Learn, and be aware. Reasoning, yes.

To be together emotionally as possible. With all things.

I just looked up the word trust in the dictionary. Seems that it isn't something measured in degrees. Hard for me to explain... Trust, it seems, is something you offer after it is both of your resolve to be faithful. With trust, you will be able to expect with confidence, that problems will be resolved, because you believe in each other without any fear. You will place confidedence in the fact they speak the truth.

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

Thanx friend4U Please explain why I have major trust issues.

But sure, go ahead and say I have major trust issues but it makes a lot of sense...not really. please explain.

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

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emopunk7 agrees: Thanx Rookie! I will always give 100% in my next relationship. My only problem possibly is to trust more..

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You said it here yourself Emo , and it's riddled through this whole thread.




BTW , if I don't reply straight away it's because I'm not on the site so don't think I'm ignoring you and I'm sure that goes for the others.

Can anybody read my previous post and give me some serious feedback?

Thank you very much Rookie! I always appreciate it... I guess I am feeling a bit down right now... not too bad though. I just don't see how she couldn't handle the relationship anymore and broke up. This girl almost never trusted me. Always wayy jealous. And just with 2 or 3 episodes of me in the past which I mentioned in my last post, makes me someone who has major trust issues? How? I couldn't even go with my family alone to a park or to the movies without letting her know or she would be pissed for days and she would say you're going to regret this and threaten me. Yet she goes with friends and to places where her ex is and yet I still just tell her to please not do it again and always gave her a chance. But why would she do this? And if she was so jealous and cursed me out when upset and hurt me, how is it that she can dump me?

I think you would help yourself a lot by accepting the fact that just because you think, or see things one way, others may think, and see things another way.

You keep going back to your past interactions, and questioning why she did this, why she did that. You haven't grasp the power of accepting how a person is, just because that's the way they are.

My friend when you can accept people just because that's the way they are, you will have gone a long way in understanding them, and their actions.

You have to empathize at some point because what's reasonable to you may be crazy to me.

Once you accept she is a nut, then you can understand why she did nutty things. It really is that simple. She is who she is, and nothing you do will ever change that. Just accept it, and stop looking for other answers when there are none.

Just asking.. Did you read my dictionary response? What can you gather from it? Just interested...

Here's the thing. Would anybody here betray their girlfriend and tell her you are going to bed while they work and instead go to a bar or club with a friend? Then even after she finds out, instead of saying sorry or going home you get mad at her and curse her and say you haven't hung out in a while and then hang up? Then ignore her calls and texts for 5 hours until you get home and ignore how worried she is? Is that love?

I went through that... The last time was my fourth time. Yet every one says I have trust issues... I think its more that I have issues of being hurt and taken as a sucker. What do you think?

Do you remember the Remote Control we all have the ability to use? You need to start to use the On Demand button... We All Have Been Hurt from time to time. I don't like labels like 'sucker' I'm to strong to keyhole myself like that. I adapt! Life gives me lemons... I in time, I will make lemonade.
Use the talent you have, to make your focus more meaningful.
I am waiting... Show us.

I think your rehashing old feelings, but have avoided the real facts in this situation. She was not capable of rationale thoughts, and actions when it comes to you, just because she doesn't think the way you do, and you have passed over the fact that she had her own motives for what she did, and the way she did it.

If in fact you had been paying closer attention, you would have kicked her to the curb long ago, instead of constantly tried to fix things according to your own logic. Every time you thought it was fixed she did something else in a way you didn't like, and off to the races once again, trying to fix things.

Logic should have told you her actions were unacceptable, but you were so in love, you were determined to change her for the better, but she was having none of that, nor did she want it. Matter of fact, it more than likely pizzed her off.

So now you have to keep going back over old ground to find a way to understand her, instead of accepting the very real fact that her love was very different, than yours was. That's why the chances of you both lasting for ever were slim at best, so now its over.

Don't worry, your not the first guy or gal that wonders what changed in this love thing, nor are the first or the last to try and figure it out so you can know what to fix.

Truth is, it is the way it is, and sometimes there are no fixes to be had. You just have to move forward, and don't look back.

Hey Rookie... Trust I believe is what you said. It goes along with confidence. You can have confidence and still not trust someone, though. Some people are not trustworthy. Trust isn't something that is earned in my opinion. Instead it is something given automatically until it is proven that the person can no longer be trusted. I only had a problem with my ex because she would go where her exs were, but I still never forced her to not go. I would simply just express myself. She seemed understanding. But whenever we argued, then she would go without telling me and that started to kill my trust and it confused me. There was never anything with a guy, but still it was betrayal in my eyes. Is this justified?

By all means, whoever reads my questions as a way to hang on, its not true. In fact I will be 100% honest in saying that I will not ever go back with her. I am moving forward. Just certain things I need to talk about right now as a process of moving on and its helping.
Tman... thank you. I think I have to reread your posts a few more times and truly understand. There seems like a lot to think about... hahaha Will get back to it soon and give you my feedback more clearly.

