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She may of being playing you, but, you let her. You knew what she was like, past behaviour is an indication of future behaviour. You know that. So its your responsibility to protect YOU. Not hers. Up to you to say no isn't it?
Anyway, what's done it done. What's next?
Im rocking up to 4 months of NC now Out Of Time, so would you be if you'd kept to NC.
Im pretty sure I'm feeling a hell of a lot better than you right now.
Please stop doing this to yourself. Its self inflicted torture!!
Yep once again you are all right, and I am all wrong. :(
I am getting the impression that you would really like to be 'right' and prove everyone else 'wrong'. As though everyone was against her and you and you wanted to turn everything around and have that great love that romance movies are made about. That doesn't really in reality.Quote:
Originally Posted by Outoftime44
I know your confidence in your personal judgment is shaken. You need to let go of the self-doubt and start rebuilding your trust in yourself. Instead of putting yourself on a guilt trip and dwelling on all of the negatives, take what you learned from all aspects of the relationship and move forward.
So what? We all have been wrong, we all have made mistakes, we have all farted loudly at the check out line at the store? So what??
The difference is some people cry, and wallow on the pity pot about it, and let their mistakes beat them. And some people say aw shucks, learn, and do better next time.
Now decide, which are YOU. The decision you make is what separates the men from the boys (girls from women), winners from losers, so choose wisely.
I wanted to believe that I was the 100% crazy person, just so that the entire relationship wasn't a lie. Wanted to believe that she was really a good friend, at least at the time wanted to marry me, that we could be rational and at least normal once again.
I knew that we could never be together again, but I did want to prove people wrong in someway. I wanted to believe that I could touch her again somehow, but, but now I see that is impossible. In her head everything she does is entirely normal and I am the complete crackpot. I tried to explain that her deciding that she wanted to marry me and moving to another country to follow me before we even were together isn't normal. That she needs help just as much as I did.
I let myself get to the degrading point again, and then when it happened I stood up and told her what the truth is. I did not deflect from my fault, but it was just a wake up call from the denial. All the posts here and my mom and friends telling me wasn't a wake up call. I was in denial because I wanted to believe that a beautiful, smart, accomplished girl would make me the man of her dreams (that it wasn't just because she built a false illusion of me based on the way I could make her feel).
She always plays the victim, and my friend told me "she is using you, probably telling her friends behind your back how pathetic you are" I didn't believe it because she started clinging to me with her old issues, guilt about our abortion, what I did wrong, some emotional issues going on in her head that she was struggling with, depression, opening up about major issues inside of her that made me feel good again to be a shoulder for her to lean on and try to help her.
As it turns out, she was baiting me so that I could be "wanting to get back together again" and she could complain to all her friends that I couldn't get over her.
No only was she doing it to me, but to someone else, I mean everything she once told me could very well be a lie. And she can't see it. How she just flat out lies.
I wanted to believe most of all that she wasn't mirroring me, that I really did find a soulmate somewhat and did find it easily. But just like she turned on for me, she is turned off- completely splits from perfect to horrible.
This latest thing has been the wake up call from denial, I thought I had moved past it to a better place where I could deal with it all. But there is no dealing with it.
No matter what, she brings out the worse in me, and every guy she dates for that matter.
Well vanheart you were exactly right. She talked to me just to bait me. Bait me to nothing. I didn't want to believe it.
Thanks you are absolutely right. I was watching things on tv/movies and seeing the impossible.
Quote: "No matter what, she brings out the worse in me, and every guy she dates for that matter"
Quote: I really began to feel she was a victim of my actions and of other circumstances"
There're two main things you keep doing, from reading your posts, You blame yourself, or You blame her. And you know what? It's totally USELESS and WASTE OF TIME and COMPLETELY POINTLESS TRYING TO OVER ANALYSE EVERYTHING AND POINT OUT HER BEHAVIORS OR YOUR OWN BEHAVIORS AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. You and her broke up, done, end, not compatible, and whatever problems she has or you have, it's just not working. Why don't you just accept it, focus on you, then learn from it, move on, live your life and not look back?
It's about 2 months now and you seem not making any progress towards your own healing. Keep over anlyse things and point out your ex' problems or your own problems over and over again are definitely not the way that help you move on at all. IN FACT, I SENSE THAT YOU DON'T EVEN ACCEPT THE BREAKUP, STILL FEEL RESENT IT, AND YOUR MIND IS JUST KEEPING OBSESESSED WITH HER.
You know that it's funny how you agree with lot of us here, saying we're right, great advices, and thanks for sharing our situations with you. The thing is that I don't think you seriously think through lot of great advices given by people here, by your family, and by your friends. You just get stuck on your own thoughts instead of just simplify the situation, and accept that it's over for whatever reasons. BY DOING WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO YOURSELF UP UNTIL NOW, YOU WILL CONTINUE SUFFERING AND BE IN THIS MADNESS (The latest drama between you and her clearly proved that point). What she said, what she thinks, what her problems, are hers, not you, just don't care!
How can you even successfully implement NC effectively while you still keep obsession on her? You spend time for months analyse your and her behaviors and how bad those bahaviors affect negatively on both of you, then why can't you just leave, work on your own issues, and be a better person? She will never be what you want her to be as it's who she is. It's not our business to fix anyone. Are you going to stand up for yourself now and make a decision yet?
I don't think you can ever do NC effectively until you accept some simple facts here and make a decision to live your life without anything to do with her anymore. I'm NC for almost 6 months now and the only purpose I do NC is because I want that person totally out of my life. I simply blocked all channels that my ex can contact me and change all my numbers, so I don't even have to bother delete any emails or any miss calls from him. NC is not a temptation to resist nor a tool to get back to your ex.
Only when you make a decision to really end up with her and stick to it, no need trying to do NC as you will fail (again). Your heart and your mind now seems still enjoying the dramas and get stuck by repetitive over thinking that leads you nowhere.
I have to agree with Lifeistough here, you have lot of works to do with yourself.
Dude, just go NC now & stick with therapy.
Get off your butt. Iron out your issues & forget about her. Its beyond time. Stop wasting it. Life is short.
NC rocks. Whenever I think of my ex now, the only thing that gets hard is my middle finger.
Pot... Kettle... Black..Quote:
Originally Posted by Outoftime44
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