I only had a problem with my ex because she would go where her exs were, but I still never forced her to not go. I would simply just express myself. She seemed understanding. But whenever we argued, then she would go without telling me and that started to kill my trust and it confused me. There was never anything with a guy, but still it was betrayal in my eyes. Is this justified?

Holy, hells bells, emo.

Im coming in later, but did you really read what rockie first wrote.

You're not emo or punk if you keep this up.

No offense, Just a slap.

All I hear is her, tell me some other stories.

It takes time, man. Relax.

Emo, your trust issue isn't with her. It is with yourself. You didn't trust your own instincts to get out of the relationship when the problems started adding up. All of your stories come back to you not trusting your judgment.

Learn to trust yourself. Learn to trust your own instincts and judgment.

You just can't accept the fact! Or maybe you're jealous that a broke up is what you've got for trusting her that good. That would be one of the reason you 2 broke up, its imbalance on both sides.

She don't love you as much as you love her, there goes the difference in behaviour and attitude

IMO, She took a blinded good guy for granted. There's tons of people beyond your expectation ( attitude, behaviour, thoughts, actions). The answer lies in god.

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

I only had a problem with my ex because she would go where her exs were, but I still never forced her to not go. I would simply just express myself. She seemed understanding. But whenever we argued, then she would go without telling me and that started to kill my trust and it confused me. There was never anything with a guy, but still it was betrayal in my eyes. Is this justified?

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By "simply expressing yourself" you told her you don't trust her even if you were nice about it, which is why everyone is saying that you have trust issues. What you should've done, is not said anything. If I were her, I'd get frustrated, too, especially if it was a party I really wanted to go to.

Exes are exes for a reason, you have to put a little faith in the person your dating, and you didn't, so she had to resort to lying so she could keep her social life and her boyfriend. I don't agree with her, she should've just broken up with you at that point, but we're not perfect and I can't say that I wouldn't do the same.

Yes I know exes are exes for a reason but if I didn't really like it I had to communicate that... but I think I see what you are saying... better to hide it. I know you guys are trying to make me do things better. Thanks. So, I'm never suppose to be jealous and always trust 100%? I thought it was good to be a bit jealous as it shows caring.

You're making it sound like your ex represents the entire women population.

She's only one person. You broke up. You lost her trust. End of story.

Time to start a new story. If you never let go of the past, you will never be able to start a new relationship on a clean slate. That's unfair to you and to the new person.

There you go again, not seeing what was said, and only taking things one way again... your way.

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I thought it was good to be a bit jealous as it shows caring.

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Don't agree at all, and neither did she.

What do you mean TMan... She didn't agree with what? All she did was be jealous and that is what confuses me. I could never so much as look at a girl even in a magazine... I would try and get her used to it and rarely she kind of relaxed but still always the same. I would even tell her, cmon I know you love bruce willis and she says not anymore... it seemed manipulative as she wanted to change that she doesn't like anyone just so that she can hold it against me that I liked someone on TV. Either way, she always wanted to see who text me and who called and all that. So TMan... jealousy is never good at all no matter what?

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it seemed manipulative as she wanted to change that she doesn't like anyone just so that she can hold it against me that I liked someone on TV.

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It was manipulative!

Its so unfair to be jealous, and not bide by the same rules she imposed on you. That's not caring, that's control, and manipulation, and should have been a big red flag.

You let things like this slide without mutual resolution, and it came back to bite you.

I have an advantage EMO, not just with experience, but knowing what you have posted in the past, in your deleted post. Just wanted to explain my position, and not just have you think I am against you. That's not the case, but you're a difficult student, who I hope appreciates my straight forward honesty.

You don't have to see what I see, but I just want you to think in a broader sense, and not just from an emotional one.

Thank you TMan! Well I started this long thread... It had a beginning and you all added the body and now I would like this to come to a conclusion.
So to wrap it up, let me know if this is correct.
My ex was manipulative and very jealous and never trusted me. I have to learn that exes are exes and that they can have close guy friends and not be bothered because I have to be more confident. If she is going to cheat, she will find a way anyway, eventually. Better to trust and if it happens, better sooner than later. That's better than forcing my way and after 5 years, have them cheat on me anyway. Correct so far?

I have made a lot of points of placing the blame. I know we had great times together and loved each other. What seemed an error is that I allowed her to always curse me out and yell at me in public and lie to me about where she is. She could have spoken with me calmly and maturely if she really had aproblem with how I was and I would've come to a compromise and fix it. Instead she lied again and even after realizing she betrayed our pact again and disregarded honesty, she curses me out and says she wants to be with friends as if I ever said she couldn't. I only said let me know, common sense. She didn't even try so I can't even really know how I'd respond. And she did ask to go to a club and hang out with friends in 3 occasions and I didn't mind. Mind you one day we were upset and she did a guys hair for him while we were upset. I found out 2 days later... I didn't make a big deal but just said to let me know next time. I hated that everything wrong was always when upset at me. I wouldn't have a girl come over and do her hair while my girl is home. I'd have her around. But that's how I am and I expect the same especially if we were upset you don't do that. Is expecting to be treated how I treat another count as jealousy or crossing the lines of respect? I tend to think my relationship problem does include trust issues but I think its mainly her disrespecting a lot. Any responses?

Hey slapshot and friend4U, so do you think its okay that I used to call my exes for relationship advice? After all, you do say exes are exes for a reason. What do you say?

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I tend to think my relationship problem does include trust issues but I think its mainly her disrespecting a lot. Any responses?

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Your right, but (Hehehehe!) you allowed the disrespect, therefore bringing more disrespect. Ignoring bad behavior brings more of the same. That's the reality you didn't deal with so who is at fault? The nice guy who allows himself to be slapped? Or the nice guys partner who disrespect him, by slapping him?

Answer-Its the nice guys fault for letting himself be slapped, and disrespected.

Now you can blame the partner for doing it, but that would be wrong, just because the partner can only do to you what you let them do.

I like the way you see things TMAN... Very smart!

I learned the hard way, but it only took once. I acknowledge mistakes, but make a point to not repeat them. But I move beyond them.

Its called learning, and giving yourself a chance to grow.

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Hey slapshot and friend4U, so do you think its okay that I used to call my exes for relationship advice? After all, you do say exes are exes for a reason. What do you say?

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Never done that, never will. Just me though. ( I do ask my wife about it, she gives pretty good advice)

I quit... im so tired of writing the same nonsense. Bottom line, it didn't work. We tried but to no avail. Same problems all over again. I work on trusting and finding someone who treats me good and be happy with that. Simple!
But surely we will get upset at times, and she will do something to upset me but its all in how I deal with things, correct? I want to be the best person I can be. Sure I am 24 but its never to late to be the person you want to be.
1. I will never hit my girl...
2. I have cursed my girl but only because she would first. Which brings this.
3. Never do paybacks anymore. It never does any good.
4. Think or come to AMHD before doing anything (you all have the greatest advice! I'm so glad I stood NC!)
5. Trust 100%... innocent until proven guilty I guess.
6. Ignore exes and be the cool suave guy even if they talk from time to time. (really have to work on this as it hurt to even write it!)
7. Give space when they want to hang out with friends and encourage it.

Wow! I just realized that I woke up with absolutely no thought or pain of my ex. It seems I'm mostly scared of making the same mistakes again for self improvement! Thank you everyone!

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

Hey slapshot and friend4U, so do you think its okay that I used to call my exes for relationship advice? Afterall, you do say exes are exes for a reason. What do you say?

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I'm with Tal , sharing personal details with an Ex is not for me , I have friends who have stuck by me for that.

So then you are both saying you can understand someone being jealous if it did happen to them? So is jealousy okay or not... confused now.

Anything that crosses the line of good behavior is not okay in my book. I can honestly say I tend to keep a safe distance from jealous people, and have no reason to be jealous myself. But that's just me.

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So is jealousy okay or not... confused now.

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Not for me!

Ok well the big question. How do I learn to just trust and not be jealous for my next relationship?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Your right, but (Hehehehe!) you allowed the disrespect, therefore bringing more disrespect. Ignoring bad behavior brings more of the same. Thats the reality you didn't deal with so who is at fault? The nice guy who allows himself to be slapped? Or the nice guys partner who disrespect him, by slapping him??

Answer-Its the nice guys fault for letting himself be slapped, and disrespected.

Now you can blame the partner for doing it, but that would be wrong, just because the partner can only do to you what you let them do.

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Hey Tal/Emo- I've been reading through this thread because Emo's ex sounds a lot like my ex- they probably would be good friends lol. My question is Tal- what's a guy like Emo or me supposed to do when you're in a relationship and the girl is acting like this.

Like Emo I stood up for myself but she would continue to do/say disrespectful things. I don't know how guys like me or Emo can handle girls like this- its not like were pushovers and letting ourselves get walked on... thats how a lot of younger girls act.:confused:

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Originally Posted by bjohnrupp

My question is - whats a guy like Emo or me supposed to do when you're in a relationship and the girl is acting like this.

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That's when you grow a pair and walk instead of sticking around thinking their going to change.

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Originally Posted by bjohnrupp

Like Emo I stood up for myself but she would continue to do/say disrespectful things.

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You only get what you put up with. By staying around they know they can walk all over you and you won't do a thing about it until it's suits them , then they leave.

Friend4U... so as soon as a girl does something wrong, we are suppose to walk out? Cmon... reality now. Be serious. Really what do you do?

How do you become an expert on this site?

Of course not Emo , we're not talking about a girl just doing something wrong , we're talking about a girl who continually abuses you emotionally.

Sure let her know it's hurting the relationship first and see if she's willing to do something about it , yours wasn't and you stuck around until SHE finally dumped you.

Get where I'm coming from?

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

How do you become an expert on this site?

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Here you go...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.ph...age#faq_expert